First up, my newest addition to the Random Crap Family:

Evan does your horoscope:
• Aries (March 21 - April 19): You will find something in your house with fangs and a 3-foot green scaly tail today. Tomorrow, your car's driver seat will be mysteriously outfitted with a tail hole.
• Taurus (April 20 - May 20): You or a loved one will soon unwittingly be the subject of a new FOX reality show.
• Gemini (May 21 - June 20): You will be utterly surprised to find a beak in your next scrambled egg.
• Cancer (June 21 - July 22): Within the next week, you will receive a phone call from a guy outside threatening to shoot out your flower garden if you hang up.
• Leo (July 23 - August 22): You will be the proud discoverer of a 48-million-year-old fossil in your toilet or in your next x-ray.
• Virgo (August 23 - September 22): Your infraction with the law will result in your forced watching of recent episodes of a 14-year-old FOX syndicated cartoon sitcom.
• Libra (September 23 - October 22): Your favorite soup franchise will be accused of being sympathetic to a fascist regime.
• Scorpio (October 23 - November 21): You will shortly find a job as a horoscope writer for newspaper or stupid amateur website.
• Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): You will soon find yourself bored reading some horoscopes said Scorpio has written.
• Capricorn (December 22 - January 19): You will become famous for inventing a new language that looks and sounds exactly like English. Subsequently, you will be sued for copyright infringement.
• Aquarius (January 20 - February 18): Your favorite garlic mint company will go bankrupt. On the plus side, you can now buy a Lexus with the money you saved on relationship counselors.
• Pisces (Febauary 19 - March 20): You will be sued after buyers discover that your Pinky Nail Filers are really electric pencil sharpeners.

But, let's not forget some (slightly updated) old classics, starting with:

Don't you hate...
• the noise that IMs make?
• "Dude, you're getting a Dell!"? -- (at least they stoppsed running those infernal ads...)
• how I rule!??
• egotists?
• those things on the the end of your shoelaces (called aglets, btw) -- well, when they fall off?
• people who a page worth of completely useless nonsense and think they're funny?
• how you have synonym, and then you have cinammon?
• subliminals? gRr, yoU shouLd... yEah.

Man, this sucks. Now it's time for...[drumroll goes here.] Random Ponderances! Anyway, this is more dull random crap! These are actually a consecutive chain of thought processes I had (when writing the page, of course), so prepare to be amazed and awed!!! or disturbed, or something... Have fun.

• Doesn't it seem like Verizon comes from Vertical Horizon.
• Eh, I think you've heard the driveway/parkway shtick....
• Which came first -- the DNA or the protein?
• (As stolen from other people): If pro is the opposite of con, is Congress the opposite of progress?
• Can one of those $(@&!ng stupid e-mails circulate ad infinitum?
• Mmmmmmmmmm, Vanilla Coke.
• Is the meaning of life actually just to figure out the answer?
• This must bore the crap out of people..I'm done.

Uch.. I guess you could say this site ran dumb. Ah well, maybe I'll actually add something good.*
*Fat chance.