A Gamma World® play-by-post adventure run by gammaworld_gm
Ironcat, as he was known in Area 61, walks stiffly through the desert in bipedal form. "Why did I wander off?" he says to himself as he wanders farther into the desert. "If I hadn't fallen into that hole and damaged my internal compass, I would be fine, but no, the sand had to give away under me so I fell into the cavern, into which I landed head first, and put this dent in my head." He continues walking, his metallic body absorbing the heat from the sun. "I'm sure all this sand is not good for my joints. I'm starting to seize up."
After a few minutes, he sees the sun shining off something. He zooms in on the glinting thing with his telescopic sight, and sees an armored personnel carrier (APC) with two people standing outside of it. "Maybe they can give me directions?" Ironcat starts walking towards the APC.
[A new player implies a new group:
Liska looks at Howard. "Woah... woah... You want to go after golden-boy? Why?" She shakes her head in disdain.
The bartender finds a cup[pe], fills it to the regulated specifications and sits it in front of Jack. Finding a bowl filled with pretzels he cautiously puts the bowl in front of Jack. "If you can eat those irradiated pretzels, please do so," he hesitates. "As far as I know, only one 'Blue Duck' has been able to keep them down."
Stramagix (a strange-looking short Goatoid) enters the bar through the hole in the wall, grumbles something about his gods and Dukas, and then returns to his table and drifts off to sleep again.
Not seeing him enter or hearing a noise, Reverend Bunyun is surprised when a new stranger taps on a table a dozen feet away for service.
"Bring me a sarbis beer, robot. Care to join me, tall guy?" he gestures towards his table. "My name is Gravin Nardies."
Squatting up front between Jake and Xeva as Jake puts some distance between them and Datil, Jonn recalls Leghorn's drooping comb, and fears that his lagging morale may be symptomatic of his entire crew. "We all could use some R&R back at the 'port," he thinks, reversing his previous intent to split up the party. Datil can wait, he hopes.
He turns toward the back of the TTV and finds Geo frowning at Howard, who in turn notes Jonn's curious stare, and quickly hides behind the robot. "What's that indigo duck up to now?" he wonders as Jake slows and stops the TTV.
After Jake and K-11 exit the TTV with Freya's body in tow, Geo plays back Stiles' message. Noting Geo's reattached limb, Jonn's face flashes with insight and he shoots a glance toward the rear of the TTV. Finding Howard, he holds up a thumb with a proud grin.
"Haul ass back to the Starport and await further instructions ASAP. Your Gila monster ex-lover <laughter> Xervian should already be there."
Ah, Stiles. Dude always knows just how to rub in the salt. Jonn supresses his "I'm innocent" reflex: waste of energy at this point, he figures. But he can't stop from blushing. At least Stiles' message cements his decision: they will all head for the Starport. He wonders if Jake got his orders to "do" the TW factory from the same NARC mole that gave him the bogus comm-codes. Frak, that was too close a call!
"Thanks Geo. Now I need all the latest data you have on the whereabouts of that ship you loaned to the Cyber Mages." In contrast to his usual appreciative tones, Jonn's emphasis on the word "loaned" betrays muted disapproval.
"Heads up, lover boy, we have company outside. It looks like a single mutant duck. we need another one of those like we need a hole in the head. I can't even understand the one we have'ths."
"Where?" Jonn abruptly leans across the Gamma Girl to spot the distant mutant through the windshield. Exiting her airspace, he smiles sheepishly at Xeva, "Yeah, Dodgers takes some getting used to, I'll admit. I'm gonna go get a better look. Be right back."
"Crikey," he shivers as he gets up. "She's built like a duralloy I-beam!" he thinks, having felt unyeilding cords of muscle underneath her studs and duds. She could probably bench press the lot of us... and enjoy it, he smirks. Jonn stops next to Kicker at the tail of the TTV.
"We've got company, Jonn," she says, pointing.
"I know, I saw the Duckoid."
"If that's a Duckoid, then I'm a harmless tabby cat," she smiles with a most Brimstone-like growl.
