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La Dolce Vita Home
of the Park Road Wheelers. 
 
 
Special Thanks to Beth for
Organising the Jerseys
Link to Photos for the 2007 La Dolce Vita Jerseys
http://www.bubbleshare.com/album/125064
The Rider
The Douglas Interview Done at Park Poad 2008
CYCLING
LINKS (click here)
 
The 8 day tours start and
finish at Brisbane with an average distance of 60km to 80km per day.
MILTON – LA DOLCE VITA RIDES
Meeting Place: LA
DOLCE VITA Restaurant, 12/20 Park Road, Milton
Time: Various - As below.
Contact: N/A
Ride Type: Training rides
·
5:30 am Mt Coot-tha
·
5:30 am each weekday a group leaves for a 35k recovery
(slower) ride.
·
5:30 am
Wednesday 35km River ride
·
6:00 am
Wednesdays is a 30km very fast ride. Becomes a race from Indooroopilly to Sth
Brisbane.
The break is usually made after the new bikelane works just off the
bike bridge where slow single file
is necessary. Be prepared for speeds over 50
on the flats.
·
6:00 am Fridays
is a 30km hard ride.
·
5:30
am Fridays another bunch does a 35k recovery River ride.
·
6.00 am Saturdays (changing
to 6:30 after Easter)
is a 45km medium to hard ride.
·
6:15 Sunday
Paceline to the Airport and Nudgee Beach and is a 65km moderate to fast ride.
·
6:30 Sunday goes
to the Airport and Nudgee Beach and is a 65km moderate to fast ride.
Weather Forecast - click HERE (Bureau of Meteorology)
Pre Ride Rain Check
BRISBANE
METROPOLITAN AREA
 
Yvonne's girls rides (click here)
SOUTHBANK STAR CAFÉ SATURDAY
Meeting Place:
Star Café,
Little Stanley
St,
Southbank
Time: 6am
Contact: Steve Webster Ph: 3353 3893
Ride Type: Training, Fast and slow groups with
30 –50 each
group
Distance:
70k
Route: .
3 different
rides rotating weekly:
1.
Cleveland
Point, return via Manley, Wynnum
2.
Airport and
Nudgee Beach return
3.
Redcliffe
return.
(some
group 2 riders elect to turn round at Sandgate)
This ride is not for beginners. It is a well organized ride which concentrates
on improving riders’ bunch techniques.
If you
email Steve he will each week email you info on
the next ride– well worthwhile. Highly recommended for
developing roadies.
NUNDAH
CRITERIUM CIRCUIT TRAINING
Some Hamilton members are
meeting for training around 5pm on Wednesdays afternoons. But it’s a public
facility, so anyone’s welcome. Remember, cycling is in a clockwise direction
around the circuit. For more info
on the circuit, see:http://www.hamiltonwheelers.com/page2.html
ASPLEY
- ZUPPS RIDE SUNDAYS
Meeting Place:
Zupps car yard at Gympie Rd, Aspley. A group meets outside the RBH (hospital) on
Gympie Rd at 6am to ride to Zupps.
Time: 6:35am Sundays
Contact: N/A
Ride Type: Fast training ride
Distance: 80 km
Route: . The Zupps ride starts every Sunday morning of
the year at 6:35 am come rain hail or shine
and you’ll see everyone from
race-entry level up to elite. More riders join along the route and the peleton
can swell
to 100 riders. It heads north exiting onto Gympie Rd just before Bunnings, thru Bald Hills turning left to go thru
Strathpine, thru Petrie, left
off Anzac Ave into Narangba Rd and past Lakeside, turn right over the old
railway bridge
then left, along Burpengary Rd, all the way down Station Rd thru
Burpengary continuing straight ahead after the
roundabout, over the highway
overpass, then via Arthur Drewett Dve, Old Bay Rd, left onto Deception Bay Rd
and
up thru the Rothwell roundabout onto Anzac Avenue towards Redcliffe. It
usually becomes race pace within the
next few k’s. Exit left to Klingner Rd,
down the hill past PCYC, left into Ashmole, left into Griffiths, immediately
right
into Newport Dve, then right at the beach. The front bunch usually hammers
for nearly 20k as it follows the coast
around Scarborough, Redcliffe, Woody
Point and Clontarf where it eases up at the Hornibrook bridge, They follow the
beachfront thru Brighton to Sandgate (many stop here for a bakery and
coffee break). Most head for home from
Sandgate but some go around Shorncliffe
first. Total loop circuit distance back to Zupps is 80k without Shorncliffe.
