Blood Soaked and Honor Bound: You Know You Watch Too Much Utena When...


Becka sits cheerfully at the edge of the swimming pool. Yes, Ohtori Academy has a swimming pool. No, it is not rose-shaped; it is quite normally rectangular with a shallow end and a deep end and several diving boards of various heights. Yes, it IS hard to imagine Becka doing anything NOT cheerfully. Anyway, Becka sits cheerfully, and somewhat thoughtfully, at the edge of the swimming pool. She is garbed in a black swimsuit adorned by one small pink rose. For once, she is able to relax without anyone else around (riiiight, like that happens...). Nevertheless, she is glad not to have to deal with the likes of Karen or Akio, but she REALLY wouldn't miss Touga's company. Unfortunately, the happy thought of Touga clad in naught but swimwear is shattered by a sudden cry of, "DEEP SUBMERGE!!!!" And Becka is roughly shoved into the frigid waters. She surfaces with a splutter to glare at Karen, who is blinking innocently by the edge of the pool in a royal blue swimsuit with a small black skirt attached. Still shivering, Becka just smirks as the defiantly optimistic Karen lands face first on top of the nearly drowned Becka. They both splutter to the surface only to see Touga standing by the edge where Karen was -- in his red swimming trunks. Karen and Becka drool in awe as he merely shrugs seductively. Then, from behind Touga is heard the forceful click of a stopwatch. The mere suddenness and closeness of the sound catches Touga off guard (for once), and he jumps into the waters only to land on top of the defiantly optimistic Karen and the nearly drowned Becka. As they splutter to the surface, not REALLY struggling to get away from each other. They turn to see a blushing Miki (who ELSE would have a stopwatch, really?) wearing bright blue swimming trunks with small pictures of stopwatches on them. Miki tries to back away from the edge, but a sharp cry stops him, "You should apologize for that!" And Tsuwabuki, wearing a tank top and baggy swimming trunks, shoves Miki into the pool -- on top of the romantically glistening Touga, the defiantly optimistic Karen, and the nearly drowned Becka. As they splutter to the surface, a deep, manly voice comes from behind Tsuwabuki, "Pushing a Student Council Member like that is a punishable offense." Everyone audibly ulps as Akio, wearing HIS swimsuit, picks up Tsuwabuki, walks closer to the edge, and ceremoniously (normally this would happen un-ceremoniously, but Akio never does anything without some ceremony) drops him on top of the cutely blushing Miki, the romantically glistening Touga, the defiantly optimistic Karen, and the nearly drowned Becka. As Becka finally coughs and hacks her way to the surface and disentangles herself from the mass of spluttering and mostly male bodies, she seethes, "No... more…" She makes her way to the edge of the pool and lunges up to grab Akio's throat. However, as he is on the edge, and she is in the pool, she simply succeeds in dragging Akio down on top of the ridiculously young Tsuwabuki, the cutely blushing Miki, the romantically glistening Touga, the defiantly optimistic Karen... and the nearly drowned Becka. This time, Becka doesn't come up. Touga sighs wistfully and fishes out the stubborn girl from the depths of the pool. After a few moments for Becka to realize that she is in a pool of guys -- almost all to herself, and even IF Akio is one of them -- and for everyone to move AWAY from the fated edge of the pool, a voice calls from above, "Although you may seem to be in stormy seas and rough waters that flow against the fragile rose that is your spirit, never lose that noble heart of yours, Becka." Dios, comfortably enthroned on the high dive and wearing lavender rose-print swimming trunks and a little cape, pauses and consults a book entitled, '101 Speeches to get you through Any Situation.' He flips through the pages, muttering, "To short… not quite poetic enough… doesn't meet the 'kamen' standard…" He smiles, "This is the one! 