Man, it's been a really long time since I've written in here. I can't even remember exactly all of what has happened in the last week, but I'll try. Last weekend, I got my haircut and my books for college. My classes haven't been too hard and I really like alot of my teachers. I've got Math with Drew Hannah, and the rest I don't know anyone but I actually like the classes. My Business Law classs is my favorite. I thought about going to Law school.

Alysha and Pauper kept pushing me to go get my license, and my mom could never find the time to take me there or to go apply for jobs. But its good that Jerry is opening up a Subway and I get to be manager. That'll be great because then when I need to go to work camp or churh camp, I'll be able to. And MOVE OUT and get an apartment.Today, I did a three way convo with Pauper and MP. It was interesting. I sorta like to go to Mike's house after church on Sunday, but I dunno. I don't think his mom likes me or that he wants me there. Who knows.

I just got home from the Beanstock with Michael. He picked me up because he had to take Ryan and David to practice, so we went there for an hour, talked, and had some coffee. MP and I had a really good conversation about the direction of his and I's ministry. We decided that Inlightmagazine is only the begining of all of this. In college, its a college radio station, then a tv station, and eventually our own youth rallies. We're going to do this, he said, with a strong resolution. That makes me feel good that someone is so confident about our future.

Recently, I've been feeling I've been neglecting so many things. Trying to manage time is definitely not my strong suit. I'm not going to be able to finish both of my WHSOB classes, the magazine isn't up, and I've only partially written my article about comfort zones. Arenatrips has been on the back burner for ever, I don't have my license, and College Spring semester starts this monday. I'm behind on everything.

Then Michael dropped me off at home. And then I was like, "what's next?" Now, I'm bored and alone. Now that he's got his license, I see him less than what I saw him earlier. But its better atleast that he's hanging out with Lauren, Bobbi, and Ashley. I guess I'd rather have him with these girls than other people, who I'm not too fond of. He really likes Bobbi and I hope everything goes well for them because she's a nice guy, wouldn't cheat on him, and lives here.Best of luck with that.

Pauper did something yesterday that was amusing, and I won't elaborate on it. Just wanted to mention it so that I won't forget.

I think I have insomnia. I've ot been able to go to bed at a decent time in a long while, and everything again repeats itself with me sleeping to one in the afternon and not accomplishing anything. I even think 10 is too early. And its killing me. I've still got a million things to accomplish on my to-do list, and only have a couple crossed out. I seriously don't think I'm going to be able to finish those classes and get credit. I'll try my hardest to finish Galatians, but I just don't know.

Sunday night, I was sort of angry with Michael. He gave me an english book of his so that I can write 8 essays, one page a piece, on these various stories. As soon as I get home, I start working on them and when I call to tell him I'm finished, Ashley answers his cell phone and tells me he'll call back later. At first, I thought they were all out at the Beanstock or something, but I guess Ashley, Lauren, and Bobbi all stopped by at his house, so I felt a little better about that.

Monday I went to the movies with Ben and Miki Demary, who just got back from Spain. When I'm with these two I always have alot of fun just because they're really cool like that. We went to go see a movie "Somethings got to give" with these two girls that Ben knew, then went to their apartment, ate some brownies and watched Average Joe. Tommorow, I'm going out to have dinner with Ben, Miki, and Judy at Mi Pueblo, then Ben's going to drop me off at the church so I can go to my classes.

On tuesday, nothing happened. But today, my uncle left for Iraq. He's going to be gone atleast 18 months, which is a really long time. I'm not really close with him so its not as though it affects me much, but I do feel sorry for my cousins having their dad gone so long. I called last night to tell him goodbye and everything. I slept really late today, almost until 2. I didn't work on the website, I didn't finish an article. I didn't accomplish anything. But things did go well for me today.

Tonight, we had a meeting on everything that was going on in the youth group and the new changes on the trip policy. I think its a good idea, though it means I can't take chauncey to winterfest. But we've still got plenty of other options to introduce him to my youthgroup. Dave's really hard on himself over small little things he does, like not being able to make it sometimes to teach because he has to work. He's such a great guy and I hope one day to be a little like him. I brought MP that picture I made of him, with the facial hair and keanu reeves haircut. He laughed really hard when he saw it. And I also gave him my copy of Le Petite Prince that I wrote in. He's doing it in english, so him and I are going to be able to talk about all of it. Its my FAVORITE book. Tyler was there and I keep encouraging him to start coming to more things. Oh yeah, and Alysha thinks she has breast cancer and thats really sad. Alysha goes to school with Tyler and Ryan, but she's in the 8th grade.

