Session 21: Goo

Transformations

Danny: I already ate the bird.
Darcie: no you didn't...
GM: umm... no, no you didn't
Darcie: you're not corwing
Darcie: err -g
Danny: Corwings Fried Raven?
I don't think that's "finger-lickin' good."

Chetwin: *waits for random to answer*
GM: right. random picks up. "yeah?"
Chetwin: *pokes goo at him*
Random: "The F*CK?!" *jumps back*
Chetwin: Is the goo flashing? Er...pulsating...
GM: no, it is not.
Chetwin: "Damn. It's not flashing." *points goo at self*
GM: the goo pulses.
Random: "Chetwin, what the hell is that?"
Chetwin: "It's that goo shit that I found on the steps, right by the pattern."
Random: "I see. Next question: Why the hell did you trump me and try to skewer me on it?!"
Chetwin: "I thought it was an amberite geiger-counter. 10 feet is the distance from me at which it quits pulsating. So either you're not an amberite or I don't have this figured out just yet."
Random: *laughs* "I see. Well, the last time i checked i was still an amberite, so i suggest you go back to work."
One would hope the king of Amber is an Amberite...

Chetwin: *trumps...shudder...flora*
GM: she answers immediately. she's out on her balcony. "Chetwin. What a surprise."
Chetwin: *pokes goo at her*
Flora: "*flinches* What is that?"
Chetwin: Is it pulsating?
GM: no
Chetwin: "What's the problem? You've never been bothered by 10 foot poles before... *pause*...and, by some strange twist of fate, you have failed to turn THIS one on..." *closes contact*

Chetwin: *calls remora*
GM: remora answers in much the same way flora did.
Chetwin: *same deal with the pole*
Remora: "Chetwin, is that really necessary?"
GM: and she leans back a bit
Chetwin: "Yes." No pulsate?
GM: no pulsate
Chetwin: "Well...at least this shit has some taste...and some standards."
GM: she blinks at you.
Chetwin: "Only you and mom have both failed to light it up."
Remora: "I... see."
Chetwin: "See you in the funny papers." *close*

Chetwin: "HA! Was it a relative that festooned your sorry ass like this? Or did one of your birthday-raids backfire in the worst possible way imaginable?"

Chetwin: I then pull out my dagger and obtain some chet-juice from my arm.
Now with more calcium?

Dylana: jeez. the family always thought i was weird. what'll they think when a pole comes at me through a card?
GM: heh. the same thing they always think?
I said nothing...

Chetwin: "Right. Ummm...do you have an extra trump of me?"
Dylana: *hands chet his trump* "No, but i can always make another" *smirk*
Lording one's powers over another isn't always tactful... but it's obviously fun...

Chetwin: I remove my undermost layer of clothing and put it near the goo...then step back.
GM: nothing happens to your underwear
Chetwin: Any pulsating?
GM: nope.
Chetwin: I replace my undergarment.
Fruit of the red-and-blue loom?

Chetwin: "Hey. I've got another task for you."
Falstaff: "Sir?"
Chetwin: "Look over there." I point at the far wall.
GM: he looks
Chetwin: I chloroform him.
GM: he struggles. but eventually passes out.
Chetwin: "There. That wasn't so bad was it?"
No medium-sized red fuzzy guys were harmed in the making of this quote.

Chetwin: "Hey. I'm about to make medical and machiavellian history here in my palace by the sulphur-shores...but I need a little help from you and your fantastic-cracker-jack-ring to make it extra safe."

Sand: *chuckles* *looks over at tables* *blinks* *looks at bastion* *blinks again* "Do I want to know what's going on here?"
Chetwin: "I am going to put my chief lackey's brain into bastion's bony little bod...then I am going to put bastions memories into my lackey's brain. Then I am going to put bastion's brain and my lackey's body on ice."
Sand: *pauses, absorbing the info* "Why?"
Chetwin: "So "bastion" can then "escape" my clutches and return to his cohorts and feed us bowlfuls of info."
Sand: "I... really can't fault your plan... *shakes head* ...but I think... *turns back to tables* ...it's better if i pretend i didn't see this..."
Is it tact or is it Memorex?

Arwen: "Okay. All we need is a Spikard, the Fount of Power, and a lot of rice."
Dylana: rice?
Arwen: "We can't do it without rice."
GM: they blink at you, ar
Arwen: "Well, the Fount of Power is just because I need a bath. The Spikard is to get the rice. Oh, and *quick calculations* 12,853,322 kL of water."
GM: they blink lots
Arwen: "Well, rice expands, you see. I was thinking that if we fill the entire room with rice, and then flood it with water, it would push the door open."
Marissa: "The door opens inward, dear."
Arwen: "I was hoping it would break it open."
Mordred: "It's about a foot thick, remember?"
How NOT to escape

Dylana: *trumps digit*
GM: digit is eating his breakfast, you assume. he has a cinnamon roll in each hand and one in his mouth, and he's running flat-out down what looks like an alley. he kind of waves a roll at you
Not quite the Oliver Twist of Amber.

