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" Well, first off, it's nice to see that even when you get hate mail, that you still stand up for what you believe. It's funny how people that never had a child and don't know what it's like can judge anyone....
I also understand the other person's problem being that she has a child with downs and chose to keep the child. She would be bitter against anyone taking a different route. But I for one, think that it's NO MORTAL beings job to judge, you do what you feel is the best in this life, and based on your beliefs you go on from there. I have a dear friend whom had an elective abortion (as they call it), the baby had trisomy 13, and she got all sorts of hateful things from her relatives and so called friends. They never thought of the quality of life for this child, nor the fact it would die a painful death just to make them happy, BUT I dont want to go there, you know?
I just think its very nice you have this site, and I have you as a link on my support list, because I dont think it's right to suffer alone, everyone needs support."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, from a mommy and daddy who lost their
first child at 18 weeks to due anencephaly. Your stories have touched my
heart and have inspired me to work through the anger and bitterness of
grief and get to the sweet memory of our little girl who was with us for
such as short time but who will live on in our memory forever. I would
give anything to have her back and healthy, but I also look forward to
the time when I get to see her again in Heaven. Thank you again. And to
all the other parents grieving, my thoughts and prayers are with you"
"I first want to say that I am very sorry that you had misinformed and uncompassionate people leave hurtful comments about your pages. I am a grieving parent too but under different circumstances (stillbirth). When I went to my first support group meeting, I met two sets of parents who had to terminate their pregnancies due to major birth defects and one mother would have lost her life too if the pregnancy were to continue. At that moment, I forgot about my own pain and felt the pain those two sets must have felt when they were given the choices about their pregnancy. My heart went out to them. I have NEVER been hateful to parents who had to make that choice for their children. I believe that parents who make that decision are doing it out of deep love and only want to do the best for that child. I would not accuse parents of killing their child. No decent parent would want to kill their child. This is my own personal opinion but I can not be as sympathetic to "parents" who choice to terminate because they think it is a form of birth control. I do feel and ache for parents who have to give their child up to God early because they do not want the child to suffer any more than they child has already (and you pray that the child hasn't suffered at all). Please let any parent out there who has had to make that difficult decision that not all people are blaming them. They have courage and a wonderfully big heart to be able to make that decision. I pray that God will give them the peace of mind that they did make the right decision and that He and I still love them. No one can tell you what to do when faced with that decision. You can only go with your heart and mind and when it comes to your child, your heart can't tell you wrong."
"I found your pages very touching. I have lost three children at 20 weeks through other circumstances but I have many friends who have had to make such heart renching choices. I think that this is a "NO WIN" subject, there are no gains... only what ifs. These are loved and wanted children with strong and determined parents who make the ultimate choice for the child's sake. The child's pain ends and theirs begins. I applaud this type of support for grieving parents. The world supports you and you are not alone."
"As a physician, who has seen people face all sorts of agonizing decisions, I applaud your support system for reaching out to parents facing "therapeutic termination". As a mother and someone who has suffered through a number of pregnancy complications, I was moved to
tears by the stories shared on your web site. I share with you the frustration and sometimes anger when I hear of politicians trying to regulate something so personal and so agonizing instead of leaving decisions up to parent's and their doctors. Thank you for sharing your
Kristin Swanson, M.D.
"While I think that comparing grief is like comparing apples and oranges, I do think those who have been through a therapeutic termination have the added burden of social scorn. Not only do they have to endure the death of their much-wanted, much-loved baby, they have to deal with societies views of what they "should" or "shouldn't" have done. I can't imagine. I feel fortunate that I wasn't placed in that situation. It takes incredible courage no matter which route you choose."
"I can only speak for myself, but I feel very strongly that it is not my place to judge the decisions others have made and vice versa. We haven't walked in each other's shoes."
"I am sorry that there are some people out there who cannot see through their own anger, the pain others go through when realizing that there is nothing they can do for their baby."
"I am truly sorry you had to make such a hard decision, but you made the best decision for all of you. I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you."
"I cannot imagine having to even be put in that position and I could never judge such a decision made by another."
"I can't imagine having to make the decision you had to make; I am sure that
that is what I would have chosen, too."
"I think the decision you made was what was best for your baby. I believe your decision was made to minimize any suffering your baby would have to have and I am very supportive of couples who make that choice."
"I have never been in your shoes exactly, but I have a lot of respect and compassion for anyone who has had to deal with what you have."
"I can't imagine the pain you all must have felt when faced with your decisions. I am so sorry you had to go through that at all and that you lost your precious babies."
"I have never had an abortion, nor have I been in a situation in which I had to decide whether or not to terminate due to severe abnormalities. I've always believed in my heart, that I would never terminate a pregnancy for ANY reason. Reading these stories has changed my way of thinking. I really didn't know much about what could go wrong with a pregnancy. Not only did these stories break my heart, but they also opened my eyes as well. I now feel that if I was told that my baby would only suffer a very short life, if he/she survived at all, I would choose to end the suffering before it started. As a parent, I know how awful it is to see your child suffer in any way. I couldn't imagine bringing a child into this world only to watch it suffer and eventually die.In my opinion, there is a huge difference between termination and abortion; one is a heart-breaking decision, and the other is a form of birth control. I believe that termination is to keep a baby from suffering a short, painful life, and an abortion is to keep someone from "suffering" an unwanted or inconvenient pregnancy."
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