"Hi Tay," she whispered, pushing some of my hair out of my face.
"I missed you," I replied. She rested her forehead against mine for a second, staring into my eyes, before giving me a kiss.
"I'm glad you're home." She unwrapped her limbs and I set her down on the ground. I held onto her hands and pulled her closer to me, just enjoying feeling the warmth of her body near mine and the scent of her shampoo. A very tired Zac hastily pushed past us into the house, followed by an equally fatigued Isaac, and then our father. Dad smiled and nodded at Megan, then winked at me.
"I'm sure that the couch in the sunroom missed having company this summer," he stated. "Why don't you get reunited with it?"
I picked up my bags and followed Meg into the house. It was so nice to be home again, finally. Touring was always fun, but, like Dorothy said, there is no place like home.
"Hello, Zac. Are you just going to stand there all day?" a voice startled me back to the present, and I looked at the front door to see Reagan's mom standing behind the screen. I managed a smile, and she smiled back at me.
"Oh, um, hi," I replied, taking the steps of the porch two at a time.
"I was wondering when you'd come around," she told me, opening the screen door to let me into the house.
"Well, I was traveling this summer. I tried to call…"
She nodded. "I know. Reagan got all of your messages on the machine," she informed me. My eyes widened in disbelief.
"She did? Why didn't she ever call me back?" I asked. Reagan's mom shook her head, then turned to the stairs.
"Reagan? Will you come down here for a minute?" she called. There was movement upstairs, then the sound of feet on the stairwell. Then Reagan came into view, and I almost sighed with relief. I hadn't seen her the entire summer, and I was beginning to think that she was no longer a real person, but merely an image in my mind that I was frantically clinging to. She froze when she saw me and we locked eyes for a moment.
"Hi," I said quietly. She didn't reply. Her mother patted my shoulder.
"Well, I was just on my way out to the store. I'll give you guys some time," she told us. Reagan gave her mother an annoyed look, but she'd already turned and left the house. I smiled.
"I'm glad that you're home. I haven't seen you for a while. How was your summer?" I asked.
"I don't have anything to say to you," Reagan told me coldly, then turned and headed back up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, dumbstruck, trying to figure out what to do next. Eventually, I headed upstairs after her. When I reached her bedroom door, I found it closed. After knocking a couple of times, I tried the handle and was surprised to find it unlocked.
"Reagan?" I asked, opening the door. She glared at me from her seat on her bed, where she was holding a sketchpad.
"Zac, don't you get it? I don't want to talk to you. Why don't you just go home?" she asked. Her words stung, and I flinched visibly.
"I don't understand? What happened?" I questioned.
"I don't know, why don't you ask Hannah?" Reagan sneered, sounding quite unlike her usual self. I gave her a confused look.
"Hannah? What does she have to do with anything?"
"Don't act stupid Zac, I know what you're doing. You're finally fitting into that stereotypical rock star. You've even got the multiple girlfriends to prove it," Reagan told me, her face filled with hurt and anger. "Well, she may fall for your lies, but I'm not going along with it anymore. You're such a player, Zac Hanson, and I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore."
I listened to her words, stunned. She thought that I was dating Hannah? "Reagan, what the hell are you talking about? I don't have multiple girlfriends."
"Yeah, because you just lost one," she shot back. "Now get out of my house!"
"Not until we get this cleared up!" I insisted. "I listened to you, now you listen to me. I never had multiple girlfriends. Whatever gave you the impression that I was dating Hannah is completely wrong. I don't even like her like that. She's a nice person, and she's my neighbor. And that's it. I love you and only you, and even a million girls can't change that."
"Zac, I saw-"
"Did you just hear what I said?" I interrupted her. Reagan paused for a moment, startled.
"Yes, but…" she trailed off for a moment, my words going around and around in her head. She looked at me again, confusion clouding her eyes. I nodded.
"I said that I love you," I repeated. I moved to sit beside her on the bed and took her hands. "I think that I knew I loved you a long time ago, but it was so far back in my mind that I didn't even recognize it. It took until this summer for me to realize that it is love, and not just some casual crush, and that you are everything to me. This summer apart just crushed me, and I missed you so much."
I stopped talking and looked at Reagan. She didn't say anything at first, until she met my eyes with hers, and instead of confusion there, I found tears. "I missed you too," she whispered. I smiled and pulled her against me to hug her. She attempted to say something, but my shoulder muffled her words.
"What?" I asked, pulling away from her. She smiled tearfully.
"I said, 'I love you too.'"
This continued into October, and then into November. The nightmares subsided a little once we started recording, since I then had less time alone and less time to sleep. It had been nearly four months since I'd seen or heard from Willow. My brothers knew that something was wrong, but they also knew that they were powerless to fix the problems I had.
