Quiet Heart
Part Five
Author: Kinkyhobbit
Pairing: references to EW/DM
Genre: RPS
Rating: M
Warnings: Swearing.
Disclaimer: I’m not responsible for these people, which is
probably good considering what I keep putting them through. Luckily for them, I
made it all up.
Summary: Elijah comes home. (The other lyrics in the
story are from The Hummingbirds’ “Tuesday”.)
I’m standing in the push and shove,
And I’m just within the rescue of the labour of your love.
I can’t do anything but fall…
Frente
Viggo was gone when
Elijah woke. It was still dark. He lay there, and in his mind saw Dom’s face as
he’d seen it last time he had come home from working on a film. When the
rumours had beaten him home and found their way to Dom’s ear. He knew he’d see
that face again when he went home this time, too.
He grabbed a fistful
of sheet and curled up in a ball, shutting his eyes tight, but he couldn’t make
Dom’s accusing face go away. He was selfish and stupid and he knew it. I didn’t come here for this, he thought
to himself. I didn’t.
But if he was really
honest, he had to admit he had known the possibility was there, yet he came
anyway. That was just as bad, wasn’t it?
He couldn’t sleep. He
sat up, his face grim. “Right, you idiot,” he muttered to himself. “Fucking
sort yourself out.”
He got out of bed,
pulling on boxers and a t-shirt, and went in search of Viggo.
He found him out on
the porch in a pair of track pants and a t-shirt. Elijah sat beside him, saying
nothing, just staring up at the lightening sky as the stars began to disappear,
one by one.
After a while he said,
“When you’re in LA, do you ever look at the streetlights and get confused and
think they’re actually stars?”
Viggo laughed softly.
“No. Would you?”
“If I stared at them
long enough.”
“And wished hard
enough.”
Viggo reached over and
took his hand, smiling at him, a new light in his face. Elijah couldn’t bear it
and looked away.
“I’m sorry, Viggo,” he
whispered.
Neither of them spoke
for a long time. Viggo’s hand was warm and he didn’t want to let it go.
Finally Elijah turned
to look at him, his voice small in the breeze. “Viggo, I…I didn’t come here for
this.”
Viggo swallowed and
kept looking out over the trees so Elijah couldn’t see his eyes. His voice had
an edge to it.
“I could love you, you
know. I really could. I could really love you, and…and you’d...”
He chewed his lip,
tense, still staring out at the trees. Elijah kissed his hand, feeling it warm
against his cheek.
“I’m…I’m sorry.”
Viggo just nodded and
squeezed his hand.
“I shouldn’t have
come, Viggo. I just…I thought talking to you would help. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s…you came
here for my help and support and I’ve probably just made things worse,” said
Viggo softly.
They sat quietly, the
chill morning air creeping through their clothes. It made the feel of Viggo’s
hand in his even warmer, more human.
“So…you’re going back
to him?”
“Yeah.”
“What do you think
he’ll say?”
“I don’t know. I
should have listened to him in the first place. He said I’d end up sleeping
with you.”
Viggo looked at him
sharply. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
Viggo shook his head.
“He knows you better than you do.”
The horizon began to
change colour with the coming sun.
“I think you should go
home.”
Elijah looked at him,
but Viggo wouldn’t meet his eyes. “He said he wouldn’t be there when I got
back.”
“Do you believe him?”
“He’s said it before.
I don’t know. I hope not.”
Viggo sighed and
looked at him. “You should ring up and change your flight.”
Their eyes met for a
long moment. Viggo was hurt but he wasn’t going to say anything. Elijah stood
and moved behind him, putting his arms around him and kissing his cheek.
Viggo patted his arm.
“If…if you really believe there’s half a chance of…fixing things…you should go
home. Today.”
Elijah hugged him
tight, not sure what to say. Finally he kissed him again and went in to make
the call.
He got a flight just
after
When he got off the
phone Viggo was painting. Elijah stood in the doorway and watched until he
almost fell asleep standing up, then went back to bed.
A few hours later
Viggo climbed onto the bed and sat beside him, gently shaking him awake.
“Hey.”
He mumbled and turned
over, throwing an arm across Viggo’s thigh. Viggo stroked his head, watching
him thoughtfully.
“Come on, Elijah.”
Elijah could smell
coffee and his stomach immediately demanded some. He stirred, sitting up and
snuggling against Viggo’s chest. Viggo handed him a cup and took a sip from his
own.
“Only a few hours,
Lij.”
“Yeah,” he sipped the
coffee gratefully, and looked up. “Thank you. For everything.”
