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By Myles Long
MIHOP Daily News Staff Writer
Saturday, February 8, 2003

(Charlottesville, VA) Donald Porter Brownlee, well known as a figurehead for the pancake appreciation industry, is currently being treated for some confusion regarding his identity.

"I don't know this young man you're referring to, but if he's half the man I am, he'll serve his country well," said Mr. Brownlee, who asked that he be referred to as Gary Hart.

"A lot of people aren't willing to forgive me for the mistakes I've made in my past, and to those people I have just one thing to say - wait, what? Oh, to those people I say: Lisa needs braces."

Friends of Hart/Brownlee are concerned. Longtime friend and colleague Evan McMahon was overheard at one therapy session saying "Hahaha, I am laughing my ass off; Oh my God he is such a douche."

Sister Anna Brownlee, student at the Longwood Military Academy is less fazed by the apparent malfunctioning of her brother's brain.

"Come over to my house sometime. When my Dad answers the door in an apron because my Mom is beating my brothers over a poor performance in 'The Sims' and maybe you'll understand. Hell, I'm Christina Aguilera."