“Isn’t that Angel?” 

Anya’s question caught everyone off guard. Five pairs of eyes who had not been watching the TV in Giles’ living room now swiveled to the screen, riveted. Buffy gaped, too stunned to even begin to question all the whys and wherefores that she should have. Frankly, the scene on the television was the last thing she ever expected to see - even with all the things she’d seen in her life – and she was stunned silent. 

“Nay, that can’t be,” Xander was saying but Buffy wasn’t listening because it really was. She’d know him anywhere. What the hell was he doing on the television? And with… 

“What’s the poof doing with that woman?” This was from Spike and it was clear from the expressions on everyone’s faces that they’d hope no one would ask that particular question. Too bad for them that Spike just didn’t care. 

“Isn’t that Rebecca Lowell?” Willow mumbled, hopefully too quiet for anyone to really hear her, but in the near absolute silence of the room, that was impossible. 

“The actress?” Xander asked, “That Raven chick? What’s he doing with her?” 

“Obviously,” Anya said, “He’s escorting her to the premiere. He looks nervous; I didn’t think vampires could get nervous.” 

Spike shrugged but no one looked at him anyway. All eyes previously rooted to the TV screen were now fixed on Buffy. Spike started to laugh at the pale look on the slayer’s face, the one that clearly said no matter what nonsense she spouted about ‘moving on’ with Commando Loser, she hadn’t made it one step past her love for Angel. Giles, who had already cleaned his glasses in an attempt to refocus his disbelieving eyes on the small screen, moved to his slayer, trying to offer whatever comfort he possibly could. Willow snapped her mouth shut and rose, too, a pitying look on her face for her best friend. 

“I need to leave,” Buffy said and did just that. She ignored the protests of her friends, if she ever heard them, and moved towards the door, automatically checking for stakes as she did. 

Angel was out with an actress; he was on a date with some woman that wasn’t her. Well, what did she expect, she’d ‘moved on’ why couldn’t he? Because she hadn’t really moved on and he’d promised to love only her, but if that were the case, then, really, would he have left in the first place? 

“Argh!” She screamed into the disturbingly quiet cemetery and hopped up on a high tombstone to continue her inner monologue. Why did these things happen to her? Was she destined to be the only one who couldn’t get past her first love? Was she cursed or something? Giles moved onto Olivia after Jenny…best not to think on that. And Willow, she moved on after Oz! Granted, Tara was female…. Even Xander moved onto Anya after Cordelia… 