'Oh yes… Becky… you've lit the fire in these swimming trunks…' Wait a minute!" He clears his throat before finishing, "Here. This ring will lead you to me, one day." Dios tosses down a fluorescent pink plastic diving ring. As it splashes below, Becka picks it up and blinks a few times. Dios smiles and decides to disappear, after all, no one would DARE push a god off a diving board, when he finds himself heading headfirst downwards. The shock of cold water keeps him from disappearing altogether as he lands on top of the slightly bemused Akio, the ridiculously young Tsuwabuki, the cutely blushing Miki, the romantically glistening Touga, the defiantly optimistic Karen, and the nearly drowned Becka. As they all splutter their ways to the surface THIS time, Dios sweatdrops, "Well, I'm here." Everyone turns to see who shoved HIM into the water, and they see Saionji standing atop the tall, towering, and otherwise intimidating Diving Board. He is wearing jungle green swimming trunks with a Chibi-Rose Bride print on them. All are briefly distracted by Becka's sudden cry, "But I can't SWIM in a straightjacket!" Akio raises an eyebrow, "But you don't have to . . . " Before anyone can think of a way to respond to that, Saionji swan dives down and lands smack on top of the fashionably poetic Dios, the slightly bemused Akio, the ridiculously young Tsuwabuki, the cutely blushing Miki, the romantically glistening Touga, the defiantly optimistic Karen, and the nearly drowned, clearly miffed Becka. The swimming pool is a mass of arms, legs, heads, and other various unidentifiable body parts, UBPs to be exact. Becka finally manages to both surface and extricate herself from the hot and hunky guys, leaving Karen perfectly happy. Towering above her appears a 'manly' man in tight tights. Becka looks up at the leering face of the stranger. Becka blinks, "And you would be?" The stranger smiles, looking rather predatory, "Yours, if you only say the word." Karen blinks, "What the hell are you talking about? And for that matter, why the hell are you here?" The hot, yet intimidating man, smiles down at Karen, a feral glean in his eyes, "I, pet, am the figment of Akio's imagination… or rather, a product of…" Karen blinks, "Procreation?" The man continues, pretending not to have heard Karen, like most people do. He switches his attention to Becka, "I, am a product of a classic mental illness that develops in Utena Addictees, from watching too much Utena. For example, you know you watch too much Utena when, you have a totally random un-Utena related character who appears in a strictly Utena fanfic." Seeing that no one has made any move to stop him, he reads the entire list. You know you've watched too much Utena when: You enter random elevators and start conversations with whoever is in those elevators about a chicken, chickens, or eggs. You suddenly get inspired to dig out a stopwatch that you haven't used in years. Not only do you dig this stopwatch up, you buy a new battery for it as well. After you have bought this battery, you find great fulfillment in making the little numbers work. You always click your stopwatch at the exact moment Miki does when you watch the show, regardless of if you get the same time as him. You time various parts of the show with the stopwatch, whether or not you get the same numbers as Miki does. You laugh maniacally when you do that, and the times match. You also find yourself stopping this stopwatch at the precise times Miki does, even though you're not watching the show, because you have memorized the numbers of every time Miki has clicked his stopwatch. You picture people framed by random spinning roses. You see a bed sheet and you do one of two things: think of Touga, or examine it closely for the small obscure rose pattern, which you find whether or not it is actually there. You decide that tablecloths make great eveningwear. You find yourself looking in pencil boxes, desk drawers, and closets for various animals. You put various animals in pencil boxes, desk drawers, or closets. You are involved in pencil fights, wooden spoon fights, or whipped cream fights, and you find yourself trying to cut off your opponent's rose, although there is no rose to cut off, which sometimes proves awkward when your opponent is female. You are inspired to join a student council just so you can play 'Go Fish.' You convince your student council to begin certain rituals, such as elevator rides, letter writing, duels, and card games. You begin signing letters 'Ends of the World.' You refer to your dream guy/girl as your 'shinning thing'. You try to build a dueling arena. You wear roses everywhere. You assign each of your friends, if you still have friends by this point, a specific color rose. You collapse into a little puddle of joy at the mention of any character or item that has to do with Utena. You suddenly have an acute fear of large numbers of elephants. You have designed and created your very own duelist uniform, and have it on hand to wear 24 hours a