Jonn looks in the direction she is pointing, and sees something large, glinting brightly, definitely not Duckoidish and moving toward them. "Frak! Did Jake forget to turn off the neon Eat at Joe's sign, or what?" As Jake makes his moving speech over Freya's grave, Jonn walks out to greet the newcomer. "Note to self:" he thinks, "Ask Jake to deliver my eulogy."
Coming within arm's reach of the metal beast, Jonn extends a hand. "Name's Jonn. You look like you could use a fine tuning, friend," he says, noting the cyborg tiger's stilted movement. The tiger nods creakily. Taking a chance on a gut instinct, Jonn sends the cyborg toward the TTV. "There's a Duckoid named Howard in the TTV---he can repair most anything. Tell him Jonn sent you."
As it moves on with a nod, Jonn notes the other desert mutant---the Duckoid---walking his way. He sighs, noting the mutant's parched features. "And you look like you could use some water, friend," he says, holding out a hand. "I'm Jonn. Follow me." He stops and does a 360 in the stifling heat. Nope, no other guests coming for dinner.
Jonn and the bedraggled, bandanna-sporting Duckoid enter the TTV right after Jake and K-11. Howard is outside tending to the huge metal tiger's joints in what little shade the TTV offers.
"Look what the PSH dragged in!"
"Fisher of mutants, indeed," she reiterates the thought.
Jonn takes out his water flask from his pack and hands it to the new Duckoid as he addresses him. "We're on our way past the mountains to the Starport. We can drop you off there, if you like. The desert wastes are no place for a solitary traveller."
Howard flaps back into the TTV and saysth, "Ironcat---the cthyborg tiger--- wantsth to come too. Sthaid he wouldn'th mind sthtrapping ontho the roofth, sthincthe he'sth thoo big for the main comparthmenth. And geth thisth! He'sth from Area 61!!" Howard looks over toward the sullen-faced Jake and the ever-expressionless K-11.
Myconid wipes Howard's speech-saliva off his fungoid face.
"Oh, sthorry, Myc," he apologizes.
Myconid wipes away the second saliva salvo.
Jonn nods at Howard. "Do it. Point out the solar cells."
"Howard, you can drive, if it's all right with Jonn. We can switch back later, if need be." Jake tosses Freya's pack at Jonn's feet. "That's Freya's stuff. Now it's yours or whoever needs it."
Jonn silently picks up Freya's pack, takes out the rope and hands it back to Jake, "Fine with me, Jake. After your stint behind the wheel, even Howard's driving is sure to be smooth as a K-11 unit's bottom." He cracks a short-lived grin. "Here, man, help Dodgers secure Ironcat on the roof."
Jonn takes Freya's pack up to the front, fishes out the domars (NARC money now) and hands the light pack to Xeva. "Noticed you aren't packing, but I don't take you for the pacifist type like Geo or perhaps the Doc. If you want these weapons, take them. If you have a Cyber Mage in your future, you're going to need them."
Liska watches as Xeva goes through the pack contents. "Oooh, grenades!"
Outside, Jake lifts Ironcat on the roof with his telekinetic arm (it nearly makes him pass out with the strain) and Howard flies up (sans his small arsenal) to tie the 'borg down between the solar panels. Once they return inside, Howard sinks blissthfully into the driver's seat.
Jonn turns to face the TTV occupants. "Alright. We're all heading for the Starport. Datil's history. Party's over, crewe."
"Tell me about it!" He moans, rubbing his forehead as if trying to assuage a hangover. From confusion.
"Let's make like a library, Dodgers," Jonn pats the indigo fowl on his shoulder feathers.
"Righth-o!" he says, in his best imitation of the PSH. "Booking ith!" And with that, the TTV shudders to life and picks up speed down the highway toward the Albuquerque Starport.
[So much for the stragglers:
When I wrote this post last week, I included the header:
The following is just for fun. Please take it with a grain of salt and a tablespoon of suspension of disbelief.
While it is true that the post was just for fun, I also meant for it to be considered Frieda's move. Her family is German (she moved to the Southwest with them when she was a child) and so she learned some of the old traditions. I think it's believable for the others to join in too, especially considering that this is a real tradition today.
