It was her. 

There was no other way to look at it. 

It was her. 

Faith stared at her reflection in the mirror for long, long minutes, looked at her brown eyes, her nose, mouth, cheeks, chin, forehead, hair. It was her. She was too tall for, or too curvy, or too cocky, or too defiant and that was why Post defected, or too…Faith’s hand shot out and smashed the mirror, sending the shards of glass flying to the floor and embedding chunks in her fist. 

It wasn’t her. 

Why couldn’t they just accept her? No, not they. Never they, who cared about they. Why couldn’t Buffy just accept her? Why couldn’t her sister have confided in her? Faith would have kept her secret, she wouldn’t have told anyone that Angel was back. Buffy had gone on and on about her ex-lover…current lover, it seemed. The love she felt, the pain, anger, heartbreak; Faith knew how she felt over loving and then losing Angel. Why couldn’t Buffy confide in her? 

Because Buffy didn’t trust Faith. It was simple enough; Buffy didn’t feel she could tell Faith, her sister slayer, her friend, the other half of her drive, energy, passion and slayerness. She didn’t want to, that’s what it was. She didn’t want to tell her. Had kept that secret, had lied to her, had ditched her, had… 

Faith didn’t realize when she started to cry, never noticed the tears that trickled down her face or the sobs that wracked her body as she rocked herself on the floor she didn’t remember falling onto. 

Why? Why? Whywhywhywhwhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy? 

Buffy. It was all Buffy. The friends, the mom, the watcher…Angel. Angel, it was all about Angel. Buffy and Angel, Angel and Buffy. 

Faith’s head snapped up and the once vacant gleam in her eyes was replaced by something else. Something vicious and insane and needy and wanting and jealously and, and, and…it was all about Buffy with Angel. That’s what she kept from Faith. That’s what her sister hid all these months. Even while Buffy was growing ever closer to Faith and further away from her friends, it was always Angel. 

Well then, it was simple. Angel must die. 

No, she laughed. Not die. Turn. He had to turn from Buffy’s sweet and precious Angel into what her sister hated the most. Angelus. 

Faith stood, wiping her cheeks with her bloody hands, leaving a smear of tears and blood across her cheeks. She barely noticed. 

This was what she got for relying on someone other than herself. This was what happened when she trusted another being. When she loved them. This was what she deserved because she should’ve known better. Had her life taught her nothing? Obviously, it hadn’t if she made a mistake such as this one. And a huge one it was. So what was she going to do about it? What was she prepared to do? 

Washing her hands in the sink and carefully picking out the shards of glass, Faith contemplated her choices. Willow or Xander? No, they didn’t know either. Giles? No, B had laid into him pretty hard – and man that was something to see, way to go, B! Besides, it was obvious the watcher couldn’t be trusted if he drugged Buffy. If he could to that to the slayer he loved, then what was he prepared to do to Faith? Oz? The wolf knew about Angel and Buffy, but Faith always saw him on the fringes of the group. Cordelia didn’t count, the cheerleader never counted as far as Faith was concerned. 

Shit, she was blind. Angel. It always, all, everything came back to Angel. Angel who had returned from hell for Buffy, Angel who had lost his soul in a moment of perfect happiness with Buffy. Angel whom Buffy had lied about all these months, Angel whom Buffy kept secret, Angel whom…Buffy loved. Buffy loved Angel, she chose him over everyone in her life, friends, watcher, mother…even Faith. Especially Faith. 

Well, then that was the answer, wasn’t it. Angel. Angel became Angelus and Buffy freaked. All the things she told herself over the months, while hiding her lover from the rest of the world crumbled around her perfect little life. 

Faith wanted Angel; she wanted him because she wanted what Buffy had, wanted that body – she wasn’t blind even if she had been trying to stake him – and she wanted the sex that was obviously excellent. Over two hundred years of experience had to account for something. Faith wanted to show Buffy that her precious lover wasn’t all hers, she wanted to show her so-called sister that things – and people – could be taken away from her. 

She’d get Angelus…and Buffy would have no one.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Why did you leave the mansion?” 

Angel looked at Buffy and frowned. “You were in danger,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Rupert put you in danger.” 

