Session 31: One Half of a Failure

Transformations

Arwen: "You may be interested to know that my balloon flight was one half of a failure."
And the other half was...?

Chetwin: "Ahh. Nothing's wrong. I just have to drink fruit juice, then go get beaten."

Dylana: "Morgan?"
Morgan: "yeah?"
Dylana: "It's not normal to be this ... happy about pounding someone you know that? Besides, you do know you're not actually going to instill manners in the man, yes?"
Morgan: "I can try... Coming to watch?" *strolls to the door*

Dylana: "you won't be too distraught if i don't show up to your trouncing session, i hope?"
Chetwin: "No. Not really. You got plans?"
Dylana: "No, i'd just rather not show my support for beating the shit outta people for lack of manners. It strikes me as ironic."

Chetwin: Anyway. Chet says "Ok. If there's nothing else, I am going to go try to re-inflate my spleen."

Dylana: i offer to play tabby chess.
GM: she doesn't appear to want to play
Dylana: "Why not?"
Tabby: "No fun. I can't eat the pieces afterwards."
Dylana: "Look, if i cut them out of ham, will you play?"
Tabby: "umm... but how will you tell them apart?"
Dylana: "I'll cut them carefully"

Dylana: *chesses at tabby, watches tabby consume the pieces, laughs*
GM: tabby isn't that good a player
Dylana: which means she'd just resort to randomly munching pieces
GM: she has a tendancy to do things like eat your advancing pieces
C'mon, let the GM speak!

Martin: "nah... it doesn't become disturbing until he stops wanting to gamble... *wink*"
Dylana: "I'd claim he was born with that deck of his in hand."
Everybody's picking on Mercury this week...

Dylana: "Hi. wanna play chess? Say yes. you know you want to ... it's much gentler than wrestling my brother"
Not, perhaps, the most convincing arguement...

Chetwin: *shrug* "I never saw any reason to emulate chaosites. I'd advise you not to look for one."

Chetwin: "Whatever. They're mostly just perverts."
Arwen: "Just because they have naught tentacles doesn't mean they spend every waking moment using them."
More on the subject of chaosites, believe it or not...

GM: you have set up the chess set
Dylana: *finishes setting up*
Dylana: "your move, chet"
Chetwin: *move*
Dylana: *counter-move*
Chetwin: "Who said you got the white side, anyway?"
Dylana: "me."
Chetwin: "Oh."
Besides... if Chet played white, someone might mistake him for an American flag.

Arwen: I knock on her doors.
GM: *blink* i'm not sure whether that is physically impossible or just weird. either way, nice typo. *shakes head*

Danny: So, who would win? Dierdre or the Enterprise?
Dustin: Enterprise A, B, C, D, or E?

Merlin: "i know it looks like i haven't been doing anything to help..."
Chetwin: *COUGH*
Merlin: "...but i unfortunately had other problems... *pause* thank you, chetwin."
Chetwin: *large grin* "Sorry. Allergies."
What semi-rivalry? Where?

Random: "oh, and one more thing... whoever it was that tried to break into brand's room... i suggest you stay far away from there in the future if you don't want to spend the next millenium on latrine duty."
Random lays down the law...

Session 32: Lessons

Transformations

Chetwin: "Yeah? You may not want to be seen talking to me right now. I'm not well liked at the moment."
Dylana: "Chet, are you ever well-liked?"
Chetwin: "No. But this time, I feel that I may have obliterated a few lines in the fraternal sand."
Whoa... Chet reconsidered his actions... is the world about to end?

Dustin: ooc-houston...the princess has landed.

Darcie: ooc- i'm starting to feel left out of the group. I mean, everyone's pulling fratricides except me! oh the peer pressure!

Dylana: "ouch. well, remind me, if i ever get the thought- bad idea to kill cousins and conspire against Amber. It's an unpleasant way to go"
That might just be an understatement...

Kaylana: "Yeah... funny thing, that... Uncle Julian's hunt just kind of... gravitated in my direction..."
Dylana: "That's impressive, you know, being half way to chaos like that. what a ...coincidence"

Arwen: "I'm a fool."
Chetwin: "You're a fool? Ok."
Hmm... Perhaps Chet isn't the one to talk to when you're feeling stupid...

