I want Nathan back...err
Well, for awhile I have not written because I have been too weak to even move. I have mono. Man does it suck horribly. I have been sick for 4 weeks, my liver is enlarged and I cannot kiss my damn boy-friend for awhile. Er. I missed his birthday...i was going to buy him a cake and spend the night...but NO. BINKY HAS TO BE SICK DOESNT SHE?!

I have missed so much school, it's ridiculous. my dad doesn't want me around because im sick. that fucker. not like i want to be around him, or around his old hag of a slut. I should give them mono. maybe they might die. hmmm

to make my miserable life worse, nathan has left today to florida. I was going to spend most of my spring break with him, so i could take pictures for my scrap book that I am making for him. just tuesday, his mother announced they were planning for florida, and friday they are leaving. for a whole damn mother fucking week, my boy-friend is going to be GONE. i dont think i can bear that, because well, he;s all i talk to. nicole who seems to be some what of a best-friend, is too dumb and niave for my taste of a peron. She is just like everyone else from the gavit pit. A judgemental piece of SHIT. She doesn't know anything about real LIFE. I dont need idiots like her. Same goes for krissi, and allisson, and lenny who is damn well hung up on his whore of an ex. will he not GET it through his THICK head that she is screwed and is screwing him up as well? of course not, because she was his first love and first SEX!! errrrrrrrr! I am postively annoyed to death with such teenage drama. I mean cmon, krissi does not like some guy because he doesnt like potatoes?! who gives a flying FUCK?! my god, you dont like someone because of that absurd reason, then you must not have a brain what so ever.

that is why i like my friends carme and gerardo. they seem to look at a deeper level of life. they realize that trends and labels in teenage society is not what matters. i love that in a person. someone who is willing to talk about things they know and respect, and their morals in life. i love it. thats why i love nathan.

i am going to miss him too damn much. he just left today and i am already weeping underneath my skin. im trying not to show much saddness but it oozes through my mask. i cant go anywhere for spring break. i have to stay home and make sure my liver goes down. Oi, i hope it goes down fast. i cannot take this isolation for much longer.

today was fine. I made a comeback with myfriends. gerardos band was playing in his garage with some other distasteful bands. his band, moment of silence, is actually quite entertaining. as well of the others, not so entertaining. Possibly entertaing as in comedy, because when they perform, all I can do is laugh. maybe its just because im a bitter bitch. anyways, gerardo was not expecting me and when he saw me he hugged the hell out of me and asked why i have not been in school. we talked, bullshitted and Carme came. WE all had our laughs, spanked her ass infront of the video camera, and I called it a night. I came home around 10, didnt want to stay there till 1 like last time. came online and here i am. i talked to an old friend today, i havent seen him on for a long time. sometimes its just a relief to talk to someone you knew back. well i dont know him way back, but he is something of my memory of a life i loved and hated. i dont know. its like 50/50. im not sure about him anymore. i hate being jealous, and i am definatly jealous of a situation with him. ::sighs:: i guess i will never know. it is probably better that way.

all i know right now, is that i miss my nathan very much. i have not seen him for 3 weeks, and hes gone for another. this time i will not hear from him. that brings a lot of saddness to me. next saturday he gets to come over. since i missed out on his bday, im going to buy him a cake and give him his presents. im going to hug him so much! i miss him too much cause for the past couple of months, we were seeing eachother every weekend. then i got sick...and bam. no. errr. i hope this week goes fast, cause i am in no need for slow living.

im going to go. good night