The Famous Five and the Mystery of Moria

Chapter Six

 

 

Author:  Kinkyhobbit and Kevswitchau 6/02

Genre:  AU, Humour, LOTR/Famous Five crossover

Rating:  M

Warning:  Shagging.

Disclaimer:  We take no responsibility for the characters, but full responsibility for their circumstances.

Summary:  Moria at last!

 

 

Frodo was just in the mood for a swim. They weren’t far from Moria and would probably arrive that day. Despite Gimli’s assurances about how exciting it would be, he felt a little twinge in his heart at the thought of not seeing the sky, or the trees or a river, for several days. This would be his only chance before the darkness of the mines.

 

As usual, Sam stirred when Frodo moved.

 

“Mr Frodo?” he said, sitting up groggily. “Where are you going?”

 

Frodo knelt beside him and ruffled his hair affectionately. “For a swim, Sam. Want to come?”

 

Sam smiled and quickly leapt to his feet, and together they headed to the river not far from camp. As they removed their clothes, Sam’s eyes lit on the ring.

 

“Are you going to keep that on?” he asked tentatively.

 

Frodo glanced at it. “Why? Does it bother you?”

 

Sam looked away and mumbled something. Frodo smiled and glanced around.

 

“I’ll take it off while we’re in the water, okay Sam? I’ll hide it under this rock,” he said, bending down and tucking the ring beneath a rock beside their clothes.

 

They dived into the water, splashing and laughing, and before long were wrapped in each other’s arms, indulging in a long, passionate kiss.

 

When they broke apart, Sam grinned. “I love you, Mr Frodo.”

 

“I love you too, Sam…Mr Sam…”

 

Sam grinned, pausing as he kissed Frodo’s neck. “Mr Sam today, is it?”

 

“Yes…”

 

Frodo was engrossed in the movement of Sam’s lips down his throat, but caught himself when he glanced towards shore where their clothes lay.

 

“Will it be safe?”

 

Sam stopped. “What, Frodo?”

 

Frodo nodded towards shore.

 

Sam swallowed. “Perhaps we shouldn’t…perhaps I should just bathe quickly and then go back to prepare breakfast.”

 

Frodo shook his head. “You do, and you’ll have a very dark lord to answer to.”

 

Sam smiled and pulled Frodo closer, nibbling gently at his ear. “I don’t intend to.”

 

Frodo closed his eyes, whimpering softly as Sam’s lips and hands teased him. They hadn’t been alone together since the previous morning and it wasn’t long before they moved into the shallows and got down to business.

 

“So…who has your ring of power?” Sam asked, grinning wickedly.

 

“Oh…you…you do…”

 

“Who?” He thrust again and Frodo cried out.

 

“Oh yes, Sam…”

 

“What was that?” He thrust again.

 

“Oh! Oh dear…Mr Sam, sorry…”

 

“That’s right,” Sam breathed. “I am the Lord of the Ring…”

 

 

George couldn’t wait to get to Moria. It sounded so exciting! Partying and singing and more of that wonderful beer!

 

She had decided to go for walk before breakfast to see if there was anyone about. She heard splashing and followed the sounds to the river. Imagine her surprise when she saw Sam and Frodo wrestling on the riverbank. They were so quiet usually, it wasn’t like them at all. She thought about joining in but stopped behind a bush when she noticed they had no clothes on! Sam seemed to have the upper hand, but Frodo wasn’t fighting much. She wondered if Frodo needed any help.

 

Then Sam yelled something about Frodo’s ring. She didn’t quite catch it, but in any event they appeared to have had enough wrestling for one day, because Sam got off Frodo and they both stood and began putting their clothes on.

 

George stepped out from behind the bush and began walking down to the bank.

 

“I say, chaps! Beautiful morning for a swim isn’t it?”

 

Sam jumped and quickly pulled his shirt on, blushing furiously. “Hello Miss George,” he looked down and then at Frodo. “I…better get back and begin breakfast.”