Cordelia. Cordelia was in Los Angeles, wasn’t she. Cordelia was in LA working for Angel, as a matter of fact, and that meant that a phone call to her never before friend was in order. After she killed something. Violently, viciously, and perhaps prolonging the death just a little, because Buffy really needed to vent some anger.
~~~~~~~~~~
It took her most of her sleepless night and all of the next morning to work up enough courage to dial the phone. She hung up twice before the call went through and on the third try; it took a year of rings before Cordelia picked up. 

“Cordelia, it’s Buffy.” Her voice sounded odd even to herself. “Um, it’s about Angel.” 

“Angel? Oh, right, Angel. How’d you know? You know, I think there might be a problem,” Cordelia said more to herself than Buffy. She now had Buffy’s complete attention, however. “See, I don’t think Rebecca was entirely on the up and up and it may lead to some badness.”

Wes’ words came back to her, but she ignored them for the moment. “Angel’s moment of true happiness occurred because he was with Buffy.  You realize how rare that is – true happiness? And what are the odds he’d find that with an actress?” If Evil Angel really was back – or Rebecca was planning on bringing him back – then Cordelia wanted to be far, far away from it all. Preferably with Buffy on the front line. 

Interrupting the other woman’s short monologue, Buffy couldn’t refrain from screaming, “What do you mean? Has she done something to Angel?” She did, however refrain from adding, ‘That bitch, the slut! I’ll rip her eyes out!’  

“Oh, no, she only asked about him.” 

Buffy paused in the increasingly tortuous techniques she was planning for the soon to be dismembered actress, and said, “What? She asked what about him?” 

“Yeah, you know all those pesky little details about becoming a vampire and all…” In fact, the more Cordelia thought about it, the more she was sure that something bad was going to happen. As in BAD. 

“She knows he’s a vampire?” Buffy yelped. “He told her?” Should she feel jealous that he’d told Rebecca that (not so) little detail? That he’d trusted the woman enough to do so? Regardless of what she should or not feel, Buffy was painfully jealous and wanted to show the insipid actress what a slayer was. Painfully and in as many pieces as she could manage. 

“Oh, yeah, but I don’t think she gets it. I mean she was asking all these things about becoming one, and I tried to explain to her the sheer ickiness of it, but I don’t think she was really listening because she kept saying little short sentence comments like: to live that long must be wonderful. And that Angel didn’t look a day over the twenty-whatever he was when he was turned. But I never got around to telling her about Angelus…” 

“Fuck,” both girls said at the same time. 

“I’ll be there in two hours,” Buffy said and didn’t wait for Cordelia to answer before slamming down the phone, grabbing her weapons bag and heading out the door. Adam, the Initiative, Riley, her friends, no one mattered in that moment except Angel. Buffy could justify it, if she thought about it, as saying that should Angelus get loose Sunnydale would be a really close second on his list of places to visit. 

That thought never crossed her mind. 

There was also the Angel not having to deal with any more guilt that she could have used as a reason to head for LA as quickly as she could. Yes, she owed it to Angel to make sure that his demon didn’t control his body once more, because her (former) lover didn’t need that kind of guilt again That was a legitimate excuse, and one that would have made sense if she’d thought of it. 

She didn’t. 

No, all she thought of was that Angel was seeing some slut…ah, actress, and that he’d told the woman – the bitch – that he was a vampire. Okay, whatever, there were probably a million reasons it had come up, but none of them even bothered to enter Buffy’s jealously filled head. Her heart was bursting with possessiveness and her mind raged in resentful anger. 

LA, here I come.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Cordelia,” Wes said exasperated as he listened to his friend go on about her lunch with Rebecca.

“Sorry,” she apologized and said, “Anyway the whole time Rebecca is real gabby, asking questions about Angel.”

“Well, what sort of questions?”

“Oh, you know, where does Angel hail from, what’s his favorite color, what kind of after-shave he wears,” Cordelia said, trying to delay the inevitable. “The exact specific details on how someone could make themselves into a vampire.”

“Surely you don’t think...” Wes trailed off, trying not to imagine the worst but failing miserably.

“What?” Cordelia demanded, pissed, now that she told Wes, the least he could do was pretend to believe her! “That she’d try to maneuver Angel into an exchange of bodily fluids in order to make herself eternally young and beautiful, thus saving her failing career?  Gee, now that you mention it.” 

“We should get back to the office immediately,” Wes said, already standing. 

“No, we can’t go yet, Buffy’s coming…” 

Over Wes’ shocked “Buffy’s coming?” There was a knock on the door. Cordelia rose to answer it, nodded to Buffy as the smaller woman entered the apartment, and grabbed her keys. 

“Nice place, Cordy,” Buffy said and looked to Wesley who was still sitting on the couch. “Wes, nice to see you, you ready to go?” 

The time for pleasantries was over in the breath it took for Buffy to say her greetings and Cordelia nodded, grabbing her large cross and slinging it around her neck, ignoring the odd look Buffy gave her. Wes followed along, protesting. 

