WE'VE GONE TO WAR.

sometimes i get that feeling like i wish someone who i thought was dead would call me on the telephone.

                 and it pulls

i got a 'care package' from mom tonight. it contained:
one(1) large ziplock bag of homemade cookies (white chocolate chip and cranberries)
three(3) pieces of mail addressed to me, all junk
two(2) five dollar bills
one(1) package microwave popcorn, unpopped
two(2) cadbury eggs w/foil wrap, one(1) suspicious-looking small chocolate bunny
one(1) cd entitled 'classical chinese music' w/red cover and geisha picture on front
seven(7) postage stamps (not the kind you lick!)
two(2) sets of chopsticks, presumably unused
one(1) cocktail umbrella, hot pink
one(1) fifteen minute complimentary phone card from dti

1 i prefer moths over butterflies
2 i like to watch snow bend the trees
6 i don't believe in a soul
7 i cry often and for no reason
8 i laugh often and for no reason
9 i don't mind being screamed at, really
12 i go to the movies for the popcorn
13 i love sno-globes
15 precious things are meant to be touched.
19 it doesn't matter how many years pass, how many days i've gone without thinking about it - when i do, it breaks my heart again 5 million different ways.
20 one day i will make a book of these ways, i'll paint and document the pictures of the heart in various different stages of tearing.
22 willow trees should be made into candy.
28 i love to open windows.
29 sometimes i place an. ending. where it doesn't belong...
52 echoes and the word "drive" make me think of ghosts
55 fruit and sex are intricately connected, especially oranges
57 i love nighttime. being awake in the dark while my half of the world sleeps, watching the wonders that go on, it's just awesome.
65 i like watching hands move.
69 i love the way roots look.
71 sometimes i dream without realizing it.
81 one day i want to see liquid tornados and freight trains.

hello. i know i have been avoiding the big bad journal. i've been writing in the guestbook once in a while, but mostly i've been working on the rest of the site. someone keeps breaking into my guestbook and deleting entries. i'll get to the bottom of it...

well, i have insomnia again, so i've been getting a lot of work done on jamescastle's dive. i wish i had a webcam to document the late night hours. then again, i hardly ever wear pants when i'm on my computer for some reason...
if more people visited my site, i would gladly put up a blog section. then we could talk about REAL things, not just my love for vincent d'onofrio and the f'ed up dreams i had the night before.
i have a new invention: injections of melatonin (whatevertheheck skin colour is called) for white people who have always wanted to be black! a more practical use might be for people who want a tan.
i've actually started writing my book now, instead of just talking about it all the time. it's actually about me, which i had hoped it wouldn't come to. right now, it's mostly a bunch of scraps of paper with random notes, but that's my style. it's about being afraid to leave the house and other people's observations of me (which, incidentally, is really important, since i am incapable of assessing myself). there are a few frightful self-realizations, but mostly it's just me whining about being terrified of the world. you will be able to tell that i've been reading pessoa...