Ah, good old saturdays. Its the perfect day to sleep late and do nothing. And that is exactly what I did. Last night, I didn't talk to anyone until 4 in the morning this time. But I spent a while watching TV downstairs. There's actually some good indie films on HBO. I watched one about this kid who lost his dad and another about some teenager who was a Grim Reaper. It was weird, but good. Then I went to bed and slept until 1.

When I woke up, I played video games for a long while then got a call from Michael about the youthgroup meeting. After I spoke with him, Chauncey called and I only got to talk to him for a little bit. Then, I went to the youthgroup meeting.

Michael told me he got me a gift that meant alot to him. It was something of his grandpa's and he was like "We're going to be friends forever... because you can't lose this." I really wonder what it is. I know or atleast hope we're going to be friends forefver. We're going to spend our lives converting the country of Africa remember.

Michael called and we talked for a while. I guess you could say I was initially being an ass to him because he's not really the person I wanted to talk to. Usually, he's been making me angry. But like always after talking with him, I felt better. We talked about our plans for the future -- all of the places that both He and I wanted to see together and how great its going to be to do a missionary trip to Africa or someplace like that. He also told me he bought me a gift "from the heart." I'm sort of interested to see what it is. I've not seen him in such a long time, and I know it sounds stupid to complain but I honestly miss seeing him, even with all the stupid stuff we do. I've not hung out with him since October, last movie seen with him was the second LOTR movie, and it just seems as though our friendship is dying off. Last night I sorta thought to myself, ok I'll just give him up. I can give up being friends with him, right? Wrong. I hate loving michael and love hating him.

Then I talked to Pauper. He was still at his friend Christines house. I really want to hang out with him, but I'll need a car. He's so easy to talk to and like MP, its no real hard task to spend 2 hours talking to him about anything. I feel myself around him.

I don't know what I want to do about the moving out thing. One one end, I would so want to. It would make my life so much easier. I wouldn't be thought of as a child anymore. I could have freedom. But could Michael still come over and hang sleepovers? Then again, maybe we'll never have those days again.

The last couple of days I've been really angry, both at myself and at my parents. With the year ending. I've been sort of thinking about everything I have and haven't accomplished in the past year. I thought about the relationships I have, their status, and what exactly I've been working for. For the most part, atleast in accomplishing what I set out for, I've only partially succeeded.New Years is important for me. I'm not sure if its the symbolic nature of starting over, having a second chance at it all or just that its a time to party or spend with a loved one. New Years 2004, I spent alone at my grandparents house. My parents were in Pittsburgh.

But its not like I had any invitations. I was hoping and planning on spending it with Chauncey at his house. But it didn't seem as though he had the same intentions. Michael didn't call and ask if I wanted to spend it with him. Melissa was the only one who asked if I could spend New Years with her, but that was the day before I was leaving for my grandparents home. Through all of this, I forgot about my Wheeling friends who have helped me through so much, especially her. Max hasn't been online forever and its hard to have a conversation with both because of the distance.You run out of things to talk about. But Melissa makes me happy.

In 2003, I graduated High School, made plans to launch a christian teen magazine and a sports agency, and saved someone's life.

TO BE CONTINUED

It's sunday. I spent Friday and Saturday with Ben and Matt. We went over to Matt's Moms' apartment and drove to the Meadowbrook mall. I didn't do any shopping, but I got to see alot of people. Its weird how many people you can find. I felt popular. After we left, we went over to Matt's house and stayed.

Saturday when I got home, I went to bed and didn't do much of anything. I stayed up late. I didn't go to Church today. I don't know why.

Its funny how sometimes we're oblivious to the relationships we keep. We often think we have these great friendships and great relationships with others and come to find out it was mere fantasy, a wild construction based on our hearts pondering imagination. And what a sad realization it is when we stumble upon this truth, something which I dare say no one wishes to ever find.

We're going to be best friends until forever. Just you wait and see.

It's the day after Christmas. Right now, I'm on the phone with Michael. Today, I really didn't accomplish anything. I took a nap, watched half of "Malibu's Most Wanted" and that was about it. I did something impressive, or atleast I think so. I figured out how to network all of the computers shared folders and printers to all to the laptop and desktops in my house.

I've had some odd conversations today. I talked to some girl from a 12 year old girl from Belpre who wanted to do stuff with me, and an informative convo with Chad. It was a good day.

Didn't get to talk to my buddy, Pauper. Wherever he is, I hope he had a great holiday and he's not somewhere passed out, drunk, on the floor. (Just kidding man :) )

It's Christmas.

Last night at 11, Chauncey called to wish me Merry Christmas, which I thought was kind of cool because that's not something that I'd expect him to do. But He and I talked until his cell phone went dead. He was washing and waxing his mom's car for a gift. Pauper kept complaining about the maid. I sorta wonder if he's really wealthy. But I guess most of my other friends are wealthy, so there's nothing really different. We've been talking in Chatrooms alot with Nac, Chad, Morgan, Billy, and alot of others. And its been fun. B! is a really cool guy, despite being cousins with Michael. Him and I were ripping on MP for being gay.