“But we need a plan!” 

“I have one, Wes.” Buffy said, not bothering to turn around as they went down the stairs. “You distract Angel, if he is really…and I’ll-” 

“You’re not going to kill him!” Cordelia yelped as they climbed into Buffy’s borrowed mom’s SUV, “Even if he did make us promise to do just that, we can get Willow to re-curse him!” 

“Of course I’m not gong to kill him, Cordelia,” Buffy snapped. If she couldn’t before, after months of torture, psychological and physical, then what made the other woman think she could now? “I was going to say, knock him unconscious.” 

“Oh. Right. Because that makes sense,” Cordelia babbled as they got out – what was it with extremely short car rides when all you wanted was a traffic jam to hide from the scary monster that was your boss and friend? “You couldn’t kill him before, even when he killed Miss Calendar, so I guess you can’t now, right?” 

“I don’t think you’re helping, Cordelia,” Wes said as they went inside. Buffy didn’t follow but they didn’t notice that until they’d already made it into the office.

“Hey! Where’s B-” 

The elevator was running, distracting them, momentarily, from Buffy. Wesley saw Rebecca and went to help her down. “It’s okay!” Wes whispered to the terrified actress. 

“Oh, thank god!” Rebecca was sobbing by now, the awful coppery taste of the blood still fresh in her mouth. It was never going to leave her she had a feeling. “You have to help me.  He’s trying to kill me.”

“You slut!” This was from Cordelia who was simultaneously wishing they could leave now and let Buffy handle everything and staying, just to see the slayer rip the actress to shreds. That would prove interesting, the seer thought with a smug smile.

“Huh?”

“You did it with him, didn’t you?” So much for Wesley’s theory on only Buffy could give Angel perfect happiness

“Cordelia,” Wes began but was cut off.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  Rebecca said. It had been a wish, but she hadn’t done anything to Angel. He just…flipped.

“What you did to him.”

“I didn’t do anything,” the actress protested, already thinking of how to get herself out of this. Besides, what was the big deal? Angel was a vampire, and he didn’t murder people indiscriminately or even at all. He said he’d given it up! Surely, there was a way… 

“With respect, Ms. Lowell,” Wes said as he looked behind him for Buffy, “You must have done something.”

“Well,” she hedged, “I may have given him something to help loosen him up, and now he’s...”

“Loose?” Cordy finished.

“Yeah,” Rebecca admitted and wondered at the terror reflected in Cordelia’s eyes. And why the pair before her kept looking for something. Or someone. Angel?

“What did you give him?”

Rebecca turned to Wesley, “Does it matter?”

“Well,” Cordy yelled, panicked, “If he’s all homicidal, I’m thinking YEAH!”

“Doximall.”

“Doximall?!” Panic was back and it had company.

“Doxi-what?” Where was Buffy? Better, where was the Evil Angel the slayer was supposed to fight?

“Powerful tranquilizer,” Wes said, trying to calm himself. “It induces…bliss.”

“Bliss?” If Cordelia heard herself screech like that she’d have been embarrassed, but again, terror had a way of making you ignore such things. “As in sheer contentment?  Perfect happiness?!”

“It’s synthetic,” Wesley said, desperate, “Not true happiness.”

“This is really good stuff.” Rebecca offered, trying to help, but not really in any way shape or form.

“He hasn’t really turned,” the former watcher tried to consol both himself and Cordelia. “It’s an illusion – not real.”

“He bit me,” Rebecca said and that had certainly felt real enough. But what were they going on about?

That was enough for Wesley, “Still, we might want to leave the premises for a while,” he said, already leading the two women out the door, “Just until the effects wear off.”

“Well,” the seer demanded, “Are you sure they will wear off?”

“Reasonably sure,” Wes admitted and was about as comforted as Cordelia obviously wasn’t. 

Just then, the lights went out, causing the two in the know to freeze for a horrible second. Angel or Buffy? Did it matter, because either way, the un-enhanced humans were screwed. And then he was there, swaggering through the dark towards them and Buffy still wasn’t there. Where the hell was she, Cordelia wondered as Angel said something to her. Or was that about her? Cordelia Chase didn’t care; she was too scared to. 

“The name’s Angelus,” the vampire said and his voice had lost all mocking. 

“Actually, the name’s Buffy,” a new voice said from the dimness of the entryway. Angel turned in that direction and Buffy smirked, “Hello, lover.” 

The vampire smiled around his fangs, he couldn’t have been more pleased. “Well, now this keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it? Buff, baby, long time no see. How’s life?” 

The trio in Angel’s office were forgotten as the former lovers squared off. Wesley, who had never really seen Evil Angel – Angelus – and Buffy together, was struck by the undercurrents that flowed around them. Violence was heavy in the air, an almost battle of wills between the two strongest people he knew. As Cordelia – who had already been witness to this sort of thing nearly two years ago – all but pushed the scared actress and far too interested ex-watcher out the nearest door, Wes wondered why Angel didn’t attack. 

No time for thinking that now, however, as Cordelia ran a block away from the building, Rebecca, still scared out of her mind, not far behind. Wesley decided to see the women home, first, before…waiting for daylight to check on Buffy and Angel. Angelus. Whatever. If the effects were as temporary as he suspected, Angel would be back to his usual self, long before the sun rose. Still, if Angel had, indeed, managed to kill Buffy, Wesley stood no chance against him. 