day. You begin to cast the characters into all of your other favorite shows, such as; Anthy as Marge Simpson; Juri as Dana Scully; Miki as Peter Pan; Saionji as Dr. Frank n' Furter; and Touga as Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. You begin to see your friends, or at least the random people who surround you every day, in the roles of the arena duelists. You buy any makeup product that has the word 'rose' in it. You start mimicking the voices of the characters whether you are a boy or a girl. Whenever you see a random red convertible, you immediately think, 'Why are they driving an Akio-car?' You visualize other people's conversations as being preformed by shadow puppets. You take the Utena scripts, and begin to substitute the word 'pants' into various places. (See 'The Utena 'Pants' Page') You begin your own line of merchandise, including rose stamps, Utena blazers, and 'Sword of Dios' toothpicks. You watch the show several times over with a dictionary just to see if the large words Touga uses make sense in context. You carry an egg around with you at all times, waiting for it to hatch so you can be its mother. You begin to collect an odd assortment of accessories: cow bells, stopwatches, and black silk pajamas (See '101 Reasons why we love Touga'). You pick up the habit of sleeping in a coffin atop a bed of roses. You confuse hospitals with hotel rooms. You eat curry and begin to impersonate the person nearest you. You take on their style of acting, even if the closest person/living thing near you is an animal. Your parting saying changes from 'Bye' to 'May you find your eternal thing, your shining thing, the power of miracles, and the power of revolution.' Someone mentions 'hot anime guys' and you respond by inconspicuously coughing the names of Touga, Saionji, Miki, Akio, 'Ruka, and Dios. You constantly fight with other people (note that we don't say friends, because at this point you shouldn't have any) over what is real and what is not real in the series. You use Touga's line 'Only a fool believes he has friends' to defend * why * you have no friends. You analyze all the symbolism in the series, ex. When Anthy leaves her glasses on Akio's desk in episode 39, it is symbolic of the fact that before, she was blind under Akio's power, but now she no longer needs the glasses because she can see 'the light.' Or the 'shinning thing' is you prefer. You assign each character a certain subject in school. Whenever an assessment comes up, you find someway to fit the character into that project. Ex. Utena for Gym Class; Anthy for Biology or Anatomy Class; Juri for Religion Class; Miki for Music Class; Akio for psychology; and Touga for Human Sexuality. (See '101 Reasons why why we hate Akio'; '101 Reasons why we love Touga' respectively, not that Akio deserves any respect, or anything...) You are in Latin Class, talking about the properties of Roman clothing, and you just get the urge to laugh maniacally every time the 'toga' is mentioned. You speculate what Akio's screen saver is. You actually have an entire multi-line speech as your screen saver. You use examples from Utena as defense for any theoretical/philosophical argument. You develop an acute fear of darkened planetariums, or the sound of shutters being slammed. You sing "Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku" when walking up stairs. You build your own bird-cage shaped rose garden. You sleep with a stuffed Chuchu (or an UFO doll of one of the characters...) You've been known to defend the puffy sleeves of the Ohtori Academy girls' uniform. You search for the recipe of shaved ice, just so you can eat it for dinner. When eating water ice or snow cones, you insist on having both lemon and strawberry. You shell out fifty dollars so that you can own two rose-signet rings: One normal, and one Black Rose. Your excuse for taking a makeup exam is you were dueling with members of the student council. You laugh maniacally every time you see an apple. You get the urge to cut the apple into various pieces. You DO cut the apple into various pieces. You get the urge to stick many knives into the apple. You DO stick many knives into the apple. While eating a banana, you constantly say, "Chu. Chu-Chu" in a 'Saiyonji voice'. You tell people that they are as meaningless as a piece of parsley. You have the desire to throw knives at people blindfolded, because, hey! If Touga can, we can too! You describe your dream man/woman with a very unnatural hair and eye color, for example: blue, CFM