After services, we were all standing around talking, saying goodbyes forever, and I asked Mike about my gift, not thinking he really brought it. He drug me into the supply closet and pulled out a box -- haha i said i do -- and gave me a pewter cross necklace that his great grandfather gave him before he died and had given it to me. I really wasn't sure what to say. I mean, I felt special. He's giving me something that really means alot to him. Mike just told me to always wear it and I will. He also told me that we had better be friends forever. And I think that will definitely happen, even though at many times I wonder about his and mine friendship. I know I sometimes get those feelings of what-if or become depressed over something he did or did not do. But I guess all of that is rather stupid really. I'm supposed to be the grown up here. I don't think we'd survive without each other. So we hugged and everything and then he told me I had to write 4 essays for him. I chased him down the hallway trying to hit him.

When I got home, I worked on the essays and waited until simple life came on and talked to chauncey and chad for a while online. Pauper's finally over emily and is starting to like a girl named Anne, whose australian. He was in a really really good mood. And I love to see him this way because he's not in a great mood too often. So many terrible things have happened in his life, and its great to see a couple of good things happening for a change. Chuancey said "I'm in such a good mood I gotta tell you this. Your the coolest guy ever." That really made my night. Man, what a weird combo, Chauncey and I. We're not alike at all, but yet a great combo. I somehow always make him laugh and happy, and thats got to be a good thing. Yeah, things are going good with everything, especially having MP and Pauper as my best buds.

Ah, good old saturdays. Its the perfect day to sleep late and do nothing. And that is exactly what I did. Last night, I didn't talk to anyone until 4 in the morning this time. But I spent a while watching TV downstairs. There's actually some good indie films on HBO. I watched one about this kid who lost his dad and another about some teenager who was a Grim Reaper. It was weird, but good. Then I went to bed and slept until 1.

When I woke up, I played video games for a long while then got a call from Michael about the youthgroup meeting. After I spoke with him, Chauncey called and I only got to talk to him for a little bit. Then, I went to the youthgroup meeting.

Michael told me he got me a gift that meant alot to him. It was something of his grandpa's and he was like "We're going to be friends forever... because you can't lose this." I really wonder what it is. I know or atleast hope we're going to be friends forefver. We're going to spend our lives converting the country of Africa remember.

Michael called and we talked for a while. I guess you could say I was initially being an ass to him because he's not really the person I wanted to talk to. Usually, he's been making me angry. But like always after talking with him, I felt better. We talked about our plans for the future -- all of the places that both He and I wanted to see together and how great its going to be to do a missionary trip to Africa or someplace like that. He also told me he bought me a gift "from the heart." I'm sort of interested to see what it is. I've not seen him in such a long time, and I know it sounds stupid to complain but I honestly miss seeing him, even with all the stupid stuff we do. I've not hung out with him since October, last movie seen with him was the second LOTR movie, and it just seems as though our friendship is dying off. Last night I sorta thought to myself, ok I'll just give him up. I can give up being friends with him, right? Wrong. I hate loving michael and love hating him.

Then I talked to Pauper. He was still at his friend Christines house. I really want to hang out with him, but I'll need a car. He's so easy to talk to and like MP, its no real hard task to spend 2 hours talking to him about anything. I feel myself around him.

I don't know what I want to do about the moving out thing. One one end, I would so want to. It would make my life so much easier. I wouldn't be thought of as a child anymore. I could have freedom. But could Michael still come over and hang sleepovers? Then again, maybe we'll never have those days again.

The last couple of days I've been really angry, both at myself and at my parents. With the year ending. I've been sort of thinking about everything I have and haven't accomplished in the past year. I thought about the relationships I have, their status, and what exactly I've been working for. For the most part, atleast in accomplishing what I set out for, I've only partially succeeded.New Years is important for me. I'm not sure if its the symbolic nature of starting over, having a second chance at it all or just that its a time to party or spend with a loved one. New Years 2004, I spent alone at my grandparents house. My parents were in Pittsburgh.

But its not like I had any invitations. I was hoping and planning on spending it with Chauncey at his house. But it didn't seem as though he had the same intentions. Michael didn't call and ask if I wanted to spend it with him. Melissa was the only one who asked if I could spend New Years with her, but that was the day before I was leaving for my grandparents home. Through all of this, I forgot about my Wheeling friends who have helped me through so much, especially her. Max hasn't been online forever and its hard to have a conversation with both because of the distance.You run out of things to talk about. But Melissa makes me happy.

In 2003, I graduated High School, made plans to launch a christian teen magazine and a sports agency, and saved someone's life.

TO BE CONTINUED

It's sunday. I spent Friday and Saturday with Ben and Matt. We went over to Matt's Moms' apartment and drove to the Meadowbrook mall. I didn't do any shopping, but I got to see alot of people. Its weird how many people you can find. I felt popular. After we left, we went over to Matt's house and stayed.

Saturday when I got home, I went to bed and didn't do much of anything. I stayed up late. I didn't go to Church today. I don't know why.

Its funny how sometimes we're oblivious to the relationships we keep. We often think we have these great friendships and great relationships with others and come to find out it was mere fantasy, a wild construction based on our hearts pondering imagination. And what a sad realization it is when we stumble upon this truth, something which I dare say no one wishes to ever find.

