MW Current Events Jan.13th through April 22nd, 2002

Mr. Wonderful Explains
Current Events
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April 22nd, 2002: Quick Takes based on April 19th, 2002 Headlines

typical gated community"Blake, 68, was taken into custody at a relatives's home in Hidden Hills, a gated community . . ."

Oh my gosh! Do you mean murderers live in gated communities?

"Smoking may affect baby's sex, study says. When one partner smoked . . . more girls than boys were born."

That explains why my mother, God rest her soul, an evil smoker, birthed three and only three children. All boys!

The full page color advertisement reads: "THE SMELL OF BASEBALL, AND ONLY BASEBALL, IS IN THE AIR"

view from MW's B.O.B. seatsIsn't it odd, ahem, that the only product that can be 'inexpensively' purchased outside of the Bank One Ballpark and then easily smuggled in, thereby depriving Lord J.C. of any means of profit, is the first product whose use is banned entirely inside J.C.'s $320 million publicly financed diamond fortress?

Illegal aliens in bedAirport workers indicted by U.S. - 33 Sky Harbor employees illegal"

Let's see, it is okay to have a fake Social Security number and work in Arizona if you are an 'undocumented worker', its just that you can't work at the airport or you will be slammed with a five year prison term, a laughable $250,000 fine and deportation back to that pit known as Mexico.

"Three tons of marijuana smuggled from Mexico seized near Ajo"

And the drug dealers send Hallmark 'Thank You' cards to the Drug Enforcement Agency! Increasing the risk allows these drug king-pins to demand even more per ounce for this vegetation that is far less harmful than the hated tobacco plant. Just think, as the cost of a marijuana high approaches the cost of a hit of cocaine or meth, maybe more users will switch to these two highly addictive and very dangerous drugs. That's a plan, eh?

March 31st, 2002: Has Islam Really Been Hijacked ?
With Muslim's exploding themselves like so many (General Foods) Pop Rocks® in the mouth of Israel, I feel it is once again time to fracture the façade that Islam has been hijacked by radicals. As a proof, I offer this premise: Pilgrims landing at Plymouth Rock, MAIf the United States was founded as an Islamic theocracy, what other religions would be allowed to freely promote their beliefs within our borders? The correct answer is ... "none." And while many American's, possessing the convictions of a James Carville and the knowledge of U.S. history rivalling that of an Alzheimer's victim, would challenge the preceding as an unfair and inaccurate comparison, I insist that it is more than valid. Although this fact has been been withered within the pages of our public school textbooks, one of the prime reasons this nation was founded was so that all of its inhabitants could exercise freedom of religion. Freedom to worship any god, from, Allah to Zoroaster, any religion, from atheism to Scientology®, without persecution from governmental authority. Any version of an Islamic government in these United States would blast this Constitutional right to kingdom come as surely as an explosive-laden Muslim suicide bomber reduces her innocent victims into throbbing carpets of bloody red meat.

March 23rd, 2002: Black Oscar but Still a Slave ?
Is statue, Oscar?Here's a piece of irony that the DeMedia, for fear of upsetting their liberal readers would never even mention. Oscar talk seems to be centering on two things: the real-life anti-Semitism of the subject of the fanciful movie 'A Beautiful Mind' and the fact that a Black man has never won an Oscar in the Best Actor category. In their wildest imagination, could anyone believe that the fact (as the Rev. Billy Graham stated to then President R.M. Nixon) that Jews have a "stranglehold" on Hollywood has anything at all to do with a Black man never winning? Oy!

March 10th, 2002: Black on White Crime is Just Criminal !
In the few minutes I watch television, the other night I witnessed an incredibly shocking bit of news. A woman, by the admission of her friends and accomplices, had crashed her car into a pedestrian and then left the scene of the accident. The only problem was, the pedestrian was jammed halfway in and halfway out of her automobile windshield. Over the next two days she left this poor fellow to suffer, beg, scream and die inside the confines of her garage. I cannot imagine any human being putting anyone through this kind of terror. Oh, I almost forgot. The woman is a Black, the victim a White. "So what?" you respond? Yes, to myself and all other American's who do not preface their citizenship with some damn prefix, it is just another tragic accident. But, imagine this: What if the driver was White and the victim Black? This traffic accident would be on the Network News (that no one watches anymore), okay, on the Cable News channels and above the fold in every American newspaper every day until the very minute the accused was locked behind bars. Think about it. I offer you this horrible choice: would you rather be drug to death behind some red-neck's pickup (as happened to a Black man a while back, garnering the non-stop attention of the major news outlets) or would you rather be stuck in some lady's windshield suffering for two long days before dying? This bitch-from-hell let this guy suffer beyond imagination for 48 hours while she pondered how to cover up her crime once he was dead! I guarantee you that if this had been a Black person hanging out the windshield of a White man's car, this horrible event would be on the news every fifteen minutes just to demonstrate how ALL white folk are 100% evil and why Black's need more government favors and laws to keep them safe. But, being this was a Black on White crime; everyone easily assumes the probable true situation along with the motives of this vicious whore. The situation was that this bitch was probably drugged-up and tanked-up and this guy got in her way. She crashed her car into him and panicked. No one, White, Black or the colors in-between would ever even accuse ALL Blacks of being capable of this type of crime. I can't wait until us evil Caucasians are afforded the same courtesies.

