Chapter 19

Jami stared at her cell phone like at any moment it might come alive and bite her. It was near three in the afternoon, and she knew that she had to call Jeff. He'd left her a message on her voice mail once every hour. Each one sounded more and more desperate.

She had woken up at noon and drove to a small shop in the town she was in. When she had rushed out of the house the night before, she had left with nothing but her purse and the clothes on her back. So, she had bought herself a weeks worth of clothes, plus other necessaties.

Now she knew she had to call him. Jami lowered her head and took a few shaky breaths. Would Jeff ever forgive her for running away? She knew that she'd never forgive herself. But she felt she had had no choice. If she stayed, she would have crumbled eventually. She'd only hurt Jeff more. This was the only way. She had to collect herself before she could go back. Before she could face Jeff.

Finally she reached out and her fingers wrapped around the cell phone. They dialed Jeff's cell phone and it rang only once before Jeff's voice answered. "Jami, where are you?" he asked, and Jami could hear the worry in his voice. "Jeff, I'm okay." Jami answered quickly.

"Where are you? Why'd you wait so long to call? Why'd you run?" Jeff questioned, the worry slowly being replaced with anger. "I'm in a hotel, somewhere. I'm not sure where. I just drove until I got tired and I ended up here. I don't know why I waited so long to call. Fear I guess. Fear you'd never forgive me for running. Fear you'd tell me to stay away. I ran because....because that's all I could do. That's all I know how to do. I'm so sorry." Jami softly cried into the phone.

Jeff felt so confused. Part of him was so furious but another part of him cried with her. "When are you coming back?" he finally asked. Jami wiped the tears from her face and sniffled loudly. "I don't know. Probably in a week. I need time to be by myself."

"Jami, that's what got us here in the first place! This isn't something you have to do alone! Yet you insist on going at it alone." Jeff cried out in frustration. "Jeff...I have to be alone." Jami started to tell him but he cut her off.

"No you don't, damnit! You just insist on doing it to destroy yourself! You are not helping anyone by doing this!" Jeff yelled, anger overtaking him. "Jeff, please....don't yell." Jami whispered, crying again.

"I will yell Jami! I can't take this. I want you with me, but I want all of you. Not just whatever you are willing to not hide. But if you don't want to be with me, then don't be. It's your choice. I can't make it for you. You know I love you." and with that, he hung up.

Jeff slowly laid back on his bed. It felt so big suddenly, and he knew it was Jami's absence that made it feel that way. He closed his eyes and a memory overtook him. He saw it in his head like it was a movie and he was the star. It was after Jami had run off soon after he had met her. He had overheard her talking to Edge, and she had spilled part of her secret to Edge. Jeff had told Christian, Matt and Lita, out of shock. Jami had accused Edge of telling her secret, but when she found out it was really Jeff who had told, she had taken off for a week, hurt. On the night she had returned, he had asked her to take a walk around the hotel so they could talk. Their conversation rang through his head.

~"It's not you, it's me. I know you think that's just a line, but it's not...I just refuse to hurt you." Jami had confessed. "Jami, you aren't going to hurt me by letting yourself love me, or by letting me love you. THe only way you'll hurt me is if you refuse your feelings." he said, stopping and grabbing her shoulders. "Jeff, I can't promise you forever...I can't even promise you a maybe on tomorrow. You need someone who can. You deserve better than me." Jami struggled to keep tears from falling from her eyes. "Jami, I deserve you because I want to be with you. I know you're scared, and it's okay to be scared. But please, trust me. I want to be with you, and only you. Please, just give me a chance." he pleaded with her. Jami had looked up into his eyes and he saw her gaze soften. "Jeff, I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. I really care for you, more than I could ever believe...and I am really scared. But I want to give you a chance. Actually, I want to give myself a chance...."~

Jami's sobs slowly quieted. This wasn't the first time that she and Jeff had fought over her trying to hide her feelings. The memory of when he had first told her that he loved her flashed into her head. She had freaked out and slammed the door in his face. They hadn't spoken to each other the next day, until Jami had pulled him aside outside their hotel. They had sat on the side of a huge stone fountain. Jami could still remember their conversation.