 

“Allright Sam, see you back there.”

 

Sam ran up the hill and out of sight. Frodo had his breeches on and was struggling with his shirt.

 

“Sleep well, then?” asked George brightly.

 

“Yes, thank you,” Frodo replied.

 

As Frodo managed to get one arm in a sleeve, George glanced down at the ground. Something glinted in the sunlight and she peered closer. It looked like a piece of chain. Before Frodo could react George shoved the rock aside and pulled up the ring on its chain.

 

“I say, buried treasure!”

 

“Er…er…” said Frodo, looking panicked.

 

“Wait til they see this!”

 

“But it’s mine!”

 

“No it isn’t, I found it first!”

 

“No, I put it there!”

 

“Why would you put a ring under a rock, silly? It’s mine.”

 

“No it isn’t, it’s…” Frodo stopped himself, realising he probably shouldn’t let on exactly what kind of ring George was holding.

 

George took off up the hillside towards camp.

 

“Wait!” Frodo called, still struggling into his shirt. But by the time he got his act together and reached the top of the slope, she was gone.

 

 

The morning was bright and clear. Dick pushed Julian off him and pulled on his trousers before venturing into the sunlight. He yawned and stretched, sniffing the air appreciatively. He could smell breakfast from the Fellowship camp, and noted happily that Anne already had their food cooking too.

 

He was about to see where Anne had got to when George wandered into the camp.

 

“I say, George,” he remarked, startled. “Have you been here all night?”

George blinked, as if waking from a trance, and glowered at him. “It’s mine...my own...my precciiiiooooooosssssssssssss!”

“How very rude,” remarked Anne, emerging from her tent. “Well, if she doesn’t want to share, Dick, let’s just let her be.”

“It’s only a silly ring,” grumbled Dick, reaching for the food.

“Whose ring?” yawned Julian, emerging into the sunlight.

“George won’t let go of her ring,” explained Anne.

“Anyone for a nice big sausage?” called Dick.

“Ooh, yes please!” answered Julian, rubbing his hands in glee.

“Good old Dick,” smiled Anne. “Always ready to share his sausage!”

 

 

Meanwhile at the Fellowship camp, Aragorn paced back and forth, tense and angry. “I should have known this would happen,” he muttered. “I should have seen it!”

“It’s not your fault,” muttered Frodo sadly. “It’s mine.”

 

“No, it’s mine,” said Sam, taking Frodo’s hand.

 

“It doesn’t really matter now,” said Gandalf. “The question now is, how do we get it back?”

 

“Does she know it’s the One Ring?” asked Legolas.

 

“No, I don’t think so,” said Frodo thoughtfully.

 

Boromir nodded at Legolas. “As long as she doesn’t know, we have a better chance of getting it back.”

 

“Why don’t we just tell her it’s important and ask for it?” asked Sam.

 

“Somehow, I don’t think that would work,” replied Gandalf. “She might be tempted instead to put it on. No…as long as they continue to travel with us, we can watch them and bide our time.” He smiled at Frodo. “We will get it back, Frodo. Don’t worry.”

 

“It will be fine Frodo. They’re not so bad,” said Merry. “Anyone who eats second breakfast can’t be that bad.”

“He’s right,” nodded Pippin. ”One of the boys shared his sausage with me just yesterday.”

“Oh, that’d be the dark haired one,” muttered Boromir. ”He’ll share with anybody. I had some after I showed him the horn of Gondor.”

 

“Fine,” said Aragorn, nodding. “I’ll talk to Julian to make sure they’re coming to Moria. I don’t want them changing their minds.”

 

“How will you convince them if they do?” asked Sam.

 

Aragorn smiled. “Well…”

 

Gimli, who had just joined them, nodded. “Let him polish your sword, Aragorn! That will make him happy!”

 

Sam frowned at him. “Mr Gimli…what happened to your beard?”

