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Saturday, 5 January 2008
I'm An Auntie!
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - 'U2'

At 10:39 am today I got the most wonderful text message from my sister. It said, "Hey auntie kk!" (KK has been my nickname from, like, birth.)

Now, I'm the oldest sibling. I have a 24 year old sister and a 20 year old brother. At first, I went, "Auntie? I don't have a niece or nephew..." Then I remembered a conversation my sister and I had right before Thanksgiving, about how she and her husband were thinking of starting a family. In a fit of hope, I left my patients (this was in the middle of shift change, where patients are coming off and being put on), called my sister and had her confirm that--YES!--she was pregnant!!

I started bawling my eyes out in the middle of the nurse's station, and I didn't give a fuck who saw me. I then announced to my patients and staff that I was going to be an aunt! Several times. I don't know how far along my sister is and all that jazz. We couldn't talk long and I couldn't hear her over my bawling anyway. She can't be more than six weeks though, by my guess.

God. I've been waiting four years for those words. Four--fucking--years. And now that I've heard them, it feels like it's been no time at all. Shit. I'm getting tears all over my keyboard.

God. How do you mothers do it? I feel like life is starting anew, and I'm not the one with a life inside of me! I feel so joyous and refreshed. Christ, I'm already in love with this child. I don't know the sex or the name or when he or she will be born, but I will defend them with my life. How can you love someone you've yet to meet? It doesn't sound possible, but that's exactly how I feel.

Lord, I'm about to explode with happiness! I'd never thought I'd feel like such a hippie! It's wonderful! Life is wonderful!

It feels good to fall in love with life again.

Posted by Karen at 20:01 CST
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Sunday, 25 November 2007
I'm in Denver!
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: No music

Hey all!

I'm in Denver, Colorado! Whoo! It's beautiful here! I love that as I drive down Mississippi Ave, my view is the Rocky mountains. It makes me want to drive and drive until I bump into them. I only have one problem here though.

I can't breathe!

Jesus Christ! This city has definitely earned its 'Mile High' reputation. My apartment is on the third floor. By the time I made it up I thought my lungs were going to explode. My brother didn't even make it that far. He sat on the steps between the second and third floor until he felt like he could breathe. Even when I was in bed last night, I felt like I *still* couldn't catch my breath. It doesn't help that I'm sick, and what oxygen I could be getting is getting caught in snot. We went to Beningans for dinner last night, and I thought I was going to faint when I stepped up in the booth! The table next to us had a guy who was on oxygen for his lung disease. He didn't know how much danger he was in. My brother and I were discussing how we could club him and his wife over the head and make off with the oxygen tank. The waiter (who overheard us) told us that even if we did get the tank, we'd probably pass out trying to make our escape. He was right, so my sibling and I just had to suffer.

So, anyone know any hotspots in Colorado? Know where I could learn to snowboard/get snowboarding lessons? Know of any oxygen bars? My forehead is going to pop off, I swear.

Posted by Karen at 11:01 CST
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Tuesday, 13 November 2007
Sad State of Affairs
Mood:  down
Now Playing: No music

Okay guys, this is a long one. If I were you, I'd put a load of laundry in or put dinner in the oven. This is gonna be a while.

I know I haven't updated in a while, and frankly I probably won't until Christmas. Right now some frustrating things are turning my world upside down, and in all honesty I'd rather beat the hell out of a kitten than deal with it.

First thing is this: I am the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding. Problem? There's no wedding.

My best friend's fiancee is from Liberia. My friend is American. He's Muslim, she's Baptist. I didn't think such differences would be problematic. I was wrong.

