Just Some Stupid Kinda Funny Crud
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: <---- I HATE YOU....WHO CARES WHAT'S PLAYING?!?!?
Topic: This is effing Hilarious
Breaking Up
Chuck had seen it coming for a time now, and Laura finally decided to break up with him.
"I'm sorry Chuck, but you just don't have a good sense of humor," Laura said one day, "You're dry, boring and you never seem to say anything funny."
Chuck who didn't feel she was correct in the least, simply smiled and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, Laura. I'm sure you'll make some guy very happy some day," she smiled and blushed a little, "then, he'll zip up his pants, leave $20 on the dresser, and forget to close the door on his way out."


Wife is Leaving for Vegas
A wife comes home and says to her husband, "I am moving to Las Vegas - I hear you can get $400 for sex". The husband runs to the bedroom, starts packing his bags and says "I'm coming along to see this!"
"Why?" asks the wife, "Why would you come to Las Vegas with me?"
Husband replies, "Because I've gotta see you live on $800 a year!"


"Gray Hair"
A senior citizen decided to visit the social security office to sign up for his benefits. Upon his arrival the clerk asked for proof of his age. When he reached for his wallet the embarrassed man realized he had left it home. After explaining his problem to the clerk, she replied, "Don't worry, just open your shirt, and if your chest hair is gray you will qualify." The senior citizen opened up his shirt and was soon signed up for his benefits.
Upon arriving home, he related the story to his wife. She looked at him, smiled and said, "Too bad you didn't drop your pants. You would have qualified for disability too!"

This crap is soo mean.
These people have too much time on their hands.

Top Ten Things To Do When Shopping Begins To Suck
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: How to kill a piece of string, performed by my friend's cat
Topic: This is effing Hilarious
1. Get boxes of condoms & put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
2. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and announce in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
4. Put some M&M's on lay away.
5. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
6. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
7. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
8. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
9. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

(I got this in an email from a friend and it was worthy of my webby status)

I tried #4 #6 #7 and #10
(It was hilarious to the extreme)