This is a great social fast training ride with the opportunity to try and sit in
with the top guns around the Redcliffe
beachfront but riders need advanced bunch
riding skills and the pace can be too fast for some.
Got any rides Happening?
Let me know
I'll put them on this site, read my millions.
E-mail
Riding
in a group
Collisions and pile-ups can happen even
when
experienced riders are cycling in
a group.
Keep in mind these important points:
Look ahead and around you. Don't ride so close to the rider in front
that you can't see ahead of
them. If they try to avoid an obstruction and you
are not aware of their movements you may hit it or
run into them as they take
evasive action.
Ride predictably. Make it easier for those behind you by riding a
straight line at all times. Avoid swerving movements and when you do pull out to
pass or turn yell out "PASSING" to signal your intentions. The same goes for
braking and when you do stop move well off the road to allow others
a place to
ride. It's always good to yell out "STOPPING" to let those behind you that you
are slowing
to stop. This lets them take the necessary evasive action.
Keep your distance. Try to ride at least two bike lengths behind the
rider in front to allow enough
time and distance to escape from an impending
disaster up front. Remember: if your front wheel
tips the rear wheel of the bike
in front it is you who will fall!
Etiquette
For those taking part in their first cycle race on the road or who are new
to group training, there are a few points you should be aware of to avoid
falls and to gain the confidence of others around you:
Be
predictable with all your actions.
Maintain a steady straight line and avoid braking or changing direction
suddenly, especially if contesting a sprint. Remember that there are riders
following you closely from behind. To slow down, gradually move out into
the wind and slot back into your position in the bunch.
Point out and call out any road hazards ahead. These include potholes,
drain grates, stray animals, opening car doors, sticks or stones, parked
cars, etc.
Do
not overlap wheels.
A slight direction change or gust of wind could
easily cause you to touch wheels and fall. Pedal down hill when you are at
the front of the bunch. Cyclists dislike having to ride under brakes. If
you freewheel down hill you are doing as much good as sitting in your
lounge chair.
Stay
to the left when in front
to
allow room for others to pass safely on
your right, particularly in traffic. Pass other riders on the right hand
side whenever possible.
Be
smooth with your turns
at the front of the group. Avoid surges unless
trying to break from the bunch. A group will travel quicker when turns are
completed smoothly.
Avoid leaving gaps when following wheels.
Cyclists save about 30% of their
energy at high speed by following a wheel. Each time you leave a gap you
are forcing yourself to ride alone to bridge it. Also, riders behind you
will become annoyed and ride around you, especially if the bunch is working
together to break away or catch a break in a race.
When
climbing hills, avoid following a wheel too closely.
Many riders often
lose their momentum when rising out of the saddle on a hill which can cause
a sudden deceleration. This can often catch a rider who is following too
closely, resulting in a fall from a wheel touch.
Don't panic if you brush shoulders, hands or bars with another rider.
Try
to stay relaxed in your upper body to absorb any bumps. This is a part of
cycle racing in close bunches and is quite safe provided riders do not
panic, brake or change direction.
Don't get agro,
remember why you started cycling? For fun! Keep it that way,
if someone gives you a mouthfull just smile and wave and have a great day!
