Well, cutter, seems the planes're big enough to surprise even the graybeards from time t' time. Now, every planewalker worth the boots she wears knows of the big Four pathways of the planes (and canny ones ken that somethin' jest ain't right about havin' four of 'em)-the Rivers Oceanus an' Styx, Mt. Olympus, an' Yggdrasil, the World Ash. Some real bloods've even heard of other pathways-the Via Romana, the Steep Ascent, even other barmy rivers like the Cocytus, the Lethe, even the recently relocated Hister.

But is that all the Planes have to offer a sod? 'Course not, berk! Just as some whisper chant of planes tucked in the armpits o' the Outlands (Cordant Planes, they call 'em) and others seek a wayplane called the Ordial, there are those (like me, if ye haven't skegged that already) who know of other shortcuts around the 'Ring.

'Course now, it wouldn't do me any bit o' good t'go tellin' ye all my secrets at once, jig? Sure, linin' my palms with a few more stingers may seem well an' good now, but what about next month when I need jink to fill out my orders fer th' shop, eh? Better t'give ye a little and make ye slaver for the rest. Job security, y'know?

That's a basher. Now, jest because nobody never heard of these paths 'fore don't mean I'm scoopin' ye a puddle o' blek, jig? So listen up, rounder, an' ol' Gunther'll do ye right side o' Sixes.

The first path is easy 'nough t'find. See, th' parts of this traverse are so obvious it never occurred to nobody they might actually be eyebouncin' a path. That, and it's sodding well-guarded. Most of it, anyway. It's called The Ladder of Bones, and it extends in what somehow seems t'be a straight line. The top of the ladder is in the Outlands, so obvious it oughta bite a right hende planewalker on the nose for missin' it. See, the gatetown of Ribcage isn't situated in mountains that look like ribs. They are ribs. This is the 'safe' part of th' trip, what with only the guards of Ribcage slingin' arrows and dazzle-flash at ye. Starting at the top of one of the curvy spires (no cheating by startin' at the bottom, berk-it don't work that way) and climbing down brings a sod not to the ground but into Hell itself. Now, if Lord Paracs knew about it, he wouldn't be too jangled, likely, because the Ladder goes from the ribs of the Outlands town right onto the top of the Pillar of Skulls on Avernus. Needless to say, this is prob'ly a much more dangerous way into Baator than whatever garnishes a body has t'make to Paracs and his cronies, what with the heads all bitin' and gougin' at a sod an' screamin' for the fiends. But, if ye can make your way quick-like, it might, jest might, be less hassle. If ye can give th' fiends th' laugh, that is.

Now, t'continue along on down th' Ladder, a basher has to really screw up th' courage and worm his way down into th' ground where th' Pillar goes. When his feet disappear from sight (if he manages to survive bein' chewed on by countless soddin' disembodied heads, that is), he appears at th' next, an' prob'ly th' most dangerous part o' th' trip.

Canny bloods know t' give th' yugoloths a wide berth. Sometimes, however, fate ain't so kind as to cater to a sod's druthers. See, from the base of th' Pillar of Skulls, the Ladder of Bones goes to th' top of the horrific tower the 'loths call Khin-Oin, whispered by some t' be th' flayed spine of a god.

Yeah, I know.

And no, I ain't gonna describe what climbin' down Khin-Oin is like. Trust me, it ain't two things. Pretty, or easy. So, what's th' point? Why would any sod, barmy or no, ever want to take such an awful trip?

Th' answer is simple but profound, berk. See, there's a reason th' 'loths have such an intense interest in their Wasting Tower. Aye, maybe it's the spine of some Power or other what crossed 'em aeons ago, and sure as Sigil it's the nexus of their might, but ever ask 'why'? The reason is this, and it ain't no barkle: bashers what make th' entire climb from th' Outlands all th' way down to the base of Khin-Oin find that the base of th' Tower leads to one final place-the fabled Ordial Plane. Aye, th' plane's real, berk. Good luck gettin' there, though. Heh.

Paths Less Traveled, Pt. 2: The Skywalk