Frieda's is the schulekinder's version of a Schnitzelbank. This kind of verse is made up by bards often to comment on current events or public figures and is likely to sound nothing like Frieda's. Thus, the first verse, 'Ist das nicht mein schnitzelbank,' which means, 'is this not my schnitzelbank.'
I had originally meant it to occur after the TTV left from its pitstop, but changed it to before the stop when I thought the group was going to be split up. So, let's redo this.
Sometime after the TTV resumes its trip, Frieda is humming quietly to herself. Kicker asks her what she's humming, and she answers, "It's a Schnitzelbank---a 'carving bench.' You get to make up some of the words. Let's try it. I think it helps when things get tense."
To everybody, she says, "Let's sing a Schnitzelbank. I'll start, and you can join in. It's easy."
"Oh, brother, not again."
"Thnitzelbank?" (spitting out pretzels) "I don't know what it meansth, but I like that word."
"It's easy. This one is a cross between Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the Twelve Days of Christmas. The twist is you get to make up your own lines."
"C.H.R.I.S.T.M.A.S?" he thinks to himself. How does she know about that?
"Each verse starts like this:
"Ist das nicht dein schnitzelbank?
Ja, das ist mein schnitzelbank.
<sings following lines much slower>
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!
"The rest goes like this:
"Ist das nicht ein TTV?
Ja, das ist ein TTV!
Did we steal it from MPs?
Ja, we stole it from MPs!
TTV, from MPs,"Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!"<pointing to Howard>
"Ist das nicht ein purple drake?
Ja das ist ein purple drake!
Does he carry too much weight?
Ja he carries too much weight!"
"Hey, are you looking at my gut? You're looking at my gut! I'm working on it!"
"Purple drake, too much weight,
TTV, from MP."Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!
"Get the idea? Howard, give it a try."
"Itht dath nicht dein Thnithzelbank?
Ja, dath isth mein Thnithzelbank.
Ohhhh, du sthöne,
Ohhhh, du sthöne,
Ohhhh, du sthöne,
Thnith-zel-bank"<pointing to Geo> "Itht dath nicht ein head of tin?
Ja, dath isth ein head of tin.
Doth he serve a glasth of gin?
Ja, he serves a glasth of gin"
"Head of tin, glasth of gin,
Purple drake, too much weight,
TTV, from MP.
"Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!"
"Are we having fun yet? Ja, Xeva, it's your turn."
"Yeah, we're having fun." <makes rude motion with hand> "I've got one for you, Frieda."
"Ist das nicht what guys do like?
Ja, das ist what guys do like!
Ist das nicht ein Dyke with bike?
Ja das ist ein Dyke with bike."
"Hey, that's not true! And you skipped the first part."
"So sue me. Do you want to play or not?"
"All right."
"Guys do like, Dyke with bike,
Head of tin, glass of gin,
Purple drake, too much weight,
TTV, from MP."Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!"
"Oh, we're having fun, now."
"It's my turn, and as I've told you before, my head has an insignificant amount of tin.
"Ist das nicht ein Xeva Zoom?
Ja, das ist ein Xeva Zoom!
She and Jonn should get a room?
She and Jonn should get a room!"
"Xeva Zoom, get a room,
Guys do like, Dyke with bike,
Head of tin, glass of gin,
Purple drake, too much weight,
TTV, from MP."Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!"
"Very good, Geo, now you try, Captain."
<Pointing to Jonn> "I say, say, this one's for you."
"Ist he nicht in love with Gren?
Ja, he ist in love with Gren!
Did his butt get pinched again?
Ja, his butt got pinched again!"
"Love with Gren, pinched again,
Xeva Zoom, get a room,
Guys do like, Dyke with bike,
Head of tin, glass of gin,
Purple drake, too much weight,
TTV, from MP."Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!"
"Let me try. This one's for you, Missy." <points to Frieda>
"Ist das nicht ein Jake a break?
Ja, das ist ein Jake-a-break
Did he make a big mistake?