I
Just had a quick look at your page, re your Etiquette section
I would have in there a
bit on Half Wheeling
There's nothing more annoying
when riding two abreast than to have some prick half wheel you,
ie no matter what you do, he keeps quarter to half a length in front of you,
after all a two abreast ride is a tempo ride, not a race
Regards JB
NO
HALF WHEELING
When you finally
make it to the front, don’t ‘half wheel’. This means keeping half a wheel in
front
of your partner. This automatically makes your partner speed up slightly to pull
back along side
you. Often half wheelers will also speed up, so the pace of the bunch invariably
speeds up as the
riders behind try to catch up. This is the very annoying symptom usually
of somebody who is a
bit nervous and excited. Not wanting the rest of the group to end up not being
next to each other
in their pairs, (or not wanting the other guy to think that he's better than
you), you speed up to
match his pace. But, he still needs to be that little bit in front so he speeds
up - again, until
everyone in the bunch has gone up two or three gears and 10km/hr and no one is
particularly
happy. REMEDY - when you are second wheel, make sure you know the general speed
of the
bunch, when you go to the front, keep your speed around the same, and keep your
wheels and handlebars in line with the person next to you.
DON'T LEAVE
PEOPLE ALONE AT THE ROADSIDE
If somebody gets
a puncture or mechanical, either the whole bunch should wait with him or her
and make sure they have everything for the repair and are OK. Courteous riders
will wait with the
person and then
help them to pace back onto the bunch. Of course it will depend on the length
of the ride and the distance from the destination.
LOOK
AHEAD
Do not become
obsessed with the rear wheel directly in front of you. Try to focus four or five
riders up the line so that any ‘problem’ will not suddenly affect you. Scan the
road ahead for
potential problems, forthcoming red lights etc, and be ready.
Paceline and Group Ride Etiquette
Rain
Riding
Rides Cycling Tips
Safety Cycling
Tips
Comments made by some brainless twit who calls himself the Spoonman on triple M
9-day cycling paradise
Bundaberg to Brisbane
Saturday, 30 August to Sunday 7 September 2008
600kms of cycling, 1000 friends, fun and relaxation.
 Brisbane to
Gold Coast
Join Queensland’s biggest bike ride
Entries for the 2008 event will open in July.
*HERE'S
A LINK TO A WEB SITE BY JAMES CHEETHAM *
on the CYCLE QUEENSLAND ride and a few others
A good read (good on ya James) (http://www.jamescheetham.net)
This years NSW Big Ride
It's very exciting, we're off to explore the Blue Mountains and the Hunter
Valley!
Email
to include your story
All rides leave from
La Dolce Vita Park Road. Milton.
There's rides on every day at 5.30 or 6.00am
Saturday
(Rides Half an Hour later
in winter)
3 groups 1st
moderate(5.30) 2nd Fast(6.00) 3rd moderate(6.05)
Sunday
Start Park Road 6-15 pace
line (moderate to Quick)
6-30 bunch
ride. Fairly Fast
(60ks)
Back for Coffee
Supper mug of chinno
please
Monday
5.30 Mt Coot-tha A couple of times
round the hill
Tuesday
5.30 Round the river easy
Wednesday
5.30 Steady ride anti clock wise around
the river. (Getting Faster)
6.00
World Championship race anti clock wise around the river.
Friday
6.00
Gentleman's ride anti clock wise around the river. (steady)
Yvonne’s
Wellington Point Ride
6-15am Sunday
Tuesday , Thursday & Friday mornings, 5.45am (Around the River)
Yvonne's been doing different rides lately, contact her
through Victors cycle Shop
Victor Cycles
SOME WORDS OF WISDOM ABOUT CYCLING
When I see an adult on a bike,
I do not despair for the future of the human race...HG Wells
It provides excellent exercise. It does not polute the
atmosphere.
It does not clog up the streets...Jeremy Paxton
My whole day is built around meetings that can be
achieved around bike rides.
I suppose I am addicted to cycling....Jon Snow
I relax by taking my bike apart & putting it back
together again.... Michelle Pfeiffer
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a
bike.
Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way.
So I stole one & asked Him to forgive me...Emo
Phillips
The bicycle is a curious vehicle, it's pasenger is
it's engine....John Howard
Cycling has done more to emancipate women than
anything else in the world...Susan Anthony
The bicycle should always be the vehicle of novelists
& poets....Christopher Morley
Bicycling is a big part of the future. It has to be.
There is something wrong with a society that drives a car to work out in a
gym....Bill Nye
The bicycle is the most civilised conveyance known to
man.
Other forms of transport grow daily more nightmarish.
Only the bicycle remains pure at heart...Iris Murdoch
It is by riding a bicycle that you learn & appreciate
the contours of the country best,
since you have to sweat up the hills & coast down them....Ernest Hemingway
Nimbin Flower Power Pedal
This epic ride is in its fifth year and
makes the round trip from Cabarita Beach
(15mins south of Coolangatta) through the beautiful northern NSW countryside
to interesting Nimbin and return. Distance is approx 145km. We stop for
breakfast,
lunch and afternoon tea and you have all day to do the ride. There’s a follow
van if you
want a rest from riding, and we get together for a fun dinner that night.
25th October 2003
Email us if you’re interested and we’ll contact you closer to the date which is
generally sometime in
September or October. Cost for the ride itself is only $5 to cover van petrol.
Nimbin ride was a success again this year (thanks to Yvonne & Byron) Breaky
at
Uki, Lunch at Nimbin, Beer at Uki, And tea at Cabarita toped the day off
beautifully.
Looking forward to next years ride.
By the way the hospitality shown by Yvonne & Byron was second to none,
thanks guys.
Adam's story
Link to Charles's Mt Coot-tha
PROVERBS.
If you don't know where you are going, every road
will get you nowhere.
If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time.
If you always do what you always did, you'll always
get what you always got
If you are willing to admit you are wrong when you
are wrong, you are all right
If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing
the joke of the century.
If you can't say something nice, become a reporter.
If you could kick the person responsible for most of
your troubles in the backside,
you wouldn't be able to sit down for two weeks.
If you don't have time to do it right, you must have
time to do it over.
If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles
will be in the right places
If you look like your passport picture, you probably
need the trip.
If you step in a puddle, don't blame the puddle.
If you want to play, practice.
If you want to win, practice harder
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you
can't resist
Beauty is only a light switch away or a bottle of scotch
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
No matter how good she looks , some other guy is sick and tired of putting up
with her shit.
Make love, not war. Hell, do both GET MARRIED:
Man who live in glass house should
change clothes in basement.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
43% of all statistics are worthless.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
You can lead a fool to wisdom but you can't make him think.
"You never test the
depth of a river with both feet."
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come.
A morning without coffee is like something without something else.
Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.
Butcher
who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.
90% of men
kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house.
The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.
Beautiful young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are
works of art.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I'm not one to judge
Beauty is only skin deep...but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
Beauty is quite different from charm, beauty is what you notice in a
woman, charm is when a woman notices you.
Be beautiful if you can, wise if you want to...
But be respected, that is essential.
Be bold in what you stand for; and careful what you fall for
Be careful of the words you say.
And keep them soft and sweet.
For you never know from day to day.
Which ones you'll have to eat.
Being yourself is being the person everyone else wants you to be.
Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a
day.
Believe in miracles, but don't depend on them.
Be of use, but don't be used.
Best friends don't ask you: "Is something wrong?"
Best friends ask you: "Whats wrong?"
Better an end with pain, than pain with no end.
Better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness.
Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.
Be yourself- who else is better qualified?
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the
most live the longest.
Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, they will never cease to be
amused.
"Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it. "
-
Swedish proverb
Cycling Code of Conduct.
1.
Image and style shall be your primary concern. When suffering, one must
focus first on maintaining a cool, even composure, and second on
performance. Winning races is an added talent, and only counts if said
euro cyclist wins with appropriate style.
