The trip back to my family happened a week after that. I knew mom said that they would be busy but I had to make do since JIVE wanted us back earlier than planned. Mandy had already headed out for her four week road trip, promoting her up coming album.
I got a few surprises upon my arrival. The first being, mom and dad were home, together with BJ. Leslie was on a camping trip that I had no idea of and would only be back the next day while Angel had decided to tag along with Aaron over in New York to record some of his songs. I would later learn that our Uncle Ted was playing guardian while mom took her much needed rest. The second surprise came from mom's warm reception towards my presence. I knocked on the door, greeted by my sister and then seconds later, mom and dad had appeared to shower me with much needed hugs. For a moment there, I felt disappointed, because I was confident that it had all been a dream.
BJ and I decided to make dinner for our parents that night. I am not much of a cook, as I've told you before, but BJ knows her utensils and her ingredients well. Mom's famous curry chicken is always a hot favourite, and BJ decided to boast about how she had mastered that divine culinary cuisine to perfection. I agreed to play assistant.
"Nick seriously, are you planning to ruin my dinner?" BJ exclaimed as I continued to cut the carrots. She wanted it in cubes but I prefer them in circles. They looked nicer that way.
"Look, at the rate we're going, we're never gonna get this dinner done. See, the carrot is a circle, now if I just slice them, it'll come out circle. Now if I dice, I'm gonna have to do double the job!"
"But that's not how mom does it! She ALWAYS has it diced."
"And that was way back when we were kids. These days, she's busy, she doesn't have the time to dice. And Beej, be original."
"If I want originality, I'd ask you to cut them in stars." I was tempted to ask her where I could find the cutters but decided against it. I did instead, throw a piece of the cut out carrot at her, which resulted in a mini food fight.
I started heading out to the backyard, with my sister hot on my tail screaming bloody murders. It didn't take long before mom appeared by the door, yelling, 'kids, it's getting dark, come back inside.'
I stopped under a shaded tree and looked at the scene playing out in front of me. BJ with that frustrated look on her face, mom waving for us to come back in and the shadow of dad, appearing from inside the house, wondering what the hell all the commotion was all about. It brought me back to the days when we just moved to Florida. Just the four of us, one small happy family.
BJ and I were very close then, we did everything together. Mom and dad didn't earn much and while other kids were playing with plastic guns filled with water and shooting at each other, we were content with those small water bags mom used to make ice with and threw that at each other. We got in a lot of trouble because of that.
"Nick, I think we should get back inside." BJ's sudden change in behaviour had me puzzled. Only seconds ago, she was determined to end my life with a carrot stick she had grabbed like a knife.
"Why? Scared you're gonna kill me with that carrot?"
She rolled her eyes and sighed. "No, but if you look really carefully, there's a man armed with a camera about five meters from where you are standing."
Five meters? How the hell could she see that far?
"Wait, this house is surrounded by walls Beej, are you pulling my leg?"
"He's up on a tree." She replied.
"On a tree?"
"Yup."
"Just to take a picture of us?"
"Of you."
The yearning to turn back and show that monkey the finger was tempting enough but I figured if I did that, I would be giving him something to bring back and post on whatever magazine he's working for. So instead, I walked back in and finished our cooking.
Reality sets in again, how things had changed in our family. My success with the guys brought us financial support, something that back then, none of us would ever have dreamed of. Sure, we hope that the Backstreet Boys would bring success and open doors for us all, but to be as huge as we are right now? It never came across our minds.
BJ made a very mean curry chicken. We had rice, something that I rarely had being on my own and some other vegetables that smelled good enough to be eaten.
But by dinner time, my mood was dampened and I had lost my appetite. At first I figured that the pain was caused by my stress and worries but right then, I decided that I had misdiagnosed myself. The entire day had been nothing but renewed peace.
I got to talk with both mom and dad and miracles do happen, because I managed to convince mom to let me pay off the mortgage to the house. I also managed to convince her not to sell our house in Tampa so that they had a place to stay if Aaron had shows in Florida. She even managed to be civil about Mandy even though I knew right then that I could never get her blessings for our relationship. At that moment, I didn't really mind though because I was still confused about us.
