"A child of five
would understand
this. Send
somebody to
fetch a child
of five."
-groucho marx, duck soup
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Genetic Profiling Bill
Orwellian wellness programs: GOP House votes to allow employers require employees undergo DNA testing or suffer the consequences. Sharon Begley for Stat News.
Genocidal 'Masterplan'
Means to an end: Though there seem to be as many motives floated as there are days in the week for Russia's invasion of Ukraine, the evidence points toward just one. Alexander Nazaryan on Moscow's unfaltering intent for Yahoo News.
Giant Mistweet
Unintentional foul: Vying for a wild-card spot, the SF Giants post a tweet that says everything they didn't mean it to. Liz Roscher for Yahoo Sports.
Global Warming
Willful thinking: George F. Will, champion of climate change deniers everywhere, states his case in op-ed piece for The Washington Post that flagrantly ignores science.
'God's Army'  
Southern invasion: In what was billed as a convoy of 700,000 MAGATS, fizzles to a few hundred vehicles in invasion of Texas border town. Rex Huppke for USA TODAY.
Going Ballistic
Paranoia will destroy yuh: In what's becoming commonplace on the peninsula, North Korea tests ballistic missile. Ju-Min Park and Idrees Ali for Reuters.
Going Postal
White House stand-up: Reality television star after publicly characterizing US Postal Service as joke, delivers punch-line with own self-promotion. John Fritze for USA TODAY.
Gone Postal
Rick Perry syndrome: In echoes of Trump's pick for energy secretary - former Texas governor Rick Perry who stated he thought the Department of Energy should be abolished - reality television star appoints GOP donor to screw up Postal Service ahead of mail-dependent election. Chris Riotta on the chaos for The Independent.
GOP Tax Plan
Economic brouhaha: Under Trump's tax reform the rich get richer, the rest get screwed. Mark Zand on Moody's Analytics report.
Got Hemp?
FDA juggernaut: Hemp was federally legalized in 2018, but due to over-complicating the thang, you might have never known it. Shawn Hauser for JD Supra.
Gross Domestic Happiness
Happy heavyweight: The tiny Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan measure's its national wealth not in gold, but in happiness.
Growth Report
Creative accounting: White House report credits reality television star with strong economy, despite weaker growth than promised, poor left scrambling for crumbs. Josh Boak for AP.
Hawaiian Serfdom
Plantation mentality: Since billionaire Larry Ellison's purchase of Lanai in 2012, he's been playing fast and furious with the lives and livelihoods of his island subjects. Sophie Alexander for Bloomberg Businessweek.
Heads on Pikes
Schiff-ty vindication: In January, when Adam Schiff said during impeachment trial that senators had been coerced by threats of beheading, GOP heads shook. Look who's talking now. The Independent.
Health Care Do-over
Shoot the messenger: After unfavorable report on ACA replacement, former House Speaker calls for abolishing Congressional Budget Office. Christopher Wilson for Yahoo News.
Health Care Racket
Out-of-pocket catch: Quarter of Americans with health insurance can't afford to use it. Adriana Belmonte for Yahoo Money.
Health Care Ruse
Sketchy orders: As election looms, reality television star scrambles for points with seniors. Rick Newman for Yahoo Finance.
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Himalaya Meltdown
Critical mass: Next to the Arctic and Antarctica, the Himalayas hold world's largest glacial reserve, providing fresh water to some 1.9 billion people . . . for now. Doyle Rice with the sobering statistics for USA TODAY.
Hippies With Guns
Smoke 'em if you got 'em: 80,000 attend Colorado's first "420" rally since legalization. Eric Pfeiffer for The Lookout.
Historic Suppression
Guns, lies and fire escapes: 2020 is shaping up as testing ground for election interference. Nicquel Terry Ellis for USA TODAY.
Hobby Lobby
Judicial miscarriage: The Peace Team reviews and offers candid critiques of the constitutional blunders of America's highest court.
Hocus-POTUS
Court-ordered intervention: Injunction against "public charge" rule - immigration based on financial ability - overturned by high court in what's become all too common practice: justices promoting policy ahead of law, legal arguments. Caitlin Dickson unpacks it for Yahoo News.