2. Training is based solely on feel, while racing is to be guided by
sensations and instinct. The Euro Cyclist will never accept tried or
tested scientific training methods.
3. You shall NEVER, under any circumstances, wear plain black spandex bibs
(shorts, regardless of color are BANNED) or any team kit containing
non-prominent Logo's.
4. Legs will be SHAVED year-round. ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS. Certain hair
removal creams are endorsed only on a case-by-case basis. One shall never
show up to a race (large or small) with ANY AMMOUNT of stubble visible on
legs.
5. A prominent line where your kit ends and where your tan begins is
essential to your image. Artificial tanning is BANNED. The tan SHALL
reflect the level of training commitment.
6.. The Socks must extend no less than 2cm below the main bulge of your
calf muscle, and shall never extend further than 1cm past the primary calf
muscle bulge. All socks SHALL BE WHITE in color with prominent logo
placement.
7. Cycling shoes must contain at least 80% white!
The following exceptions apply…
i) Colors combinations such as world cup stripes, or Olympic gold where
title has been EARNED.
ii) Shoes which are custom-made for specific riders by companies endorsed
by this group. These shoes will be accessible to the particular cyclist
only, and shall follow the preceding rules.
8. If white cycling shoes are not available where you reside, white
booties with prominent logos shall always be worn. When booties are worn,
socks should protrude approximately 7 centimeters above the ankle, and
shall always protrude at least 1.5cm from any booties worn.
9. Your bike frame must contain 2-4 colors IN ADDITION TO WHITE. All
colors are acceptable as long as they combine tastefully. In addition to
this, wheel selection must also match frame and fork.
10. You shall race only on Bora’s or Lightweights. Mavic Open Pros,
Fulcrum Racing Ones or Zipp’s (404’s or 202’s) are considered stylish
enough to be used as training wheels ONLY. Regardless, Ceramic bearings
shall be used at all times on both training and race bikes.
11. ALL wheels shall be equipped with tubulars, regardless of your ability
in gluing them.
12. Ridiculously stylish eye wear (see endorsed products list) is to be
worn at all time without exception.
13. Hair shall be kept neatly short, and matching helmet shall be worn
(again with prominent logo placement). Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES shall a
clashing helmet color be worn with your euro kit.
14. In RARE cases, it has been deemed acceptable to have long hair. In
this event, hair shall be neatly slicked back in maximum euro-styling, and
helmet SHALL NOT be worn. It is IMPERATIVE rule 12 is followed in these
special cases.
15. When riding, sans helmet (with short hair), a team issue cycling cap
(white in color), shall be worn. The bill shall remain in the downward
position at all times. Cycling cap can be worn forwards or backwards to
coincide with specifics of current hairstyle. During spring training,
cycling toques WILL be worn at all time in place of caps.
16. Kits will always be freshly washed, and one shall ALWAYS have applied
a subtle quantity of eau de toilette (cologne). It is, AT ALL TIMES,
FORBIDDEN to ride in an unwashed kit, as it is extremely detrimental to
your image.
17. Saddles shall be white in color only and will be manufactured in Italy
or France. Exceptions shall be made in the following cases…
i) Saddles containing WorldCup Stripes or Olympic Gold when EARNED
ii) Italian Flag color combo when rider is ITALIAN (born in Italy)
18. Handlebar tape is required to be cork as well as being WHITE IN COLOUR.
Bar tape will be kept in pristine white condition. This state shall be
achieved either through daily cleansing or frequent replacement. These
jobs will NEVER be performed by the cyclist as you must maintain your
image.
19. All stems must be a minimum of 120mm and a rise of no higher than -10
degrees. Stems shall be positioned no more than 0.5cm above the top of the
headtube. ALL stems shall ALWAYS be oversized, made out of CARBON, and
airbrushed in kit/frame colors.