“Angel,” Buffy said but then stopped. What was she going to say? He was right; Giles had drugged her, put her and her mother in danger and then lied about it. It was the lying that angered Buffy the most, the fact that she railed at the Council right in front of Giles and he said nothing about his own involvement. Had, in fact, purposely hidden it. 

“You were in danger,” Angel repeated and Buffy knew it wasn’t because he’d somehow reverted to his immediate post-hell ways. His next words confirmed it. “You think I’m going to sit back and watch this happen to you? No, Buffy, I’m not. I don’t care what I have to do or who I have to do it too. You were in danger and Rupert placed you in that danger.” 

Buffy was silent for long moments. “How did you know it was Giles?” Her voice was small, scared, hovering just on the edge of tears. She moved closer to him as they walked back to the mansion, tightening her fingers around his. 

“Spike,” Angel said and for a second Buffy thought the vampire was back in town again. But, no. “He was – and is – obsessed with Slayers. When we used to hunt together,” Angel paused, closed his eyes and thought. It was still sometimes hard to recall things, sometimes painful and sometimes just hard to do. 

“He made it his business to know everything he could about Slayers and what they were, who they were, where they came from, the Council. Especially the Council. He ran into one Slayer who was going through the Cruciamentum. Her watcher was hovering on the outside of the scene, recording things. There are two kinds of watchers, Buffy,” he said as he wrapped his arm around her smaller form. God, she was shaking. Angel stopped walking and leaned against a nearby wall, the crypt old and musty. 

“The first kind is Rupert, he cares, he wants to help, he knows it’s not fair to have one girl in all the world fighting all the forces of darkness no matter how long it’s been done that way. Sometimes doctrine can’t be changed. Not all watchers are like that. Some are more brainwashed into Council thinking than others; they know the score and are cold, unfeeling people. They don’t care if their slayer dies because it’s inevitable.” 

Tilting her head up, Angel met her eyes, brushing a lick of hair the wind caught and that teased her cheek. “This slayer had that kind of watcher. He was recording her encounter in the Spanish street we were on. Wanted to see how she fared with those…drugs,” he spat the word as if he’d tasted them himself, and really he had. Thankfully, they didn’t affect vampires. 

“Spike saw her, wanted to go a few rounds with her. He didn’t, not once he realized what was happening. He let her live, told her it was because she wasn’t worthy of being killed by him.” Angel smiled here, fond, reminiscent. “It was because even as a vampire he didn’t want to kill a slayer that wasn’t fully up to speed. He didn’t want to kill her when it was obvious that what made her a slayer was somehow suppressed. He killed the watcher instead.” And now his eyes were hard and uncaring; apparently even as Angelus he didn’t like the odds and detested the watcher. 

“And the slayer?” Buffy asked, curious. “What happened to her?”

Angel shrugged, “I don’t know. Normally, when one watcher dies, another is called,” his voice was mocking and Buffy gave him a ghost of a smile at that. “I’m fairly sure that was what happened here. We left Spain shortly afterwards to head…east.” A fine tremor ran through him at those memories. “She probably faced whatever challenge the Council set up for her, passed or didn’t, and that was that. But the Watchers always know, Buffy. And they’re always the ones to administer the drugs.” 

A tear escaped her eyes, slowly making its way down her cheek and Angel let his fingers run lightly over her skin, capturing the tear. It absorbed quickly into him, and he felt her pain and anger, her betrayal and her loss of trust in the one man she thought she could trust above all others. The one who was with her during Angelus’ reign when she didn’t have her lover to see her through the pain. 

“I don’t know how I can trust him again,” she whispered as Angel’s arms tightened around her, holding her close as she sobbed. 

“You kept secrets from him, too, Buffy,” he pointed out with a self-decrepitating grin. 

“Yes, but that was different. You weren’t going to try and kill me or my mother; you didn’t take away my powers.” 

“But it’s still keeping secrets and to him, it’s still a betrayal of what you two have.” Had? Angel was afraid it was all in the past tense now, that the last months, especially the last weeks, had ruined the implicit trust and affection between watcher and slayer. 

“I know,” Buffy whispered. “Take me home?” 

“Of course,” her lover whispered and pressed his lips to hers. Without another word, he took her hand in his and led her back to the mansion.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning was awkward at best. 