Here's the story: The problem everyone has with the groom is that we feel he and my best friend are not an equal match. I don't want to be a snotty bitch and say he's not good enough because he doesn't make the kind of money my friend or I do. That's not right. But what upsets me is the fact that the difference in their salaries is so immense, it's horrifying, and he takes advantage of it. (She makes 60+ a year, he makes 29). She pays for everything! She pays for his plane tickets when he visits, (he lives in Philidelphia, we live in San Antonio, they met online), she pays for his sister's plane tickets, she bought and pays for his cell phone, she gives him money for food and rent... it's ridiculous! It pisses me the fuck off that she does this for a man! Now, I'm all about helping a man in need. If a male friend of mine or my brother ever needed money, I'd be more than happy to give them however much they needed. But THIS bullshit? No way. She's not marrying a man, she's adopting a child. I can't stand men that need their hand held. He is a Pussy with a capital P.

Anyway, the wedding was supposed to be on November tenth. Now, the groom's (we'll call him Douchebag) sister died around October 15th or so. Horrible, yes. We were all upset. But because of the death, Douchebag says that according to their customs, they have a 40 day mourning period. So, he said, because of the mourning period, the wedding had to be canceled.

So guess what? He canceled the wedding.

I know I'm an asshole, okay? But when everyone reacted the same way I did, I felt better. (Which was to get pissed and call him names.) My friend (we'll call her Doormat) has spent over ten thousand dollars for this wedding. How much has Douchebag contributed? NONE. Not ONE god damn penny. But yet HE cancels the wedding, and further insults us by saying 'Americans will jump over their dead to marry because of money' or something along those lines. Nevermind the fact that everyone paid for their tickets, their hotel rooms, the gifts, the time off work... fuck them. Nevermind that this was the third time the date of the wedding was changed because of HIM. Nevermind money contributed by me and Doormat's parents to GET this wedding paid for. Nevermind that I've spent three months working in Texas, where I never wanted to work AGAIN mind you, so that I could be close to help with the wedding. Fuck us, really.

I'm pissed frankly, and it gets worse. Doormat is OKAY with it, saying that 'Why would I want him sad on my wedding day?' She's right of course, and in a rare moment of forgiveness (for me) I said 'you know, you're right.' And I dropped it. But then this weekend I had another ugly surprise.

My best friend is going to sell the house.

I almost burst into tears. I really did. We went through so much hell to get this house, we really did. Now she's going to sell it to move up to Philidelphia. The original plan was for him to move down to Texas, since she already had a house, a fantastic job, insurance, benefits, all that, NONE of which he has. But he's been whining that he didn't want to move to Texas because 'it's too hot,' and 'my mother-in-law will be all in my business.' (Which is true, but that's beside the point.) Now, Liberia is a third world country. If he can survive that, he can handle a little heat. Anyway, because of the housing taxes and maintenance, she doesn't want the house anymore. I have no intention to remain in Texas anyway. Hell, I haven't lived here in a year so I certainly didn't want the house. So I said 'okay.' My next contract starts November 26 in Denver, Colorado. That gives me a week to pack all my shit, sell/give my furniture away and put my shit in storage. I don't need enemies. My friends are bad enough.

I guess what really frustrates me the most about this is that all of us think this is a mistake except for her. She's in love with him, and she says he's in love with her, but I don't see it. He is SO inconsiderate of her, you know? She pays for his hotel room, yet he bitches about it because it's at a Best Western and not a Marriot. He raised high holy hell with her because she bought an expensive engagement ring for herself, and HIS engagement ring, which SHE paid for, was only a couple hundred dollars. He wants her to make him something to eat at 10 at night, nevermind that she has to BE at work at 5 in the morning. He wanted HER to pay for HIS tuition if he started school, and wanted her to support him while he was in school. I used to chew his ass out royally when he would call at 1 in the morning. She is such a hard sleeper she never head the phone ring. I would have to get out of bed, take 10 minutes to wake HER up, then go back to bed and be up in three hours for work. Fuck that, I wasn't doing it. She's visiting him in Philidelphia right now. She's been there a week, and everyday she's called me complaining/crying because of something he did to upset her. It pisses me off that she tolerates this bullshit. And this is the tip of the iceberg. If I tried to put down every last thing, I'd still be typing this at Christmas.