20. A rider will ALWAYS have liniment applied to his legs before appearing
in public.
21. Facial hair will be restricted to (at maximum) a goatee, and even this
is discouraged. Moustaches, beards, or any combination thereof are
EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED in all instances. Stubble is, however, advisable in
virtually ALL euro-situations. It is important to note: this DOES NOT
apply to the legs!
22. Campagnolo shall be THE ONLY acceptable componentry and is hereby
deemed superior to ANY Shimano product in ALL circumstances. You are
expected to have nothing less than an ENTIRE campy RECORD grouppo. Crank
substitutions are NOT permitted.
23. You shall NEVER, under any circumstances, acknowledge the presence of
a cyclist riding a bike costing less than $5000 in a public place. This
could be severely detrimental to your image.
24. You shall NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, associate with triathletes.
It is FORBIDDEN to have any number inked onto your body before a race.
25.. Any physical activity, other than cycling, is STRONGLY FROWNED UPON.
This includes any form of running or swimming and their derivatives (this
includes walking). The ONLY TWO other sports with a recognized degree of
euro are Cross Country skiing, and long track speed skating.
26. MTB gloves are FORBIDDEN in all instances. Cycling gloves will be
slick, white (in accordance with kit), and have minimal padding. Padding
will be beige or white in color. Wearing NO GLOVES is entirely acceptable
and encouraged. In the case where said euro cyclist is wearing a leader’s
jersey, special gloves will be made to match the color of the jersey while
blending the team kit colors simultaneously.
27. In a circumstance where any cyclist (or triathlete) ever displays
aggression or disrespect towards you, one will ride up uncomfortably close
and slap them in the face with your team issue gloves.
28. In the event a motorist disturbs your ride, you shall proceed to ride
up beside the car, form a clenched fist and bang the boot of the car while
doing your best attempt to sound irritated in Italian. Wild arm/head
movements are strongly encouraged to enhance the apparent rage.
29. ONE shall never rearrange their package while riding. Adjustments
regarding seating/hanging comfort are to be done in private in order to
preserve image.
30. ABSOLUTELY NO FORM of seatbag, frame pump, mud guard or mirror shall
come within 2 meters of ones bike.
31. Gearing is restricted to a titanium Campy Record 11-23 cassette with a
ABSOLUTE MINIMUM of 42-53 up front. One shall never be seen pedaling at a
cadence over 90rpm in case it detracts from your calm/smooth factor. The
use of 25t cog is acceptable in special training circumstances.
32. ALL BIKES shall feature personalized nameplates next to ones home
country’s flag located on the top-tube within 10 cm seat-tube ON ONE SIDE
ONLY.
33. Pedals MUST be either Look or Time. No other pedals are to be
considered and ANY form of Shimano product is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.
34. Coffee is a necessity and as such must be consumed strong (i.e.
espresso) on a patio in Italy in full kit, it shall be drunk black. Sugar
is STRONGLY FROWNED UPON. The only milk present shall appear frothed on
top (if at all).
35. All podium shots (pictures) shall be taken with the euro-rider wearing
team kit and appropriately matching casual euro shoes (such as puma's).
Socks shall remain within the guidelines above. The rider is expected to
display an appropriate degree of bulge while receiving kisses/trophy.
36. All pre and post-race activity will be conducted under a gazebo (this
includes massage, interviews, and looking fantastic) leaving one in
reasonable distance of the Euro-sun to top up your enviable tan lines or
pose for photos.
37. Post-race, one shall be tied to their mobile phone, receiving endless
calls from their attractive euro-girlfriend or important ad executives
concerning modeling contracts. This will be done under the protection of
the post race gazebo.
38. Team bikes will be built up so that they violate the UCI weight limit,
in order that weights might be attached to the frame to demonstrate its
superiority and lightness.
39. Motivational music during training SHALL consist of late 90s house or
deep-trance hard-style German techno hereby known as euro beats. NO
EXCEPTIONS.
