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It's Funny Money Honey

Note: Many of these links lead to WAV files that are quite amusing. some lead to actual news articles. This one leads to lewd limericks about Monica Lewinsky.

The art of Government consists in taking as much money as possible from one class of person to give to the other." ~ Voltaire

Green, lettuce, dough, bread, loot, moolah, brass, scratch, cash, benjamins, jack, wampum, wad, or dead presidents -- funny money makes the world go 'round.

Under George Dubya, we've seen a domino effect of company closings, layoffs, bankruptcies, and investment scandals. The cost of war is causing the bean-counters in the Treasury to tear out their hair and gnash their teeth. Balancing the budget is a far-off dream as drastic program cuts lead to "spin," and out-of-work Americans wait for their Unemployment Benefits to run out.

While struggling to make ends meet, some of us remember the good old days with nostalgia and more than a little resentment. Under the Clinton administration, the budget was out of the red and things were looking up. Gas prices fell to below a dollar a gallon. People were working. Then Zippergate empowered Clinton's enemies to give Ken Starr a fortune to blow...

Of course, it's really not so simple. No single president can be responsible for the economy going down the toilet can he? And Bush has promised us tax cuts -- if only those monkeys in Congress will pass them! While we're waiting for the buck to pass,
we can only remember our motto and pray:

"In God We Trust."

Idol courtesy Winston Smith Gallery

All Other Pay Cash!

Remember this when you are running to the bank with your paycheck because it's already spent: if money could talk, it would probably only say, "Goodbye!"

And just in case you've gotten tired of the same old look, Indiana Republican Mark Souder wants to replace FDR's likeness with Ronald Reagan's on the U.S. dime. Sounds like even coins aren't safe from partisan takeovers. I'd say it would be fair to make a New Deal to let the so-called "Greatest American President" of the Republicans take over the spot on the dime until now held by the Democratic president who battled the Great Depression and stood tough against Hitler, Mussolini, and Hirohito all while battling his own crippling affliction of polio -- if we can trade the present Republican who is in office for a Democrat.

Even "Just Say No to Drugs" Nancy Reagan is opposed to the legislation, introduced by Rep. Souder Nov. 21 and signed onto by 89 House members, including Speaker J. Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., and Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas, as a response to the four-hour television mini-series "The Reagans" which angered conservatives by portraying their icon as a bumbling ex-actor controlled by a domineering, fiercely protective wife.

Although she most likely sought guidance from her astrologer first, Nancy immediately took matters in hand on behalf of her Alzheimer's-addled husband, saying:

"While I can understand the intentions of those seeking to place my husband's face on the dime, I do not support this proposal and I am certain Ronnie would not. When our country chooses to honor a great president such as Franklin Roosevelt by placing his likeness on our currency, it would be wrong to replace him with another."

Such humility! And after all, she got something better for him -- she got him a Knighthood from Her Majesty the Queen! You have to hand it to Nancy. She's one fiercely protective wife, and devoted to managing her husband's occasional bumbling as he suffers Alzheimer's ravaging debilitation. She is brave, and his is a tragic fate. Except for the secret CIA arrangements with drug trafficking in South America and the the economic pit my family fell into under his administration, I remember the Reagan era so fondly.

I never did get the hang of the "Just Say No" philosophy, though. I'd say no, and the little voice in my head would just say, "Yes!," and that was that.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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