"Hey Ike," Tay greeted one evening when we were just wrapping up in the studio. The next day was my 21st birthday, but I had no plans for celebration. "Megan and I are going out tonight with some friends. You feel like coming with us? She's got some really nice lady friends."
I shook my head. "Thanks Tay, but I'm gonna pass this time. I've got something I want to work on," I explained to him. Taylor shrugged.
"Okay man. Have fun. I'll see you tomorrow." He waved and headed off. Once I heard the door click behind him, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was alone in the studio. I jumped up and locked the main door to the section I was in, then headed back to the master board. I inserted a new roll of tape and hit the record button, then headed into the recording booth and grabbed my guitar. I stepped up to the mike and music stand that held the sheets of music I'd written. I cleared my throat a little, then started in on the song.
I managed to get through it once perfectly, then dubbed over the recording to add more vocalization. I sat at the master board for nearly 2 hours, playing around with some sampling, changing the guitar, and adding some percussion. When I stopped for a small break, I glanced at the clock and noticed that it was almost midnight. I sighed a little, then took the roll of tape off the recorder. After shutting the lights in the section off, I unlocked the door and headed out into the hall. The night security guard nodded at me as I passed the front desk.
"Late night?" he asked.
"Yeah, I guess I lost track of the time," I answered. He unlocked the front doors and bid me a goodnight, then I crossed the parking to my vehicle. I didn't even remember the ride home but somehow I got there in one piece. I numbly headed up the stairs to my apartment and fumbled with the keys in the lock. I was just about to turn the handle when the door suddenly opened. I looked up in surprise to see Willow.
"Um, hey," he replied. He walked past me and I closed the door. He set his car keys on the table next to the doorway and tossed his jacket over the back of an over-stuffed chair, the most comfortable chair in the world. Then he looked at me strangely. "What are you doing here? It's 12:30 in the morning."
"I know. I've been here since 9:00," I answered. "I was across the hall hanging out with Aaron and Ashley for a little while."
"But what are you doing here? In Tulsa?" he repeated. I swallowed thickly around a lump I felt forming in my throat.
"I, um… I actually… I'm here to see you," I answered.
Isaac just looked at me for a minute, then shook his head a little. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little surprised to see you. I wasn't expecting to see you."
"Yeah, um, I'm sorry for just showing up. I thought that you wouldn't want me to come if I called first," I explained. He shrugged a little, then looked over at the couch. He motion for me to sit so I did, and he followed, sitting a couple feet away from me. I subconsciously tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and then looked at him. "Last time we saw each other, we didn't really part on good terms. Well, we haven't really been on good terms anyway, but…"
"Yeah, about that," Isaac started. He cleared his throat a little. "I have a hard time controlling what I say sometimes. My brain just doesn't register to think about what I'm saying."
"Oh," was all I could say. He looked at me for a minute, as if debating whether or not to continue.
"I know that's not really an excuse, but I really don't know what to say," he told me. I nodded. "I mean, you just show up, out of nowhere, after four months of complete agony-"
"Okay Isaac, I get it," I interrupted him. "Please, please don't. I don't want to do this again. I came here because you are my best friend, and it's your birthday."
Isaac looked at me with a slightly startled look. "You still consider me to be your best friend? After everything…?"
I nodded. "Well, yeah. I mean, all friendships have little bumps in the road. I just consider this to be a slightly larger bump, but something we'll get through with time. At least, I hope we will. Just because we got in a fight doesn't mean that you're not my best friend." I paused, then gave him a troubled look. "Why? Did you stop considering me to be your best friend?"
"Well, no. I don't know. I thought that when people don't talk or see each other for a long time, that they stop being friends. But I don't know," he said.
"Do you still want a friendship?"
Ike thought about my question for a minute before looking into my eyes. "Yeah, I do. I hadn't really confronted that thought before, or hadn't wanted to, but I really do. I don't want to loose what we had."
"I'm glad. I think it's going to take a little time for things to go back to normal," I said, standing up. Ike stood up also. "It might be awkward."
"But it will be worth all the suffering," he added. I looked down at the floor for a moment and took a cleansing breath. "Will, I've thought for so long about what happened, and I reacted in such a poor way. This internship was something you wanted so badly, and I selfishly tried to take it away from you. And what's worse is I betrayed your trust. I'm sorry for being so childish. I entirely blame myself for everything that has happened."
I looked up at Ike, shocked at his words. I didn't think that I'd ever hear them. I smiled a little. "It's not all your fault," I included. "I shouldn't have kept my acceptance from you. If I hadn't, you wouldn't have gone through my things. I betrayed you too by keeping that from you, and I'm sorry."