40. Naked black ALL CARBON water bottle cages (manufactured by ELITE
CAGES) will be used on ALL BIKES. Exceptions include….
i) Special edition 24k gold cages are acceptable in certain cases such as
photo shoots, prologues or where color coordination dictates. Ex. Gold
Cage with Olympic Gold/white team kit.
41. Water Bottles shall be referred to solely as "Bidon's" and shall have
a volume NOT EXCEEDING 500ml. Bidon's will always be matching of team/kit
colors. It is NOT ACCEPTABLE in ANY CIRCUMSTANCE to leave bidon's on bike
more than 10 minutes post ride OR while transporting bikes via bike rack.
42. A gold pendant on a very long, thin chain bearing some form of
religious icon is STRONGLY recommended for mountain races.
43. While soloing in for a victory, one will ensure their jersey is FULLY
ZIPPED and ALLIGNED, so all title sponsors are clearly visible. One shall
then smile and flex arms while pointing skywards. The projection of one's
fatigue is EXPLICITLY FORBIDDEN in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.
44. When appearing in a photo spread for sponsor’s products, one shall
appear either fully nude or in full Armani 3 piece suits. Smiling is
prohibited in these instances.
45. When appearing in documentaries, you must be seen walking around the
hotel in your kit at all times. It is also recommended that you constantly
be eating something in front of the cameras.
46. When asked "how are you?" while riding you must proceed with one of
the following...
-Complain about coming off a sickness.
- Explain you're peaking for bigger races later in the season
- Mention that this is a "recovery ride"
-That you are on the tail end of your daily 6 hour training ride
47. When the Euro Cyclist feels the urge to relieve himself during a race,
he will gracefully meander to the back of the pack, seat himself sideways
on his saddle, and pee into the sunflowers. He must ensure that no camera
crew catches the act, for it could be detrimental to his image. Under no
circumstances shall the rider dismount from his bike to urinate.
48. When climbing anything with a gradient above 20% and lasting over 8
kilometers, the Euro cyclist must fully unzip his jersey and let it
flutter in the wind.
49. When dropping out of a race, one shall avoid the embarrassment of
entering the official broom wagon and will instead wait for their team
vehicle. When asked the reason for dropping out, one will cite mechanical
problems or oncoming sickness as the reason, to avoid any bad speculation
in relation to your fitness.
50. If in doubt, the euro cyclist shall mention in an interview that his
pollen allergies are acting up, and that he’s not sure that he’ll win the
Giro this year. In this situation, remember to note that the sensations
are otherwise good, and that eventually you’ll win a beautiful stage.
51. Team-building motivational camps will be held annually in the
off-season. These are to place team members in as ridiculous a setting as
possible. Photos will be widely reproduced to demonstrate team cohesion.
52. During the pre-TdF medical checks, star riders of each team are
STRONGLY ADVISED to play doctor with each other while shirtless. Photos
taken must strive to be as HOMEROTIC AS POSSIBLE.
53. In order to avoid the harsh European winter, you shall:
i)flee to the warmer climes of Mallorca/South Africa/Canary Islands/etc.
ii)“train the mind, body and soul” with 4 hour roller sessions
54. In the event of a crash, no matter how badly the Euro cyclist has
injured himself, he should proceed to mummify himself with fishnet gauze.
The act of gauzing oneself is looked upon with respect by other Euro
cyclists because it
is a statement of commitment and strength of character to continue racing
when injured. White Gauze is the norm, but world cup striped gauze and or
national colors may be worn on select occasions depending on the rider.
One-liners
Riding a bike is a healthy, cheap and environmentally friendly alternative
to the private vehicle.
In this section you can find out about Council initiatives to support and
encourage bike riding,
including
bike lanes and
bikeways. You can also learn about
bike safety and find out how you can
combine your bike ride with public transport.
You can download maps of Brisbane’s bikeway network from
oubrisbane.com.