red, green, etc. Your dream man/woman's clothes are the exact same color as his/her hair and eye color. You run out and get kendo lessons just so you can wear that kawaii little kendo outfit like Saiyonji and Touga do. You move to Japan to see the movie. You go crazy looking for a magazine that has a pic of Utena chained to Akio's car. (To view this picture, click here.) You manage to convince people at your school (like the principal) that "Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku" would be good to perform at an assembly. You keep looking for a dot on your forehead and are ecstatic when you find one. You've actually mastered how to say The Chick speech in 13 languages. You see an add for an open position on The Student Council and you either: Freak out and run off to find your weapons. Go to sign up (o.O..) This space has been left blank in honor of Touga and his Sword. You make your own self-gratuitous/insertion fic. While in elevators you: Say 'The Chick' speech. You try to convince the other passengers to say in unison- "For the Revolution of the World!" You actually do get the other passengers to say it. And in unison, too. You get the overwhelming urge to take on the entire boy's basketball team. You refer to the person at school who 'sleeps around' as either an Akio or a Kozue. Every time you walk into your room you expect Touga to be ahem laying on it. When you find that he isn't, you're -so- disappointed. You are afraid that your closest friend (if there -is- one who hasn't left you yet, not that there should be, mind you...) will want to battle you. You expect frilly things to show up on your clothes as you walk up stairs. You request that the school build a rose garden. You offer to work in the rose garden, then show up with big glasses and your hair dyed purple. You threaten anyone, no matter where you are or who they may be, who calls Utena weird to a duel. You attempt to make the Sword of Dios appear when the person you challenge takes you up on it. You actually do it. Whenever you play 'Rummy' or 'Go Fish', you recite the Chick Speech. You go to a very important school dance, like a prom, and are extremely pissed that Anthy wasn't even nominated for dance queen. You make sure your date to this dance has red hair. You later ditch this red-haired date, and when asked why, you turn your back dramatically and reply, "He is no Touga," then walk away. You refer to whomever you have a crush on as a character from the series. (i.e. Touga) You attempt to get the 'Utena Dance Dress'. When that doesn't work, you draw a picture of Utena in your dress to make you feel better. You then draw Touga as her dancing partner to really make you feel better. Your fights with your parents turn out more and more often to be over the depth of having pink hair and how it applies to you. You have role played as Utena online and gotten a crush on Akio. Your Akio turned out to be a girl... While playing 'Tetrisphere,' you recite The Chick speech. Note You must free a friend from beneath Tetris blocks to win. When you play "Clue," you have the character with red play the part of/speak in the voice of Touga. Blue is Miki, purple is Anthy, yellow is Nanami, white is Utena, and green is Saionji. While playing, you find that it's so much fun, because many quotes from the show fit in. When Nanami accuses Anthy: "The jig is up, Anthy Himemiya!" If Anthy did it: "Miss Himemiya! I've misjudged you!" And last, but assuredly not least, as Touga is accused, respond: "This is sudden." You start picturing your boyfriend as one of those hot guys from the Student Council. You get dumped by your boyfriend for saying the name of one of the bishonens from the Student Council while you two were... well, you get the idea. You try telling him that the guys you mentioned are anime characters and he believes you. It seems everyone else it getting a Rose Bride dress at some point, so you want one too. If someone says "Utena-sama" or any other Anthy-phrase, you get the urge to slap them. Before there's a fight at school, you put somehow manage to place roses in the breast pockets of the combatant's shirts. You learn "The Sunlit Garden," book your sibling and yourself to play it at some large performance, and intentionally try to get sick the day before. You take up fencing. Before every match, you say "Grant me the power..." You wear a black jacket with red biker shorts everywhere and get defensive whenever anyone, especially the faculty at your school, makes a comment about it. You