Two things surprised me right then. First, the alarm clock showed it was only nine in the morning. It is a sin to wake up that early on your downtime, that' s what I always said to the guys. Second, there was a sticky note for me.
I'm in the kitchen making breakfast, if you're up early, I promise to leave you something. And YELL if you need any help, don't go hero on me baby.
It was all that I needed to get me up and have that shower. I feel rather bad though, for doubting my own girlfriend. Women, why is it so hard to understand them?
-
Mandy was on the phone in the kitchen when I got there. Her back was facing me so she couldn't see my approaching figure. She was talking almost in a whisper, the cordless phone pinned in between her shoulder and her ear while she sat on the stool bar, busy scribbling something on a piece of paper. Often, she would nod her head, as if the person on the other line could see her action. A few 'u huh' and 'could you repeat that again?' were heard.
Not wanting to disturb her (she might be talking to her manager, NEVER disturb her then), I pulled out a chair quietly and sat facing the dining table, where surprisingly, chicken broth met my eyes.
"Okay thanks Howie, I hope I get it all right."
I felt the tires screech in my head. Like, whoa, wait a sec, pull over, did I hear right? My girlfriend was on the phone with Howie D? Lets face it, none of the guys really approve of our relationship and I could only be thankful that they were so subtle about it when I was around, but I've caught them talking about us behind my back and I know they could never in this lifetime be buddies with her.
"Thanks, I will definitely give you a call if I miss something, bye."
If she was really talking to Howie D in the civil manner of which I had just witnessed, I would down this chicken broth, no whining whatsoever.
"Hey you, how long have you been there?" She walked over like nothing just happened. "I didn't hear you came in."
"I just got here, didn't want to disturb your phone call." She was wearing one of my shirts and her shorts, it meant we were staying in today. "Were you talking to Howie?"
She giggled. "Is that so hard to believe?"
Duh!
"Kinda."
She took the seat next to mine and turned sideways so I could see her better, not that there was something wrong with my eyesight, the hernia made it difficult to move around much.
"I saw all these medicines on the table and I realized I didn't know what to do with them. And I knew you probably didn't know what they were for either since you were kinda off when I came back last night. So I called Howie."
"How would you know that Howie knew what to do with them?"
She gave me that look that said 'come on, I'm not blonde', which should really have bothered me since I am blonde but that thought didn't cross my mind at that time. "Before I left the hospital yesterday, I asked them who had brought you home and they said Mr. Dorough. Unless there's another Dorough family you're keeping secret from me, my bet was on Howie."
I nodded and ate my chicken broth.
Surprisingly, it was edible.
-
My spirits were dampened a little by mid afternoon when I started to feel rather weak and didn't want to do anything except lye on my back. After breakfast, I received a text message from BJ asking me if I had talked to mom about the mortgage to the house because she overheard her saying to dad that they shouldn't keep letting me pay for it if I wasn't planning to go back home anytime soon.
It was all down hill from there.
Mandy was constantly busy on the phone with her Manager, often I would hear her voice raised a little, not exactly happy with whatever it was they were discussing. It wouldn't be exaggerating to say that by then we were both exhausted. She from work and I from plain irritating hernia.
I switched off the television and the living room immediately fell silent. I always wondered why I had to buy such a huge house when we were the only two living souls in there. Most of the time, I wouldn't even be home and recently, Mandy had her fair share of living in hotel rooms too. Before the whole Backstreet Boys thing happened, my family and I were practically living in a trailer but even then, I was always surrounded by someone's voice or laughter. I loved the feeling of being in the centre of a crowd, knowing I was never alone. I guess that's why I feel at home on stage.
I don't know why mom sounded so sad when she said I was never going home again since she was the one who told me not to. I don't want to appear at the doorstep only to be told that I wasn't welcome there. I thought I was doing everyone a favour, so why was she saying all that stuff behind my back and made it sound like I was the bad guy?
