Break Free Strategies that works Try it.
Break-Free Strategy 1: Identify your Pattern-And Why You Keep Doing It.
Dr. McGraw, also known as Dr. Phil on the Oprah show, explains why this first step is so crucial. "If you truly want change, and you truly acknowledge that you create your own experience, then you must analyze what you've done or haven't done to create the undesirable results," he says. "Become one of those who get it. Break the code of human nature, and find out what makes people tick. Learn why you and other people do what they do, and don't do what they don't."
Dr. McGraw explains why we maintain habits or relationships despite their negative effects on us. "At some level you perceive that the apparently unwanted behaviors serve a purpose. You mindlessly do these things because at some level you perceive that it works for you." By "works for you," he refers to a payoff you get for performing the seemingly undesirable acts. This payoff may not be beneficial for you and may even cause you pain. Yet Dr. Phil says it brings results that, whether good or bad, keep you coming back for more.
Break-Free Strategy 2: Take responsibility for your behavior.
"I always act pa-cool around a man I like," confesses Sonia, 28. "Until I'm sure he feels the same way, I don't show even a hint of interest. It makes me feel I have the upper hand in the relationship when I don't let on." When Buboy, her first boyfriend told her he loved her, she didn't believe him. "I thought he wasn't the type who would say such things, so I tried to show him I couldn't fall for his smooth talk easily, since I knew he had a reputation." Yet, Sonia slept with him anyway. The morning after spending a night with Buboy, she acted real casual, as if nothing happened. The downside was that she gave her boyfriend the impression that she wanted a casual, shallow, pa-easy relationship even if she was gunning for something serious. When Buboy left, she repeated her cool act with Gerry, her second boyfriend. When that romance fizzled out three months later, Sonia acted like everything was okay. Yet deep down inside, she was dying.
Sonia knew she had to take responsibility and own up to her bad behavior so she could kick her vicious cycle of failed relationships. "You can't change If you're unwilling to acknowledge a thought, circumstance, problem, condition, behavior, or emotion?if you won't take ownership of your role in a situation?then you cannot and will not change it," writes Dr. McGraw. The refusal to acknowledge your own self-destructive behaviors not only will make them continue but will make them gain momentum, become more deeply entrenched in the habitual patterns of you life, and grow more resistant to change.
Break-Free Strategy 3: Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone
After identifying your pattern and owning up to it, it's time for some action.
"If you behave in a purposeful, meaningless, unconstructive way, you get inferior results. If you behave in purposeful, meaningful constructive ways, you get superior results. That is how you create your own experience," says Dr. McGraw. And when you choose your behavior, you choose your consequences as well-and the smarter your choices the smarter your results. "The better the behavior, the better the results. But the bottom line is that, if you do nothing, you get neither. Life rewards action."
But before action takes place, you'll need to take a long, hard look at your life. Then decide to do something-no matter how difficult-to change it for the better. "If you hope to have a winning life strategy, you have to be honest about where your life is right now," writes Dr. McGraw.
Break-Free Strategy 4: Name what you want...and claim it.
"If you cannot name, and name with great specificity what it is that you want, then you will never be able to step up and claim it," Dr. McGraw says.
Break-Free Strategy 5: Tap into the power of forgiveness
Let's face it: Being entrenched in bad relationship patterns can leave you disillusioned about love, and perhaps feeling scarred for life. That's why Dr. McGraw encourages you to harness the healing power of forgiveness to liberate yourself from these vicious cycles. "Open your eyes to what anger and resentment are doing to you. Take your power back from those who have hurt you."
Feel this last tactic's too tough to do? Don't give up, says Dr. McGraw. Instead, draw up a list of people in your life who have made you feel bitter, resentful, angry and distrustful. "I challenge you to care enough about yourself and those you love to break that bond and be free of the tortured existence that comes from harboring those terrible emotions," he writes.
Ultimately, your goal is to finally be liberated from the pain that has been caused by others in your life. Only when you are free can you truly step out of that dizzying whirl of bad patterns and into a new life where anything-even happiness and true love-are possible.
thanks to cEzZy for that link