Chetwin: "I burn intoxicants and all materials like a smokestack. Only faster and with considerably less gas."
We hope...

Danny: Heh, looks like he's turning into Chetwin-sensei.
Darcie: ooc- i don't see chet doing snatchthepeafrommyhandgrasshopper...
Dustin: More like ' wait and steal the pea while I'm not looking, dumbass...'

Chetwin: "I'll be as considerate and fair a teacher to you as my teach was to me."
Dylana: "who taught you?"
Chetwin: "The late great Uncle Bleys."
Dylana: "f*ck.."

Chetwin: Well.......I was kinda afraid it would zap me...cuz I used its power, right after insulting it... ...again.

Session 33: A-Hunting We Will Go

Transformations

Chetwin: "Izzzzit gettin' you too, carnie?"
GM: carnie nods.
Chetwin: "Do you know what the fuck it is?"
GM: he sorta nods again.
Chetwin: "Is it your fault?"
GM: he shakes his head
Chetwin: "Didn't think so...does it herald the end of the multiverse?"
GM: shakes his head again
Chetwin: "Do you think we suffered lasting brain damage?"
GM: see above
Chetwin: "Can you take me to a two-legger that knows what the hell is causing this particular intra-cranial-cha-cha?"
GM: he snorts.
Chetwin and Carnie pool their knowledge

Chetwin: "SHIT! We get the idea! Head-pain and lots of it...we can try a new trick now...we're all bored with this one..."

Random: "Hello... yes, i know what's going on... it's the wild hunt... the headache will go away in a little while. any OTHER questions?"
Arwen: "Yes. The what?"

Chetwin: "There I was thinking it was something bad..." *takes another swig of the numb juice, then raises the bottle* "To Delwin...the latest dead Prince."
Chetwin, tactful as ever...

Darcie: You mean the whole of Castle Amber didn't decide that eating was the best thing to do in this situation? =)

Arwen: "Mind letting my back into Averik?"
Arwen: my=me
Arwen: I want all of me there, not just my back.

Darcie: lol. a corwin-spawn? in the kitchen? during an emergency? i guess it's not really emergency... unless you're delwin

Danny: I know, but I wanted an excuse to say two-hoof typing.
Dustin: Would that be the hunt-and-trot method?

GM: erg... but now i have graham crackers stuck in my teetch
GM: er... teetch
GM: erg
GM: teeth
Dustin: LOL
GM: stupid c
Darcie: *hands sawah anti-c-spray*
Dustin: LOL
Danny: Anti-c-ptic.
GM: oh. thankz. now you'll make my graham ra kers all better.
Problems? What problems? I have no typo problems...

Arwen: "Just like young Benedict could go find someone who knew how to play a game of chess or two, but that doens't hold salt to finding out what would have happened at the battle of Waterloo if Napolean had been wearing a hawaian shirt and cut-offs instead of a dress uniform"
Chetwin: "In my considered opinion...Wellington would have had to call Boney and make sure they weren't going to show up in the same outfit."

Dustin: As for the primal chaos/pattern thing...imagine jello-jigglers made from a petroleum product being flopped into a pizza oven.
In other words, summoning Primal Chaos at the middle of the Pattern would be a VERY STUPID IDEA...

Chetwin: "Hey now! All students in my lecture hall gotta turn off their cell phones!"

Session 34: Lava Me Not

Transformations

Chetwin: "Awwww...you were planning my birthday party, werncha?" *evil grin*
Kaylana: "Nah... we're not gonna give you a birthday party.... yet."
Chetwin: "Good...might f*ck up my image as a no-nonsense badass."
Or something like that!

Kaylana: "Embarrassed might not be the word... didja see the looks uncle corwin was shooting her?"
Chetwin: "Yeah. One of them missed her by a couple of inches... the guards are still trying to scrub his eye-prints off the wall."

Chetwin: "Heh...and they say I got nothing from mother..."

Chetwin: "Well...I've got things to attend to in shadow. See you later, ladies. Oh...and you too mom."
Yet another of Chet's ways to disrespect Flora...