Am I a bad guy?
I decided I couldn't sit there any longer, it was suffocating me, everything around me seemed to be suffocating me these days. I was only thankful that Mandy had suddenly been so nice and understood where I was. I pushed myself up and attempted to stand. Of course, I wasn't counting on the sudden dizzy spell. What was it that the doctor had advised me?
I didn't make it up to our room, I took a turn to our game room and landed myself on the single bed there. It was meant to be for times when I would worship the Playstation until the wee hours of the morning and would be too tired to get up to our room and crash there instead.
Closing my eyes, I wished I could just yell out my frustration and be done with it. I wished I could just tell my mom what I really felt and thought and then pray for the best that she didn't disown me. And I'm not so gullible, I know my girlfriend well and I know that the nice treatment she was giving me now would come with a heavy price. I didn't know what that would be, I just hoped for once, I was wrong.
“Baby, are you okay?”
I was glad that I didn't jump out of the bed in fright; Mandy should learn a thing or two about surprising people like that. My eyes flew opened, only to be met with a rather blurred image of her. It was then that it hit me that I was crying. Not a full blown cry mind you, just enough to get my eyes all misty and red I bet.
“I'm not feeling too well, I'm gonna take a nap. Are you going out?”
“Nope. Hang on." She said and then ran out of there so fast I thought she was going to call 911 on me. But she came back seconds later with a handful of medicine stuff.
“Howie said you should start on the medication once you start feeling like crap again.” She popped a pill from a green bottle and handed it to me. "I didn't know what it was called but basically, it's painkiller. They give only five of these, to be taken once a day, after that, like Howie said, your on your own buddy. Not the kind of words you'd wanna hear but life's a bitch like that."
I smirked and swallowed that pill in a second. I forgot that Mandy could be funny sometimes, that was one of the things I liked about her.
“The doctor said you have to really take care of yourself for the next week or two, at least until the swelling is gone. You can't afford to fall sick or you won't be able to take that surgery.”
Where was I when he said all this stuff? I doubt I was really out of it when Howie brought me home.
“I'm fine, really. Just tired I guess.”
She smiled, knowing that it would be pointless to argue with me when I was practically half asleep. “Okay hotshot, lay back, I'm gonna apply this ointment on your bruise; it's suppose to help.”
Nodding back lazily, I let her push my shirt up a little while she poured a little of that ointment on the bruise. It felt cool to the touch, like a mint feeling to it. How did I get this messed up? I was only nineteen and already drinking my ass off like a pro. I let our management work our asses off. I know I shouldn't complain, that hard work is the key to success but I always thought we were told to do more than we should. Kevin didn't say a word though so I didn't dare to speak up. It's easier for Kevin, germs seem to hate him for some reason. He rarely gets sick, proving once again that he's not human.
“Nicky?”
“Hmm…”
“I've been thinking about what you said last night.”
Which one?
“What about?”
“About how you thought you failed to show how much you loved your family and me.”
Oh boy here we go again. Please let me hear something positive, I don't think I could handle any more arguments, at least not in this condition. By then, she was done applying the ointment and was pulling my shirt back down. I moved further in the bed and motioned for her to come up. She sat on the edge of the bed next to me, took my hand and placed it on her lap, massaging it a little. I had to fight to stay awake, it was that soothing.
“Howie said that you were stressing yourself too much, that it's partly the reason why you got this hernia. And I know how much you're troubled with your family issues and I wasn't being supportive either.”
Unsure what to say to that, I kept silent, my eyes dropping their gaze from her green eyes and down to the hand that she was massaging.
“I was thinking that once you're healthy enough, you should go there for a visit. Don't talk about what you should choose, just go there and have some family reunion time or whatever.”
If she had said that to me a few weeks ago, it would have mattered, it would have helped, but now, I didn't think it would help. But I was surprised nonetheless, that it was Mandy who had gave in and not my mother. “Baby, that's very thoughtful of you, but I don't think I'll be taking that trip. My mom wouldn't even talk to me on the phone.”