 

The entire Fellowship peered at Gimli’s beard and hair, which was now entirely done in thin plaits giving him a dreadlock type of look, with bright sparkly scrunchies decorating his hair.

 

“Do you like it?” he asked, fingering the plaits of his beard. “That young girl did it for me, I think it looks distinguished.”

 

“You’ll certainly stand out,” nodded Legolas, transfixed by the scrunchies. He licked his lips and reached out to touch one but Gimli batted his hand away, frowning.

 

“Watch it, elf!”

 

“Grumpy dwarf,” muttered Legolas.

 

 

Aragorn talked to Julian immediately after breakfast. The possibility of polishing Aragorn’s sword meant Julian promised Aragorn the children would accompany them through Moria.

 

The journey was fast and late in the afternoon, as the sun began to set, they arrived at the mines. An enormous grin spread across Gimli’s face.

 

“Ah!” he said, nodding. “Moria!”

 

The group walked around the side of the mountain to where the entrance would be.

 

“Ah,” breathed Gimli in awe. “The walls of Moria.”

 

Further on they rounded a large outcrop of rock, not far from the entrance to the mines. They were separated from a dark expanse of water by a small “beach” of rocks.

 

There was a cry from Pippin.

 

“What is it?” asked Aragorn.

 

“Nothing,” he mumbled. “I just…tripped on that rock.”

 

“Ah,” said Gimli with a smile, nodding and looking affectionately at the rock in question. “The rocks of Moria.”

 

The others glanced at him but said nothing.

 

They stopped in front of an intricately carved stone door.

 

“Ah,” said Gimli again. “The door of Moria.”

 

“Are you going to keep doing that?” asked Gandalf.

 

Gimli scowled and ignored him.

 

“How do we get in?” asked Frodo.

 

“Simple,” replied Gandalf. “We simply speak the password and enter.”

 

“What’s the password?”

 

Gandalf frowned at the door. “Er…oh…”

 

“I say,” said Julian with an authoritative frown. “Dick, go and bend that tree branch over there three times.”

 

Dick did so, but the door didn’t open.

 

“That’s queer,” said Anne. “That usually always works.”

 

Pippin raised an eyebrow at Merry and began skimming stones across the surface of the water. Merry and George joined him.

 

“I wouldn’t do that,” said Aragorn, grabbing Pippin’s arm.

 

“Why?”

 

Before Aragorn could answer, an enormous creature launched itself at them from the water, grabbing all four hobbits in it’s tentacles.

 

“Ah,” smiled Gimli, tears in his eyes. “The multi-tentacled beastie of Moria!”

 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!” screamed the hobbits in unison.

 

“CUDDLES!” squealed the creature excitedly. “GROUP HUG!”

 

“CYRIL!” bellowed Gandalf.

 

Four terrified hobbits hit the water at once and were pulled quickly to shore.

 

“Leave the hobbits alone,” growled Gandalf menacingly.

 

“Want cuddles,” whimpered the creature. “No cuddles for you. You bite!”

 

“That’s right, I do!”

 

The door into the mines was thrown open and a fierce looking dwarf glared at them. “What’s going on here? What’s all this noise about?”

 

“Doc!” yelled Gimli. “Doc, it’s me!”

 

Doc’s eyes widened. “Cousin Gimli! This is a surprise!”

 

After they greeted each other Gimli explained about the Fellowship and their quest, and how they had to go through the mines because they couldn’t get through the Pass of Cannot Pass.

 

“Well then!” grinned Doc. “You’ll have to stay a day or two to get your strength back. We’ll feed you up so you’re nice and strong! Balin will be thrilled to have guests!”

 

He turned and led them into the darkness. As they followed him, Gimli gestured around them.

 

“Ah,” he said. “The halls of Moria!”

 

“If he doesn’t shut up about Moria,” muttered Boromir. “I’ll kill him myself.”