Chetwin: "Well, princess...this place felt like a BRICK under the mattress of shadow..."
Hmm... that's one way to describe it...

Chetwin: "You made this wrinkle in the bedsheets of time and space...so you're gonna come help me fix it."

Chetwin: "Heh. I stranded bastion up there, when he was about four. Poured soap on his wings after he flew up."
One wonders how Chet got up there...

voice from boat: "Digit? What the hell are you doing here, kid?"
Digit: "Umm... sailing?"
Precocious as always...

Chetwin: "You cheating julian-discharge."
Arwen: "No such thing."

Thorne: "*looks at digit* You know some characters, kid."
Dylana: *blink* *chuckle* "That's coming from a character in his own right.."
Thorne: "me? *smiles* But i'm just an honest businessman plying my trade."
Dylana: "Depends on how you spin "honest", certainly"
Thorne: "I'M honest... *grin* my trade may not be... but I am. Care for a drink?"
Well, it all depends on how you interpret the word "pirate"...

Chetwin: "As I stated: lava isn't gonna bother my bad ass."
What about your good one?

Arwen: "You're on a different boat."
Dylana: "you're astute"
The Brat Wonder strikes again...

Session 35: "I break into the museum and steal myself."

Transformations

Chetwin: Can I tell whose corpus desctructo is on the horse?

Chetwin: As soon as julian is out of earshot I say "Jerk. What the hell is he gonna do with a spikard? He'll probably make a horse that makes morgenstern look like a shetland."

Chetwin: I break into the museum and steal myself.

GM: okay, chet... you've stolen yourself... now what?

Dr. Ishy: "Oh... i think i can do that... What are we reprogramming him to? the x-rated channels?"

Dylana: "Yeah. Interesting like being a lobster in a kitchen tank."

Thorne: "*g* and leave you alone? But that wouldn't be nearly so interesting..."

Chetwin: "I have this disconcerting habit of saying what's on my mind."
But no one here has mastered understatement...

Niobe: "So that's why he's pissed! And here i thought it was because of the cake."

Digit: "That was uncle thorne. he's not really my uncle. but he's around a lot."
Dylana: "Oh? What is he? He looks like family."
Digit: "Umm... related."
Digit, coy as ever

Niobe: "Okay... i thought it over... i want pancakes, waffles, a pony and a villa in the south of france. *grin* just kidding."
Chetwin: "Pancakes I got. Waffles? Got ya covered. I can whip you up a pony in about ten seconds... or if you want to wait a while, I can get you one sired by my own mighty stallion...of course I'd have to bribe him for that one..."

Chetwin: "Who's tying the yoke- I mean knot...yeah...knot."
Something tells me Chet isn't planning on a wedding in HIS future...

Chetwin: "I may be able to help you out, actually. That is, unless you have a moral opposition to the kidnapping, brainwashing, and subsequent reconditioning of shadow people."

Chetwin: "Ishy, this is niobe...and this is niobe's clone. Niobe...gods I love doing this...call him Ishmael."

Chetwin: "He is my personal brain-surgeon, new chief of my medical facilities, and yet a fourth father figure."
Right, just to check the list - Chet's father-figures are a bard, a lawyer, a jester, and a brain doc

Chetwin: *still has the intercom open* "Damn. I hate to ask a lady this question... but you canchange your measurements anytime you want... what size do you prefer for this dress?"

Dylana: "We seem to have acquired a half-brother. Figured that since you spend so much time chasing him, you'd want to know"

Chetwin: "They probably think I'm becoming a tranvestite...then again, they'd never believe those were my hip measurements."

Sarah: jus' think... dy will get to see her newly-discovered half-bro the pirate swear fealty to a widowed drummer.

Session 36: We're BBBBBBAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK

Transformations

Chetwin: And the ever popular- "So THAT'S where the kings of chaos take a shit."
Part of trying to get a guided tour of the Palace of Chaos. Just don't ask, it's Chet.

Danny: Knowing the Courts, they may in fact be photorealistic impressions of someone's pet.
On abstract art in the Courts...

