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And the raven was called sin. Carrie. The
classic coming of age film. Girl gets period. Girl becomes hysterical.
Peers mock girl.Girl seeks solice in fanatically religious mother. Fanatically
religious mother accuses girl of sin and locks her in the closet to repent.
What girl hasn't experienced this? Who's heart didn't cry out "Finally!
Someone understands me!" while watching the locker room scene as Carrie's
classmates hurled sanitary
napkins at her shouting "Plug it up!"? Who didn't completely identify
with Carrie as her mother smacked her on the forehead with a bible and
forced to repeat bible verses ("And the raven was called sin.").
Carrie was naive, to say the least. In the book (Stephan King), Carrie's
coach ultimately had to place the pad for her. Carrie was not educated
in the art of plugging
the hole up. I am. Let me share this knowledge with you.
Plugs:
 Tampons |
Tampons. Fun Fun. Jam it up there. Forget about it until you start
puking up your guts due to toxic shock syndrome. A little to sophisticated
for Carrie.
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Pads |
Carrie's plug of choice. Easy, messy, disgusting.
The adolescent diaper.
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Newsprint |
Remember the three R's? Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Read it, crumple it,
and plug it up. It's thrifty.
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Kittens |
Awwww...who can resist a cute, furry, little,
wide-eyed, kitten? Who can stand by as it sits at your feet, staring adoringly
up at you? Who can stifle the urge to pick it up, scratch its furry little
head, and shove it directly up your twat, ceasing the flow of old eggs
and bits of fallopian tube?
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Cellular phones |
A good place to store the damn bulky things AND
a way to stop the blood. Yay! If it's a heavy flow day, try a larger phone
(ever seen Zack's on Saved By The Bell?). And if it's got a vibrate
setting....lucky you.
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Assorted Candies |
Mmmmmm...delish. Colorful. And if you get a chocolate craving (damn, out-of-control hormones), a short trip to the bathroom will have you on your way again. |