March 4th, 2002: Poor Alanis! Poor Julia!
Once again, cable specials on a pair of North American entertainers has left me weeping for them. Watching poor Julia Roberts live among the newly freed-from-Communism Mongolian horsemen just choked me up. I feel emotions I usually keep deep within my being as I hear the commentator whisper, "Here, Julia is at home. Julia, blowing smoke! This is the real Julia." Aaarrrrrggggghhhhh! Bullshit! Horseshit! And even Ox shit. Right! She's "at home" in a country as civilized as your average Navajo reservation. We never did witness the $500,000 motor home the diva undoubtedly whiled away her nights in, scraping the filth of the Mongolian desert off her epidermis, wishing she were somewhere else. Hell, next thing you know, she's going to forgo her collagen injections and wander the Asian steppes au naturel sporting lips that don't require two tubes of Chapstick® to protect from the sun's rays while they flap in the thin mountain air. And next, we are presented with the privacy-seeking Alanis Morissette traveling all the way to India, which is apparently the only place on the planet where she too can also relax and be herself. You know, Alanis, maybe if you didn't record a video in the nude you wouldn't have quite such a large crowd slobbering after you hoping to get a glimpse of your God-given lovely white pendulous melons that delicately curve under your (oops! got carried away there.) I wonder if Alanis ever got to the place in India with being comfortable enough to relieve herself, as most Indian women do, by lifting her sarong and dropping a mottled brown Cleveland Steamer in the gutter? What a couple of hokey crap filled specials hoping to make us mere mortals, who will be lucky to ever earn in our entire lives two or three million dollars much less than in a few weeks as these ladies do, feel sorry for these two extraordinarily talented, successful and so very blessed females.

February 24th, 2002: Why Wait for the Lottery? Sell Your Organs!
Yes, soon the American 'poor' will have an option to waiting to win any of the various lotteries our morally defunct governments tease these losers with. They will soon be able to sell entire organs or parts of organs removed from their own guts. (Here's a new phrase, "It takes guts to make it when you're poor.") The other day, in the Wall Street Journal, I read about a dynamic movement among doctor-members of the AMA to allow payment for the purchase of organs for transplant from the living to the barely living. Sadly, for the above losers hoping to strike it rich, the dollar amounts being bantered about by these multi-millionaire practitioners, are in the range of $300 to $3,000. But doesn't that make sense? These doctor's, hospitals and their LLC's, while charging the recipients and the insurance companies six and seven figure amounts for the procedures, are willing only to consider parting with .00375% of the gross to procure the very organ that makes the whole thing possible. The high-sounding named AMA Council on Ethical and Judicial Affairs is ". . . already convinced that any moral concerns over organ payment are outweighed by the needs of the patients." Say what?! Since when are "moral concerns" outweighed by "needs?" Well, in 21st Century America, ruled by a Supreme Court whose judgments seem to be more akin to something Diana Ross would blubber than anything a judge would utter, and following the mushy mandates of Secular-Humanism, anything is possible. Remember, this Pfeiffer, MichelleSupreme Court, this body of the oh-so-learned, has ruled abortion as a choice and not murder of an unborn human being. Let's see, the 11th Commandment will read: "The needs of an individual outweigh any moral concerns." So, I guess this means that I can finally give in to Michelle Pfeiffer's entreaties and go ahead and sleep with her. Because, after all, her "needs outweigh" any "moral" concerns I may have about violating the vows of my one-quarter century long marriage to the Saintly Mrs. Wonderful. The article goes on to reveal that there are 79,000 individuals waiting for organ transplants with 5,500 dying per year. Perusing those same numbers, I wonder if the AMA's "needs" to continue to produce incredibly high incomes for its physicians, while facing an increasingly cost-conscious public and Congress, has outweighed any "moral concerns" they may have?

January 13th, 2002: WTC Flag Raising Sculpture a Phony!
Of course you've heard the screams about the proposed flag-raising sculpture of the three firemen based on an image taken by a newspaper photographer. For the sculpture, a decision was made by the Brooklyn Fire Department and their whacked cronies to morph the faces of two of the three white firemen into one Hispanic and one Black. What a load of horseshit. I would have never in my life looked at the original photo and said to myself, "Look it's a snapshot of three white guys!" I would have only seen three brave American's who earn their livings as firemen and were risking their lives to save victims of the WTC tragedy. You all know what I thought about that particular flag raising anyway. But now these East Coast morons, who keep ramming political correctness down our gullets like the android ramming the rolled up newspaper down Signourey Weaver's throat in the movie Aliens, have been let loose again. (People, people, these are the same imbecilic jelly-spined mamby-pamby Starbuck's crowd who have been for decades re-writing the history text books most American children are taught from. Any wonder so many of our progeny are confused about the greatness that is America?) I had hoped that my two youngest children would grow up in a world where the only time the words 'Black' or 'Hispanic' or 'White' were used was on a police report. That they and their peers would consider their fellow American's as just that, Americans. I remember a time when Jews and Asians were singled out and taken note of, but no more. Not in Arizona at least. But these saps in the Sleepy Hollow-brained forest of political correctness have managed to take the focus off the uniting vision of the bravery of thousands of fire fighters and fling it back on the divisive issue of race!