Willow walked into the hallway and glanced around as if everyone knew what she was thinking. No one else was there, and for that she was mostly grateful. No Buffy, no Xander, no Faith…and no Oz. No Oz. Something in her heart cracked at that, at what he hadn’t told her and what he had…so this was what he felt like when he discovered she and Xander. God, it hurt. 

“Willow!” Hearing her name, the redhead turned and looked at Percy. 

“Oh, hi, Percy,” she smiled, and knew it was forced. 

“Hey, look about that Math stuff, I’m having a small problem with it,” he told her in his normal tone of voice. “There are these letters in it. Why does math look like English?” 

He didn’t know, she thought as she listened to his math problems. Of course, he didn’t know, how could he? There was no way he could know, not everyone’s life revolved around theirs, no matter what it often felt like.

“You mean ‘x’ minus ‘y’?” She asked as she walked to his locker with him, trying to find Oz while listening to Percy. 

Xander watched his childhood friend animatedly talk to the star football player. A flash of jealously shot through him; not because he had any romantic – or lustful – feelings for her, but because she felt she could talk to Percy. Xander had called her twice last night and Willow hadn’t answered her phone. Or called him back. 

Was it his own fault? Xander wondered, but couldn’t quite accept that. Because accepting it meant that he admitted to wrongdoing, admitting that meant that he had to realize the mistakes he made and the things he’d done to the people he called friends. All of which he knew and none of which he was ready to do. He wasn’t ready to admit to anything just yet. 

He wandered down the hallway avoiding glances – did they know? – and people – no, they couldn’t know – on his way to the library…no, couldn’t go there. There meant facing what he’d done…and what everyone else had as well. Best to leave it for later. Much later. 

Faith watched from the shadows as Xander passed her without noticing she was there and Willow chatted with that baseball player. Basketball, whatever. No one noticed her and she liked it that was. She didn’t want to be seen, though why she was in the high school she had no idea. Because she wanted to see them? Because she wanted to see Buffy? Because she wanted to see what happened between the other slayer and her ‘friends’? 

None and all of the above. 

Moving further into the shadows of the hallway, ignoring the strange looks of the students and faculty, Faith waited. And there she was, Miss Slayer herself. All cool and collected, all smiling to herself – damn she must have just returned from Angel’s and it all made sense now, didn’t it. That look B got on her face, the smile, the distant look in her eyes…it was the way she looked when she thought of Angel, her undead lover. Bitch. 

Well, Faith thought as she hid from Buffy. Damn, she forgot that they could sense each other, it was that whole slayer thing. But Buffy continued on when she couldn’t see Faith. Scowling, Faith moved out from behind the stairs, standing in the middle of the hallway as people swarmed around her. How could Buffy not feel her? Bitch, how could she not want to talk with Faith? 

She tried, she tried to do it like Miss White Bread, she tried to play by the rules and it didn’t work. Well, fuck that. It was her turn, and she was going to make the rules now. She tried it B’s way and Buffy screwed her over big time. No more. Never again. Now it was on her terms.

“Faith,” Buffy said quietly and the slayer whirled. So she had noticed her, she had sensed her. Some part of Faith was relieved, another hardened at that. Who did she think she was? 

“I’m sorry,” Buffy said straight off. “I had no right keeping this from you and I should have told you about Angel.” 

“Hey,” Faith shrugged, a movement of her shoulders that showed her restlessness and feigned uncaring. “No big. I get it, you had to protect Angel.” 

“Yes,” Buffy nodded slowly, her eyes a deep earnest green as she hoped her sister slayer understood. “But I should have told you. I know you…I know that you could’ve helped, but at first, when Angel first came back,” her voice cracked here. 

“He wasn’t…and I didn’t want anyone to think that he was Angelus when he wasn’t. I just wanted to help him, I just wanted him to get better.” 

“Obviously he is,” Faith said and there was no inflection in her voice. 

“Yes,” Buffy smiled, but then sobered. “Still, after all those nights…after everything we shared…I should have told you.” 

“Yeah, B,” Faith nodded and turned away. “You should’ve.” 

Buffy watched Faith walk away, down the hallway and out the door. Well, that didn’t go at all well. And yet Faith was the one person she expected to understand, even when Buffy had kept so much from her. Maybe she should have confided in her more, maybe she should have told her the truth, maybe, maybe, maybe. But all the maybes in the world weren’t going to change what happened. 