Chetwin: "Hold on a cotton-picking minute...you say you don't wear those things? You mean you give palace tours in the nude?"
Niobe: "NO! *impish grin* No more than you do."
Chetwin: "Hey. That was ONCE and I'd been drinking with bleys."

Dylana: "nope. he's more laid back. of course, chet's laid back compared to morgan"
Not a good comparison (and one for the understatement award).

GM: okay. you poke it. you uncover the outlines of a trap door with your superior intellect.
...It wasn't intended to be funny.

Dylana: *trumps morgan*
Morgan: "Yes, dylana?"
Dylana: "what the fuck are you doing" *slightly exasperated*
Morgan: "Chasing pirates. *smile*"
Dylana: *glare* "gotten it into your head to vent your anger by throwing punches again?"
Morgan: "*shrugs*"
Dylana: *glare* "you really can be an ass, you know that?" *rolls eyes, closes trump contanct*
Family relations among Gerard's kids...

GM: congratulations, you have just landed your character on a small island in the midst of... stars. what are you gonna do now? :P

Dylana: *rather irritated* "i'm sorry, you must have the wrong number. but i'm sure the operator can help you correctly direct your call" *close*

Dylana: "who the f*ck are you and why are you calling me. the first question takes priority, by the way"

Chetwin: "Hmmmmmmm...I'm showing her the state secret, but she can't keep her eyes off my bedroom..."
Niobe: "I couldn't keep my eyes CLOSED in your bedroom."
Chetwin: "That's what ALL the girls say."
Niobe: "Sure."
Hate to tell ya, Chet, but, son of Flora or no son of Flora, she ain't buyin' it...

Chetwin: "A hooker who wants to get knocked up? Not even mom's that nuts..."

Chetwin: "My mother will screw anything that isn't nailed down...and if it IS nailed down, she'll probably still screw it but she'll have to do all the work."
Chet makes sure to comment on his mother every chance he gets, whether she's there to hear it or not...

Chetwin: "We're watching family movies. A new release. A live one, actually..." *indicates comp screen*
GM: on the screen is still random, merc, and martin
Dylana: "oh jeez. terribly voyeristic."
She doesn't know the whole story...

GM: the cat blinks slowly at you. in your brain, you hear: "You are most definitely not dylana, and you are in my house."
Trespassing in Dylana's room is not, perhaps, the best idea in the world...

Session 37: Squire for Hire

Transformations

Merlin: "Would you 'bugger off' if Mandor insisted on you doing something?"
Wise man.

Dylana: "yup. you ought to housetrain him. I mean, hell, not even Tabby craps on the carpet, and we all know about how polite she is"
She's polite! Really! *GM looks innocent*

Merlin: "And dy, please don't let your cat eat my nephew."
Dylana: "Yes, Mandor might get upset, i can see that. Besides, he might give the poor thing heartburn"
Such caring... such compassion...

Chetwin: "Yup. You do realize that I can make an incredibly large amount of angry noise over this, even if random DOES order me to let this guy tag along... However. There is one way and only one way that you can avoid that. Wanna hear it?"
Merlin: "*lips twitch after the first comment* Yes."
Chetwin: "Make him my squire. Officially- at least for the time being. He can only tag along with me if he signs an official patent making him Lord Chetwin's Squire."
That's one of those "honors" that makes you want to curl up in a fetal position, isn't it?

Merlin: "Love to... but I'd better get back before they send out the posse."
Niobe: "You mean grandmother?"
Oh, c'mon, how can you pass up a Dara reference?

Chetwin: To ni: "Well...that was interesting."
Niobe: "You could say that."
Chetwin: "I guess you'll be my squire-in-law or some shit."
Niobe: "*dryly* I don't think you get squire-in-laws."
Chetwin: "Awwww...I was hoping for a two-for-one deal."
Niobe: "*fists on hips* I do not come as part of a cheap deal!"
Chetwin: "Ok. I'll pay for you and he can be the free one."
How... accommodating...

Daedalus: I'm just using it as an outlet to complain about my entire situation. How I'm being forced to leave my lab, go into enemy territory, and team up with one of the most volatile Amberites alive, just because my uncles think I need to get out more.