“And it's my fault.” She sighed. “Trust me Nick, no mother would ever want to throw her son away, especially not Jane. She's just hurt, trust me, when she sees you on the doorstep, she'll give you a hug in an instant.”
I hoped she was right because I was dying to see my family again. I wasn't sure if it would ever the same for us, but to meet them again would be a start.
I have a feeling that Aaron was beginning to blame me too. Normally, he would be calling me by now, asking why I didn't get my ass down there when I had all the time in the world right then.
“We'll see about that once I'm feeling better, right now, all I want is a nap. Thanks babe.”
She smiled and stopped massaging my hand, instead, she was intertwining my fingers with hers. She took a deep breath before looking back at me, the smile finally gone and replaced by a serious looking Mandy. “And if you died that day, even if we had parted in anger, I would still know that you loved me, no doubt about it…at all. Don't ever think that you failed at loving me okay honey? You love me more than enough, sometimes it feels like I am the one who fails to show you how much I really care.”
Well, I know now.
I gripped her hand then, hoping that it would somehow assure her that whatever I was about to say next, I meant. “You have a way to show me you care, believe me. Most people wouldn't be able to see or understand it, but I do. It's all that matters.”
She bent over and gave me a light kiss on the lips. It must have felt horrible for her though, because my lips were dry and I was kind of warm, but she never showed any discomfort though. She brought my hand that was still intertwined with her fingers up to her lips and gave it a light kiss and smiled. “ We can overcome this together. I love you.”
“I love you more.”
She left soon after, making me promise that I would go to sleep just like I said I would and not be tempted to start bowing to the Lord of Playstation. That wasn't difficult to do though, because just the mere thought of sitting up and facing the screen brought a nauseous wave to my throat.
I was *this* close to finding slumber land when I felt the vibration of my cell phone next to me. [I bring it everywhere I go, for obvious reasons]. AJ was on the line and I groaned inwardly. If this was going to be one of those how are you holding up phone calls, I might just fall sick for real.
“This better be good J.”
“So it's true then.” AJ replied. I wondered who was talking around in circles then.
“About what?”
“You're sick.”
“No I'm not, I'm sleepy. What gave you that idea?”
“BJ's been calling me dude, she wants me to check up on you.” Now why would my sister do something like that? Why couldn't she just ask me herself?
“She could have called me.”
“She did, like for the hundredth time…at least that's what she said.”
“She called? I didn't get anything.” Strange.
“Yeah man, she said Mandy answered all hundred times and told her not to disturb you cause you were not feeling well. She said she felt guilty for sending you some text message of some sort about your mother. Dude, are you alright?”
Yeah, I'm fine. Sure.
“Yeah, I'm cool. Look, don't sweat about it, I'll ring her up right now.”
“Okay man. Hey listen, I'll be free tomorrow so I will swing by your place if that's cool with you.”
“Sure, I'll be home. We can shoot some hoops or something.”
AJ chuckled. “Although it's so tempting to take that offer and get your ass kicked, I'd rather not. We'll just chill okay bro?”
Yeah sure, that would work too.
“Okay.”
I didn't call BJ soon after like I said I would. Suddenly, I had no desire to sleep, or do anything much. How something so beautiful and perfect could turn ugly in a space of less than fifteen minutes? Just a phone call and the dream that I foolishly allowed to build around me shattered into millions of pieces.
Beyond the thin wall that separated this room to the rest of the house, I could hear Mandy's light footfalls as she made her way from one room to another, doing God knows what. Sometimes she would break into soft hums of random songs, some I knew and some I had no idea who sang them. And then I could hear her punching in the numbers and making numerous phone calls for the meetings she would have to go through with her record company the next day.
And I laid there wondering what my girlfriend was really up to.
Here comes destruction.
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