Buffy hadn’t and she lost her sister in the process. 

“You okay?” Oz asked from beside her. 

“No,” the blonde shook her head and looked at the man who had become such a good friend over the past months. “You?”

“Not at all, I’ve had better dentist appointments.” 

Buffy chuckled and nodded. “Yeah. Have you talked to Willow?” 

“No,” Oz’s eyes looked down the hall to where the redhead was at her locker gathering books. “I wasn’t ready and I don’t think she is either.” 

“I know.” Buffy started walking down the hallway towards her own locker slightly down from Willow’s. “I don’t know what to say to any of them.”

“I’m not sure it’s up to you to make the first move,” Oz said, his gaze still on Willow. “I think it’s up to them.” 

Giles watched his slayer and the werewolf talk by Buffy’s locker. He didn’t know what to say and wasn’t’ sure he could say anything that wouldn’t sound accusatorily. She deserved it, oh, Buffy deserved it; she knowingly and willingly harbored Angel from them, keeping his return a secret and dragging Oz into her lies. 

Council. Cruciamentum. Lies.

She purposely didn’t tell them Angel had returned and if he was truly soulled when he had returned, then why hadn’t she? Why had Buffy kept it a secret for months? God, months with that, that killer roaming around, the man who had murdered Jenny and tortured him. Angel. Angelus. Soul. Demon. 

Council. Cruciamentum. Lies. 

Giles reentered the library, fairly certain that none of the normal gang would enter his haven this day. And relieved at that; he wasn’t up to company at the moment.
~~~~~~~~~~
Giles was sitting on the study table facing the library doors, his arms folded across his chest. He looked bored and…something else, like the demons he fought on a nightly basis plagued him even now. 

“Of course,” Wesley Wyndam-Pryce prattled on, “Training procedures have been updated quite a bit since your day. Much greater emphasis on fieldwork. 

“Really?” Giles asked, though it was clear he didn’t expect an answer. Or want one from the annoying prat before him. 

“Oh, yes,” Wesley nodded as he looked through several boxes. “Not all books and theory nowadays. I have, in fact, faced two vampires myself. Under controlled circumstances, of course.” 

Rolling his eyes and uncrossing his arms, Giles muttered, “Well, no danger of finding those here.” 

“What,” Wesley asked, “Vampires?” 

“Controlled circumstances.” Buffy chose that moment to enter the room, cautiously and quietly. It was her first trip into the library since the night of the big revelations and she wasn’t sure of her welcoming. But not talking with Giles was eating her from the inside out and when Angel had yelled at her to talk to her watcher or he’d force her to do it, Buffy figured it was better on her own. Beside, Angel still wanted Giles dead no matter how she felt on the matter. 

Apparently she’d been moping a tad too much even for the broody vampire. Go figure. 

“Hello, Buffy,” Giles said with a cautious smile. Things between them were strained and almost nonexistent at the moment, but Wesley didn’t need to know that. 

Buffy narrowed her eyes and looked at the man before her. Well, if it wasn’t obvious before, it was glaringly so now. “New watcher?” 

Wesley moved a step closer, his hand held out in greeting. “Wesley Wyndam-Pryce,” he said and dropped his hand when Buffy made no moved to grasp it. “It’s so very nice to meet you.” 

“Is he evil?” Buffy asked and continued to stand in the middle of the room. She didn’t know what to do now, her whole plan was blown away; this Wesley wasn’t supposed to be here, she was supposed to speak with Giles about all the things that had happened and work something out. Either the no talking ever again thing, or something a little less…drastic. 

“Evil?” Wesley repeated, confused. 

“The last one was evil,” Buffy reminded everyone, but her eyes were on Giles. And her watcher was a liar. 

“Oh, yes,” Wesley nodded as if he was remembering a particularly great event from the past. “Gwendolyn Post. We all heard. No, Mr. Giles has checked my credentials rather thoroughly and phoned the Council,” it was clear he wasn’t pleased with that. “But I’m glad to see you’re on the ball as well. A good Slayer,” he said as if they were having some kind of secret conference. “Is a cautious Slayer.”

Whatever. “Is he evil?” 

“Not in the strictest sense,” Giles said, “No.” 

“Well,” Wesley said and Buffy was waiting for him to clap his hands together. “I’m glad that’s cleared up. As I’m sure,” he continued and picked up a journal, “None of us is anxious to waste any time on pleasantries, why don’t you tell me everything about last night’s patrol.” 

Just then, Faith entered. She wasn’t sure why, but she wanted to. Buffy was in there, she knew that, but couldn’t reasonably justify to herself why she wanted to be in the library when Buffy was. 

“Ah,” Wesley said in that condescending tone of his. “This is perhaps Faith.” 

Faith stopped and focused on the stranger. God, did all watchers look the same? “New Watcher?” 

Both Buffy and Giles nodded from opposite ends of the library. “New Watcher.” 

Snickering, Faith turned on her heel and left, “Screw that,” she said over her shoulder. 

Buffy looked at her and shrugged. Why hadn’t she said that? Well, it wasn’t too late now. Without another word, she turned and left the watchers to their…watching. It was, after all, what they did best. Running down the hall, she caught up with Faith. 

“Faith, wait!” Faith stopped but didn’t say anything. “The park tonight?” She eventually said for lack of anything else. 

Faith nodded and left the school grounds, still having not said anything directly to Buffy. The blonde sighed and headed back into school. When had her life gotten so complicated?
~~~~~~~~~~
“I’m sorry again,” Buffy said later that night as they patrolled. 