And daylight, Wes thought as Cordelia railed into Rebecca – with good reason – for being monumentally stupid and selfish and shortsighted, seemed safest. 

“Looks like your backup deserted you, lover,” Angelus said and reverted to his human face. It was always best to get Buffy when she thought she was dealing with her precious soul-boy. 

“Them?” Buffy dismissed the watcher she never liked and the friend she’d never been friendly with, with a flick of her hair. “Please, like I’ve ever needed back up when it came to you.” 

Stalking closer, Angelus vowed to find a stash of those pills Rebecca so kindly discovered for him sooner than he originally intended. He wasn’t about to let that stupid soul back in charge, not when he had so many things to rectify. Including making sure the woman before him knew what her place was. 

“No, I suppose not,” Angelus purred, and moved the last step between them, running his fingers down her cheek to where the scare stood out against the base of her neck. “No outsiders could come between us,” those long fingers stroked the raised flesh. 

Buffy shivered in desire, she couldn’t help it. Her need for Angel hadn’t abated over the almost-year they’d been apart. It hadn’t when he’d lost his soul, why should separation have made a difference? And if she were honest with herself, Buffy could admit that even then, even when her precious Angel was the demon before her now, she still wanted him. 

In an unexpected move, Buffy tilted her head to the side, allowing Angelus to clearly see the mark, showing a sign of submission, arousing the vampire even more. With a growl, Angelus crushed her to him, pressing his lips to her responsive ones and tasting yet again, her spicy-Buffy taste, breathing in her addicting scent. 

Before her mind completely clouded with lust, Buffy started to maneuver them to the apartment below. She knew there was the elevator, but she could see – before Angelus kissed her – that it was stuck between floors. Vaguely Buffy remembered stairs, though she couldn’t quite grasp how she remembered that. 

They made it to the steps before Angelus realized they were heading deeper into the building. “What are you doing, Buff?” 

Panting harshly, Buffy turned passion glazed eyes to his, bringing a hand to his face to trace the planes of the handsome countenance looking down at her. Pushing away her fear, her betrayal of the being before her, Buffy smiled and returned her lips to his. “Didn’t want the others to come back and interrupt us.” 

Angelus stared at her a moment more, breathing in her aroused scent, her lust and the omnipresent love she carried in her heart. He looked deeply into her eyes, trying to distinguish the secrets of her soul, the truth she was telling him. Then he was kissing her again, his hands tearing at her flimsy shirt, fingers toying with her erect nipples. Picking her up, Buffy’s legs wrapping about his waist, he walked them down the stairs, not pausing until they reached his bed. 

They fell onto the soft surface together, landing across the middle of the large bed, Angelus atop Buffy as the slayer tried to remove his shirt, to feel the coolness of his skin pressed against her. Their coupling was fast, frantic, just this side of too rough as Buffy re-explored her vampire lover’s body and her vampire laid claim to hers. 

“Mine,” he growled as he entered her, looking down into her half-closed eyes. 

Suddenly Buffy flipped them, rising over Angelus like a sun goddess. She continued to move slowly, bringing his hands back up to her breasts as her nails scraped down his smooth chest. She leaned to kiss him, moving her hands to either side of his face for better balance. 

In a swift move that Angelus should have been expecting, Buffy reached under the pillows, yanked out the specially enhanced chains she dug up from Angel’s trunk, and clasped them around Angelus’ wrist in record time. She moved off his protesting body and did the same to his legs, the chains already anchored to the cement floor. That was what she’d been doing when Cordelia and Wesley entered the building alone, she’d snuck through the sewers – not really sure how she knew where the entrance was – and set the scene. 

Moving back to the bed, she stared down at the snarling vampire. Buffy had two choices, leave them both in a state of unfulfilled lust, wait until the effects of the pills wore off – and she killed the actress for being stupid and forward with Buffy’s demon – and leave it at that.

Or she could go with the need clawing in her, the one that hadn’t subsided in Angelus, either, and continue what she’d started. Would Angel blame her for wanting the demon? Or would he understand? Buffy viewed them as one person; separate but equal in her heart. The only reason she’d even attempted to kill Angelus during their last fight was because he’d already awakened Acathla. Buffy had no idea what she would have done if he hadn’t, but that was a moot point. 

“Slick, Buff, I’ll give you that. Always were a tease, weren’t you?” Angelus snarled, mentally cursing himself for falling into the trap she’d set and Buffy for setting it, for not caving as he’d assumed she had when she started this whole seduction. “And here I thought all that practice you’d been getting with Finn would have counted for something.” 

The fact that his voice burned with jealously wasn’t lost on either of them. 