Ike returned my smile and followed me as I walked towards the door. "I guess I'll be going now. I've got a plane to catch in about 6 hours," I said.
"You're leaving?" Ike asked. I nodded.
"I wish I could stay, but I've got an afternoon class tomorrow," I explained. Isaac followed me out into the hallway, were we paused awkwardly. We looked at each other for a moment before I leaned up to hug him. "Happy Birthday, Isaac."
"Thank you," he said back quietly, hugging me back. I instinctively turned my face towards his and paused when I felt his breath on my lips, then pulled away. We looked at each other again. "Have a safe flight."
"I will. Bye Ike."
"Bye Will."
"Hey Marc, come on in. I'm not quite ready to go yet, but you can make yourself at home," I told him, trying to put an earring in my ear to finish getting ready to go out. Marc took the earring from me and completed my task, and I flashed him a thankful smile. He settled onto the couch and I returned to the bathroom to put on a few finishing touches.
"So, where would you like to go out tonight?" Marc asked.
"I don't know. Where ever you'd like. I chose last week," I answered, brushing some powder across my forehead. I heard movement in the door and Marc appeared in the mirror beside me.
"Let's just stay here," he suggested, brushing a strand of my hair through his fingers.
"But I just got all dressed up and…" I trailed off, seeing a disappointed look cross Marc's face. "Well, okay. If you want to stay in, we could do that."
"Good. We can call for take-out and just stay in tonight," he told me with a smile. He started to back out of the room. "I'll go get the phone book and find some good place."
I looked at my reflection in the mirror as he turned and walked out of the door, and sighed a little. It had taken me almost half an hour to do my hair nicely, and I had spent nearly the entire day picking out a good outfit, having decided on a black sleeveless dress. But, whatever Marc wanted to do, Marc did. And if he wanted to stay in, he was going to. I walked slowly out into the living room, silently praying that one of my 3 other room-mates, who were all out for the weekend, would decide to stop by for something and cause Marc to change his mind. He was on the phone with some take-out restaurant, and beamed at me when I entered the room. He covered the receiver with his hand.
"I hope you like Indian, there's this restaurant a few blocks away that I heard was absolutely amazing," he whispered loudly to me. I nodded and sat down on the couch. After he hung up the phone, Marc came over and sat beside me. "The food should be here shortly. Hey, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I was just kinda hoping that we'd go out or something tonight," I told him. Marc frowned.
"Well, you said that you were okay with staying in," he reminded me. I nodded. "Oh, well, I didn't know you wanted to be so selfish and decide everything that we do. Forgive me, please," he snapped sarcastically.
"No, Marc, you're right. I'm sorry. It's your turn to choose. I just spent so long getting ready… I'm sorry," I said, slouching a little into the couch. Marc just looked at me for a second, before brushing his fingers along my collarbone.
"You do look nice," he complimented, moving his hand to the back of my neck.
"Thank you."
"Almost… too nice. You did this all for me?" he asked, twirling my hair around his fingers. I nodded, giving him a strange look. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure, what kind of question-?"
He cut of my sentence with a sharp yank on my hair, and I winced. "I'd hate to think that you were lying to me, and dressing this way to get other people's attention," he told me quietly. I gave him a wide eyed look.
"No, I wouldn't lie to you," I assured him, fighting to control my voice. Marc let up on his grip on my hair, and I took a shaky breath. Marc brushed the back of his hand across my cheek.
"Good. Because you know that my attention is all that you need, right? No one else matters."
"Yes," I whispered. He leaned over and kissed the side of my mouth, then stood up, patting the top of my head.
"I'm going to get something to drink. I'll get you one," he told me. I just sat there and willed my tears not to fall. I did not want Marc to see how he made me feel.
"Ooh, does this mean party at Reagan's house?" I asked jokingly. Reagan smiled in return, playing with the sleeve of her sweater as we sat curled up together on a couch in my garage studio.
"Well, I was thinking more along the lines of a private party," she corrected, not looking up at me. I touched her arm and our eyes locked.
"Private party as in you and me?" I asked. Reagan nodded, then looked away and shrugged.
"I don't know why I even thought of it. Your parents would never let you stay at my house without supervision," she said. My spirits dropped for a second, and then I got an idea.
"Well, they don't have to know that there won't be supervision," I suggested slowly. Reagan gave ma startled look.
"What are you talking about, Zac? You can't lie to your parents," she contended. She shook her head. "No, never mind. Forget I suggested it. We can just hang out during the day."
"But nights are so lonely…" I complained playfully, leaning against her. "I've slept alone for nearly all of my 16 years, and I need someone to talk to…"
"Get a teddy bear," Reagan joked, smiling.