~They sat next to each other and Jami leaned her elbows on her knees, clasping her hands in front of her. "Jeff, I'm sorry for how I acted last night. I wasn't angry at you. But, I was extremely scared. I did the first thing that popped into my head and I ran." Jeff watched her carefully. "I'm sorry you were scared. I didn't mean to freak you out, but I wanted you to know how I feel." "I know, and I'm glad you did. I was just scared. Let's just pretend that it never happened." Jami suggested. Jeff jumped up and turned to face her. "NO! I dont' want to forget it. Don't you get it? I told you that I loved you and I don't want to take it back! Jami, I'm not Tim and I'm not Austin! Stop treating me like I am!" with that he had turned and stalked back into the hotel. Jami had stood on teh edge of the fountain. She had groaned, closed her eyes and let herself fall into the water.~

"Do you think they'll be okay?" Lita asked. "Of course. They've been through this before. You don't remember but I do." Matt told her. "Actually, I do have a memory of when Jami and Jeff fought when Jeff first told Jami he loved her." Lita confided. "You do? What do you remember?" Matt asked her, raising an eyebrow in suprise.

"Well, Jami came to our hotel room soaking wet right after their fight. I don't remember a lot of the conversation, but one thing she said to me does stick out in my mind." Lita confessed. "What did Jami say?" Matt urged her to tell him.

"Well, I told her that Jeff was being the perfect guy and I couldn't blame him for being so upset. She said, 'I know that! I don't know what my problem is. Maybe I'm just self destructive, I'm always trying to destroy myself, so I figured everyone else is to....'." Lita said.

"Well, it certainly seems like that's what she's doing now." Matt commented. "yeah, I know. But I can't help but feel bad for her. She didn't know that when she self-destructed this time she was going to take us all with her." Lita sighed.

Jami woke up and noticed tht it was dark outside. She sighed and went to take a shower. As the water fell on her, another memory came back to her in a rush. IT hit her so hard she crumbled to the floor of the shower stall. She curled herself into a ball and tried to force it from her mind. But it refused to leave. It was of another fight she had had with Jeff, the same night of the fountain fight.

~"Jami, I do still love you." Jeff told her simply. Jami looked up at him in suprise. "Jeff, how do you know we should be together?" she asked. Jeff thought for a second, "I just know." he told her. Jami sighed, "Jeff...if I'm this scared....maybe....it's not right." she told him. Jeff looked at her for a moment. He could see her eyes welling with tears. "Maybe you're right." he sighed. Her eyes widened in suprise. "What? You aren't going to try to convince me otherwise?" she asked. Jeff looked at her, a look of frustration on his face. "No. Don't you get it? You either love me or you don't. I am not going to beg you to love me! You know I love you and I think I've proven it to you. But if you don't love me then I can't make you. And I'm not going to force myself on you. There are no maybe's in love, Jami. If you don't understand that, then you never will." Jeff said, before turning and walking out of the room, leaving Jami alone. ~

"Tash, do you think Jami's going to come back?" Edge asked. "Yep, I do. I know she will." Tasha replied confidently. "How do you know?" Edge asked, hoping for enough reassurement that he'd believe it too.

"well, after Jami and Jeff had a fight, I ran into her in the hotel hallway. We went to my room and talked. She and Jeff had fought about her not being sure if she loved him, or being able to say for sure she loved him. I listened to her like the good friend I am, then I gave her advice to let him have time alone for awhile. I even went and talked to him that night to give him some insight about something I knew that he didn't. But, that's besides the point. When we were talking in my hotel room, she said something to me about Jeff that gives me complete confidence that she'll be back." Tasha explained. "And she said...." Edge trailed off.

Jeff slowly opened his eyes but wish he hadn't when the sunlight streamed through the window and onto the half empty bed. In his head he heard Jami's voice from when she had first told him she loved him. He had asked her if she was still scared.

He wondered if she would wake up this morning and miss him. Or if she was happy he wasn't beside her. He groaned as he got out of his bed. He was going to work tomorrow, for SMACKDOWN. If he was going to be there in time, he'd have to get started that afternoon, find a hotel for the night, and leave again in the morning.

Again, he wondered if Jami would miss him when she woke up that morning. But what he didn't know was that Jami wasn't planning on waking up at all that morning.

Chapter 20