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Seminole Jokes


Top 50 FSU Jokes on the Net!!!!!!!

1. What do the Seminoles call the "ederly"?

A: Coach

2. What did the FSU grad say to the UF grad?

A: Want fries with that?

3. What do you get when you fill out the full activities sheet at Dennys?

A: An FSU diploma.

4. What do you call a trailer park surrounded by a brick wall?

A: Doak Campbell Stadium.

5. What's the difference between FSU cheerleaders and The Titanic?

A: Only 1,000 went down on The Titanic.

6. Why did indians protest the Sugar Bowl from being played in the Superdome?

A: It's a sacred Seminole burial ground.

7. How do you get from Tallahassee to Gainesville?

A: North to you smell it, West until you step in it.

8. How many 'Noles does it take to fix a flat tire?

A: 1 if it's a slow leak, 52 if it's a blow-out.

9. What's the best thing to come out of Tallahassee?

A: I-10

10. Why did the Bears want to sign Sammy Smith?

A: They got rid of the refrigerator, and they wanted a Coke machine.

11. Why'd they take out the turf in Doak Campbell?

A: The 'Noles always play better on grass.

12. What do you get when you drag a $1000 bill in the housing projects?

A: An FSU recruiting trip.

13. How do you make a Nole sit during a football game?

A: Tell them that they are playing Florida.

14. Why do FSU receivers wear wristbands?

A: To keep the handcuffs fromk chaffing.

15. How do you get an FSU cheerleader into your room?

A: Apply a lot of grease and push.

16. Who is the Seminoles new defensive coordinator?

A: Johnny Cochran.

17. What does a groundhog get when he sees a 'Nole

A: 6 weeks of bad football.

18. Why did FSU replace the grass with cardboard at Doak Campbell?

A: They always look better on paper.

19. Why can't they have a Nativity scene in Tallahassee?

A: They can't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

20. Did you hear about the FSU graduate running the Fortune 500 company?

A: Me neither.

21. How many Seminoles does it take to screw in a lighbulb?

A: One, but he gets four credits for doing it.

22. How do you make Seminole cookies?

A: Put them in a bowl and beat them for 2 and a half-3 hours.

23. How many Seminoles does it take to screw in a lighbulb?

A: One, but he gets four credits for doing it.

24. What does FSU and marijuana have in common?

A: They both get smoked in a bowl.

25. How do you get an FSU graduate off your porch?

A: Pay for the pizza.

26. What do you do when an FSU alum throws a gernade at you?

A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

27. What do you get when cross Monica Lewinsky and the 'Noles?

A: A team that can't swallow after they blow the big ones.

28. What do you call a drug ring in Tallahassee?

A: The huddle.

29. A mortician and his newly appointed apprentice were working late one night embalming dead bodies. The mortician told the appentice he was going to go to the kitchen and grab something to eat. The apprentice, excited at his first chance to emblam a body rolled the cadaver over and got to work. He then noticed a cork stuck in the cadavers assshole. Bewildered he pulled the cork out and suddenly the seminole fight song started playing from the dead bodies asshole. He quickly put the cork back in and went to go get the mortician. The mortician ran in and and the apprentice explained what had just happened. The mortician pulled out the cork out of the bodies ass and the same thing happened. The mortician then answered "So what? I've heard that song come out of a hundreds of thousands of assholes."

30. Why are so many rednecks Seminoles?

A: There's not much difference between a trailer and a Tee-Pee.

31. What's the best way to break a 'Noles finger?

A: Punch him in the nose.

32. How do you save a Seminole from drowning?

A: Lift your foot off his head.

33. What do average FSU players get on their SAT?BR>
A: Drool.

34. An FSU fan was driving from Tallahassee to Gainesville at the same time a UF fan was driving from Gainesville to Tallahassee. It was very late at night and there were no other cars on the road. About half way between the two cities, they collided with one another. The accident scene was horrible. The cars were at opposite sides of the road all twisted and mangled. The Nole scrambled from his car and looked around at the mess. "I can't believe I lived through this accident!" He thought to himself.The Gator got out of his car and checked out the scene. "Boy, God must really be looking over me! I can't believe I lived through this." He thought. Finally, the Nole walks over to the Gator and says, "This must be a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and stop being arch enemies." The Gator says, "I think you're right. Let's drink to our newfound friendship." Then the Gator pops the trunk of his car and pulls out a full bottle of Jack Daniels. He takes the top off and hands it to the Nole fan. After drinking about half of the bottle, the Nole fan hands it back to the Gator. "You're turn," he says. The Gator fan screws the lid back on the bottle and says, "Nah, I think I'll wait for the police."

35. What's the difference between a porcupine and a room full of 'Noles?

A: The pricks are on the outside.

36. Did you hear Bobby Bowden was in the hospital?

A: Yea, his blood pressure was 52-20.

37. How do you keep a Seminole from masturbating?

A: Paint his balls orange and blue; he won't beat it for years.

38. What's the difference between an FSU cheerleader and a Corvette?

A: Not everyone's been in a Corvette.

40. What's the difference between an elephant and an FSU cheerleader?

A: A couple hundred pounds.

41. How do you make up the difference?

A: Fore-feed the elephant.

42. Why do Seminoles wear loincloths?

A: They have nothing to hide.

43. Did you hear about the 'Nole shooting craps?
A: He hit his toilet.

44. How many 'Noles does it take to roof a house?
A: 3 if you slice them real thin.

45. Why does Bobby Bowden wear those ugly ass hats?
A: To hide the circumcision scars.

46. Three football fans were driving along when they noticed a body in the underbrush. Stopping their car, the three guys ran over to see what they could do. Unfortunately they were too late. They discovered the nude body of a deceased young woman. Being gentlemen, the first guy dropped his Hurricanes hat over one of her breasts. The second guy, a Gators fan, placed his hat over her other breast. The nole fan then placed his hat over the woman's very private part. Soon the police arrived. The coroner started checking over the body. He picked up the Hurricanes hat and quickly placed it back. He then picked up the Gator hat and returned it. Then he picked up the nole fan's hat, put it down, then picked it up again inspecting the hat more closely, and then put it down. Then he picked it up a third time. By this time, the nole fan was a bit irritated and he asked, "Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you some kind of pervert?" The coroner responded with a wry smile, "Boy, I can't figure this one out at all. Usually when I come across one of these $eminole hats, there's an asshole under it."
47. There were a Seminole and a Gator using the bathroom at the mall. Well, the Seminole starts to wash his hands,and the Gator starts to leave. The Seminole says, You must be from UF because at f.s.u they teach us to wash our hands.The Gator turns around and says, "Yeah well, at UF they teach us not to pee on ourselves."
48. What do you get when you cross a pig and a 'Nole?

A: Nothing, there are some things that even a pig won't do.

49. Peter Warrick, Sebastian Janikowski, and Lavernius Coles are in a car; who's driving?

A: The police.
50. What do you call a Seminole wearing a suit?

A: The defendant.

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