It was their first patrol since the ‘incident’ in the library where everything about Angel’s return and Giles’ betrayal came out four days ago and things were awkward at best between the slayers. Buffy’s words were the first either had spoken since meeting in front of Weatherly Park, their designated starting place. That was two hours ago. 

“So you said.” 

“You have every right to be angry, Faith,” and though she understood it, Buffy hated it. “But I just didn’t know what to do!” 

“So you’ve also said.” 

“I know. But I’ll say it again. I’m sorry.” 

“Look,” Faith said and turned to Buffy. “I get it, okay? You didn’t say anything because you weren’t sure how I’d react. Fine, I understand. Even after we spent all those nights together sharing our pasts, all those sordid details and all, you still felt you couldn’t trust me with your big Angel-secret. Fine. I get that, too. Let’s drop it, okay?” 

Buffy opened her mouth to protest; to repeat her apology again, to beg, plead, or beat it into Faith how horrible she felt over the whole thing. But she didn’t. Angel’s words floated back to her, about how everyone needed their own time and that Faith needed to work through this on her own. 

“Want to go to the Bronze, later?” Buffy asked as they took the long way around, heading outside the park and through the alleyways and darkened side streets that littered this section of Sunnydale. 

Before Faith had a chance to reply, half a dozen vamps dropped down on them, attacking en masse. Considering the level of feelings that were running through both slayers, it was a quick and dusty fight. Punch, kick, stake, move on. Beat the vamp to a bloody pulp first before staking, because it was a fine way to work off your anger and betrayal, your heartache over lies to your friends, your sister and hey, they were good at it. 

“Hey!” Faith shouted, “What’s with the swords?” 

And then the original five were joined by another group, these with the swords that Faith had just noticed. 

“He has the amulet!” One of the newcomers shouted, moving to where the slayers were just finishing the fight. “We must get it back.” 

“Well,” Buffy said with a sly smile and moved to Faith’s left. “We can’t have that, can we?” She asked the vamps, but it was really directed at Faith. Her sister smiled. 

“That would be bad,” Faith agreed. 

And the fight was back on, but this time the prize was the amulet the new vamps seemed so intent on reacquiring. 

Faith turned to face the vamp behind her, and just in time, too, he was aiming for her neck. Instead, he punched her and the slayer fell back a step, losing her place by Buffy’s side. He tried to hit her again, but she ducked, bringing her leg up in a kick aimed at the side of the head. 

Separated by two vamps, Buffy’s back was against the alleyway wall. She blocked two punches from a vampire, landing her own fist and propelling him backwards. He went down and she staked him immediately.  Glancing at Faith, Buffy noted she was holding her own and looked back to the vamp with the mysterious amulet. One of the vamps surprised her with a blow to the head and Buffy had to struggle not to fall. 