So anyway, like I said, I was stress free, and still the pain came for a visit. I did help dad clean up the engine to our beat up boat in the backyard and I offered to clean and shine my brother's scrambler, the love of his life. I felt like a normal kid again, doing everyday stuff. I might have overdone it though, perhaps that was what caused the pain.
I couldn't eat as much as I wanted to. And for the love of God, it was curry, never a good thing to take when your stomach was doing somersaults in there.
"Son, stop playing with your food. Eat something, you'll be surprised that it's all edible." Dad said, receiving glares from BJ. What he didn't know was, I was ready to throw it all up.
"I feel kinda full already." I replied, avoiding his eyes. "And it's good Beej, no offense."
"It's okay." She smiled and shrugged. Now that only happened because she knew I still had that hernia thing going against me.
"Nick, I hope you're not taking those remarks people said about your weight seriously." Mom frowned. "If you feel the need to loose some pounds, starving is not the answer."
"Yeah, I don't want any son of mine, or daughter," dad said, pausing to look at BJ. "becoming a bulimic. I want people to know that we're not starving our kids to death."
Dad always has a way with words. Whenever there was tension, he would add a bit of humour in it. But right then, what I needed was the pills, not humour, because humour makes me laugh and laughing causes the pain to worsen.
"No, I'm not starving myself, I love food." I assured them. "But I really am full."
They got off my case after that and after dinner, we decided to watch TV together. They had some random movie classic on and immediately, mom and dad were drowned in the plot. BJ kept interrupting with her annoying questions that mom and dad tried to answer. I sat on the couch just praying that I would make it through the night without bursting out how much I feel like crap.
By the middle of the story, I excused myself and went straight to my room that I shared with Aaron. It was pretty much his room really, since I wouldn't be staying in the house most of the time, I told them to have my room turned into a study room or a games room instead. I'd bunk off with Aaron whenever I dropped by.
I threw myself on the bed the moment I got inside and curled myself up. I had only a pill left and I had planned on taking it when I really needed it badly. I considered my options. Leslie would be home the next day and Aaron and Angel could come back two days later, all of which, I would still be in the house. What would I do then?
I decided it was safe enough to bare the pain for now, since I was in the privacy of my own room [okay, Aaron's, same difference]. I was feeling faint, the pain does that to you. Actually, I welcomed the faint cause then I would be a little bit delirious and I wouldn't really feel the pain. I waited for the black tunnel to come, that would be the time when I pass out and leave everything behind. I would only have to deal with the pain the next time I woke up. I say it's a good bargain.
Light rapping on the door however, paused all plans of passing out away. I turned towards the door, praying that it wasn't mom and felt relieved when it was BJ. With her, I didn't have to hide because she already knew my secret.
"Hey." I croaked.
"I got bored." BJ said as she sat on the bed next to me.
"Or did mom and dad get bored of your questions?" I mocked.
She shrugged. "I thought parents should be proud that their kids are curious and want to learn."
"They do, but they didn't expect them to be annoying too."
I wanted to laugh at my own joke but couldn't. It didn't go unnoticed for my sister too and I was prepared for her lectures.
"So this is it? You just bear the pain like that?"
I nodded. "Pretty much."
"I read stuff about hernias, it sucks."
"For someone who is the genius in this family, you sure are speaking of the obvious." I teased, throwing in a smile to hide another spasm of pain that just about blinded me.
"Shut up Nick, I could just up and leave right now and tell them what's going on with you." And my sister loves to threaten me all the time.
"You wouldn't."
"Why not?"
"Cause I'm your only big brother. You love me."
She rolled her eyes and then the worries started again. "Seriously, is there anything that I can do?"
I nodded. "Yeah, let me sleep this off and not tell our parents about this."
And BJ always has conditions to every deal, that's what makes her a genius. " Only if you promise you'll tell them soon."
And I'd do anything as long as I get my sleep. "I promise."