Homeland Gestapo Tactics
Defund the DHS: Homeland Security uses federal occupation to advance reality television star's attack on press. Alex Woodward for The Independent.
Homeland Insecurities
Constitutional crisis: The Department of Homeland Security has blossomed unchecked into an 800-pound gorilla. Nick Turse reports for Mother Jones.
House of Overlords
Marked men: Lord Nazir Ahmed of the British House of Lords and the $16 million bounty he put on the heads of G. Dubya and President Obama.
Hunter's Hard Drive
Questionable intent: While analysis of Hunter Biden's hard drive reveals little in and of itself, optics not good on president's son, White House. Tom Winter, Sarah Fitzpatrick, Chloe Atkins, Laura Strickler and Hallie Jackson for NBC News.
Hunting Biden
First family ties: Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your family as far away as physically possible. John Ward for Yahoo News.
Hypersonic Nukes
Space force: Kremlin ramps up arms race with hypersonic glide vehicle that has counter-maneuvering capabilities. AP.
ICE Surveillance
3 out of 4: After countless FOIA requests, report brings into sharp focus need to curb information-selling by private sector. Amanda Perez Pintado for USA TODAY.
Ignoring Intelligence
Deadly obsession: Evidence indicates G. Dubya ignored intelligence warning of an imminent attack on American soil because he was hell-bent on making a case to invade Iraq.
Impeachment Agreement
Conflict of interest: While his public acts are despicable, White House reality television star's private business may be impeachable. Narjas Zatat on LA's resolution for The Independent.
Imperial Penthouse
Pie-in-the-sky: Reality television star Donald Trump's satellite office.
Impulse Policymaking
The domino effect: Reality televsion star reverses fifty years of policy on Israeli occupation after spontaneous "quickie" history lesson, bolstering Netanyahu's bid for re-election, land dispute. Dominique Mosbergen for HuffPost.
Industrial Hemp
Green-lighted: 2018 Farm Bill expansion of agricultural hemp signals boon for production, products. Zach Guzman for Yahoo Finance.
Intelligence Crisis
Spy vs. spy: Biometrics, digital age signal death knell for espionage as we know it. Jenna McLaughlin and Zach Dorfman uncover the facts for Yahoo News.
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i360
Political data mine: Inside the Koch brothers' king-making machine. Mike Allen and Kenneth P. Vogel for Politico.
Jobs Killer
New math: Rose-tinted report on automation a mixed bag. Ethan Wolff-Mann for Yahoo Finance.
Jurassic Skeeters
Sudden insect death syndrome: EPA to flood Florida Keys with genetically altered mosquitoes to reduce female population. What could possibly go wrong? James Crump for The Independent.
J6 Hearings
Can you hear me now? House Select Committee essentially gives reality television star trial Senate Repugnicans complained he didn't get with second impeachment.
J6 Smackdown
We shall overturn: Chris Christie goes after reality television star for braggartly throwing down truth of what J6 was all about. Colin Campbell for Yahoo News.
Kawa Beach Vigil
Royal land grab: Hawaiian native Abel Simeona Lui's stand over property rights enters third year.
Kenosha Unrest
Black and blue: Law and order teen charged in protester shootings following RNC's hyperbolic hysteria, propaganda. Jaweed Kaleem and Chris Megerian for The Los Angeles Times.
Keystone Resurrection
On again off again: Following State Department boss' lead, White House approves controversial pipeline. Josh Lederman for AP.
Kill Code 
Racist trope: Fanning the flames of racism, civil unrest, reality television star's tweet rooted in murky past. Rebecca Shabad with a history lesson for NBC News.
Killer Hornets
Asian menace: While states take measures to curb COVID-19 pandemic through contact tracing, similar measures being taken at insect level to eradicate predator. Li Cohen on Washington state's race to protect bees for CBS News.
Killer Skeeters
Round two: After 2020's effort deemed a success, EPA expanding use of genetically modified bugs. Tim Fitzsimons for NBC News.