Dylana: "Y'know all the pointless violence my brother's been partaking in at the moment?"
Fenneca: "You mean all of it? Yes."
Dylana: "Exactly. Well, I was thinking to myself-- what we need here is a little negative reinforcement"

Daedalus: Dae blinks, and then blinks again. "I don't think the trump connection is working very well. Must be all that interference between here and Chaos, because I thought I heard you suggest I become a squire to Chetwin of Amber."

Daedalus: "Why would I become a squire to Lord Chetwin?
Merlin: "Because if you don't, then chetwin is going to pitch a fit at Random."
Daedalus: "Will that mean I don't have to work with him?"
You wish.

Daedalus: "So just ignore him until he stops making noise?"
Merlin: "He won't stop making noise."
Daedalus: "So I've heard."
Merlin: "Unfortunately, you've heard correctly."

Random: "Yes, dylana? what d'ya need?"
Dylana: "um... permission? *innocent smile*"
Random: "No, you can't bug dworkin."
Dylana: "*chuckle* Wouldn't dream of it."
Dylana: "I want to embark on a specific peace-keeping mission."
Random: "I am not sending you to chaos."
Dylana: "...that might happen to involve almost dropping my brother off a cliff"
It was actually better than he expected, for a change...

GM: tabby wakes up and stares at you. "You are most definitely Dylana."
Dylana: "Um. last i checked... the hell, tabby?"
Tabby: "nyeh. there was a sorta person. it went away. but it wasn't you."
Dylana: "a person. . . umm... you don't know who?"
Tabby: "no, a sorta person. yup."
Dylana: "and you don't know this sorta person, it's safe to assume?"
Tabby: "Nope. it was a sorta person, and i don't get to know sorta persons. except one of them, but he's only half sorta-person, so it's okay."
Dylana: "half sorta-person? who's that?"
Tabby: "one of the ones that only comes to visit sometimes. you know, the half sorta person."
Dylana: "what's he look like, tabs?"
Tabby: "*blink* i was sleepy. it smelled like a sorta person, so i told it it wasn't you and told it it was in my house, and told it to go away."
Tabby, on the subject of Chaosites and Daedalus' intrusion.

Dylana: "my sister was eaten by a large dog, and the dog currently battling Tabby's digestive system seems to be the same breed. I want to find where she ate it. it was penned"
Most cats bring their meat home... but most cats aren't large purple panthers with attitudes.

Session 38: We're back. Again. :)

Transformations

Chetwin: "You haven't been faithful to our little latex friend, have you?"

Chetwin: "Ok. I have two more questions. One: are they in a confined area open to the sky? Two: Will napalm work where you are?"

Dylana: "at the edge of arden... i don't think Uncle Julian would like us burning his trees. Course i don't think he'd like people using his trees as a base of attack, either"

Chetwin: "That's interesting. And me without my tommy gun and silver bullets. I guess we'll just have to cut them up."
GM: julian is looking more irritated the longer he looks at the dogs. "For once, you might have an excellent idea, Chetwin."

Chetwin: "Right. Ummm. Dy. I'm gonna go check on something. I'll see you later."
Dylana: "something?"
Chetwin: "Yeah. A brain."
Dylana: "ah. well, have fun with that then"
Chetwin: "And its new housing, but it's the brain I'm worried about."

Chetwin: "Good initiative. See? I knew you were the right man for the job."
Bastion: "I forget... was that before or after you chloroformed me?"
So... any suggestions as to the reason Bastion/Falstaff is a little bitter? Can't be the brain swap, can it? *g*

Chetwin: "Fine, if you want you can go through that shadow I found where the plants kick the crap out of you. It's kinda like a car wash, but with more bruises."

Chetwin: "Yeah, but you're forgetting that bastion is less adept at shadow-shifting than me and he was an idiot. Now either drink this and go get beaten by the plants or I can beat you up right here."

Chetwin: "Hey. Cheer up. You're about to be a hero for Amber. If you live through this."
Comforting, isn't he?

Dylana: "hello morgan. out patrolling the seas for more family members to beat senseless?"

Amyas: [well mr. longtooth.. how is your family this season? are the acorns tasty in this park?]
squirrel: "oh fine, fine... they're nice this year. quite plump."
Talking to the squirrels... what am I going to do with him?