Angelus smelled the human’s scent all over his, Angelus’, mate when Buffy first walked into the office and was going to destroy the boy. Now he was going to make sure Finn suffered even more for the fact that Buffy effectively caught him at his own game. 

Something snapped inside Buffy. It wasn’t the fact that Angelus taunted her over her sexual relationship with Riley, it wasn’t that he’d resorted to the same derisiveness that he’d used before, no it was something entirely different. An epiphany one might say. 

Angelus wanted her; she knew that, even before, in Sunnydale, she’d known that but now, now it all made sense. Now Buffy understood it. And now she was going to use it to her advantage. 

Just as quickly as she’d moved off him, Buffy climbed back on, sinking over his still rampant erection with a hiss of satisfaction. “If you though that, you’d never have kissed me, lover,” Buffy said and began to move over him. “You’d have killed me the second I submitted to you. You’d have snapped my neck and gone after Cordelia and Wesley and that slut of an actress.” 

Buffy leaned closer, moving faster as she panted, “You’d have killed me that first night after Angel and I made love. You wouldn’t have bothered with months of psychological torture and mocking threats, Angelus,” she said, stressing his full name. “You wouldn’t have entered my room every night and watched me sleep. You’d have killed me then, but you couldn’t.” 

Buffy moved her mouth to the side of his neck, clamping her teeth down on the dead artery there. Angelus’ eyes rolled back and he snarled in need, her name a roar as he exploded within her. But Buffy wasn’t finished. 

“You want me, you love me, and now you have me.” She moved her own neck to his elongated teeth, desperate for the release he promised. 

Without thinking it through, without thought of any kind, Angelus sank his teeth into the soft flesh presented to him. With a groan of absolute peace, he felt Buffy stiffen over him, her inner walls clenching around him over and over in her own orgasmic release. He only pulled his fangs from Buffy’s neck when he felt her begin to slip down his body, automatically wrapping around his prone body. 

Throwing a leg over his bound ones and settling her head over his chest, Buffy slipped into sleep almost instantly. Leaving a chained Angelus to scowl down at her. Conversely, sleep threatened yet because of the few mouthfuls of slayer blood he’d consumed, he felt stronger. He knew that slayer blood never lessened, and that power would course through him forever. Still, when he awoke the drugs would most likely have worn off and that ridiculous soul would be back in control of his body. 

But then Buffy leaned up, kissing the side of his neck and snuggled – snuggling of all things – further into him and Angelus gave up the fight.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Oh my GOD!” 

The screech was enough to wake the slumbering lovers and Buffy jerked upright, grabbing for the corner of the comforter as she did so. Focusing bleary eyes on the image before her, she blushed. Honestly, she hadn’t intended for her seduction game to go as far as it did. Apparently, both Angelus and her own body had other ideas for that. 

Risking a glance at the vampire chained to the bed, Buffy couldn’t tell, in that brief look, whether he was Angel or Angelus. Either way she was afraid to know. If he were Angel, would he hold her actions of the previous night against her? And if he were Angelus, then, oh, Lord, then she’d done it again. The one thing they’d guarded against so painfully. She robbed her love of his soul. 

“You two did it!” Cordelia continued. “I can’t believe it. And here I thought you were here to help, Buffy. I should have known better, no wonder Angel left; you just can’t keep your hands off each other. And ewwwww! He wasn’t even Angel; he was the mean, evil one!” 

“Cordelia, shut up!” The vampire roared, effectively silencing the brunette. Both women swung their eyes to him and stared, waiting. “I’ll explain everything later and possibly apologize, but right now, you need to leave!” 

With a squeak, Cordelia did just that. Buffy edged to the end of the bed and gathered all her courage to look at her lover. He looked the same, and Buffy had experience with both personas. His eyes held love, need, and sorrow in their dark depths, but something else, too. A hardness that hadn’t been present, before, in Angel, but was all too obvious to her, in his demon. His demon, however, had never looked at her with love and sorrow in his eyes. 

“Angel?” Her voice was soft, hesitant. 

 He paused in his answer and Buffy’s heart tripped in its beat. “Yes,” he said slowly, as if he wasn’t sure himself. “I mean I’m back, my soul’s here, I’m me.” 

“Oh, good then,” Buffy said and cursed herself for feeling hurt that he still had a soul. It wasn’t that she wanted Angelus to roam free, but it meant that…it meant that Angel didn’t love her enough any more to experience that moment of perfect happiness. “I’m glad,” she continued and stood to dress. Where were her clothes? Spotting only her panties, Buffy grabbed Angel’s robe off the nearby chair and wrapped herself in it instead.

Big mistake, it smelled like him and Buffy was suddenly drowning in it, tears pooling in her eyes. What kind of fucked up human being was she? To want her lover to lose his soul? Maybe that therapy her mother kept trying to pushing on her was the way to go after all. 

The chains rattled and Buffy looked up from her intimate perusal of the floor. Angel had tried to move but couldn’t because she hadn’t unchained him. Looking at the nightstand, she grabbed the key and silently unlocked the shackles binding his wrists. Backing away, Buffy stood and tried not to watch his beautiful body as he unchained his ankles. 

