This page is dedicated to my husband Alan. Without him I don't know where I would be. Lost, is just one thing I would be. Alan and I were only married 6 short months when Josh took his life. It wasn't the easiest start at all to a new marriage. Alan stayed with me all along, helping me in any way he could, emotionally, physically and mentally. He is no doubt a gift from God. Alan is my sons' stepfather. I want to take out the word "step" because he is really a Father. Below is something I wrote in a newsletter to a group called AngelMoms that I am involved in. We were dedicating the month of June to fathers.



My dedication this month is also for the Fathers. But I am not talking about the biological Fathers, I am speaking of the step fathers. The "Fathers" that step up to plate when the biological Dad won't or don't in their children's lives. I am talking about the ones that comfort the Mothers when they lose child that isn't theirs physically, but they are theirs emotionally. I am talking about the ones that take the kids to places and watch them play sports and dance recitals, cheering them on proudly. The ones that tuck them into bed at night and read books until the little eyes are shut. The ones that say "my son" or my "my daughter" because they are proud to be able to say that. The ones that don't take advantage of the children, they appreciate them. The ones that want to be around them and love them unconditionally. There is lots of lots of these "Dads" out there, and I thank God everyday for my son's stepfather. Like someone said before...."Anyone can be a Father, but only a few can be called Dad." Thank you to all the "Stepdad Dads..." we appreciate you....



Alan I love you very much and I appreciate you even more. Because of you I have been able to grief the way I should over Josh. You allow me to feel things I have to feel or need to feel. Josh may not have been yours biologically and you didn't have long to know him, but you still remember him with me. When you started racing and put the #15 on your car, that was for Josh and I thank you for that. It was just a little way to show me you care. When you helped me plant the Memory Tree (for Suicide Survivors) that showed me you care. When I want to get involved in things regarding suicide, you help me. When I lost the pregnancy of our baby, you stood with me and cried. You held my hand thru the surgery and took care of me physically and emotionally. We wanted that little one so badly, but it helped me grief to know that you stood next to me and grieved with me. We haven't had it the easiest, but we have love and that has kept us going. Always know that I love you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are a great friend, husband and Dad. I love you....



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Email: msbbsitter@aol.com