Ja, he made a big mistake!"
"Jake-a-Break, big mistake,
Love with Gren, pinched again,
Xeva Zoom, get a room,
Guys do like, Dyke with bike,
Head of tin, glass of gin,
Purple drake, too much weight,
TTV, from MP."Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!"
"Fascinating. I think I understand." <Nods toward Kicker>
"Ist das nicht ein leopard queen?
Ja, das ist ein leopard queen.
Did she have a waking dream?
Ja, she had waking dream."
"Leopard queen, waking dream,
Jake-a-Break, big mistake,
Love with Gren, pinched again,
Xeva Zoom, get a room,
Guys do like, Dyke with bike,
Head of tin, glass of gin,
Purple drake, too much weight,
TTV, from MP."Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!"
"Not bad. I've got one for Myc."
"Ist das nicht ein Mycinod?
Ja, das ist ein Mycinod!
Ist das nicht ein hero odd?
Ja, das ist ein hero odd!"
"Mycinod, hero odd,
Leopard queen, waking dream,
Jake-a-Break, big mistake,
Love with Gren, pinched again,
Xeva Zoom, get a room,
Guys do like, Dyke with bike,
Head of tin, glass of gin,
Purple drake, too much weight,
TTV, from MP.
"Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!"
<dourly> "This one's for me."
"Ist das nicht ein handshake fake?
Ja, das ist ein handshake fake!
Did Timon his family take?
Ja Timon his family take!"
"Handshake fake, family take,
Mycinod, hero odd,
Leopard queen, waking dream,
Jake-a-Break, big mistake,
Love with Gren, pinched again,
Xeva Zoom, get a room,
Guys do like, Dyke with bike,
Head of tin, glass of gin,
Purple drake, too much weight,
TTV, from MP."Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!"
"Kicker, how about you?"
<pointing to Liska's weapon>
"Ist das nicht ein gun so clean?
Ja, dis ist ein gun so clean.
Do you know just where's she been?
No, we don't know where she's been."
"Gun so clean, where's she been,
Handshake fake, family take,
Mycinod, hero odd,
Leopard queen, waking dream,
Jake-a-Break, big mistake,
Love with Gren, pinched again,
Xeva Zoom, get a room,
Guys do like, Dyke with bike,
Head of tin, glass of gin,
Purple drake, too much weight,
TTV, from MP."Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!"
"Thstep up to the mike, Myc!"
"Ist das nicht ein man from past?
Ja, das ist ein man from past!
Does he dress with lots of class?
Ja, he dress with lots of class!"
"Man from past, lots of class,
Gun so clean, where's she been,
Handshake fake, family take,
Mycinod, hero odd,
Leopard queen, waking dream,
Jake-a-Break, big mistake,
Love with Gren, pinched again,
Xeva Zoom, get a room,
Guys do like, Dyke with bike,
Head of tin, glass of gin,
Purple drake, too much weight,
TTV, from MP."Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Ohhhh, du schöne,
Schnit-zel-bank!"
"Ja, this is so much fun. K-11, why don't you try?"
<silence>
Now I'm officially weird.
Calenril, that was hilarious! I made the mistake of reading it after I'd tucked the kiddo in for the night, and I was laughing so hard, hubby had to keep shushing me so I wouldn't wake her up.
"Thank you, thank you." <bows to crowd, hoping my poetic license doesn't get revoked> "I would like to thank the person who came up with 'Dyke with bike.' Wherever you are, please stand up and take a bow. Gotta go, see you on Oscars Night!"
"Otto's gut, Otto's butt."
Yeah, the Warner Brothers (and their sister Dot) were my inspiration.
If I could take creditz for "Dyke with bike," I would but then I would be more popularz than I already "am." <adjusts bullet proof vest> Now I made it to the "player character" pagez. I love it! I'd like to say a big "hello" and "thanks" to all you intelligent lifeforms out there, and for the rest of you, the trick is to bang those rocks together, guys!