“It’s not what you think,” Angel said as he stood in front of her. He was naked, still, gloriously naked and Buffy tried, desperately, not to look at him. “I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong.” 

“Ha,” Buffy said bitterly, “I’m sure I’m not. It’s okay, Angel, I understand. You don’t love me as much as you used to, which is probably a good thing in this case, I know that because you left me. I just…it’s stupid anyway, I mean if you had loved me as much, then you’d have lost your soul and we’d be back to where we were yesterday.” 

“You’re wrong, Buffy,” Angel said and tipped her chin so their eyes met. “I love you as much now as I did that first time we made love. I think, beloved, that you saved me.” 

She was in no way following him. “What?” 

“I don’t exactly understand it myself, but I can’t hear Angelus any more, I can’t feel his hatred or hear his demands for release.” Or his need for Buffy, but Angel wasn’t telling her that. He was just as possessive as his demon when it came to his (their) slayer. “Something of him is still within me, because I can feel him, but I can’t hear him, not like I used to. Whatever you did, and I have no idea how it happened, I think you somehow merged us.” 

“By screwing your demon?”

“By loving me enough to do so.” He corrected and kissed her lips gently. 

Buffy pulled back and looked at Angel. Hope warred with suspicion in her and Buffy couldn’t help but ask, “How do I know this isn’t a trick?” 

Placing his hands on her shoulders, Angel maneuvered them back to the bed, sitting on the edge and pulling Buffy between his knees. “I know you can tell the difference, beloved. What do you see?” 

Swallowing, the slayer looked at the vampire before her, seeing not only with her eyes but with her heart, too. Her senses opened completely and she used every means within her to survey him. 

Vampire, the slayer said but there was no urgency in that word; the slayer within in knew the one before her, knew every nuance there was to him and accepted all of him as the woman did. Mate, that same slayer said, and it was final. 

Lover, the woman said and there was a caress to the word. A certain knowledge that no matter what happened before or in the future, or how many others there might or might not be this man/vampire/all before her was the only being she’d ever consider her lover. 

Angel, her soul said and it was filled with everything she’d ever felt for the souled vampire and everything she ever thought or wanted to know or knew or believed. It was a bright happy light that warmed her, completely, though the man himself issued no physical warmth. 

Angelus, something else within her said and it was fright and raw passion and a certain wisdom that said without the demon the soul wouldn’t ever have existed in the incarnation Buffy knew him. The demon was both the yin and the yang to the soul’s yin and yang. Without one the other wouldn’t be here with her today, certainly not in the position they both were: in love with Buffy Summers the Vampire Slayer. 

Angel’s yin and Angelus’ yang were so intertwined that no matter how one looked at it, they were whole. If ‘yin’ was dark, passive, downward, cold, contracting, and weak, and ‘yang’ was bright, active, upward, hot, expanding, and strong, then both demon and soul were both yin and yang, a continual movement of those two energies, yin to yang and yang to yin, causing everything to happen. 

It was true, Buffy thought as she continued to look in Angel’s eyes. She could see the soul there, shinning brightly back at her with all the love and affection he had for her, and deeper, though not hidden as it used to be when Angel was in charge, Angelus’ obsession with her, the need and want he had for her and the hatred that went hand in hand with that. If he’d have been the one to originally know her, would it have been the same? Buffy had no idea, but knew that now, with the circumstances being what they were, he did. 

Angel loved her. Angelus loved her. And somehow, they had both finally merged into the being before her. Suddenly overcome with emotion, Buffy couldn’t speak but leaned forward and kissed him. 

With a growl, Angel returned the kiss, pulling her closer and running his hands under the black silk of the robe she wore. He made a mental note to get Buffy her own robe, something short and red perhaps. He lifted her then, settling his love over his lap, hands tracing the soft lines of her body. 

They took their time, filled with a sense of wonderment that this, if it was indeed true – and they probably should check that, but later – was only the first of many times they could make love with each other. Whispered words of love were interspersed with gasps of passion and urges of more. When Angel entered her heat this time, Buffy made no move to chain him to the bed, though several ideas flashed before her for future use. 

In tandem they moved, attuned to everything the other did or wanted. And when they climaxed this time, together, it was in a wave of love so fierce they were nearly swept away. At least they’d be together, and in the end, that was what counted. 

Angel picked her up, lifting her slightly to settle them under the covers before pulling Buffy close to him once more. “I love you,” he whispered into her hair and pressed a kiss there. “I never stopped, beloved, I swear.” 

“I love you, too, Angel.”
~~~~~~~~~~
The couple was once again awoken by the screech of friends. This time several weapons were pointed directly at them, as well. 

