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 How To Handle a Hangover

The Hairy Dog That Bit Me
submitted by William Woolmer at BeerTimes in Australia

Ah, the hangover. That inevitable cost of drinking overly of the magic beer. Why, we cry, hasn't science cured it? Hell, we can clone sheep, fly a man to the moon, we can make a man a woman, fer chrissake, but can we cure the common hangover?

The answer is, sadly, obvious. The doctors and scientists have no reason to discover a cure to hangovers! Hell, we'd all be pissed most of the time! Imagine the social disruption, the crowds at the public toilets at the footy, etc etc.

So it remains the job of the common man to scratch at the edges of the science of hangover remedies.

Sigh.

Well, here goes. Much of the following is taken from the New Scientist's excellent alcohol web site. This at least gives the advice a hint of respectability! :-)

To cut to the chase:

1. Cures are only really any use before you go to sleep. 'Cause while you sleep the damage is done. So sort it out well before you get drunk. :-O
   


2. Water is important (rehydration - beer sucks it out of ya, much like seawater!) but doesn't make you feel much better in the morning.
   


3. The best trick? Sugar and water! Yup, the sugar replaces stuff and sorts out other bits that breaking down the alcohol knocks around. Honest! Go look at New Scientist for the fancy reasons.
   The important thing - it works!. Extensive and selfless field testing by Beer Times personnel over multiple heavy beer drinking events and people has conclusively demonstrated a link between strongly sugared water consumption prior to sleep and feeling nearly human in the morning!
   Try a super strong mix of cordial (at least half a litre) before collapsing in your bedy-byes.
   
   (Note - one unfortunate field research assistant dutifully tested this, only to wake up feeling like shit. Turns out it was diet cordial - bloody aspartame, not a hint of decent sugar!)
   


4. Home Brew has often been attributed with lowered hangover factors - something about being all natural and 'honest'.
   Bollocks. It's normally far stronger than the shelf gear. (well - add more sugar = more alcohol, sugar is cheap, you figger what people do!)
   Beer Times asserts that Home Brew hangovers are the same or worse than other beers. But we're willing to accept all correspondence on the matter :-)
   


5. And that Hair of the Dog business? Again, bollocks. It just accumulates the alcohol, which is the basic cause of your misery. Although it does have one basis in fact -: avoid hangovers, stay drunk!
   


6. For the ultimate in extreme remedies, you can't beat a good chunder prior to bedy-bies. So long as you get some water in ya afterwards and you miss your wife/cat/Persian rug, you'll be thankful in the morning.