 

Frodo didn’t want to wait and decided now was his chance to get the ring back. George was near the back of the group, so Frodo dropped back to join her. As they passed through a particularly dark stretch of tunnel he grabbed her and attempted to take the ring from her. She threw him off but he grabbed her leg.

 

“Hey!”

 

“Give it to me!”

 

“Randy little bugger!”

 

She smacked him across the head and he bit her ankle in response. George pulled away and took off up the tunnel, catching up with the rest of the group. A frustrated Frodo followed soon after.

 

They entered a wide open area littered with the bodies of dwarves. Gimli picked up an arrow and peered at it.

 

“Orcs,” he muttered, nodding at Boromir. “Could be dangerous. You go first.”

 

Boromir walked ahead of him, staring at the bodies. “This isn’t a mine, it’s a tomb!”

 

“What?” asked Doc. “No, they’re not dead! They’re drunk.”

 

As if to emphasise the point a dwarf near Julian chose that moment to roll over and throw up before passing out again.

 

“Ew,” said Anne, wrinkling her nose. “That’s disgusting!”

 

Suddenly there was a cry from Gimli. He could see through the doorway into the hall where Balin appeared to be lying dead. He cried out and ran towards him.

 

Balin sat up and belched loudly. “Cor!” he groaned. “Pick the bones out of that one!”

 

“Cousin Balin!”

 

“Gimli! Come here and give your old cousin a hug!”

 

Balin slid off the tomb and hugged Gimli fiercely.

 

“To what do we owe this honour?”

 

Gimli explained again about the Fellowship and introduced Balin to those he didn’t know. Balin smiled when he saw Gandalf.

 

“Ah, wizard! Back for more, eh?”

 

Gandalf just shook his head.

 

Balin grinned. “Well then, this calls for a celebration!”

 

He called out and several dwarves came running, along with an orc.

 

“Orcs!” shouted Legolas, reaching for an arrow.

 

“Tis allright, Master Elf, he is a friend!” said Balin, holding up his hand.

 

Legolas stared as Balin gave instructions regarding food to the orc, who nodded and then ran from the room.

 

“We have an understanding with the orcs here. They cook for us, we don’t kill them.”

 

“Sounds fair,” nodded Julian.

 

Several other dwarves came in and Balin gave them orders. Tonight there would be an enormous party, with beer, food, music and karaoke.

 

“Gimli can show you to some rooms and you can settle in before we get started!” said Balin, clapping his hands enthusiastically.

 

As Balin left, Gandalf turned to the rest of the Fellowship, his face grave. “Well, you all know what this means.”

 

“What?!” asked Frodo, his eyes wide with fear.

 

“We must face the long, dark stout of Moria.”

 

“Is that anything like Guinness?” chirped Pippin with a grin.

 

“Yes, my little friend,” replied Gimli. “Only chunkier!”

 

“And made all the more worse by what it is served with,” grumbled Gandalf.

 

“You wouldn’t by any chance be referring to the Curry of Moria, would you Master Wizard?” said Gimli, frowning fiercely and desperately trying to make himself look taller.

 

“Precisely,” replied Gandalf.

 

Gimli huffed and looked outraged. “Well…I…you just don’t have the stomach for it!”

 

“What is this curry?” asked Sam, curious.

 

Gimli grabbed his arm. “It’s a stew of meat and…usually meat, with spices that will strip the skin off your tongue and set fire to your belly!”

 

“Ooh!” said Pippin. “I don’t know about that!”

 

“You have to try it to believe it!”

 

“Sounds dangerous,” said Anne, glancing at Julian.

 

“Oh it is!” nodded Gimli. “Very dangerous!”

 

“But it’s good, is it?” asked Sam.

 

“Wonderful!”

 

“I’ll give it a try then,” he said with a smile.

 

Gimli thumped him on the back, then turned and led them to a dormitory where they could relax until the partying began.

 

 

End Chapter Six

 

Kinkyhobbit/Kevswitchau 2002

 

Chapter 7

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