dell customer support...
tonight i called dell customer support...tracy had problems with her laptop, she has actually had problems with it for almost 4 weeks...the lcd screen was going out constantly and the same day that she got cable internet, her computer went haywire... last week she had me call and talk to the dell people about her computer, they hadn't picked it up for 3 weeks, after she called in and asked for it to get picked up and fixed. so she has me call them and the conversation went as follows:
hi this is an asian lady on the phone, could i have your service tag #, your phone number incase we get disconnected, and all the pertinent information?
sure this is the #, and all the information you need
thank you...just one moment
ok
(8 minutes later)thank you for holding, now what seems to be the trouble today?
well for starters being put on hold for 8 minutes...but really the problem is the laptop hasn't been picked up, and the work order for it was put in 3 weeks ago, and the fact that we have to sit on hold for half an hour to talk to someone
well let me check our records...(8 minutes later)...i see here that you have 2 reference #s here... what you need to do is call airborn express and tell them these two numbers and they will tell you the status of your order
---during these two 8 minute sessions of hold time and elevator music i had tracy call airborn express and give them the 2 reference numbers that we already had(they were identical to the numbers asian lady just gave me---
ma'am, i already have those numbers that you just gave me and i had my friend tracy here call up airborn express and tell them those numbers while i was on hold...she is sitting on another phone, waiting for your next idea...
---then things got stupid---
what you need to do is call airborn express and tell them these two numbers and they will tell you the status of your order
ma'am i just told you ...what ever...tracy give the airborn express person these two numbers that i just wrote down...the ones that you already had written, yes i know but the lady on the phone thinks that a different result will happen if we pound the numbers into the head of the person on the phone that you are talking to...
---tracy tells the #s and says that airborn express lady is waiting on dell to send them the packaging and instructions or something from dell(besides the 2 #s), and tracy is smiling the entire time, and mentions that the lady she is talking to is cracking up...---
ma'am airborn express is waiting on something besides these 2 numbers from dell...some packaging or a box or something...
they are not waiting on anything...you need to call them and tell them these numbers
ma'am, i just told you that i am on the phone with them and they have the numbers...tracy do they have the numbers?...yeah, they have the numbers...but they need a box...
they are not waiting on anything...you need to call them and tell them these numbers
look would it be possible to send out another dispatch, seeing as how this one might have gotten lost or something...i mean i just want to get this computer fixed and i bought a warranty from dell so that i could get it fixed, this seems like alot of trouble to go through for a service that i am paying for(as if i was tracy...hey its a guys name, just like chris, or ryanne, or sam, or jennifer, well maybe not sam, but the rest for sure)
no i cannot send out another dispatch or another box...what you need to do is call airborn express and tell them these two numbers...are you ready here they are again...#1, #2
ma'am... i don't know how else to say this...are you listening?...i have the #s. ok?...i don't need them spouted off...i have them. are you still listening?...i am on the phone with airborn express. they have the #s too. is there anything else you can tell me?
what you need to do is call airborn express and tell them the two numbers
---i am really pissed at this woman at this point and ask tracy to ask the airborn express lady if they have any extra boxes or something...just help me out here...airborn is laughing her ass off right now, and agrees, she also said that she has to deal with this sortof thing all the time, and this time was one of the more humorous---this is the much shorter version of the conversation, but as you can see, the people at dell don't know what they are doing...it may be 24/7 customer support, but it isn't really the help you want...
which brings me to my next phone conversation with dell tonight...
after tracy sat on hold(after she found out that her laptop had been sent to ohio and not texas...) for an hour and a half(no lie, that was 5 episodes of southpark...damian, mechastriesand, lesbian substitute, and two others, alice knows for sure...i mean it was her dvd, i think), she comes in the room looking like some sort of mad person, not crazy just really angry, you know maaaad. turns out that she actually talked to two people...one of them wasn't the proper person to talk to because he didn't deal with laptops, only desktops, and the other person was an answering machine...they had her sit on hold for half an hour to talk to a machine...24/7? i don't think so... so she starts yelling and i go and grab my phone...alice and jasonp grab their cell phones and it was off to the races(like dog races, or horse races, or bugar races(you know when you fling a bugar on the window and you see whos can get to the bottom first). sitting in a row on the balcony, we 3 called dell, trying, hoping that we could get this problem fixed(the quicker the better, you don't want a woman mad for too long...they already hold grudges...especially with other girls...they can stay mad for years and not show it, but as soon as their enemy(former friend) is out of earshot, they will start badmouthing them...but guys on the other hand, if we got beef, we just fight and are all the better for it...there is nothing like getting closer to a friend after kicking his ass... it makes you like a king, or even better, a stalker(just kidding)).
after about 10 minutes i get arb guy on the phone, and the conversation went something like this:
hello i am an arab, tell me the same numbers that the other woman asked for...(not exact, but i don't feel like pressing the number sign, or typing the word "numbers", besides writting it this way is a whole ton quicker)
here they are
is that a land line or a cell phone?
its a cell phone
do you have a land line? i need a land line in order to do something or other?
well you see we are only airman, and we only get paid about a thousand bucks a month, we don't really stay in our rooms that often and we all like to party so we don't really have the funding or a decent reason to have and afford two phones, i mean we have other bills too you know...like car insurance, and phone bills and car payments and cable...
ok whats the problem?
well apart from waiting on hold and listening to the elevator music, and the fact that my laptop is close to 15 hours away from where it was supposed to be shipped to?...um all that
ok where was it shipped to?
---now you have to think...do they just ship them to random addresses, and this one time it got to where tracy used to live in ohio?...shouldn't that already be in their computer system?...wasn't the address written down when tracy confirmed the proper address twice, with dell and airborn express?---oh and tracy says to not let them put me on hold---
this is where it was shipped to(full address) and this is where its supposed to be(full other address)
would you please hold?
oh please don't put me on hold... i can't take anymore of that elevator music
sir it would be for just 3 minutes
please, you could just sit the headset down, or the phone and leave it on your desk and that would be so much better than putting me on hold...
---he takes off the head set and 3 minutes later comes back---
mr (tracy's last name)?(that almost sounds like mr t...i pity the fool...)(focus)
---we go through updating the addresses and phone number 3 times each, and everything gets straightened out...and the laptop will be here on thursday(today is monday folks...well it was monday when i was writting part of this)
and thats all for now...come back for "crackers in pepsi-cola with a side of pickle"
back and forward
home
back to the gutters
no spiders or visigoths
