Grimlock:  Osiris, get your hand out of the Cheez Curls bowl.  What’s the matter with you?

Osiris Prime:  But I’m hungry!  And I love cheddar!

Grimlock:  We’re not starting the party until everyone gets here.  We’re still waiting for CPU, DPR, X, and AC.

Osiris Prime:  Bummer.

Mech Warrior:  Isn’t that funny?  We’re missing everyone who has those initialed-names.

Chrisbot:  That is funny.  Osiris!  Get away from my grilled cheese sandwiches!

Osiris Prime:  Well, if we’re not gonna eat yet, can’t we watch a movie while we wait?  Maybe there’s something on cable.

Preview:  Yeah!  They’re showing George of the Jungle on HBO.  Who’s got the remote?

Unicron:  I do.  And you can’t have it.  I’m watching.

Osiris Prime:  Oh come on, Uny!

Unicron:  (smacks Osiris) Don’t ever call me that!  Now sit down and behave.

Osiris Prime:  (whimper)

Preivew:  Don’t worry, Osiris.  I brought along some DVDs.  Here, we can watch The Matrix.

Osiris:  You’re a lifesaver!  I love The Matrix!

Chrisbot:  Who doesn’t?  (pretends he’s pulling something apart)  Now, light our darkest hour!

Preview:  No, you dum dum!  The Matrix!  As in, “Free your mind!”  You know?  Keanu Reeves!

Chrisbot:  I don’t want to talk aboot Keanu Reeves.

Grimlock:  What’s going on here?  You causing trouble, Preview?  If you want to watch DVDs, go into the other room and watch.  Just don’t start talking about Keanu Reeves in here.

Mech Warrior:  That’s right!  This is a Fourth of July party.  No Keanu Reeves talk allowed!

Preivew:  How about Christopher Reeves?

Mech Warrior:  For Primus’ sake, NO!!!

Chrisbot:  (snicker)

Mech Warrior:  What was that, Chrisbot?  You laughing at me?

Chrisbot:  Um… no…

Mech Warrior:  Good!  Coz you don’t want to see me angry.  Oh, no you don’t!  I know five different wrestling holds and seven kinds of dropkicks.  I’ll beat you so bad, you’ll start talking like Wheelie!

Grimlock:  Hey, no Wheelie talk either.

Mech Warrior:  Sorry.

Preview:  Hey, the DVD is working great!  We’ll be in the other room if you need Osiris and me.

Unicron:  So what’s keeping you?

Preview:  Well, I think I dropped the case of my DVD around here.

Osiris Prime:  I think it’s in the Cheez Curl bowl.

Grimlock:  Osiris!  Halt!  Put your hands on your head and march into the other room.  Now!

Osiris Prime:  Bummer.

(Osiris and Preview leave)

AC:  Sweetie!

Grimlock:  Hey babe!  You’re here!

AC:  Where’s my kiss?

Grimlock:  (kisses AC on the tip of her nose)

AC:  You call that a kiss?  Come here! (grabs Grimlock)

Grimlock:  Hey wha – mmph!  Mmm!

AC:  Mwah!  Mwah!  Mwah!

X:  Don’t get up for me.  I’ll just let myself in.

CPU:  Yeah.

DPR:  Ditto.

Mech Warrior:  You guys made it!  What took you so long?

DPR:  We overslept.  AC, CPU, X, and I were up late preparing firecrackers.  I also have fusion cannon sparklers and TM2 Megatron heads that spit fire.  I would’ve brought my blaster, but it had a quasar jam.

X:  And I brought food.  I made two kinds of cookies – bluish angular ones and bluish block ones.

Mech Warrior:  That looks like energon.  Raw and cube.

X:  Exactly.

AC:  Mwah!  Mwah!  Mwah!

X:  Are those two ever coming up for air?

AC:  (Finally pulls away)  Sigh!

Grimlock: (grins)  And I thought you’d be happy to see me.