“Uh, hi guys,” Buffy said with a sheepish smile on a face flushed with pleasure and happiness. 

“I suppose you have an explanation for all this?” Giles said it but Wesley nodded in tandem. Apparently, the pair of ex-watchers had already discussed something. 

“Um, well,” Buffy trailed off and looked to Angel who was in game face and scowling at their unexpected company. For the briefest of moments, Buffy thought she was wrong, that Angelus had somehow tricked her despite her intimate knowledge of both demon and soul. But no, the vampire sharing the bed with her was firmly in command of his soul, that much she knew. 

“Get out,” Angel said with a growl. “And maybe I’ll explain.” 

No one moved and it was obvious Angel was growing angrier by the second. Buffy quickly said, “Trust me, he’s Angel, but you ah, really should leave.” 

For another few moments that felt so much longer than they actually were, no one moved. Finally, Cordelia and Willow backed away from where they were on the fringes of the group. Hey, if Angel really was all soulless, they wanted to be able to escape. Giles and Wesley were the last to leave, with Wesley giving a stern admonishment. 

“You have five minutes to meet us in the office…Angel.” 

“OUT!” He roared and sent the dawdling group – they hadn’t gone that far after all – heading directly for the upstairs office. 

“Well,” Buffy said and was only mildly surprised there wasn’t a trace of fear in her. “I suppose this whole merging thing, which I think you might be right about, really happened, but it still needs work.” 

Angel ignored the warning Wes had given and Buffy’s words, and turned to his lover, pulling her away from the edge where she was attempting to leave the bed. “Who cares, it’s not their business anyway.” 

The merging must have rubbed off, because when Angel kissed her, Buffy was more than inclined to agree. Who cared what they thought? It wasn’t their lives, and they’d all survived before, after all. It wasn’t their loves, either, so what did they really know?
~~~~~~~~~~
Closer to an hour later, after Angel had thoroughly ravished her again, Buffy and Angel calmly walked into the office part of the building. 

Xander was the first to jump on them, demanding to know what they were thinking, how they could possibly be so selfish as to ‘do it’ knowing the consequences. A single growl from Angel shut him up but the younger man continued to mumble things just loud enough for everyone to hear. Angel finally threatened to chain him upside down in a demon bar if he didn’t shut up. 

It was effective. 

Giles and Wesley were calmer with their questions, but no less strident in their quest for answers. 

Leaving out the more intimate details of their experiences – with Angel insisting that none of it was their damn business – the couple – Buffy – told the assembled group what they believed happened. The fact that Buffy had sex with Angelus while Angel was still within and that somehow that caused the two beings inhabiting the body to merge. Angel scowled at the assembled when a myriad of protests sounded at Buffy sleeping with Angelus and reminded them: 

Anya used to be an eleven hundred year old Vengeance Demon  

Xander slept with Faith and was now dating said eleven hundred year old demon.  

Cordelia slept with a demon on their first date who impregnated her with his hell spawn.  

Giles was heavily into black magicks in his youth.  

Willow did a spell to have her will be done – oh, yeah, heard about that. You didn’t really think that news of the slayer ‘marrying’ Spike wouldn’t spread?  

No one said a word but there were mutinous expressions all around at Angel’s revelations. In the end, Angel kicked the group out, saying, “If you want to research this little phenomenon, fine, go ahead. But if you disturb us again…” the threat was left hanging and he led Buffy back down to his apartment. 

“What about Riley?” Willow wanted to know. 

Buffy pretend she hadn’t heard her and continued to walk into the basement apartment with Angel. Once there, however, she sighed. “I do have to get back to Sunnydale. I have to rescue Riley who mysteriously got himself kidnapped; I have to kill the so-called unstoppable demon there, too.” 

“Do they all use the adjective, ‘unstoppable’?” Angel asked as his lips trailed down Buffy’s neck. 

“Probably,” Buffy agreed on a sigh. “Still, I have to get back” 

“Hmm-mm, later.”
~~~~~~~~~~
It was much later when Angel pulled into Sunnydale, his sleeping lover curled against his side. He didn’t bother to take her to her dorm, and never even thought to take her to her mother’s house. Instead, he carried her into the Crawford Street mansion that Angel still owned. 

The sheets covering the bed were thick with dust, but the bedding underneath smelled only a little musty. It’d have to do for the night, Angel thought as the sun began its daily climb, and curled around Buffy and fell into a heavy sleep. 

While the scoobies had spent considerable time fighting, researching, and again arguing about the new Angel, they stumbled across the access needed to get into the Initiative. Actually, Spike, once he heard them talking about Angelus merging with Angel, had abandoned his plan to work with Adam and gave Willow the disks she wanted, nearly free of charge. 

In less than a day, he was packed up and gone, swearing that Sunnydale was nothing but bad luck for him and he should have listened to himself ages ago. He found Drusilla, no longer in Brazil but now in New York, and they made up. Or as much as they could, considering it was another three years before the Initiative hardware malfunctioned and Spike was again a puppy with fangs. It was rumored that the couple was living happily in Madagascar for the moment. 

Riley was rescued, but less than happy to learn that his girlfriend not only had an ex that was most definitely back in the picture, but that the ex was a vampire who was so not happy to see the human. It took a while, Riley not really believing the story he’d been told, but the commando finally understood what was so blatantly being thrown in his face. 

Buffy loved Angel and now that they could be together, now that she knew it was possible, she wasn’t going to let the vampire go. Whatever restraints she’d placed on herself after Angelus’ first appearance – Xander had been more than happy to fill Riley in on all those details – were broken and scattered to the winds. 

After the downfall of the Initiative, the commando left town, claiming that he needed to ‘find himself.’ Apparently realizing that the organization he worked for, had devoted his life to, was all a lie and that there was more to it than they ever let on, coupled with the knowledge that the woman he loved was in love with one of those demons he was trained to capture was too much. 

