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Lesson Overview: This free-form lesson for which there is no real answer, right or wrong, deals with the experiences we have had with the divine and how we approach challenges to our concept of the divine.
It was very difficult for me to craft this lesson, because this is such a deeply personal thing for people.
~Kat MacMorgan
What are the methods you use to define your relationship with the divine? Describe your tools, methods and your idea of the ways the universe works. Find at least three other peoples explanation of the theories that make up their belief. Was there ever an event that cemented these beliefs for you?? YOU be the teacher, explain and outline these beliefs in your choice of forms. Tell the Story of Your PERSONAL faith.
This is a tough lesson, because I've never been asked to describe my personal beliefs before. Well, I suppose the best way to do this is to start once more from the beginning.
I first became interested in witches in 6th grade Sunday school at my old Church. We were raised Pentecostal in the Assembly of God church. At the time, we were learning about the "occult". To me, it was the most absolutely interesting stuff, and we learned about Ouija boards, silly mirror games such as "Bloody Mary" and many other strange things. We also learned about witches. I scoffed back then. "There's no such thing as real witches," I told them. Imagine my surprise when they told me that there really were witches, and that they really did worship Satan. I had to know more.
There wasn't much information available to a 12 year old back then, though now I'm quite aware that the information was there, I just wasn't able to access it. I was stuck trying to learn more with what information I had at the time - encyclopedias, dictionaries, and fiction books. Still, it wasn't what I needed to find, but I did find a few other things in my search, namely a passion for mythology - Greek mythology in particular.
Time went by, and I noticed things around me didn't always fit the mainstream. High school was a mind-blowing experience for me. I met all sorts of interesting people, and even had my first contact with people who weren't Christian. I met Jewish people, Buddhists, a few Muslims and even some pagans. The pagans kept to themselves, always afraid that someone would find out, and that would be the end of their exploration. I still couldn't get in with them.
My sophomore year in High school I stopped going to Church, I found that they were too hypocritical for my tastes. I didn't enjoy sitting there every week, twice a week being yelled at by the pastor for things that at the time, I had no interest in doing. Drugs, sex, alcohol - wasn't my thing.
My junior year was the best of all. I came into contact with an old friend, and she opened my eyes and my mind. She had books, real true blue books about Goddess worship, Wicca, and Witchcraft. She had tarot cards and taught me how to use them. She let me borrow some of her treasured books, and at long last I found what I had been searching for. A religion that focused on balance, self-awareness and connecting with nature. I felt like I had come home.
I moved shortly thereafter, and finally acquired a job of my own. I talked to all sorts of people, and I paid attention to things and people going on around me. One of my boyfriend's neighbors was a Wiccan, and directed me to my first pagan oriented store. I'm sure everyone can guess the first book I bought - Wicca: a Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham. I was 17 at this time, and had also been given my first chance to really surf the Internet, and it was even better than before. All of a sudden, I had all this information right at my fingertips! I kept track of all the websites I visited in my quest for knowledge, and I still have that list. Many of those sites are now gone, but I remember them well, for they were what I used to start the base of my beliefs.
Time has gone by, I've had a few sets of tools, and they're gone now - lost during another move. I made a really bad contact trying to find others who saw things like me. A much older man who was far more interested in trying to get me to sleep with him. I dropped off the face of the planet for a while, and went back into the proverbial broom closet. My boyfriend and I had a child, and for a time, I put my practice away. It made my son's paternal side of the family uncomfortable, and so to appease them; I stopped being a practicing Wiccan.
More time has gone by, and now I realize that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of my choice of religion. I am a Wiccan woman, and I feel good about myself. I feel good about being in tune with nature, with the gods and with my son and myself. I started collecting more books, ritual tools, and making contacts in the general community at large. Last spring I came across UEW while surfing the web, and decided to join. What a great experience this has been for me. I've met even more people, online and offline as well, and I feel that I have finally found my place in this world.
Now, on to my actual practice of Wicca… I am a Wiccan Witch, which means that along with being a Wiccan, I also practice magick. I cast few spells these days, but they are a part of who I am. To me, spells are more of advanced prayer, and I use them to get even closer to the gods. I pray often, and always refer to my gods as Lord and Lady, because it seems so much more polite to do it that way. I sing and dance all the time, because it brings me closer to my gods. My patron god is Apollo, Lord of Light, Truth and Music. My matron goddess is Artemis, Lady of the Moon, the Hunt and of Childbirth. I do a nightly devotion to them before bed, and lately my son has been wanting to light a candle of his own. Well, I light it for him, but he gets to blow it out after we're done.
I have three sets of Tarot cards, one for other people's readings, one for just me and my devotions, and a new set that I picked up for ritual use. I use them often, at least once a week, sometimes more. I use my tarot cards to help me to get to know myself better. To help me focus on certain aspects of myself that I need to work on each week. It's been very good for me since I started doing that, too. My friends at college have noticed a subtle change in me - more calm and capable of handling life's problems.
I have a travel set of ritual tools - a carved box that contains miniaturized tools - a wand, an athamé, a chalice, a pentacle, a cauldron, incense, candles and crystals. The box goes pretty much wherever I go, and it comes in handy if I'm out and about and feel like doing ritual. I also have a full sized set of ritual tools, which I finished collecting just a short time ago. I use them primarily when I'm at home doing my Sabbat and Esbat rituals.
I believe in many things. I believe that this is not my only time at life. I believe that I will someday meet my friends and loved ones who have gone before me, again. I believe this because I have to. It's the only thing I've thought about since the day my best friend died. The only death that has really, truly affected me, in more ways than I can count. He was my soul mate, but not in the sense that we were lovers… just really good friends. He understood me in a way that few will ever be able to do, not even my son's father, who I've been with for eight years now.
When my friend died, I knew that he was still there with us for a while. I knew that he was there watching over me and my newborn child, telling me that it was okay, and that I would see him again. It's helped me cope. I went to my first group Samhain ritual this last year, and I did something there that cemented that hope for me. I said good-bye to my friend. It's been almost 3 years now, and I finally was able to let him go. At the ritual, I felt him there. I felt him right next to me, and as I wept, and said the things that I never got to say to him in life, I felt better, and I felt him say goodbye to me as well. But I know that I will see him again, because he said we will meet again.
I don't know what else to say about my beliefs right now. I follow the cycles of the season, I follow the cycles of the moon, I use magick, I believe in reincarnation. I guess the last thing I can say is, that no matter what anyone says, I am Wiccan and I am what I am, like or leave it. My son is showing a strong interest in Wicca, and while he shows this interest, I will teach him the very basics of what I know.
I also had problems finding websites that belong to other people whose beliefs were similar to my own, but I'll keep looking and if I ever find any, I'll post them up here in this lesson.