Amyas: [says to mr. longtooth:.. this nasty big man looks like he could use a hug..]
GM: the squirrel jumps onto Thorne's shoulder. Thorne grabs the squirrel by the nape of the neck and holds it out at arm's length. "What the hell??"
GM: the squirrel chirrups at him.
Amyas: [says to thorn firmly] "there's no need to be alarmed.. he was just wanting to say hello.. he's really a decent chap"
Ahem. As I said...

Dylana: "but why? i mean, short of messing with my head, why trump me randomly?"

Dylana: *blinkblinkbl...*"DIGIT! What th'ell happened to you?"
Digit: "Well, I kinda grew up." *grins*

Digit: "well, i told you i was going on a trip..."
Dylana: "yeah. i remember. you didn't say you were gonna come back 7 years older"

Amyas: [laughs] ".. i'll drink to that.. the first two statements i can believe all night"

Session 39: Hellhound Bones

Dylana: "so, what was up with the running off to age a decade?"
Digit: "It was only 4! Sheesh. you'd think i was old or something."
Yeah! He's only 16 now!

Dylana: "something really cool. i'm almost, but not quite, afraid to ask"
All right, who replaced Dylana while the GM wasn't looking?

Dylana: "sheesh. my little street urchin is all grown up, now."
Digit: "Umm... yeah, sure."
He ain't buyin' it, Dy...

Tabby: "It's nighttime, dylana. sleep time."
Dylana: "bah. felines are nocturnal."
Tabby: "Not when we're sleeping."
Ahh... feline logic. Gotta love it.

Dylana: "so... hmmm... how do we decide which way to go?"
Digit: *shrugs* "Turn around really fast then point?"
Dylana: umm.. *tries it*
I wonder if she realizes it wasn't a serious suggestion?

Digit: "Dead dog. Probably a wolf-dog. see?" *holds up a femur* "Looks like a funky dire wolf bone. But it's not." *taps the femur, which makes a noise like crystal* "See?"
Dylana: "quite odd."
Digit: "Nah. the hellhounds' bones sound like that."
Dylana: *blink*
Digit: "They're some sort of weird organic crystal or something."
Dylana: "I'm not sure i want to know how you know what tapped hellhound bone sounds like."

Dylana: "oh. okay then. How can i tell Valerians from yours?"
Julian: "Valerian's should be empty."
Dylana: "well, that clears that up, then."
What'd you expect? I mean, you asked Julian for useful information...

Beatrice: *chuckle* "But i don't think Thorne could enchant himself, much less anyone else."

"No! No! He's not interesting...he's just misunderstood!" -Dustin
In response to the realization that Deirdre is probably interested in Chetwin after he informed her that he has his brother's brain on ice, among other things...

Session 40: Rampant Insolence

Transformations

Dylana: "you alright tabs? you seem to be coming down with a case of sheep."

GM: yeah, yeah. i'm not a boat person. i don't know these things.
Darcie: that's what research is for, miss i'm-running-this-story.
Ooo... she's just ASKING for trouble, isn't she?

GM: you catch the man by surprise. he is armed only with a sack of meat, so he's not really much of a challenge.

Dylana: "Random's pretty much forbidden me going through strange trumps. He'd start to wonder if i had some..."
Now, there couldn't be a reason for that, could there?

Dylana: "we're...doing something with him"
Digit: "Something?"
Dylana: "something. any ideas?"
Uh... we thought you knew...

Random: "Dylana, one of these days I'm going to learn where you came up with the idea that I know how to do some of the things you ask me to do."

Random: *starts laughing* "Dylana, I am not Amber's help desk. And NO, you can't call Dworkin!!"

Dylana: "Tabby, prey noises in general are weird coming from a large cat."
Tabby: "Oh. But i can't howl like a wolf. Wouldn't want to either."
Dylana: "Why don't you try... purring or something."
Tabby: "Purring is for amateurs."

Dylana: "He's mad. his skin could look like the Urals for all I care."

Dylana: "Lao-Tzu, would you know how to heal this guy? He's mad, and that's just a problem for me right now. Probably for him, too."