Guys, I'm not kidding, this marriage is NOT going to work. It can't. She has been given so many red flags that I know she is doing this deliberately. I swear to ya'll, some of those warnings have been sent by God himself, and she STILL is trying to force this to happen. Even when the groom's sister died, the tuxes had not been ordered for him or the rest of the groomsmen, he hadn't given his notice to his apartment, he didn't apply for any jobs in San Antonio, he hadn't picked a date of when he was going to move... nothing! He behaved as if this life-altering event wasn't even happening to him. I honestly thought that on the day of the wedding, he was going to stand her up. I STILL think that. They rescheduled the wedding for April 26th. And if he does stand her up, she has no way of recouping the money she spent on all of this. He ain't got shit to take! She may as well have wiped her ass with the money and flushed it down the toilet!

I don't understand why she's allowing this. I wouldn't tolerate my man waking me up at all hours of the night just to entertain himself. I wouldn't tolerate him totally disregarding my finances because I'm a nurse. I wouldn't tolerate him demanding I pay for plane tickets for HIS relatives, or making messes in my house and expecting me to clean them up when I get home from work. I don't get it. She's a very pretty, strong-willed, smart woman. She can do so much better it's pathetic. It just burns me up.

I guess that's why I don't want to get married.  I wouldn't want to be so enthralled with a person that I'll tolerate anything and run myself to ruin to please them. My parents did that, my friends have done that, my uncle did it, twice, and my grandparents almost did that. And unfortunately, another one will be added to the list.

Well, thanks everyone. I'm not sad anymore. Now I'm pissed all over again. But I'd rather be pissed than sad. All day today I was feeling so melancholy, that I didn't get much of anything done. I couldn't help myself. It just feels like something is coming to an end, where there won't be a new beginning. And I feel that what's ending is how our friendship used to be. It truly breaks my heart. We used to be so close we were nearly one. Now, I can barely keep my contempt out of my voice when I speak to her, and vice versa. After all the shit we've gone through, it turns out that a guy has gotten between us, something we never thought would happen. I can't stand his punk ass to the point where if the only way I could spend time with her was with him also, I'd never see her again. My travel nursing schedule for the new year is going to be intense. I won't be able to give her the support she'll need, because I'll be all over the place. And for 2009, I really, really want to do travel nursing in the UK, and then later Australia.

In the years to come I know she'll need help, because she will have married a leech. I also know I'll be unable to help her because I won't be there, in body or in spirit.

Posted by Karen at 21:27 CST
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Tuesday, 21 August 2007
It's Finally Over
Mood:  lucky
Now Playing: 'Video' - India Aire

Wednesday of last week I woke up at 1:30 in the morning in excruciating pain from my left bottom wisdom tooth. I've had pain in my wisdom teeth from time to time for the last five years, but they've always been tolerable and never lasted more than two weeks. But THIS shit was unreal. It was only my third day at the new job so I went, and swallowed Tylenol and peppermints (peppermints always make me feel better; I could lose a leg and I'll want a peppermint), and did what I had to do. But that evening the pain got so intense I couldn't take it. I drove the 2 1/2 hours to San Antonio that night, and called a dentist first thing in the morning. When he took the x-rays he told me that not only was my left tooth impacted like all hell, that so was my right (which I knew, because it was hurting me back in April) and my wisdom teeth on top had actually punctured through, which wasn't good. The ones on top were cutting into my cuts, infecting them. THAT made so much sense. When I brush my teeth they always bleed, but I thought it was from my gums. Whoops. The right bottom tooth was also draining (meaning infected) so I was prescribed antibiotics and vicodin.

This lasted thru the weekend, but the pain was fuckin' unreal. It was like my body said 'yes, we know you're contemplating suicide, but we're still going to get this tooth out.' Sunday night I was so delirious from the pain, my mom made an apointment with another doctor about my teeth, the one that removed hers. When I saw him yesterday, he took one look and said 'no way.' The impactions were so bad he said an oral surgeon was the only one that *could* do it. They immediately sent me to an oral surgeon, and two hours later I was short four teeth.