Last night, Michael called me and we talked for a long while about weird things. He and I talked about going to the beach and traveling alot when he's 18, the Sunset School, and being missionaries in Africa. We talked about the many weird times we've had in the past, about him and the window, and lots of more stuff I won't put here. But having talked to him last night made me feel really, dare I say, happy. I've been feeling neglected by him for a long while and even though I'm the one who called him for his birthday at exactly 12:00 AM on December 25th, I'm still glad we talked. Sunday, I'm going to give him his gift and a little card with a note or a flash I'm going to make for him.

For New Year's, I don't know whats going to happen. My parents want me to go to my grandparents, but I've really been playing on spending it with Pauper and hanging out with him and Chad. It would be the first time that we've gotten to hang out. I already think we're best friends. MP and Billy are going to a teen dance in Fairmont. All I know is that I don't want to spend New Years with people I don't want to spend it with -- I want to be with friends.

Wednesday, I can't really remember anything too important other than the weather was sort of bad. My mom had a doctor's appointment in Clarksburgh and she was afraid to drive the rest of the way home. Dad had to go pick her up. Dave took us to church. When we got there, all the lights were offf. But, Erik, He, and I had a good discussion about a bunch of stuff. We've got a new hotel for Winterfest, hopefully one that is alot nicer. And we talked for a while about the guys and girls praying together in groups. I guess that really bothered him when one of the elders spoke to him about that. I don't know. It doesn't seem like we're breaking any scriptural things by doing so.

Ben called. We just had a short little conversation, small-talk. He told me he was working on producing a documentary for the Sheppard Debate team, and was interested in doing a documentary on me launching the magazine. I thought that would be sort of cool, but I don't know if my story is that interesting to tell. Somethime this week, he wants me to go see Lord of the Rings with him. But I'm booked until next monday.

Today, Thursday, I slept in until 2. I was up really late last night and I knew I really didn't have anything to do except for the Whitehall class at 7. I wanted to get a memory verse or two committed to memory, but that never worked out. At 3, I got online to talk to Chauncey and started to watch Freaky Friday.

At some point, I was starting to become frustrated. He's really having a difficult time getting over Emily and its hard to find a solution to all of this. I really want to help him get over her. And I think the best way is for Pauper to simply forget her. I told him to take everything from his room and stick in a box and put it under his bed. That way in a month or so, he'll see how goofy all of this is. He said that it made things a little better after he did that and played basketball tonight.

At 6, I left for the Whitehall Class. Today while listening to a particular song, I really started to miss Michael. He and I haven't hung out since October. I've not talked to him in two weeks. Today, I sort of talked to Sabrina about all of this. He's just have been seeming so different. I can't even try to make him laugh without him yelling at me because of it. And when we do talk, its about him. I don't want him to fade out of my life.

When I got home, I got online and talked to Chauncey, Chad, and Emily. Pauper and She were of course fighting. I had some fun. I kept getting on different screen names, and she still wouldn't know who it was even though all of the names are alike. He called me.
I told him about the Christmas party tommorow, and I'm thinking that everything is going to work out, so we'll get to hang out and he can meet everyone.

Tommorow, I've got to play Santa Claus for my brother's class. This sounds stupid, but I'm sorta nervous. I don't one of them to start crying because they realize that I'm not the real Santa Clause or something. Then, I'm going to take my license test.

Do you want to know the great thing about Chauncey? Its that he is actually looking forward to becoming best friends with me, and that he realized the affect I've had on him, "saving his life like 8 times and changing it." He's even talked about him and I getting an apartment when he goes to college to party at.

Man, I miss talking to and hanging out with Michael.

I spent almost all of my day on the computer. I've been trying to look for some digital video editing software so I can finish the spoof I'm wanting to do on the 8 mile movie trailer. No luck so far.

Sending out a letter to OVC for sponsorship is definitely a priority. But I couldn't think of anything. After about ten minutes, I called Michael and asked if he had any suggestions. He was clueless. MP's still having some problems with Julianna, and I'm not sure if he is going to do what he needs to do to fix them. He's got to ask her about these "feelings" that he's been having. Otherwise, he's going to spend the next couple of weeks in a bad mood. All I can do is sit there and listen. He yells at me if I try to make a joke and give him a smile or two. He just wants to talk, but I hate just talking and not being able to do anything. I'm pro-active whe it comes to problems in my friends life. He then told me he was going to go lay in his bed and chill out, and I've not talked to him since then.

Like almost every other night, I spent it talking to Chauncey. And I feel bad for what He and I did to his ex-girlfriend, emily. We sorta were playing around with her, and she was saying some stuff that started to scare both of us. I'm definitely praying that everything is going to be alright, and again I feel terrible and I am never going to do what we did again.

Tommorow' I'm taking my driver's test. And I am so hoping that I pass it. I need this for everything that is involved with me life. I mean, theres millions and millions of other people with licenses. So, why can't I have one too? I'm going to be extra-cautious and obey all the signs this time. Oh man, I need my license!

Friday there's a christmas party for our youth group with a gift exchange. I want to bring something really stupid and goofy. I'll bring Chauncey. LOL. Michael's wanting to bring Julianna. Again, this is why I'm wanting to get my license so that I can pick up Pauper on friday and we can hang out, our first time actually. I'm definitely looking forward to spending New Years 2004 with him, and watching the Mountaineers kick some butt at the gatorbowl.

Today I finished with my new homepage. Because people, even strangers, are going to be visiting this frequently, I've deleted my past entries and am started over, a sort of censored version of my thoughts. I'll write an entry later tonight.