What? He gets a cheap feel and I don't? <considers duralloy-i-beams of the manly typez> "I am packing heat, Jonn," I say, adjusting my leather push-up bra. "Oh, you mean weaponz. I never refuse gifts from adoring men. I do refuse to date those Cyber Mage typez: I do have some standardz."
Putting my leather boots on the dash, I attempt to relax in the comfortable seat and cast a look at the driving mallard. "The name is Xeva without the 'th'," I say while digging through the gift pack from Jonn looking for interesting items.
<Stands, hesitates, takes bow quickly, runs away hiding> Admittedly, I fed the dyke/bike line to the Deutsch muse. So blame me, not him! All in good humor, right? <self-thwaps> What can I say, except I hope I don't meet up with Liz one day!
Liska looks at Howard. "Woah... woah... You want to go after golden-boy? Why?"
"He sthaved my life," the Duckoid somberly states in response. "And, after the barrel run I had to endure, I wouldn't wisth that humiliathion on any man, mutant or beasth. But I realizthe it'sth a bit unfeasthible to go after him now. Hopefully he can sthettle histh sthcore with Blackbe---er, Thimon---and put histh troublesth to resth oncthe and for all." How little does Howard know what a prescient statement he just uttered.
Later, Howard introduces himself to the new set of bills on the block. "Nicth to have an exthra sthet of feathersth in the crowd." Lowering his voice, and looking out for Leghorn, he continues. "Them roosthersth give usth fowl folk a bad rep! WAUGH!"
Outside and on the TTV roof, Howard finishes tightening the square knots holding the cyborg to the roof. "What kind of hair-brained operation is this anyway?" he thinks to himself and flutters back inside.
"The name is Xeva without the 'th'."
"It isth good to meet ya, Xtheva!" Howard says, enjoying the sexy curves of the... sleek dashboard (heh!) with all twelve of his fingers. "Esthpecthially sthincthe you don'th work for that fat-assthed pig basthard!" At this point, Howard's speech trails off into a series of purely duckish quackles.
"Did Howard just say "fat-assed pig bastard"? Geo makes a mental note of this rare vituperation coming from the Duckoid's gullet.
"Zthoom, Zthoom!" the Duckoid says, referring to the TTV's power (rather than Xeva). "Thisth thing sthure beatsth driving dune buggiesth, eh Jonn?"
"Sthpeaking of which," he notes, wondering if it is raining due to all the droplets on the windshield---and not realizing that the "rain" is on the interior and coming from between his own bills, "you got plansth for usth to pick up the buggiesth on the way back? I could make good usthe of one of 'em for my trip north...." Howard realizes he just threw that out there, but he had to bring it up sometime with Jonn.
Jonn ruffles the Duckoid's feathers. "Sillee duck! The buggies are stashed outside Gamma One, about 60 miles south of the Starport on the other side of the mountains from us! And remember, they're Alpha's and/or NARC's, so you'll need her OK. But Geo's bound to have other wheels at the Starport.... What's this trip you're planning? Headin' back to your ol' stompin' grounds?"
Seeing that her trip is taking her farther from Datil, she reaches into her pack and fishes out her remote. She presses a couple of buttons, gives the tiny display a look, and puts it away. "Jonn, we might be getting some more company in a little bit. I just put in a call to Bayla, my envirobot. When everything blew up this morning, I sent him the scram code. I just got a confirmation back from my call, so he'll be heading this way. He's not real fast, but he's faster than we are. I figure he could get here in ten to thirty minutes."
Surely somebody blows their lid at this news.
"No, I'm not that stupid! It's a low-power signal, so unless somebody has been wandering the desert scanning that frequency, they won't detect it. It was worth the risk---we're going to need everything we can get. Besides, if they want to track us, it would be a lot easier to track this TTV Jake stole from them. This highway isn't exactly a secret, you know. There are only two reasons we haven't already been attacked: either they still think we're in Datil, or they aren't worried about finding us."
When things settle down, she'll introduce herself to the new duck.
"I want a new duck!
One that won't raid the ice box.
One that'll stay in shape.
One that's never gonna try
To migrate or escape,
Or I'll tie him up with duck tape."
Thanks, Weird Al.
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