CPU:  (sits beside Unicron)

Unicron:  (looks at CPU)

CPU: (smiles)

Unicron: (gives CPU the Cheez Curls bowl)

CPU: (munches)

Unicron: (looks back at the TV)

DPR: Okay everyone, take one sparkler each.  Now let’s light some firecrackers!

Chrisbot:  (shrugs and lights one)

(It blows up)

Chrisbot:  That was fun.

DPR:  That was nothing!  Let’s go outside and light Thundercracker!

Chrisbot:  Don’t you mean firecrackers?

DPR:  No.  I fit five hundred little firecrackers into life-size paper mache model of Thundercracker!

Grimlock:  That sounds cool!  Let’s go outside and light it!

(Everyone runs out to the ERB backyard.  There is indeed a life-size paper mache model of Thundercracker.)

Chrisbot:  She’s beautiful!

DPR:  Just think!  We’ll be the talk of all the other parties tonight.  Once Thundercracker takes off, she’ll blow up in a spectacular show of sparkling lights and colors!  And it will spell a sentence in the night sky!  It will say “Till All Are One!”  It will be so incredible that the neighbors will be drooling in envy!

Mech Warrior:  Yes!  Light it!  The suspense is killing me!

DPR: (lights it)  Hit the dirt!

(The fuse fizzles, then dies)

Grimlock:  What happened?

CPU:  Nothing happened.  It’s a dud.

DPR:  I don’t understand it!  It should have blown up! (starts jumping up and down)  It’s not fair!  I spent a long time making that!  I worked hard! (runs to the Thundercracker and starts kicking it)  I’ll MAKE it blow up!  Ha ha ha!

AC:  Eeek!

Mech Warrior:  Somebody stop that fool before he blows himself to kingdom come!

Chrisbot:  Why, Mech, who sounded like Mr. T just then!

Unicron:  Oh, just let the poor guy kick all he wants.  It’s not gonna blow.

Osiris Prime:  And if it does blow up and kill him, no biggie.

Unicron:  Where did you pop up from?

Preview:  Nobody told us the party was starting.  I am hurt.

(Everyone go to DPR)

Grimlock:  If it’s any consolation, I brought a firecracker.  Here, let’s light it.

DPR:  That puny thing?  It’s as small as a cornflake!

X:  It is pretty small, Grimlock.

Preview:  That thing couldn’t tear a hole in a sheet of tracing paper!

Grimlock:  You got it all wrong.  This thing is extremely dangerous!  It could blow your arm off!

DPR:  (grabs it)  That’s a laugh!  I dare you to light it… like this! (puts it in his own mouth with the fuse sticking out)

Grimlock:  Are you crazy?

DPR:  Go on!  Light it!  I triple dare ya!

(Preview and Osiris Prime laugh uncontrollably and fall over backwards)

Unicron:  I’ll light it.  (lights it)

Grimlock:  Nooo!  You’ll kill yourself!

Chrisbot:  Go!  Go!  Go!

BOOOOM!  (The blast throws everyone in the air.  DPR is black with soot.)

DPR:  Ohhhh… (runs back to theThundercracker and kicks it furiously)

Mech Warrior:  That was some explosion!

Chrisbot:  I’m blinded!  I can’t see a thing!

X:  No, silly.  That firecracker burned the power lines.  We lost electricity.  It’s a blackout.

AC:  DPR brought a lantern with him.  It’s in his bag.

CPU:  Here it is.  Hmm.  It’s a matrix.

Chrisbot:  I get it.  Light our darkest hour!

(The lantern glows warmly.  The ERB members stand looking)

Grimlock:  (hugs AC) Happy Fourth of July, sweetheart.

AC:  Purr!

Unicron:  Is she purring?  Quit it!  It’s getting on my nerves!

AC:  Meyow.

(BOOOM!  Thundercracker explodes)

Preview:  Ha ha ha!  That was great!  It was exactly what happened in Batman Returns!

Osiris Prime:  Did you guys see that movie?  Catwoman says ‘meyow’ and a building blows up!  I love it!

DPR: (comes crash landing back to earth)  Ha ha ha!  I did it!  I told you it would work!