I don't remember much of anything from yesterday, because I was stoned to the gills. But when I woke this morning, I felt incredible. I don't have any pain in my mouth despite not taking any pain medication (the pain nerves are probably dead by now), I could almost talk normally, and the infection, once the tooth came out, went away immediately. I was probably getting septic and didn't know it. Anyway, my mouth hasn't felt this good since I don't know when, and it's not even twenty four hours post surgery.

Guys, don't fuck around with your teeth. If you think your wisdom teeth or anything are acting up, yank those puppies out. This was one hell of a painful lesson to learn. I couldn't go thru this shit again.

Best yet was my family. There were there for me in ways that I have never been for them. It took everything I had not to start bawling in gratitude this morning. I wish I had something to give them that could equal the value of all they've done for me, but I know I never could. It would never be enough.

Posted by Karen at 11:10 CDT
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Sunday, 12 August 2007
I Hate My Apartment
Mood:  down
Now Playing: 'Prickly Thorn, But Sweetly Worn' - The White Stripes

I'm up and running. I bought that Sprint wireless card that can be used anywhere where there's Sprint coverage. Thank God. The thought that I could go practically anywhere and still have I-Net service is damn near making me cream my pants. Now, on to other news...

I HATE my apartment.

I knew right when I drove up that the shit wasn't going to work. It didn't look exactly ratty, but it had the appearance of a place that was falling apart and being cleverly glued back together. You couldn't see the loose screws, but you knew they were there. Know what I mean?

The furnishings are outstanding, the best I've had yet actually. But the AC is not working too good. My apartment is cooler than outside, but still pretty warm on the inside. The carpet is so stained it disgusts the hell outta me, and the humidity is making the carpet moist. That is disgusting the hell outta me too. I refuse to take my shoes off. It's also giving off this... odor. I hate stinky smells, because I'm around them all day. Having to deal with it here too is just too much.

I've had to fix the toilet, twice.

The stove is missing an eye.

The sink and tub are stained with rust, badly. At least, I hope it's rust.

The cabinet doors are slightly warped.

I don't have a microwave. At all. I even checked the closet.

I have stains in my bedroom that appear to have come from a dog's end as he scooted it across the carpet.

There was a dead roach that greeted me when I came in. I hate hate HATE roaches.

The ceiling fan is swinging so bad that I'm afraid it's going to fall off and hit me in the head.

I'm not willing to think on it more. It has been so frustrating, that I'm tempted to call my recruiter and tell her that I quit. But I think about all that I have accomplished so far, and how unhappy I would be going back home. It's not where I want to be. I love traveling, I'm just not happy with this contract. I don't want to be bothered, but I need the money.

What's really pissing me off is that one of my traveler buddies got a gig in Denver, Colorado. I was so jealous when he told me I'm surprised he didn't burst into flames over the phone. I hated him very much at that moment. But I threatened to visit him, and he threatened me that I'd better, so I feel a little bit better about it now.

Well, I'm going to read for a bit. I'm so pissed I'm getting a migraine. Lord, guide me through this before I blow up this city.

Posted by Karen at 16:40 CDT
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Saturday, 11 August 2007
Next Stop: Corpus Christi!
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: None

Hey guys! Just letting you know you won't hear from me for a couple of days. My next assignment starts Monday, in Corpus Christi. I will be leaving hopefully in an hour, as soon as I get the rest of my shit packed. I know for a fact that they don't have the internet, so I'm afraid I'll be without for hopefully no longer than a week. It'll still be agony though.


Posted by Karen at 09:51 CDT
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Sunday, 22 July 2007
I'm Back Home!
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: John Legend - 'Ordinary People'

Hey hey!

Well, I'm back home in Texas. It's kinda nice to be back. I missed my family and it's good to see them. The last time I visited, I was only staying for a week and I spent that week trying to buy a new vehicle, setting up the wedding arrangements for my best friend and other shit I can't remember. It was stressful. This time around though, I have a month off (my next contract starts the 13th of August) and have nothing planned except to lay on my ass, write and shop.