swear that a floating, upside-down, spinning castle does not break any laws (Physics or otherwise). Though you're a poor high-school student who will probably never be able to afford a red convertible, you fully intend on getting a customized license plate that says "OHTORI," and maybe one of those bumper stickers that says "Porn Star," just for effect. If someone says "Where's that shining thing?" you immediately start to think about Anthy, even though the person speaking was referring to a light bulb. You purchase a gold locket and put a picture of Shiori inside it. You see shiny objects and think, "hmm... Miki would like that." You bash in globes as your feeble attempt to revolutionize the world. You regain your friends by getting them obsessed with Utena. You capture mice, give them ties, and attempt to pierce their ears. You go through many pet mice looking for one that can say, "chu-chu." You lay awake at night, wondering what on earth happened to Juri's hair. When you want something, you snap your fingers and call for Mitsuru Tsuwabuki. When he doesn't show up, you grumble about how lousy the service is. Then when he finally does show up (whether anyone else sees him or not), you yell at him for taking so long. You show everyone a picture of Touga and say, "This is my brother." You eat shaved ice for breakfast, lunch, and supper- as well as dessert. You're reading this page. When you say "toga party" you mean "Touga party." You think that the sword of Dios is more powerful than the Sailor Saturn's "Silence Glaive." You decide that your best friend must be the Rose Bride, because no one else calls you "Miss Utena." You know who Dios is. Red and black are your favorite colors (if you don't get this one, you don't need to read this page any further...) You start making up things Utena character wouldn't say. (See the "Say What?" Page) You get the Crescent Moon tattoo removed from your forehead because you start to like Utena more. You think Shoujo Kakumei Utena makes sense. You're a human encyclopedia for all Utena information. You show a picture of Miki to everyone and say, "This is my brother." You show a picture of the Student Council to everyone and say, "This is my family," then continue to explain to them how Touga is your father... You learn Japanese for the sake of reading the Utena manga. You have no idea what the real world is like. You take out a picture of Akio and say, "This is my boyfriend," then take out a picture of Future Trunks [from DBGT] and say, "This is my old boyfriend. Cute ain't he? But I got tired of the sword thing..." You find yourself walking up to various windows in your school campus, hoping some psychotic, energetic, bouncing ball of girl (ex. Wakaba) will jump on your back and recite her never ending love for you. Upon finding an e-mail entitled "U T E N A" in your mailbox, your senses become aroused and excited you as you rush to open it. You are even more excited if the person sending it to you has a Touga Screen Name. You notice that the paint on your Black Rose Duelist ring begins to wear off... and you find symbolism in that. You agree with those who say, "Utena is WAY better than Sailor Moon." Those who think otherwise not only get their rose chopped off, but their Star Seed taken away as well. If -anyone- tries to make references as to how Mizuno Ami and Kaoru Miki look alike, you yell obscenities at them until they agree with you that there is no comparison. If they then continue with a, "but Ayanami Rei resembles him..." you slap them. The slap reminds you of Saionji. The halls of your high school are outside and have arches like that of Utena's, so you giggle every time you walk down them and imagine that a white light is there in place of the sun. Not only have you lost your friends... you've lost your job as well. If you haven't lost your job -yet-, then you imagine the Utena-Cast working where you do. You laugh hysterically at the thought of them doing so. The manager threatens to fire you after you've been acting rather... odd. You simply reply "I'm already looking forward to whoever it is that will challenge me." Someone does challenge you, and you remind yourself of Saionji. Your challenger- Utena. You try to duel with the "Utena," and you put a green rose in your shirt pocket as you attempt to pull a Sword of Dios from the oven. Not only are you blinded to the fact that your former manager has called the police, but you have also pulled a chicken from the oven and are bashing "Utena" over the head with