pre-millennium insanity

seriously...would you trust this man with your children?

(originally published in ON THE VERGE v2.0 e-mail monthly - January 5, 2000)

alright, it's official: there's something really wrong with me.

want to know how i ended the last work week of 1999? CARTWHEELS IN THE OFFICE. as GOD as my witness. it all started the day before Christmas Eve. i was at work doing the usual routine when i noticed that i didn't quite feel right. i needed some closure to the day. what was going to give me said closure and make me feel better?

ooh, a cartwheel. that'll work.

try to imagine a co-worker's expression when they see me go tumbling by. unless you work as a circus clown, that just isn't normal. anyway, word gets around next week that i did two cartwheels in front of the duplicating room. many in my department didn't get a chance to witness that. next thing i know, one of the department coordinators is trying to convince me to do another one. i was rather lukewarm about the idea until she told me that the next time we see each other, it'll be 2000.

a ceremonial cartwheel to close out the 1900s: what better excuse did i need? a little advice: anytime the coordinator of a place of business is giving you the green light to do a cartwheel in the office, DON'T LET THEM DOWN.

so i did. before an audience. got applause and everything.

it wasn't until two days afterwards that i thought about it and said to myself, GOOD LORD, i really am nuts. now, i know what you're thinking...YOU HADN'T FIGURED THIS OUT ALREADY??? to be honest, i sorta had a hunch. but, now i know it's true - i've lost my mind. and just in time to prepare myself for a new age offering the same ole ish in new packaging with nice, shiny wrapping paper.

yes, i know, the new Millennium doesn't officially start until 2001. really, i got it. it's okay - you don't have it to ram it down my throat anymore. i've got three words for you: THE MCLAUGHLIN GROUP. one sunday morning, my wife and i are getting ready for church and this show comes on. first words out of host John McLaughlin's mouth...

"our top story: HAPPY FAUX MILLENNIUM."

he then continues on with some tirade about how the general public is celebrating one year too early and how this shouldn't be happening until 2001. "scholarly rectitude be damned...LET'S HAVE A PARTY." if you were ever wondering what not to become when you grow up, there you go.

the 1900s just ended and we're still here. GOD was gracious and merciful enough to let us see 2000. even though we as humans are stupid enough to blow up the earth seven times over (we have the weaponry to do so), it didn't happen. i didn't just celebrate, I PRAISED GOD. i've only been on this earth for 26 years and this is still a trip to me.

so, the two triple zero is here, but in a way, it's just another year. seems like everything has changed except for people. much like students bringing into college all of the unnecessary attitudes and immaturity from high school and junior high, the human race will usher in greed, racism, sexism, and a bunch of other nonsense right on into the next Millennium. technology advances - people don't. science advances - people don't. the music that we listen to has been able to do what humans refuse to do: come together. it's morphing into the melting pot that America can't even pretend to be anymore. melting pot? pressure cooker is more like it.

interstellar continental drift is occurring under our feet. can't you feel the plates shifting in the universe? the future is now. the future's been now. and headz clearly aren't ready. not only that, but every last vision we've had of the future has been completely and totally wrong (except for George Orwell - he was right on the money with that Big Brother concept). need an example? whom among us can claim to own a flying car? didn't think so.

don't get me wrong - i'm not on any gloom and doom trip for the new year. i think 2000 will be the bomb and a great year for all of us who want to accomplish something beautiful and creative. as usual, i'm just buggin'. but, i do think that we can take an important lesson from what's happening with music right now.

all of that said, welcome to year number two of ON THE VERGE. hopefully, we can still get you hip to some sounds you haven't heard before and get you fiending enough for them to the point of where you'll spend your hard-earned cash on it. that's what it's all about. still talkin' about music. still aimed for both the seasoned listeners and the newcomers. still straight from the heads to the heads...and not above your head.

oh yeah, if your granddad is still sitting on that safe full of greenbacks with a shotgun in his hand, don't be mean...TELL HIM IT'S OVER.

{jason randall smith}

other New Year's rants include:
1.2.02 - a new chapter
1.3.01 - big whoop

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