Character Bios

Homer Simpson

Full name: Homer Jay Simpson
Age: 36
Weight: Between 239 and 260 pounds.
Occupation: Worker Drone/safety inspector, Sector 7G, Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. (Holds plant record for most years worked at an entry-level position.)
Awards: The C. Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field Of Excellence (After Burns found out Homer was sterile due to radiation exposure), Employee Of The Month at the Power Plant (after saving the plant from meltdown), Belching Contest winner, Grammy Award for “Outstanding Soul, Spoken Word, or Barbershop Album of the Year” for his work with the Be Sharps. High school reunion trophies for most weight gained, most hair lost, most improved odour, and person who travelled the least distance.
Favorite foods: Donuts (his favourite is Raspberry swirl with double glaze),Pork Rinds Light, Chippos, Krusty Burgers, pork chops, steak, bulk seafood, and honey roasted peanuts.
Favourite beverage: Duff Beer.
Surgeries: A triple bypass operation, resulting from his love of aforementioned foods.
Favourite pastime: Sitting on the couch while watching TV and drinking beer.
Favourite store: The Kwik-E-Mart.
Says: “D’oh!” when upset, “Mmmm...” when tempted.
Extracurricular: Mistaken for Bigfoot, Mascot for the Springfield Isotopes, Committed to a mental institution. Manager for country singer Lurleen Lumpkin. Proprietor of the Mr. Plow snow-plowing service. Member of the Be Sharps barbershop quartet. Went into space as a NASA astronaut. Charged with sexual harassment for pulling a Gummi Venus De Milo off a babysitter’s backside. Neighbour of former President George Bush. Cannonball target with travelling freak show at Hullabalooza. Unknowing assistant to super-terrorist Scorpio in his plot to take over the east coast. Climbed into the ring with the world heavyweight champ. Alcohol bootlegger during short-lived Springfield prohibition. Flirted with homophobia. Voice of the “Itchy and Scratchy” character, “Poochie”.

Marge Simpson
Age: 34
Shoe size: 13AA
Familial role: Thread that holds the Simpson family together.
Famous for: Her marshmallow squares.
Things occasionally found in her hair: Large sums of money, cats, roosters, and Maggie.
Jobs: Strikebreaking teacher at Springfield Elementary, worker at nuclear power plant, carhop waitress, Springfield police officer, pretzel franchisee, real estate agent.
Criminal Record: Convicted of misdemeanor shoplifting.
Admirers: Artie Ziff, Mr. Burns, Moe, Springfield Isotopes player Flash Baylor.
Political affiliations: Mary Bailey supporter. Twice voted for Jimmy Carter.
Hair Dye: Blue #56
Favourite singer: Tom Jones
Turn Ons: Having her elbow nibbled, Homer’s “Mr. Plow” jacket.
Quirks: Cooks with less than eight spices. Believes potatoes are neat. Denied having two of Milhouse’s teeth despite the fact that they were actually in her possession. Often sleeps naked. Has webbed feet.
Extracurricular: Lead role in community musical production of “Oh! Streetcar”. Considered an affair with bowling teacher, Jacques. Came up with the idea for Springfield to host a film festival. Organized a town-wide boycott of “Itchy and Scratchy” to eliminate cartoon violence on TV. Developed gambling addiction. Briefly stopped loved son Bart after he shoplifted. Went on lam with criminal neighbour, Ruth Powers. Enjoyed pampering herself after a nervous breakdown at Rancho Relaxo. Conquered a fear of flying after making peace with the fact that her father was a flight attendant. Commissioned by Mr. Burns to paint his portrait. Once encouraged Lisa to smile despite the fact that she was depressed.

Lisa Simpson
Age: 8
Middle name: Marie.
Role in family: Moral center and middle child.
Once called herself: “The saddest kid in grade number two”
Plays: Saxophone (and, occasionally, the guitar”
First word as a baby: Bart.
Obsession: Ponies.
First crush: Substitute teacher, Mr. Bergstrom.
Second Crush: Nelson Muntz.

