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Okay guys, this is a long one. If I were you, I'd put a load of laundry in or put dinner in the oven. This is gonna be a while.
I know I haven't updated in a while, and frankly I probably won't until Christmas. Right now some frustrating things are turning my world upside down, and in all honesty I'd rather beat the hell out of a kitten than deal with it.
First thing is this: I am the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding. Problem? There's no wedding.
My best friend's fiancee is from Liberia. My friend is American. He's Muslim, she's Baptist. I didn't think such differences would be problematic. I was wrong.
Here's the story: The problem everyone has with the groom is that we feel he and my best friend are not an equal match. I don't want to be a snotty bitch and say he's not good enough because he doesn't make the kind of money my friend or I do. That's not right. But what upsets me is the fact that the difference in their salaries is so immense, it's horrifying, and he takes advantage of it. (She makes 60+ a year, he makes 29). She pays for everything! She pays for his plane tickets when he visits, (he lives in Philidelphia, we live in San Antonio, they met online), she pays for his sister's plane tickets, she bought and pays for his cell phone, she gives him money for food and rent... it's ridiculous! It pisses me the fuck off that she does this for a man! Now, I'm all about helping a man in need. If a male friend of mine or my brother ever needed money, I'd be more than happy to give them however much they needed. But THIS bullshit? No way. She's not marrying a man, she's adopting a child. I can't stand men that need their hand held. He is a Pussy with a capital P.
Anyway, the wedding was supposed to be on November tenth. Now, the groom's (we'll call him Douchebag) sister died around October 15th or so. Horrible, yes. We were all upset. But because of the death, Douchebag says that according to their customs, they have a 40 day mourning period. So, he said, because of the mourning period, the wedding had to be canceled.
So guess what? He canceled the wedding.
I know I'm an asshole, okay? But when everyone reacted the same way I did, I felt better. (Which was to get pissed and call him names.) My friend (we'll call her Doormat) has spent over ten thousand dollars for this wedding. How much has Douchebag contributed? NONE. Not ONE god damn penny. But yet HE cancels the wedding, and further insults us by saying 'Americans will jump over their dead to marry because of money' or something along those lines. Nevermind the fact that everyone paid for their tickets, their hotel rooms, the gifts, the time off work... fuck them. Nevermind that this was the third time the date of the wedding was changed because of HIM. Nevermind money contributed by me and Doormat's parents to GET this wedding paid for. Nevermind that I've spent three months working in Texas, where I never wanted to work AGAIN mind you, so that I could be close to help with the wedding. Fuck us, really.
I'm pissed frankly, and it gets worse. Doormat is OKAY with it, saying that 'Why would I want him sad on my wedding day?' She's right of course, and in a rare moment of forgiveness (for me) I said 'you know, you're right.' And I dropped it. But then this weekend I had another ugly surprise.
My best friend is going to sell the house.
I almost burst into tears. I really did. We went through so much hell to get this house, we really did. Now she's going to sell it to move up to Philidelphia. The original plan was for him to move down to Texas, since she already had a house, a fantastic job, insurance, benefits, all that, NONE of which he has. But he's been whining that he didn't want to move to Texas because 'it's too hot,' and 'my mother-in-law will be all in my business.' (Which is true, but that's beside the point.) Now, Liberia is a third world country. If he can survive that, he can handle a little heat. Anyway, because of the housing taxes and maintenance, she doesn't want the house anymore. I have no intention to remain in Texas anyway. Hell, I haven't lived here in a year so I certainly didn't want the house. So I said 'okay.' My next contract starts November 26 in Denver, Colorado. That gives me a week to pack all my shit, sell/give my furniture away and put my shit in storage. I don't need enemies. My friends are bad enough.
I guess what really frustrates me the most about this is that all of us think this is a mistake except for her. She's in love with him, and she says he's in love with her, but I don't see it. He is SO inconsiderate of her, you know? She pays for his hotel room, yet he bitches about it because it's at a Best Western and not a Marriot. He raised high holy hell with her because she bought an expensive engagement ring for herself, and HIS engagement ring, which SHE paid for, was only a couple hundred dollars. He wants her to make him something to eat at 10 at night, nevermind that she has to BE at work at 5 in the morning. He wanted HER to pay for HIS tuition if he started school, and wanted her to support him while he was in school. I used to chew his ass out royally when he would call at 1 in the morning. She is such a hard sleeper she never head the phone ring. I would have to get out of bed, take 10 minutes to wake HER up, then go back to bed and be up in three hours for work. Fuck that, I wasn't doing it. She's visiting him in Philidelphia right now. She's been there a week, and everyday she's called me complaining/crying because of something he did to upset her. It pisses me off that she tolerates this bullshit. And this is the tip of the iceberg. If I tried to put down every last thing, I'd still be typing this at Christmas.
Guys, I'm not kidding, this marriage is NOT going to work. It can't. She has been given so many red flags that I know she is doing this deliberately. I swear to ya'll, some of those warnings have been sent by God himself, and she STILL is trying to force this to happen. Even when the groom's sister died, the tuxes had not been ordered for him or the rest of the groomsmen, he hadn't given his notice to his apartment, he didn't apply for any jobs in San Antonio, he hadn't picked a date of when he was going to move... nothing! He behaved as if this life-altering event wasn't even happening to him. I honestly thought that on the day of the wedding, he was going to stand her up. I STILL think that. They rescheduled the wedding for April 26th. And if he does stand her up, she has no way of recouping the money she spent on all of this. He ain't got shit to take! She may as well have wiped her ass with the money and flushed it down the toilet!
I don't understand why she's allowing this. I wouldn't tolerate my man waking me up at all hours of the night just to entertain himself. I wouldn't tolerate him totally disregarding my finances because I'm a nurse. I wouldn't tolerate him demanding I pay for plane tickets for HIS relatives, or making messes in my house and expecting me to clean them up when I get home from work. I don't get it. She's a very pretty, strong-willed, smart woman. She can do so much better it's pathetic. It just burns me up.
I guess that's why I don't want to get married. I wouldn't want to be so enthralled with a person that I'll tolerate anything and run myself to ruin to please them. My parents did that, my friends have done that, my uncle did it, twice, and my grandparents almost did that. And unfortunately, another one will be added to the list.
Well, thanks everyone. I'm not sad anymore. Now I'm pissed all over again. But I'd rather be pissed than sad. All day today I was feeling so melancholy, that I didn't get much of anything done. I couldn't help myself. It just feels like something is coming to an end, where there won't be a new beginning. And I feel that what's ending is how our friendship used to be. It truly breaks my heart. We used to be so close we were nearly one. Now, I can barely keep my contempt out of my voice when I speak to her, and vice versa. After all the shit we've gone through, it turns out that a guy has gotten between us, something we never thought would happen. I can't stand his punk ass to the point where if the only way I could spend time with her was with him also, I'd never see her again. My travel nursing schedule for the new year is going to be intense. I won't be able to give her the support she'll need, because I'll be all over the place. And for 2009, I really, really want to do travel nursing in the UK, and then later Australia.
In the years to come I know she'll need help, because she will have married a leech. I also know I'll be unable to help her because I won't be there, in body or in spirit.