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The Western Samaria Tourist Board is pleased to tell you that at the moment, we have two unbelievable# and totally stunning offers. However, we must urge you to act quickly, because we can only offer these offers to a limited amount of people! So Hurry!
ALL YOUR MUSIC CATERED FOR
We, at the Western Samaria Tourist Board, has teamed up for a one off special offer with our friends at Dial-a-Retard International, and the North East Cleveland Music Service in England. We have teamed up to provide some sub standard varying quality musicians to play all your favourite wedding tunes, including the ever popular Wedding March. Unfortunately we can only offer these musicians at an extra price to the original payment and the prices, reflecting the quality of musician, are shown next to the short description.
Callus Mac:
Callus plays the french horn. He is a lazy, overweight man, who enjoys searching the internet for pictures of french horns. His friends are restricted, for health reasons, and this also may be due to the fact he only has one set of clothes. An important warning must be issued about this scary, but good natured man: if anyone is left alone with him, they may need counselling afterwards. Please click on the name for a picture of Callus.
Price: FREE
Timothy Jackopotty:
Known to his friends as 'Satan', or 'Jacko', this odd man likes to show off his skills on the violin at every available opportunity. Jacko is known for his depression as he has been recently demoted at work. Several important warnings must be issued. First, if this man attempts to talk to you, victims feel to urge to laugh out loud; second, Jacko is known for wearing dodgy jumpers; and third, a strange elf looking woman, namely his wife, follows him around who answers to the name of Annus . A reward is currently being offered for the capture of this insane elf-type woman. Please click on the name for a picture of Timothy.
Price: 10 000 Samarian Cents (to fully cover the cost of the jumper)
Stuart Greygrass:
This man smiles a lot and likes to embarrass people publicly. Stuart plays the trombone and will gladly pass any secrets on to others, which you may feel inclined to give him. Stuart is also renowned amongst the few people who know him for being able to put people off what ever they are doing, usually by staring at them. Please click on the name for a picture of Stuart.
Price: 45 600 000 Samarian Cents
Please Note: Although we provide the musician, you will need to provide the music stand (if needed), as the North East Cleveland Music Service do not have enough.
The Western Samaria Tourist Board hopes this guide to the sub standard deviant musicians is of value, and helps you make your choice.
ADD THAT EXTRA MIMED TOUCH
For a limited time only, not only can you have all the wonderful features previously described, but also you can have Jay from boy band Five popping in on your wedding to sing a solo version of Don't Wanna Let You Go, and he will also pop in on your wedding night, at a pre-determined designated moment, to sing a solo version of another song: You've Got The Feelin'.
Price: 901 Samarian Cents
To add any, or both, of these offers to your current package, just indicate that on the form.
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