Perpetual Crush: Several actors named Corey.
Favourite cartoon: The Happy Little Elves.
Past addictions: The Corey Hotline, Trucker’s Choice Stay-Awake tablets.
Extracurricular: Mentored by late jazzman Bleeding Gums Murphy. Busted her father for an illegal cable hook-up. Won regional Reading Digest contest, but lost the national competition in Washington D.C. after losing faith in government. Served brief term as Little Miss Springfield until she became disillusioned by pageant sponsorship by Laramie Cigarettes. Desired by Ralph Wiggum. Disgusted by the talking Malibu Stacey doll’s lack of integrity, coinvented poor-selling Lisa Lionheart doll. All-star goalie in pee-wee hockey. Discovered Jebediah Springfield was a pirate. Assisted Mr. Burns in recovering his lost fortune. Passed the second grade as the first female cadet at Rommelwood Military Academy. Refused to participate in “The Simpson Family Smile-Time Variety Hour”.

Bart Simpson
Age: 10
Middle name: Jo Jo.
Personality: Devious, underachieving, school-hating, clever.
Known aliases: Rudiger, El Barto.
Abilities: Possesses a huge repertoire of practical jokes and methods of revenge, with antics ranging from vandalism to international fraud. Prank calls to Moe’s Tavern are a specialty.
Discoveries: A comet that nearly destroyed Springfield, Blinky the three-eyed fish.
Idol: Krusty the Clown.
Past loves: Jessica Lovejoy, Laura Powers.
Extracurricular: Sawed off the head of a statue of town founder Jebediah Springfield. Decimated the Australian ecosystem with a bullfrog. Deceived Springfieldians into thinking that a boy named Timmy O’Toole had fallen down one of the town’s wells. Made a mockery of a school weather balloon launch by transforming the balloon into an effigy of Principal Skinner. Blew Agnes Skinner off of the commode by throwing a cherry bomb into a toilet in the boys bathroom. Mistaken for a genius after swapping IQ tests with fourth-grade brain, Martin Prince. Forced to make antifreeze-laced wine on a student exchange trip to France. Caused marital discord by taking pictures of a drunken Homer cavorting with belly-dancer, Princess Kashmir. Lead a war against neighbourhood bully, Nelson Muntz. Enjoyed brief, injurious career as a daredevil. Nearly disowned by his sister after ruining her Thanksgiving centrepiece. Deadlocked with Todd Flanders in a miniature golf tournament. Saved Mr. Burns’s life by donating rare double O-negative blood. Led a rebellion at Kamp Krusty. Helped clear Krusty the Clown’s name and finger Sideshow Bob in a Kwik-E-Mart robbery framing. Became famous on Krusty’s show as the “I didn’t do it” boy. Finked on Krusty to the IRS for tax fraud. Won an elephant in a radio contest. Served a brief stint as Mr. Burns’s heir. Sold his soul to Milhouse for $5.

Maggie Simpson
Age: 1
Role: Pacifier sucking youngest Simpson child.
Monetary value: (according to supermarket scanner) $847.63
Only true enemy: Gerald, the baby with one-eyebrow
Dexterity: Low. Falls over often.
First word: “Daddy”
Extracurricular: Untied Bart and Lisa after they were bound by notorious Babysitter Bandit. knows what a credenza is. Can spell out “E-MC2” with her toy blocks and scribble “MAGGIE SIMPSON” on her Etch-A-Sketch. Occasionally drinks from the dog dish. Bonked Homer on the head with a mallet and attacked him with a pencil, imitation cartoon violence. Possibly saved her father’s life by catching a beer bottle flying at his head. Led a baby rebellion at the Ayn Rand School for Tots. Shot Charles Montgomery Burns.

 

 

 

Bios Courtesy of http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/9543/maggie.html