We're going to be best friends until forever. Just you wait and see.

It's the day after Christmas. Right now, I'm on the phone with Michael. Today, I really didn't accomplish anything. I took a nap, watched half of "Malibu's Most Wanted" and that was about it. I did something impressive, or atleast I think so. I figured out how to network all of the computers shared folders and printers to all to the laptop and desktops in my house.

I've had some odd conversations today. I talked to some girl from a 12 year old girl from Belpre who wanted to do stuff with me, and an informative convo with Chad. It was a good day.

Didn't get to talk to my buddy, Pauper. Wherever he is, I hope he had a great holiday and he's not somewhere passed out, drunk, on the floor. (Just kidding man :) )

It's Christmas.

Last night at 11, Chauncey called to wish me Merry Christmas, which I thought was kind of cool because that's not something that I'd expect him to do. But He and I talked until his cell phone went dead. He was washing and waxing his mom's car for a gift. Pauper kept complaining about the maid. I sorta wonder if he's really wealthy. But I guess most of my other friends are wealthy, so there's nothing really different. We've been talking in Chatrooms alot with Nac, Chad, Morgan, Billy, and alot of others. And its been fun. B! is a really cool guy, despite being cousins with Michael. Him and I were ripping on MP for being gay.

Last night, Michael called me and we talked for a long while about weird things. He and I talked about going to the beach and traveling alot when he's 18, the Sunset School, and being missionaries in Africa. We talked about the many weird times we've had in the past, about him and the window, and lots of more stuff I won't put here. But having talked to him last night made me feel really, dare I say, happy. I've been feeling neglected by him for a long while and even though I'm the one who called him for his birthday at exactly 12:00 AM on December 25th, I'm still glad we talked. Sunday, I'm going to give him his gift and a little card with a note or a flash I'm going to make for him.

For New Year's, I don't know whats going to happen. My parents want me to go to my grandparents, but I've really been playing on spending it with Pauper and hanging out with him and Chad. It would be the first time that we've gotten to hang out. I already think we're best friends. MP and Billy are going to a teen dance in Fairmont. All I know is that I don't want to spend New Years with people I don't want to spend it with -- I want to be with friends.

Wednesday, I can't really remember anything too important other than the weather was sort of bad. My mom had a doctor's appointment in Clarksburgh and she was afraid to drive the rest of the way home. Dad had to go pick her up. Dave took us to church. When we got there, all the lights were offf. But, Erik, He, and I had a good discussion about a bunch of stuff. We've got a new hotel for Winterfest, hopefully one that is alot nicer. And we talked for a while about the guys and girls praying together in groups. I guess that really bothered him when one of the elders spoke to him about that. I don't know. It doesn't seem like we're breaking any scriptural things by doing so.

Ben called. We just had a short little conversation, small-talk. He told me he was working on producing a documentary for the Sheppard Debate team, and was interested in doing a documentary on me launching the magazine. I thought that would be sort of cool, but I don't know if my story is that interesting to tell. Somethime this week, he wants me to go see Lord of the Rings with him. But I'm booked until next monday.

Today, Thursday, I slept in until 2. I was up really late last night and I knew I really didn't have anything to do except for the Whitehall class at 7. I wanted to get a memory verse or two committed to memory, but that never worked out. At 3, I got online to talk to Chauncey and started to watch Freaky Friday.

At some point, I was starting to become frustrated. He's really having a difficult time getting over Emily and its hard to find a solution to all of this. I really want to help him get over her. And I think the best way is for Pauper to simply forget her. I told him to take everything from his room and stick in a box and put it under his bed. That way in a month or so, he'll see how goofy all of this is. He said that it made things a little better after he did that and played basketball tonight.

At 6, I left for the Whitehall Class. Today while listening to a particular song, I really started to miss Michael. He and I haven't hung out since October. I've not talked to him in two weeks. Today, I sort of talked to Sabrina about all of this. He's just have been seeming so different. I can't even try to make him laugh without him yelling at me because of it. And when we do talk, its about him. I don't want him to fade out of my life.

When I got home, I got online and talked to Chauncey, Chad, and Emily. Pauper and She were of course fighting. I had some fun. I kept getting on different screen names, and she still wouldn't know who it was even though all of the names are alike. He called me.
I told him about the Christmas party tommorow, and I'm thinking that everything is going to work out, so we'll get to hang out and he can meet everyone.

Tommorow, I've got to play Santa Claus for my brother's class. This sounds stupid, but I'm sorta nervous. I don't one of them to start crying because they realize that I'm not the real Santa Clause or something. Then, I'm going to take my license test.

Do you want to know the great thing about Chauncey? Its that he is actually looking forward to becoming best friends with me, and that he realized the affect I've had on him, "saving his life like 8 times and changing it." He's even talked about him and I getting an apartment when he goes to college to party at.

Man, I miss talking to and hanging out with Michael.