Because I am currently attending Texas A&M, this page is here to prove that some of the best medicine for the soul is to truly laugh at onself. However, to offset the anguish that I may experience by this endeavor, I must further refer you to the jokes about texas university.
After the Apollo moon missions, researchers the world over were putting in applications with NASA for pieces of moon rock. The Aggies were late in getting theirs in and NASA had run out of rocks. So one of the NASA officials went out into a field and picked up a cow patty, gave it to the Aggies and told them that it was a moon rock. A few months later Texas A&M announced that they had conclusively proven that the cow did jump over the moon.
There's an Aggie a Longhorn and a Rice Owl. They're trapped on a deserted island 100 miles away from mainland. The Rice Owl decides to swim for help. He swims 25 miles can't take it any more so he drowns. The Longhorn starts to swim and he swims 50 miles and drowns. The Aggie swims 80 miles can't take it any longer, so he swims back to the island.
An Aggie goes into a barber and wants a hair cut. The Aggie is wearing headphones and the barber says "You're going to have to take off those headphones." The Aggie replies "Oh, just shave around them." The barber does this. Two weeks later the same thing happens. Again the Aggie won't take off his headphones. So the barber just shaves around them. Two weeks later the barber gets furious when the Aggie says this, so he picks up and throws the headphones across the room. He starts to cut his hair but pretty soom the Aggie falls over dead. The barber walks over to the headphones, puts them up to his ear, and hears, "Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out."
An Aggie met a girl and after a whirlwind romance, they were married. The day after their wedding, the Aggie went to play golf. He told his wife that he hoped she didn't mind him coming home late; he was a golfer and he liked to play until dark. The wife replied that she was a hooker and she would be home late also. "Really, is it your grip or your stance?"
Acrimony - What a man gives is divorced wife.
An Aggie who walks in to an appliance store and says "I would like to buy that TV." The clerk says "sorry sir we don't serve Aggies." The next day the Aggie comes in dressed as his grandma and says, "hi there sweety i would like to buy that TV." The clerk says 'I'm, sorry ma'am we don't serve Aggies." The next day the same Aggie comes in dressed as his grandpa and says "Hey there sonny I'd like to buy that there TV set" the clerk says "Sorry sir but we don't serve Aggies." The Aggie yanks of his wig and says" I've come here three days dressed as my grandma and my grandpa all I wanna do is buy the TV! how did you know it was me?" Well sir that there is a microwave.
An Aggie goes to church and the pastor was talking to them about buying a chandelier for the church. The Aggie gets up and says "I don't think anybody could play it, if we got one. What we really need is more light in this place."
There was an Aggie who got tired of everyone making fun of her so one night she decided to memorize every capitol of every state. The next day when she was at work, some co-workers were making fun of her. She march right up to them and said, "I resent being made fun of so I did something that no one would do. I memorized every capitol of every state. A co-worker did not believe her so she said, "Try me." "OK," said the co-worker, "what is the capitol of Wyoming?" She smiled and said, "W."
There were four Aggies that were at the gates of heaven waiting anxiously to get in. Saint Peter told them that you will have to answer one question before you come in. The question was: What is the true meaning of Christmas. The first Aggie said that it's when you dress up in scary costumes and go get candy. St. Peter said, "Go to hell" and it was so. The next Aggie said that it's when you invite a lot of friend over and shoot off fireworks. "Go to hell." The next Aggie said it's when you buy a Christmas tree and put presents under it. "Go to hell." The last Aggie said, "Well, St. Peter, about 2000 years ago there was a baby boy born unto the Virgin Mary in a manger. For 36 years he preached the word of God unto thousands of people. He then hung on the cross for our sins. They put his body in a tomb where he rested. The next day he came out and saw his shadow."
Did you hear about the Aggie who asked what time Midnight Practice began?
An Aggie taveling to a new job didn't show up on the first day. His supervisor called and asked what happened? The Aggie replied, "I'm stuck in my motel room. There are only 3 doors in here, one is the closet, another is the bathroom, and the last one has a sign on it that says DO NOT DISTURB."
Two Aggie former students decide to have a reunion. One decides to visit the other one living in a big town. The visiting Aggie gets lost and calls his friend, "Hey buddy, I am coming over but I am lost and have no idea where I am." His friend replies, "It's okay, just look at the street intersection, there will be two signs, read them to me." The lost one looks over and then says, "Okay, okay, I see them, one says 'Walk', the other one says 'Do not walk'." "Oh good, you are right down the street. I'll be over to pick you up."
This Aggie goes into a doctor's office all cut up and bruised and the doctor say, "My goodness, what happened to you?" and the Aggie says, "Well I was in this horse race and I fell off my horse. And then the horse started jumping up and down on top of me." And the doctor says, "That must have been terrible!" and the Aggie replies "I know. I could have been killed if the Wal-Mart man hadn't unplugged the machine."
These Aggies decide to go ice fishing, so they grab their gear and get a saw for the ice. They go to the ice and start sawing a hole when they hear a resounding voice from above "There are no fish there." So, they move over to another spot and start sawing again. Again they hear the voice "There are no fish there." Again they moved and started sawing away. For a third time they hear the voice, "There are no fish there."
In frustration they throw down their tools, look up and ask "Who is that? Is it God?"
Then, again over the intercome comes the voice, "No, dummy! This is the manager of the Galleria."
The CEO of a large company was celebrating his birthday. As a joke, several of his subordinates chipped in and bought the CEO a penguin and had it delivered to the corporate headquarters. The CEO, not wanting to offend his employees, accepted the penguin. He then told one of his Aggie employees to take the penguin to the zoo. The Aggie was not seen for the rest of the day. Later that evening, the Aggie showed up at the CEO's home with the penguin in tow. The CEO said "I thought I told you to take the pengiun to the zoo!". The Aggie replied "I did take the penguin to the zoo! He liked it so much I'm going to take him to the museum tomorrow!"
Two Aggies were duck hunting and they weren't getting any ducks so one Aggie asked the other one, "I wonder why we aren't getting any ducks?" The other Aggie says, "Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough."
An Aggie comes home from work and catches the wife in bed with his best friend so he goes to the nightstand, opens the drawer and pulls out a gun and puts it to his head. They both sit up and laugh. He responds "don't laugh, your next"
During deer season a far-sighted Aggie and his friend went hunting. The Aggie heard a crackle, shot into the brush, and injured his friend. Several hours later the Aggie saw the doctor who tried to save his friend's life. "Your friend would have survived if you hadn't gutted him," the doctor said bluntly.
An Aggie was riding an elevator to his apartment when the elevator stopped and a beautiful woman got on. After the doors closed she hit the STOP button and ripped of all of her clothes throwing them in a pile on the floor. 'Make me feel like a woman', she says.The Aggie says OK rips off his clothes, throwing them on her pile of clothes. 'Alright', he said 'do the laundry.'
Artery = the study of fine painting