-
When Leslie came back home the next day, mom and dad were all over her, inspecting for insect bites and what not, it got to a point where BJ asked me why is that whenever Leslie came into the picture, we were both forgotten. I got a good laugh at that one because it was true. When Leslie was born, we felt abandoned and jealous. Nothing like sibling rivalry. These days of course, we meant them as a joke to remind us of the yesteryears.
I spent the day changing motorheads of our boat with dad. It had been awhile since we took it out in the open, perhaps if we were in Florida then, I would have suggested it to him but we weren't. We went to a local garage and bought some new parts and it was hard work but I enjoyed myself immensely. Got crude oil stains all over, topped with stupid blabbers from the both of us. I have to admit that working on motor parts are mostly dad's and Aaron's interest. I enjoyed just getting my toes wet.
"Now comes the giant part." Dad exclaimed as we were left with one last task to do. To carry the heart of the ship. Okay, to those who don't know what I meant, I was talking about the mother engine itself.
Since we didn't have the help of ultra cool machines to carry it for us, we have to do the labour ourselves. That was when the cat was let out of the bag.
"On my count?" Dad asked.
"Yeah." I nodded and we squatted down, hands gripped firmly on the machine. It was then that I remembered one tiny detail. Carry the thing at the count of three or after three? I didn't ask him though cause he was already counting 'two' and by three, I pulled that thing with all my might and found the heavy weight bore by myself.
Okay, so it should have been after three.
The reaction was immediate, once I had that heavy weight added, the strain of every muscles in my body screamed back their disapproval. Dad was quick to aid and even though the strain had lasted for mere seconds, the damage was done.
I couldn't hold a spanner if my life depended on it. The only way to stop the pain was to curl myself up or take that pill. Both of which I couldn't do right then. I knew I couldn't stay there for long before I passed out or cry shamelessly from the torture.
"Son, are you okay?" That was my first cue that I wasn't such a good actor.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"You spaced out." He frowned.
"What's new?" I said, covering it up with a lame joke. He smiled and shook his head.
"If you say so Nick. Now, could you get that tool box over, we need to tighten up the screws and then we're done."
I couldn't say a word, just turned and walked away and prayed that I would make it to the tool table that was just a few steps away. The toolbox, something that I had no problems carrying, seemed too much for me then. It was like carrying a baby elephant. Not that I had carried one before.
"Okay, hand me the spanner." I heard dad say and in my daze, I balanced the toolbox in one hand and pried it open with the other. I knew how spanners looked like and found it easily. I handed it over to him but it slipped out of my hand before he could even reached for it.
The ear-piercing noise that come out of that impact was the last straw. I gasped as the first spasm of pain hit me. The toolbox dropped from my hand and everything came spilling out, creating more ear-piercing screams. Something heavy hit my leg but I couldn't care less. That was nothing compared to the torture my body was put into.
I remembered looking at my dad, he was blurry from the tears that were welling up in my eyes. I remembered reaching out for him, thinking he was the last support to stop me from falling. I doubt I ever reached him though because I remembered falling and hitting the ground hard. Forget the machine, use that screw driver on my brain, I was pretty sure I had some screws loose in there.
"Nick, stay with me okay son, don't sleep." My dad said, and I was brought back to that hotel room when AJ had said that to me. I guess I had taken this illness lightly. I should really read through the pamphlets they gave me.
I heard dad screaming for my mom and I thought that was not a good move. I mean, my mom is the queen of freak outs, what could she do? But dad seemed to know this and told her to stay by my side as he made that 911 call. Soon, my sisters were in on the action too.
"Dad you can't call 911, everyone will know and they won't leave Nick alone. We can drive him to the ER, it's faster that way." It is a no brainer that BJ inherited the brains and I inherited the looks...okay, fine, I inherited the creativity.
"Mom, Nicky's bleeding." I heard Leslie cry out and part of me was wondering what the hell? I couldn't remember much after that until I felt dad and BJ pulling me up and dragging me to the back of the car.
I saw the blood staining our garage and as dad sped away like he was in the Grand Prix, I still couldn't understand where all that blood came from.