my online journal.
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sunday, 6october2002.
today is a big day for jamescastle's dive. i'm adding a journal section, which i admit i'm hesitant about. i know i can trust strangers with my emotions, but what about the people who already know me? what will i do when this chagnes their opinion of me???
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monday, 7october2002.
MANIA=
PARANOIA=
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tuesday, 8october2002.
sam called me tonight. she said a lot of nice things and made me feel really...good about me. (?!) after we hung up, i painted my nails dark red.
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wednesday, 9october2002.
so my 'therepist' calls my fears chipmunks and bears, which is pretty demeaning, if you ask me. the problems that are the hardest ones for me, she sees as silly, harmless little 'chipmunks', and the ones that don't bother me as much, she sees as the big scary, threatening 'bears'. so i feel pretty ridiculous about the whole thing. her soulution is to just face my fear and follow it in my mind to the worst possible outcome. okay, that's what i DO every day, and that's why i have panic attacks and stomach problems and obsessive paranoia--oh, which we're now calling "sensitivity". if i knew HOW to face my fear, i wouldn't be paying the lady to tell me to do it. honestly...
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monday, 14october2002.
tonight i rode my bike past a young asian guy singing "mmmbop" quietly to himself. it was ten pm.
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wednesday, 16october2002.
today: snow.
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thursday, 17october2002.
today: 'YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT.' i saw it written on a notebook in the lap of a man in suit and tie.
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thursday, 17october2002. ((still))
my favourite sounds:
1. my mom laughing.
2. rain.
3. trains.
4. someone sneezing.
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saturday, 19october2002.
for the last time: I DO NOT LOOK LIKE KATE HUDSON!!!
 
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sunday, 20october2002.
do the stars conspire to kill us all with lonliness?
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monday, 21october2002.
do the stars conspire to pin us down like butterflies?
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