it. You try to hit her rose, which is not there, and are filed for sexual abuse. To all of this you reply, "The power to revolutionize the world belongs to me." You read the newspaper, looking for the classified and hoping to find a strawberry blonde-haired lesbian searching for her "shining thing." Instead, you come across the main page... which happens to have a large picture of you on it. The header above the picture reads, "The power to revolutionize the world belongs to me." You are over-joyed by this... so over-joyed, in fact, that you wake up the person in the cell next to yours just to show him. You piss your teacher/counselor/principal off on purpose. Your budget it too small to make or buy strawberry/lemon shaved ice, so instead, you take ice cubes, strawberries, and banana slices and eat them all at once. You cringe at the taste but then remember that this is probably what Anthy's shaved ice tasted like anyway. Then you sympathize with Utena and the others. You've not only lost your friends and your job, but you've also lost your parents and your home. Perhaps it all started with your room: going online, finding every Utena picture possible, printing them out on your father's brand new color printer, and then wall-papering your room with them. You ran out of wall, ceiling, and floor space in your room, so you and your Utena pictures traveled out the door and into the hallway. Once the hallway was full, you took it upon yourself to redecorate the rest of the upstairs, including your parents' room. Perhaps your parents could cope with that- that is, until your mother started really -looking- at the pictures in her room (most of which you got from the 'Special' Picture Page). Your parents tried to talk with you, but you refused to listen. Instead you replied, "Ends of the World told me to do it." You begin to blame many things on "Ends of the World," and you say things like, "The 1000 swords of hate have tainted me in ways you cannot imagine." Your parents disown you, and you are somehow reminded of Utena. You cosplay as Utena. You cosplay as Akio... just to scare people. Not only do you cosplay as Akio, but you persuade your father into buying a '95 Mazda Miatta Deluxe Edition convertible, and paint it red with gold wheels and lining. After having the interior done in white leather, you then drive this to some random anime convention and try to find your Anthy, or Utena. Bonus points if you're a girl... You start keeping an exchange diary, filling in the parts of Anthy and Saionji as the days go by. By the end of the week you have three FULL notebooks. You try to talk your mom into buying you a sword with a rose on the hilt. You succeed. You develop a powerful lust for pink bed sheets. Your knees wobble every time you see a man with red hair. You try to talk your boyfriend into dressing up as Touga, Miki, Saionji, or Akio for Halloween. Again, you succeed. Your (now non-existent) friends have to sit through a five hour long speech on Touga's undergarments -every- time they see you. You now find the little Ceasers mascot funny. You can pick up any musical instrument (even spoons) and play the whole beginning song... or any song for that matter. Bonus points if you can do it with only one instrument (aka. a spoon) and sound like orchestra. Shadows begin to talk to you, and they ask you repetitive questions. Not only do you answer back... you do so in rhyme. When someone has something you want, you try to think of a Touga-esque plan to undermine their spirit and take it away. You hum "Akio's Car Song" while driving. You get your passengers to hum along. You actually bother to look up the phrase "Smash the world's shell" and find out that it comes from a German philosopher. Whenever you're in a pinch, you think "What would Utena do?" Whenever you're in a pinch, you think "What would Akio do?" You actually do what Akio would do. (This should be dealt with by capital punishment.) You insist that your anime club create a scholarship "so that it might lead them to find their Prince." You insist it be called "Scholarship of the Rose." You take your "Magic: The Gathering" cards and paste images and scenes from Shoujo Kakumei Utena on them and try to make up your own CCG. You constantly grumble about how if Sailor Moon can get it's own CCG, why can't Utena? You yell at Star Wars fans who say Darth Maul is great and tell them that Utena with the Sword of Dios could kick the Sith Lord's butt. You wonder if a light saber could cut through the Sword of Dios. You