Kim's Weapons Upgrade
In the hunt: Artillery tests by North Korea indicative of advancing weapons technology, arms race. Hyung-Jin Kim for AP.
Kissing Cousins
Relative theory: Finally, "first", "second", "third" and other terms associated with cousins explained. Thanks Wikipedia.
Labor Shortage
Unemployment queens: States that have cut the unemployed from federal benefits continue to see labor gap. Dani Romero sorts myth from fact for Yahoo Finance.
Land Grab
Rumble in the jungle: Emboldened by reality television star Donald Trump's disregard for the law, governors urge him to rescind national monument status in favor of development, polluters. David Sharp for AP.
LGBTQ Win
Queer as folk: In 6-3 decision, SCOTUS extends Title VII protections of 1964 Civil Rights Act to LGBTQ community. Ryan Grenoble for HuffPost.
Liar In Chief
Alternative facts: White House aides caught up in fact-twisting mission to back reality television star boss. Matt Bai for Yahoo News.
MAGA Polling Strategy
Wrench in the works: Supporters encouraged to sit on mail-in ballots 'til election day, a move guaranteed to create confusion, delay, mistrust. Christina A. Cassidy and Ali Swenson for USA TODAY.
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Mail-in Ballots
Buyer's remorse: Last year mail-in balloting was approved by Pennsylvania's Republican majority. Today, on heels of Trump loss, they seek to have mail-in declared unconstitutional, overturned. Tim O'Donnell for The Week.
Mail-in Voting
Three's a crowd: In 6-3 decision, SCOTUS upholds Rhode Island's suspension of requirement that mail-in ballots have two witnesses. Jessica Gresko on RNC's loss for AP.
Make Your Own UFO
In an effort to debunk recent sightings, the scientists at SOHO share the science behind the objects.
Mal-Wart 
Journalism professor Floyd J. McKay connects the dots between everyday low prices and a diminished standard of living.
Magic Kingdom
The mouse that roared: Florida lawmakers strip Disney of self-governance, 'cause everybody knows allowing a corporation to control its own government is bad policy. Tell it to their lobbyists. Ananya Bhattacharya for Quartz.
Marijuana Review
I see dead people: Attorney General Jeff Sessions orders review of marijuana policy in effort to link pot with violent crime. Jeremy Berke for Business Insider.
Megaflood
Aquatastrophe: In early August, Congress took action on climate change with passage of the Inflation Reduction Act. Unfortunately for the Golden State, megafloods are catastrophic recurring events, with or without global warming. Doyle Rice for USA TODAY.
Midterm Fraud
Art of the steal: Trump stable gearing up for automatic challenge of race results in which their horse doesn't carry the day. Asawin Suebsaeng and Adam Rawnsley for Rolling Stone.
The Migrant Economy
Foreign aid: WalletHub rated states by their dependency on migrant workers, California coming in at numero uno, Mississippi dead last. Aarthi Swaminathan for Yahoo Finance.
Missile Crisis 2.0
Cause and effect: Less than a month after Washington's announcement to drop out of INF Treaty, Moscow threatens US with missiles. Andrew Osborn, Reuters.
Missiles Over Japan
Escalating tensions: Pyongyang flings yet another missile into the Pacific amid threats to "sink" Japan. Harriet Sinclair for Newsweek.
Modernizing the USPS
Expedited image: In Washington Post interview, Postmaster General Louis Dejoy fields softballs from Jacob Bogage in largely successful makeover effort.
Mueller Report
Me-thinks the lady doeth protest too much: As Robert Mueller's investigation winds down, reality television star posts hissy fit, signaling attorney general to squash report in face of House vote for transparency. Chris Riotta for The Independent.
Mueller Time
"I'm fucked": The official Report On The Investigation Into Russian Interference In The 2016 Presidential Election in all its redacted glory. CNN.
'Murder Hornet' Rebrand
Vespa mandarina: Washington State Department of Agriculture hatches geoethnic-free description for Asian giant hornet. Ben Blanchet for HuffPost.
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