Viggo kissed the top
of his head, closing his eyes and letting his face rest in Elijah’s messed up
hair. They stayed there together, drinking their coffee and enjoying the quiet.
“I might try to call
him again,” said Elijah eventually.
Viggo nodded, picking
up his coffee and walking out onto the porch while Elijah went for the phone.
Dom and Billy were
still sitting on the sofa watching cartoons. Billy had suggested going for a
walk, going to annoy Deborah for a coffee or going out for brunch, but Dom
would not participate in anything that involved leaving the house. He was
determined to wait for Elijah to call again. So instead Billy had flicked on
the TV and they’d found something mindless and silly to watch.
“You don’t have to
stay. I’ll be allright.”
“Yeah, sure you will,”
Billy nudged him. “But I’m going to stay with you anyway.”
Dom smiled and briefly
laid his head on Billy’s shoulder.
“Don’t go all mushy on
me again. There are cartoons to be watched.”
The phone rang. Billy
felt Dom tense, looking at it fearfully as it rang again. Billy sighed and was
about to pick it up when Dom’s hand suddenly grabbed it.
“Hello?”
“Sblomie!”
Dom sighed heavily.
“Liji.”
“Jesus Dom, where have
you been?”
“I’ve been here, I’ve
just…I wasn’t around to answer when you called.”
He heard the strain in
Elijah’s voice. “I thought you’d gone. I thought...Sblomie…I thought you’d
left. Like you said.”
“I nearly did.” Dom
swallowed. “But, I…I really wanted to talk to you because I didn’t want you to
do anything foolish.”
Silence. Nothing. Dom
could almost hear his own heart sink.
“L-liji? Did you…?”
“I’m sorry, Sblomie.
You were right…”
Dom closed his eyes;
Elijah’s trembling, fragile words falling into his ear in a torrent.
“…I should have
listened to you, I shouldn’t have come here but…but I didn’t know what to do, I
love you so much, I just want everything to be right again and…I needed to talk
to someone…I want to make it right, Sblomie…I didn’t…I wouldn’t leave you…”
“Shut up,” replied
Dom, his voice quivering.
“Sblomie, don’t…”
“Shut up and get your
arse home.”
Viggo could hear Elijah
on the phone, could hear his voice but not his words. Heard the panic and fear
in his voice fall away, and knew. He folded his arms and closed his eyes tight
to stop the tears coming. Not yet, he
thought. Not until he’s gone.
Not until Elijah’s bag
was packed and he’d taken it out to the car did they actually look at each
other, and still the words wouldn’t come for either of them. Eventually Viggo
just held out his arms and they hugged each other for a long, long time.
“Viggo, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. It was
probably just a bad idea to begin with.”
“No. You’re my
friend.”
Viggo squeezed him
tighter. “And you’re mine, and I love you, and I’m sorry.”
They didn’t talk much
on the way to the airport. At one point Viggo stopped the car for the traffic
lights and Elijah watched a young couple stroll across the road, holding hands.
As they walked in front of the car the young woman laughed brightly, and Elijah
felt a sudden surge of sadness. We can never do that, he thought. We can never
just walk down the street holding hands.
The lights changed and
he found himself wondering how long they’d been together, if they fought the
way he and Dom did, if either of them was as foolish as he was. Or if, perhaps,
there was none of that and they were just completely happy. That would be nice.
After he had checked
in they walked to the departure lounge. Elijah dropped his bag on a seat and
turned, putting his arms around Viggo’s waist. They held each other silently,
neither of them letting go until the final call for the flight.
“Thank you,” said
Elijah softly.
Viggo smiled and
kissed his forehead, then turned and walked away without looking back.
It had taken Billy a
good fifteen minutes of arguing to convince Dom to stay home and wait while he
went and picked up Elijah. “I’m not having you turning into an emotional wreck
in the middle of the airport. You’ll create a scene out of fucking ‘Gone With
the Wind’.” Finally, thank Christ, Dom had relented, but not without a passing
shot about there being no airports during the American Civil War.
Now he paced up and
down outside the arrivals gate, trying to think what to say to Elijah. There
was no doubt it was the usual situation: Elijah fucks up, Dom cries a lot,
Elijah feels guilty, and they make up. Only he was sick of seeing it happen
like a film-loop from a really bad, depressing film. This time he was going to
do something he’d never done before, he was going to give Elijah an earful.
Despite his promise to Dom that he wouldn’t take sides, he had given Dom a
talking to and something had to be said to Elijah, once and for all.