wonder if Utena could be a Jedi. You wonder how Akio would look dressed as the Emperor. You debate with others over who's wiser: Dios or Yoda. You debate over who's cuter: Chu-chu or Ewoks. You try to picture Utena, Anthy, Nanami, Juri, or one of the other girls from the show dressed in Leia's slave outfit from "Return of the Jedi." You try to picture Touga, Akio, Miki, etc. garbed in a similiar fashion. (Bonus points if you're a guy!) You yell at Star Wars fans that Utena and Juri are better red-heads than Mara Jade. At any point in your life you begin to mix "Star Wars" with "Utena." (as illustrated above). You dress up as Shiori and hope to one day meet and seduce Juri. You dress up as Shiori for the same reason as above, but you're a guy. You walk up to people saying "There's a Touga in my pants." The person bends down and looks at your pants trying to see a "Touga." The person reaches over the pulls open the front of your pants to look inside and see a "Touga." The person insists that you remove your pants so they can search it for a "Touga"! (Bonus points on this if it's the opposite gender making the request.) You wonder who's slept with more women: Akio or James T. Kirk. You smack Neon Genesis Evangelion fans when they say that Miki Kaoru and Kaworu Nagisa may be related because of the shared names. ("It's Kaworu with a 'w'! ::snap:: Tsuwabuki, take care of these ruffians.") You smack Flame of Recca fans when they say Miki Kaoru and Koganei Kaoru may be related because of the shared names. ("Miki has blue hair, Koganei does not. Begone, you un-Touga like individual!") You start to use "Touga" as an adjective, verb, or in anyway other than as a person's name. You yell at Sailor Moon fans and tell them that Utena's way better with a sword than Haruka. You yell at Sailor moon fans and tell them that Juri's a better looking lesbian than Michiru. You wonder what "Rinbu Revolution" would sound like if the Three Lights sang it. You try and think of how characters from other series would look dressed as characters from "Utena." You've ever yelled out "Amonite!" in public for no specific reason. Every time you fight with someone (physical or verbal), you insist on giving the fight a name. You wonder how it would look if Kurata Sana played Utena in a made-for-TV movie. You think your sister/brother would make a better girlfriend/boyfriend than anyone else. You think the same thing as above, but your sibling is the same gender as you. You dye your hair blue and insist that your sibling do the same. You dye your hair blond or red and insist your sibling do the same. You yell at Sailor Moon fans who say that Sailor Saturns's "Death Reborn Revolution" is where "Utena" got the idea. Your parents show you your birth certificate and you being singing the stairclimbing song. You've tried building the door to the arena, complete with water droplet and transforming gate. Instead of saying "Oh, God!" you say "Oh, Dios!" You realize that "Dios" sounds like the Latin word "Deus," which means "God" (and is the Spanish word for God.) You try comparing the plot symbolisms of "Utena" with "Neon Genesis Evangelion." You actually think that Asuka, Rei Ayanami, and Misato are the counterparts for Utena, Anthy, and Juri, respectively (and Utena deserves lots of respect). You realize that mixing the two shows is also probably a sign that you watch too much "Neon Genesis Evangelion," too, but that's for a different list. You give your friends nicknames from the show, ie. "Utena-sama," "Miki," and "Oniisama." Your friends begin to act like the characters right after getting the nicknames. You set random animals loose in your school just so you can yell "Run Away ____! A ______ is on the loose." You find a coloring book (not Utena related) and begin to color the people/animals in the pictures as Utena characters. (There really are some very interesting possibilities out there...) You start an anime club at your school for the soul purpouse of getting enough people to cosplay as the Utena Cast at the next convention. You scour the internet for Utena cosplay pictures. You decide who makes the best characters. The person you decided was 'Best Touga' is a girl. Your boyfriend expresses a huge interest in buying the Akio Car. You constantly look for Utena in the real world. You believe you've found her. You believe you ARE her. o.O* You develop an unhealthy carousel fetish. Whenever you see a carousel, you insist on going for a spin. You either ride it standing up or use one of those little