Another great recreational idea is to take part in the organised activities
available through the
Bushland Experience program.
As well as building more than 450 kilometres of bikeways and 3400
kilometres of footpaths across the city,
the Council has launched the
TravelRight and
Clear Air campaigns.
Cars are the greatest source of air pollution in Brisbane, pumping out 70%
of the city's smog-forming gases.
Every time you cycle instead of driving you eliminate vehicle emissions.
So whether you're going to work or
the local shops, think about getting on your bike - you'll be improving your
health and contributing to a
cleaner future for our city.
Fw: You Know You're Addicted To Cycling if....
1. You hear someone had a crash and your first question is "How's the
bike?"
2. You have stopped even trying to explain to your other half why you
need more than one bike...you just go buy another one and figure it
will all work out in the divorce settlement.
3. You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between
hydration and urine color.
4. You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more comfortable and
stylish than your new trainers
5. You refuse to buy a lounge because that patch of wall space is taken
up by the bike.
6. You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest
of your combined wardrobe.
7. You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young thing ride by, and the first
thing you check out is their bicycle.
8. You empathise with the roadkill.
9. You use wax on your chain, but not on your legs (girls).
10. You use wax on your chain, AND on your legs (boys).
11. Your current bike is older than your grown up children.
12. You yell "Car!" when passing another car, and "Bump!" when you see
a pothole - while driving your car.
13. Your bike has more miles on its computer then your car's odometer.
14. You wear your bike shorts swimming.
15. Your bikes are worth more than your car.
16. When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike
shop.
17. You have more bike jerseys than low-cut tops.
18. You take your bike along when you shop for a car - just to make
sure the bike will fit inside.
19. You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.
20. You clean your bike(s) more often then your house.
21. You're on the Board of Directors for a Bike Club.
22. You and your significant other have and wear identical riding
clothes.
23. You can't seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for important
meetings, but you don't have any problems at all meeting your mates at
5:30 AM for a 90k ride.
24. You can tell your other half, with a straight face that it's to
hot too mow the lawn and then bike off for a 90 k ride.
25. You regard inter-gender discussion of your genital
pain/size/shape/utility as normal.
26. Your New Years resolution is to put more k's on your bike than
your car, and you do it.
27. When driving your car you lean over the steering wheel, just like
an aerobar.
28. Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of
bikes and cycling gear.
29. A measurement of 44-36-40 doesn't refer to the latest Playboy
centrefold, but that new gear ratio you were considering for your bike.
30. You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within
your target zone during any extracurricular activities.
31. You're too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a
five-hour bike ride on Saturday.
32. There is no time like the present, for postponing what you ought to
be doing, and go bicycling instead...
33. You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.
You Know You're a Biker When...
Original Author Unknown
Any one of your bikes is worth more than your car.
You choose an apartment solely on the basis of whether
or not it is flat enough to ride into and
how close the good roads/trails are.
Your bike rack is worth more than your car.
Your legs are tan only to mid-thigh.
The first thing you ask when you regain consciousness
is "How's my bike".
You actually move farther form work so your bike
commute will be longer.
You mentally log every meal as "good fuel" or "bad
fuel".
Your learn you have X money left over after paying
bills and the first thing you do is reach for
the nearest bicycling catalog.
75% of the tools you own are from Park or Campagnolo.
You dream of winning the lottery, and the first thing
you think of is "how many/which bikes can
that money buy?"
You can tell your significant other with a straight
face that its too hot to mow the lawn then take
off and ride a century.
Someone in a car asks for directions and you
accidentally give them a route that includes
motor vehicle barriers, or a route that bypasses all freeways/busy roads (or is
very scenic etc.)
You buy a car based on whether or not a bike will fit
in the trunk/back
You pull up hard on the steering wheel trying to jump
your car over a pot-hole.
You know the distance of every point of interest within
20 miles of your house as well as the
location of every pot-hole along the way.
You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of wall
space is taken up by your bikes.
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