The whole situation
reminded him of a song…you could go if
you wanted to, but you know that I know, you’ll be back with your tail between
your legs, and a mixed up head…He hummed it, not too loudly, trying not to
smile. His own little in-joke.
When Elijah finally
walked through the gate he bit his lip and smiled at him, and threw his arms
around him. Billy hugged him extra tight, already feeling guilty for being mad
at him. Christ, he thought, I’m turning into Dom, ready to forgive Elijah at
the mere sight of his smile.
He picked up Elijah’s
bag and gazed at him closely. “How are you?”
Elijah smiled, that
smile that said “I’m smiling because if I don’t I’ll lose it completely”. “I’m
okay,” he said softly, taking a deep breath. “How’s Dom?”
Billy chewed his lip
thoughtfully, then turned and began walking towards the car park. “As well as
can be expected,” he said finally.
Elijah followed him in
silence. Not until they were out of the car park and on the road home did he
find the courage to speak again.
“I know I’m an idiot,”
he said, speaking Billy’s thoughts.
“Yes, you are. As much
as I love you, you’re an idiot at times, and if I thought there was the
slightest chance of you breaking his heart once and for all, I’d turn the car
around and take you back to the airport and make you walk home.”
They stopped at some
traffic lights and Billy knocked the car into neutral. “Still, if you haven’t
broken it yet you never will.”
Elijah sighed. “I’m
sorry.”
“I’m not the one you
should be apologising to.”
Elijah glanced at him,
feeling anger rising. “You’ve got no right to be mad at me.”
Billy’s eyes didn’t
leave the road. Finally he sighed and shook his head. “No, I know that. But if
you saw first hand how much you hurt him, you’d be mad too. I mean…you’re my
friend, I love you as a friend, but…Jesus fucking Christ Liji, what are you
doing? You hurt him in the worst way possible every time you go away, you come
back and patch him up, then you bloody do it again! One day you’ll come home
and…” he bit his lip and shook his head. “I…sometimes I just don’t know why he
stays. I really don’t.”
There, he’d said it.
The memory of his voice was loud and now the silence was thick and uncomfortable.
He stared dead ahead
as he drove, trying hard not to look at Elijah. He didn’t want to see him
crying and crumble, not now. Elijah had to know, had to learn it was time to
grow up. Someone had to say it. Deborah didn’t know enough about their
relationship to do that. They’d somehow kept her in the dark about most of the
fights and cheating. As far as she knew, they were pretty happy.
As for the rest of the
gang, none of them really wanted to get involved either for fear of being seen to
be taking sides. Except, perhaps, for Viggo. He made a mental note to call
Viggo and see how he was, have a bit of a debrief about it all. Maybe they
could vent their frustration together.
“I know what I have to
do,” said Elijah in a small voice. “I guess I’ve known all along but…I wanted
an easier answer.”
“Well it’s never that
fucking easy. You want a serious relationship with someone, you have to work at
it. It’s hard work, it’s never always easy.”
“I know, okay, Billy?
I’ve got it now.” Elijah’s voice cracked and he quickly wiped the tears from
his face, angry and embarrassed.
Billy reached across
and took his hand. “I’m sorry,” he said
softly, getting upset. “I’m sorry Liji, I really am, I…I promised Dommie I
wouldn’t take sides, but…I’m having a hard time watching you two tear each
other apart. I love you both, I want you to sort things out, okay?”
“Okay,” Elijah sniffed
and gave Billy’s hand a final squeeze before letting it go.
When they pulled up at
the house Elijah leaned over and hugged him.
Billy ruffled his hair and smiled.
“You going to be
okay?”
Elijah nodded.
“Okay. I’m sorry I
upset you.”
“It’s okay, you were
right.”
Billy smiled cheekily.
“I know I’m right.”
Elijah hugged him
again before getting out of the car.
“Thanks Billy.”
“Anytime,” he nodded,
and then paused, glancing towards the house. “He’s waiting for you.”
Elijah sighed. “Yeah.”
Billy smiled. “Go on,
then.”
Elijah waved as Billy
backed down the driveway and left.
He felt his heart pound
faster as he got closer to the house. He hoped his mother was out because he
couldn’t really face talking to anyone else right now. All he could think of
was Dom.
He paused on the
doormat. His mouth was dry and he was trembling. He took a deep, shuddering
breath, gripped the handle determinedly, and opened the door.
Kinkyhobbit 2002
Home / Five Go Mad in Middle-Earth / Elijah Fiction / RPS
Fiction / LOTR
Fiction