seats where you can spin yourself, then you begin to make speeches about the Power to Revolutionize the world. (Bonus points if you manage to stand up while* using the spinning seat.) You get the little kid on the horse next to you to say the speech with you. You get the little kid's parent who's standing next to him to make sure he doesn't fall off the horse to say the speech with you. You dress your little brother up as Miki. You dress your OTHER little brother up as Chuchu. You hum 'Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku' at work. Your boyfriend reminds you of Touga. Your boyfriend claims to be Touga. Every time you make an omelet you recite the chick speech. Your boyfriend corrects you when you make a mistake. Your fiancée calls you 'Juri' on more than one occasion. You go to the hair salon and ask how much Juri's hair style would cost. You get Juri's name tattooed on the cross on your back along with the words: fallen angel and/or a set of wings. Your boyfriend records an 'Akio Sex Line.' He plays it over and over again. Oddly, it doesn't annoy you. A new person comes to your school and they have yet to learn the first names of the teachers, so you offer to show them around, teach them the ropes, and end up telling them the name of the cute Science teacher is Miki. You start to wonder if Juri Arisugawa and Sorato Arisugawa from X-1999 are in any way related. When you get married, you decide that the entire wedding must* have a rose theme. Your wedding looks suspiciously like the dress Utena wore at the dance party in episode four. Yes. It is pink. Most of the guests wear very formal dresses and suits which look suspiciously like the guests from that same party. After the wedding, you insist that the musicians in church play the Sunlit Garden. Perhaps even worse then that, once the guests hear the music, they absolutely love it and inquire as to where it's from. Your reception ends up in a theater you've rented, watching Shoujo Kakumei Utena. All of your guests are still in their wedding-wear. Every time you see a ceiling fan, you have to double-take to see if Dios is there, spinning by his toes. Because he isn't there, you climb up to the ceiling and attempt to spin by YOUR toes. You do this in the hopes that if you fall, he'll catch you and present you with your very own Rose Signet (they're so damned expensive!) You say "Oh, Akio!" instead of "Oh, God!" You randomly have an urge to call out Akio's name for no apparent reason. When you do so, you make it sound very not innocent. You have an urge to do the Akio car flip from the movie. You get your class ring customized like a Duelist Ring. You wear your class ring on the "proper" Duelist finger. Your friends tend to pass you around like the Rose Bride after "dueling." (In other words, after your friends fight, they make you choose sides until the whole misunderstanding is all cleared up... then it starts all over again.) Your mother develops a fetish for Touga. Your father develops a fetish for Akio. The man rolls up the list, and puts it back wherever he keeps it, "If anyone has discovered new symptoms of this epidemic, the Board of Mental Health requests that you report these symptoms to SilvVenom@aol.com." Karen blinks, completely ignoring the last statement, and calls up to him, "Why are you floating?" Becka blinks, looking up the random product of Akio's imagination who happens to be floating, "Damn… I didn't think that was possible." Suddenly realizing that it is indeed not possible, the flailing man falls into the pool, unfortunately landing on top of: the mentally inadequate, Anthy-obsessed, Saionji; the fashionably poetic, awe-inspiring wonder boy, Dios; the slightly bemused, hungrily predatory, Akio; the ridiculously young, entirely out-of-place, Tsuwabuki; the cutely blushing, stopwatch wielding, Miki; the romantically glistening, drool-inducing, Touga; the defiantly optimistic, highly confuzzled, Karen; and last, and debatably least, the nearly drowned, clearly miffed, and all together smushed, Becka. Thanks to Hineko, Alice, Leonid Kizelshteyn, Laura-chan, Robin-baka, NekoShampoo, Lady Inferno, Kate, Keara, CMM, Sailer Scout, Maryann-chan, Cobalite, Reanna, Iris, Jaime, SpookyGal, YoujiK, Whitepetals, Aino, Ken Mix, Casey, Adrienne White, Bluechan, RFen, Mikai Tsukino, Christina, Kris-chan, Sailor Serena, Sailor Starp, StarBert, Kelleth, Jaime, Sephira, LittleWhite8, Esthanya Lynni O'Lanan, Voyager1, Claudie, Kei-chan, Ceres, Sami, and Vanessa Martinez for suggestions!