He had a breakdown shortly after leaving Sunnydale and was currently being made comfortable in a government-controlled facility. They had high hopes for his full recovery. 

Buffy left Sunnydale, moving to LA with Angel and into a nice suite of rooms in an old hotel he bought. Cordelia and Wesley still worked for him, but kept mostly to themselves now, not entirely sure of their position in the vampire’s life. And not entirely sure they were comfortable working with the merged version of their friend. Guilt they understood and used it to their advantage as often as they could. This Angel didn’t care what they thought, only continued his work because he enjoyed the hunt, the kill, the mad sex with Buffy afterwards… 

Buffy, for her part, left the Hellmouth firmly in the hands of Giles, Xander, Anya, Willow, and Willow’s girlfriend, Tara. Faith had actually come out of her coma and, much to the surprise of all, Buffy hadn’t tried to kill her sister slayer. Instead, she called the Watcher’s Council and had them deal with her. Angel had made an attempt to rehabilitate her, but Faith had too much anger within her to even listen to the efforts of the vampire. 

Though the sense of failure was strong, in the vampire, a new slayer, Dawn, was assigned to the Hellmouth, with a new watcher. It took a while for Angel to get over the guilt he felt in failing Faith and Buffy to get over the guilt she felt in calling the council so quickly. They both had a part in the Council’s murder of Faith, but hoped that in death, the troubled slayer had found the peace she sought for so long. 

They’d married the next year; it was a simple ceremony, an exchange of rings and vows, with their friends bearing witness. Those same friends who still weren’t sure about anything, but finally accepted that nothing was positive in this world and that happiness should be snatched when it was in front of you. 

It was a lesson Willow learned when Tara was killed protecting Dawn, the newest slayer, and Xander learned when Anya was killed while fighting the most recent opening of the Hellmouth. Buffy had to fight to keep Xander from killing himself in a berserker rage when he witnessed his lover’s death. Through magick no one knew Willow possessed, the redheaded witch closed the Hellmouth in a fit of pain and anger over Tara’s death. No one had seen Willow since, and Xander moved with Giles to England to help train the next slayer.
~~~~~~~~~~
“You know, if this spell doesn’t work, we’re out of options,” Angel said several years after the beginning of their renewed relationship. 

“I know,” Buffy said with a smile, kissing her husband once before standing in the center of the protective circle. 

Over the years, they’d tried to find a spell that would make Buffy immortal. Not invincible, for Angel wasn’t either, but at least long-lived enough to live forever with her immortal lover. Granted, neither really had a desire to give up their nocturnal activities, they both enjoyed fighting demons, and doubted their ability to stop. It was engrained in Buffy as part of her slayerness, and there was enough of Angel’s desire to make amends within the merged being to see that he continued to atone for his past deeds. 

But the idea of Buffy dieing because of old age was simply intolerable. So, for the past few years, the couple researched ways to hinder that mortalness and make Buffy as immortal as Angel. The idea of doing what had been done to Angel was quickly dismissed; too chancy, not enough proof that it could be repeated and Angel wasn’t willing to take the chance on Buffy.

The Sumerian words flowed from Angel and a faint blue glow surrounded Buffy. ‘Life is forever, it’s a never-ending cycle that promotes eternity, she who stands before you is the giver of life, the seeker of forever. Accept her sacrifice and grant her request.’  

The sacrifice, of course, was heavy. They could never have children, never see them grow into their own and have families to continue the line. Friends and family would die, and their friends and family, and so on while Buffy and Angel continued to look the same, live into the future, become history. 

It was a price they were both willing to pay because they needed each other more than they needed anything else in their lives. Even if this spell didn’t work and those lives lasted only as long as Buffy’s did. 

In a final burst of magickal energy and radiant light, Buffy collapsed onto the floor, Angel rushing to her side immediately after finishing the spell. Breaking the circle, he lifted her into his arms and carried her to their rooms, laying her on the bed. Then prepared to wait. 

It wasn’t a long wait; she roused fairly quickly, reaching for Angel instantly. “It worked, love,” Buffy murmured without opening her eyes. Her whole body hurt but she wanted to tell Angel first. 

“How do you know?” It was almost too much to hope for, but if it was true… 

“I heard a voice that bellowed – a whisper would have been fine, believe me – but the voice said that my wish was granted so long as I stayed on the path we followed. If we deviated too much or too long, then all would be retraced.” 

Overcome with emotion, Angel simply kissed her, knowing that while there were still dangers to them, still the possibility that his love would be taken away from him, those were things they could and would fight. 

“I love you, Buffy,” he said and climbed into bed with her, kissing her again at her murmured, “Love you, my Angel.”

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