"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid
and deeds left undone."
Harriet Beecher Stowe
To My Son, Josh
Go ahead and mention my loved one,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending they didn't exist,
I'd rather you mention my loved one
Knowing that they have been missed.
You asked me how I was doing
I say "pretty good" or "fine"
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
by Elizabeth Dent
"Suicide is not Chosen; it happens when pain exceeds the resources for
coping with pain. "
Welcome to my website for my Angel Child, Josh. I lost Josh age 15 to teenage suicide on November 6, 1996. I wanted to dedicate a site for him in his honor. If some of the pages take a moment to download, please wait for them, for these are from a Mother's heart...thanks.. !
First I just want to tell you a little about my son Josh. He is my firstborn child. The first to call me Mom, the one who taught me about life thru a child's eyes. I loved this child from the moment that the Dr. said "you're pregnant !." He was an easy pregnancy and birth for his Mother. After I had him, I even said I will do that again...lol..When they put him in my arms my whole world changed. "I" didn't matter anymore, I had a new role to play. I wanted to go inside this little child's body I was so in awe and in love. I wanted the sun to rise and fall on this little boys life. He taught me things as he grew that I will never forget, and that helped me later when his little brother was born. As he grew older, we grew closer, we had a fun mother-son relationship. We had the same sense of humor so we knew how to get each other. He was also very protective of me, I always called him my Guardian Angel, little did I know that this fact would really become true. He hated to make me angry with him, he never wanted to hurt me. That is why in my heart I know that he had no idea of what he was doing when he took himself from me and his family. I have to think that even though he looked older (and thought he knew everything, of course) he was still just a child. He would have never taken his life if he had of known what this has done to all of us, especially me. I know in my heart that he is sorry, I forgave him the moment I heard he was gone and how. I had to, to just survive. My life is not the same, it never will be. I miss Josh with all my heart and soul. I look at pictures and wonder where this little boy of mine went. Where did all the time go, he grew up before my eyes, and I can't except that I will never hold, kiss, touch or smile and laugh with this child again. The longing to do these things are so overwhelming at times, so painful, that it is hard to breathe. To try to answer his brother and sisters and cousins questions as to why, rips my heart out again and again. To try to explain death of any kind to a child is terrible, but to explain suicide to young children who don't have a clue, is heart breaking. I can see in their eyes that they want answers, but I don't have any. I gave up asking why along time ago, because I will never know the answer, plus it doesn't even matter anymore, nothing will bring my son back to me. So Josh, baby this is for you. I will have your memory and your name remembered by others. I want them to still mention your name, your name is music to my ears. You are so missed and I love you
Now and Forever....
Love and Missing You,
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free...I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard His call, I turned my back and left it all.
I couldn't stay another day, To laugh, to love, to work, or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way...I found my peace at the end of the day.
If my parting has left a void...Then fill it with remembered joy !!
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss...Ah yes, these things I too will miss !!
Be not burdened with times of sorrow...I wish you the sunshines of tomorrow.
My lifes's been full, I savored much...Good friends, good times, and a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my life seemed all too brief...Don't lengthen it now with undo grief.
Lift up your hearts and share with me...God wanted me now; He set me free !!!
The most visited page I have listed is the "Just Josh's Mom" pages. It is where I write letters to Josh. I speak honest and open about my grief and pain. I have combined those pages into 1 now. If you are grieving a child, you will find in these pages you are not alone.
Please click onto the Christmas Tree if you have lost someone to suicide and want to remember them in a special way at the Holidays.
Please take a moment to sign my guestbook. I read every entry and I love to know whose been to see Josh.
Website born on August 28, 1998
You can click on above logo to go visit other websites of teens that are now gone to various causes. It is just not a contest or voting site.
EMAIL ADDRESS UPDATE~~~~
I have a new email address also in addition to the one mentioned below.....you can now email me at email@example.com