Speaking of writing, there was a slight...mishap with BiS. First off, my laptop mysteriously crashed. (Darn Itunes. This was the fourth time it did when I used ITunes.) But this time when it crashed, I couldn't get it up and working again. I had saved what I had of BiS on a disc, so I was like, 'no worries, I'll update when I get back home.' Unfortunately, when I got home, the disc had an...accident during the drive. I can't find all the pieces. I wanted to get pissed off and throw a fit, but I couldn't. I was too happy to be back home with all my electronic toys, and other stuff I can't bring with me thru my travels. So this week I'm going to break down and buy a jump drive with other stuff. I guess from now on I'll have to make backups of the backups. Don't worry, I'm working on the chapter again, as well TFM and making copies of everything AGAIN. Jesus Christ.

And I bought the final Harry Potter book! It breaks my heart that this is the final one.

Watch me not read it until the 7th movie comes out. That's so like me.

Posted by Karen at 22:16 CDT
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Saturday, 30 June 2007
Winding Down, Toughing Up
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: System of a Down - 'Atwa'

Wow, it's been a while! And boy do I have some interesting things to tell you!

Where should I start... oh yeah. A month or so ago my fellow traveling nurses and I went to a bar in Scottsdale called "Sugardaddies." We had a good time, but my friends and I were not... thinking clearly due to alcohol consumption when we left. ^__^ Anyway, one of the guys we were with had to pee, and he didn't feel like going back inside to use the bathroom. Now, where I live in Texas, and where the others live (they're from Texas too), there are alot of fields about. When you're driving, and it may be a good hour or three before you run across a gas station, you learn to carry napkins/toilet paper in your car. (Especially when you're a traveling nurse). So when he started pissing in the parking lot, I thought nothing of it. In fact, I thought it was hilarious! I started taking pictures of it when I turned around and noticed a squad car. (I swear to GOD he came out of the air!) The cop quickly pulled my friend aside and read him the riot act, while another cop came to me and bashed me for allowing my friend to "degrade the city in such an act." He was right and I was sorry, but I think he took my silence as dissassent, and read me the riot act for that too. I was okay with that. If I tried to be my normal, smart-assed self, he wouldn't be able to help but notice my slurred words. Hell, *I* noticed it and I was drunk!

It went downhill from there. We couldn't give them our apartment addresses, only our permanent addresses, which they didn't want. They wanted where we were staying in Arizona. Hell, I don't know where I live! I just know how to get there from work and vice versa. The other travelers didn't know either. I remember at one point, a cop yelled, "Is there any one of you that is an Arizona resident?" None of us raised our hands. So then the cops chewed all of our asses out. Any other person would've been intimidated I'm sure. I just wanted them to go away so I could pee in the bushes.

I came out of my stupor when the cops arrested my friend. I didn't think it would come to that. So the rest of us rushed off to Scottsdale jail. What a shitty way to end an evening. Trust me, hanging out at a jail til five in the morning to bail your friend out is no fun, especially on an empty stomach and full bladder.

It especially sucked when they made me take a breathilizer test. I was the only one okay enough to drive, but I had to do the test or else the cops wouldn't let any of us go. That really, really sucked. I had to keep blowing in that tube for so long I thought my forehead was gonna pop off.

What else... work has been an absolute mess. The clinical manager does not know what she's doing, and it shows everytime she opens her mouth. She's been forgeting patients in the schedules. She's had her facts totally wrong. She's changed doctor's orders on her whim. She's been giving out the wrong information, and she's been making poor decisions. We're also expecting State to come anyday now, to evaluate us to see if we're adhering to policy and procedure. Each time they're supposed to come, she's had to suddenly be in California to take her sick sister to the doctor, and she'll leave the night before. I'll come to work and find an email or note saying she's out of state, and for me to call so-and-so if State comes. That chickenshit.

Work is also a mess because of two new-hires. One is this cocky guy who thinks he's hot shit. His girlfriend calls several times a day, as well as his wife. Both are trying to sway me to their side as to why they should be with him, and both don't seem to realize that when I tell them, "I could give a shit," that I mean it, or when I tell them, "How 'bout you blow me instead?" that I mean that too. He seems to think I'm very entertaining. Well, he can blow me too.