"What's wrong with the one I've got now?" I asked, giving her a big bear hug. I started to tickle her a little, and she started laughing, trying to push me away.
"No, Zac. Stop!" she laughed.
"Then let me stay with you," I pleaded. "My parents will be okay with it. I'll sit down and have an adult conversation with them, and explain to them that they shouldn't worry. You and I are civilized young adults, and I highly doubt that we need supervision."
Reagan looked doubtful for a moment, but then nodded. "Okay. But only if you tell them everything, that no one else will be there, and that we have a spare bedroom for you."
I raised my eyebrows a little. "Hmm…should I include that the spare bedroom will hardly be looked at twice?" I asked jokingly.
"Do I have to wear a tux? Can't I just wear a suit?" Mac whined. Zac and Mackie looked at me.
"Me too," added Zac.
"Dad, help! I whined. He joined us in front of a rack of suits.
"It's your wedding," he said. Oh, what a big help.
"It would look weird having wedding party members dressed differently," I told my younger brothers. They groaned and started walking off to get fitted.
"Stupid penguin costume!" Mac grumbled.
"I don't mind a tuxedo," Ike told me, joining us. I agreed with him as we searched through racks of suits and tuxedos.
"Okay, so, what color? Black, gray, or white?" I asked, motioning to three different colored tuxedos.
"Well, isn't Megan wearing white?"
"Well, I'd only assume so."
"Then go for gray or black," Ike suggested.
"Instead of a bow, can I wear this cool tie?" Mackie asked, running over with a tie in his hands. It was black with yellow smiley faces all over it. I grimaced.
"Dad!" I whined again.
"Have you seen Isaac yet?" I asked Willow, critically examining a gown that I took off a rack. Willow stepped up beside me and looked over the gown as well.
"No, not yet. I just got in this morning, and I've spent all my time with Olivia and BJ," she answered. I gave her a big smile.
"Well, as far as I know, he is off with Taylor and the other Hanson men getting their tuxedos. We're supposed to be meeting them all later for lunch," I told her. Willow's eyes widened.
"I don't think I can…"
"Of course you can!" I insisted, deciding that I didn't like the dress in my hands and put it back on the rack.
"Hey Megan, what color am I supposed to be looking for?" Reagan called.
"Purple or blue. We're decorating with violet colored irises, so I want the bride's maids dresses to match," I answered her. Reagan looked around, appearing a little lost. "Will, can you go help her? Whatever you guys find that you like, go for it. I trust your judgement."
"Okay," Willow agreed, going off to the racks filled with blue and purple dresses, collecting Reagan along the way. I continued sifting through the rack in front of me until my eyes came upon the most beautiful dress. It was all I'd imagined when I was a little girl and so much more.
"Oh, wow," I breathed, taking the dress down and touching the silk material lightly.
"Its nice," a voice said beside me. I looked up to see the shop's owner, Doreen, standing beside me. "Our dressing rooms are over there, if you'd like to try it on."
I thanked her and went to where she had directed to try the dress on.
"Hey, this one is nice," Reagan commented, showing a sleeveless, medium blue dress to Willow that had a purple shimmer to it. Willow looked at it and smiled.
"Yeah, it's very pretty," she agreed.
"You don't sound very sure. What's wrong?" Reagan asked. Will shrugged a little.
"Nothing. I just feel out of place. I'm not exactly the dress type," she answered, brushing her fingers absently down the material of the dress. "But, this is important to Tay and Megan, so I guess I'm just going to have to become a 'dress type'."
Reagan smiled and handed the dress to her, then looked through the other sizes of the same dress to find one that fit her. I passed them on their way to the dressing room, and they smiled brightly at me.
"Meg, you look awesome," Reagan told me. I beamed.
"This dress is amazing. It's a little too big, and it's the only size, so I have to get it altered," I told them. I looked at the dresses they were carrying. "Oh, those are great!"
"Reagan has good taste," Willow said, grinning at the younger girl. "Do you know your cousin's size? We can put one aside for her also."
I had decided on having two bride's maids, Willow and Reagan, and had asked my cousin from California to be my maid of honor. Because she lived so far away, she wasn't able to go with us to pick out dresses. I told them her dress size, and they went off to try on their dresses.
"That looks great. I always say that every woman has a perfect dress made specifically for her, and her goal is to find it. Looks like you've found yours," Doreen said to me. I smiled and nodded.
"It's just a little bit too big," I told her.
"That's no problem. We'll just take it in a little, and hem the bottom…" She trailed off as a look of concentration crossed her face and she set to work, pinning the back of the dress and taking measurements.
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