Her attacker advanced on her, steadily beating her; pissed, she kicked him with a roundhouse to the back of the knee and he lost his balance. Fishing on the ground for her stake, Buffy threw it in the back of the vamp who was holding Faith, trying to bite her. He exploded into dust and Faith sent her sister a grateful look. 

“You have been tasted,” the vamp said with a start. 

“Huh?” Buffy asked as they traded blows. Man, this guy was better than the average vamp Sunnydale saw. 

“Bitten,” he said, knocking her backwards and further into the alley. “Who’s mark is it you bear?” 

“Angelus,” Buffy hissed and hoped Faith couldn’t hear her. She had no idea what this vamp was talking about, but the only vampire to ever bite her was Angel as they made love. 

He reared backwards, momentarily caught off balance at the name and it was enough for Buffy to grab the amulet and plunge the stake into his dead heart. He exploded into ashes with the surprised look still on his face. Angelus?! 

“B!” Faith shouted from the mouth of the alley as sirens echoed in the background. “Gotta go!” 

Buffy raced to the opening, the amulet clutched in her hand and the slayers ran a few blocks away before the police made it to the scene of their fight. Of all the times for a quick response, it was now? 

Breathing heavily, Faith grinned at Buffy. “Tell me you don’t get off on this!” 

Smiling back, Buffy tucked the amulet into the back pocket of her jeans. “It didn’t suck.” Turning to Faith, “Bronze?” 

“Bronze.” 

The music was loud and pounding, the beat hard, fast, hot. Like every other night they danced together, the boys surrounding them didn’t count. It was them, the beat, and their combined energy. The lyrics didn’t matter, the crowd didn’t matter, all that mattered was them and the way they moved together. The pumping energy that surrounded them, the way it felt after dusting all those vamps, the rush, the thrill. 

Buffy suddenly looked up and smiled. Faith noticed, noticed when Buffy broke out of their world and into another. Bitch, moving away from her to her vampiric lover. Whore, leaving her for the fiend, the vamp, the…she ignored Buffy and tried to return to her world. It wasn’t the same, not without Buffy there, not when it was only her energy, not their combined force. Bitch.

Angel looked pissed as he watched his woman dance with so many strangers. He didn’t mind Faith, knew the rhythm the slayers had together, but the others…the others were lucky to leave the club alive. Buffy moved through the crowd as quickly as she could towards Angel. Reaching him, she jumped up and wound her legs about his waist. 

God, she wanted him. From the feel of him, from the look in his eyes and the low growl rumbling through his chest, he wanted her, too, and just as badly. 

“What’s wrong?” Buffy asked, her lips hovering near his. 

“You’re mine,” he snarled, kissing her roughly, hand fisting in her hair to anchor her to him. 

“Yes,” she breathed deeply, her body molding to his. 

“Who are your new friends?” He demanded, backing further into the shadows and pressing her against the wall. 

Who? Who was he talking about? “Them?” Buffy quickly looked over his shoulder at the crowd still surrounding Faith. She was pushing one away and it was clear to Buffy that she’d lost their rhythm, the pulse that beat between them. “Pft,” she dismissed, “Boys! I like you.” 

“You better,” Angel snarled and kissed her again. 

Faith looked to where Buffy and her lover had disappeared to. The corner was dark and she doubted any non-supernatural being could see them. But she could. She could see the way Angel kissed her, the way Buffy’s head fell against the wall in pleasure. She could see the vampire’s hands move down the blonde’s petite body and the reaction from both of them. She could see them fucking right there, hidden in the corner, ignorant to the outside world, uncaring about anyone but each other. 

Well screw them, too. Fuck that slayer thing, fuck Buffy’s friendship, fuck them both. Faith didn’t need her sister. She didn’t need anyone. 

Still trying to recapture the energy, Faith waited until Buffy and her lover finished, waited while they said a few words to each other and Angel left with a soft kiss to the blonde’s lips. Bitch. And him, the vampire. She should’ve staked him when she had the chance. Faith didn’t understand why he hadn’t killed her, why he’d been so careful, almost gentle with her during the ‘incident’ earlier in the week. 

And she didn’t care. She couldn’t. If she cared, then…then…then…. 

“Faith!” Buffy shouted and pulled her out of the circle of men all vying for her attention. “Angel knows what the amulet is for and where the demon’s hiding out.” 

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