The other new hire is crazy. Literally. She also has to be on drugs. She disappears, and no one knows where she is, then she suddenly reappears. She always sneaking off, always having doctor's appointments, or has to leave work early for this and that. She doesn't do what she's told, or she tries to do shit that she has no business doing. Her manner is unprofessional, and everyday she looks as if she got into a bar fight, than immediately came to work. The manager is too chickenshit to fire her, and I've bloody hell had it with this girl. She is not safe enough to work on patients unsupervised, and her training has been over for three weeks. For someone who says she has six years experience as a dialysis technician, that's unbelieveable and unacceptable. She either lied on her application, or she lied on her application.

Hmm... I joined a yoga studio. Every time I go I think they're trying to kill me to get ahold of my SpongeBob keychain.

If you're ever in Phoenix, Fort McDowell casino is awesome. But don't talk in the Bingo room. Those mother fuckers are serious about their Bingo. (Please don't ask me how I know. It's embarrassing as all hell).

My mother visited last week, and stayed for a week. (During her visit the 'Bingo' incident occurred). We went to the movies, shopping, the casino, saw Sedona and the Grand Canyon. (I'll tell about Sedona and the GC in another entry). When she left I cried. I miss her terribly.

Okay, last words:

Sugardaddies is awesome.

Fort McDowell is awesome.

Sedona and the Grand Canyon are awesome.

Any shopping mall is awesome.

Phoenix is utterly, utterly beautiful. Arizona should be proud.

Posted by Karen at 20:25 CDT
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Sunday, 21 January 2007
I'm In Phoenix!
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: IPod's downloads
Hey all. Belated Happy Holidays.

Well, I'm on my second nursing assignment, in Tempe Arizona, although my apartment is in Phoenix. I've been here 13th, I think. I *still* had living arrangement issues when I got here. The power wasn't turned on. *makes face* And there was a problem with my internet, which I wasn't able to get until last night. *makes bigger face* Other than that, things have gone okay. Plus there's no deer head. That's a big, big plus.

I haven't been able to see much. I've seen downtown Tempe, which was okay. I didn't spend any time going to the bars or anything, so I didn't get the true vibe of the small town. It was very pretty though.

Just driving around Phoenix when I've gotten hella-lost was something. The mountains are gorgeous enough, but at's un-fucking-believable. If heaven looks like that, we won't miss Earth.

Does anyone live(d) in Phoenix that knows the hot spots? Touristy things to do? Suggestions are welcome!

Gotta go rescue my brownies. Later y'all!!

Posted by Karen at 19:19 CST
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Wednesday, 22 November 2006
God damnit!: Part 2
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: 'If I Were Your Woman' - Alicia Keys
Okay. I'm calm now, but not calm enough to start working on the chapter again. I need a bit more time to mellow out. Probably another day or two.

God. Ya'll have no idea how truly mind-blowingly pissed I was.

I can't wait until I see my family tomorrow. I really, really need a hug.

It's not that I can't just spit out what I had before. I don't think I can. For those of you that write, you know that you have to be in a certain mind-frame to do that, and I haven't been in that mind-frame for a long time. I haven't been writing alot lately, one, because of my assignment, but also, now it turns out the landlord for the place I'm staying in during this assignment has been coming in and out, looking through the cabin and my stuff. I don't know why. I found out when he issued a complaint against me that I had something I wasn't supposed to have (space heaters) and that one had to be removed. Considering that I have the windows closed and blocked up right now because of the cold weather, the only way he could have known about the heaters was if he has been INSIDE to see them. I haven't reported any needed maintainence, and I told my recruiter such. I also told her that if I came home and saw the cunt inside for any reason, I was going to knife his ass. So it's been hell sleeping at night, knowing that the son of a bitch was probably trying on my underwear or something.

God, I'm so tired of everything right now. I'm going to bed.

Posted by Karen at 18:44 CST
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