Dustin: Something tells me that he did not plonk down any legal tender for them rolls.
Darcie: was it the running down the alley part?
Gee, could it be?

Chetwin: "It pulsates, whenever I...or carnie gets near it. Or my blood. But not my underwear."
Well, there's stuff he could have tried... but he didn't.

"How the f*ck do you not fall off a cliff after falling off a cliff without Trumping?" -Darcie

Session 22: "War's just not like it used to be, Uncle"

Chetwin: I walk back to the or "Hey. Somebody put...that thing...*points to bastion's brain, which is sitting on a table* in suspended animation before it goes off."

Arwen: "I doubt they have man sized air ducts just conveniently placed where we can get out, leading to an unguarded exit."
Marissa: "i wasn't looking for an unguarded exit."
In case you were wondering...

GM: as you come thru the trump, both of you hear a loud explosion. you close it before the shock wave hits
Dylana: "i think we have a problem. aside from the weird goo, that is"
Chetwin: "My office!!! F*CK!"
Dylana: "aww, you can't just build another, can you..."
Chetwin: "It's the principle, polynesian pragmatist."
Dylana: "i can't trump ar."
Chetwin: "Likewise, I could grow 'em back, if the chaosites cut off my- do what?"
Crisis management 101

Dylana: damn. *trumps at random* when he picks up"one of these days, i'm gonna trump you with good news. i hate being the bearer of bad news. Chet lost ar"
Random: "just a sec - WHAT?!"
Chetwin: "HEY! She was with you last!"
Placing the blame... on anyone else

Dylana: "i like breathing.. i've grown rather fond of it over the years. it'd be a pity to have my own uncle remove that facility"

Random: "F*ck! can't the two of you keep out of trouble for one f*cking day!?"
Dylana: "hey, i'm not in trouble! chet's not in trouble anymore..."
Chetwin: "I had to trump out. It started humming, then it expanded to fill the room, then it exp- THE HELL I'M NOT!"
Apparently not a good day for the male portion of the Trump call...

Dylana: "Chet, before you go looking for her, ask the pattern if it knows where she is."
Chetwin: "Hell no."
Dylana: "why not?"
Chetwin: "I don't direct questions at the floor."
Ways to piss off the center of the universe...

Chetwin: "trust shapeshifters to use gooey explosives."

Chetwin: "HELLO! Survivors of the big bang! This is your captain speaking! We are currently cruising at an altitude of 1,997 stories. I'd like it a lot better if we got out of here before the building goes into a dive."

Random: "*nod* Hopefully he'll remember we need his brother in one piece for a trial."

Chetwin: "Welllll...shit. I swear...I'm gonna find the hall of mirrors and fire a high-intensity laser into it. Let it reflect that for a while."
Dylana: "uh, tell me when you decide to do that so i can get the hell outta amber"

Chetwin: "The last f*cking straw, the LAST! They can f*ck with my brother, they can try to shoot me in cold blood...that's all fair game in my own family, but THEY F*CKED UP MY TOWER! AND my computer!"
No one ever said certain Chaosites played fair!

Chetwin: "You're just too damn heavy to do this damage control shit safely...not unless you wanna become an instant wingless pegasus."

Chetwin: *calls after him* "Besides, where I come from you gotta be certified as a normal cutter before you can let your fingers do the walking through anybody's coconut!"

Rinaldo: "*shakes head* So i take it this arwen's a handful?"
Dylana: "HA! no, chet's a handful. arwen's a truckload!"
Dare we ask 'of what?'

Chetwin: "Ok. Here's what we'll need, apart from my shadow work... About a dozen rocket engines, three industrial helicopters, a welding iron the size of the jolly-green-giant's post-nuptual gear, a trump of a large flat area, and some lackeys."

Rinaldo: "let's just say it involved an ambassador to chaos and three floors of the thelbane, and leave it at that, k?"

Chetwin: "I'll probably regret this...but whatever..." I try to shadow-chat with the pattern.
GM: you get a reply. "Yes, insolent child?"
Hmm... Perhaps not the best way to be greeted by the Pattern...

Chetwin: "The logrus has sway that close to your influence?"
Pattern: "No."
Chetwin: "Then how was she taken by the logrus, you contradictory machine??"

Chetwin: "Ok. I beg to differ, but I will not argue with the floor. Where was she taken?"
Pattern: "Chaos, of course." *ends the chat*
Chetwin: I save the conversation with the filename: FKDUPPTRNCHAT1.SCHT

Chetwin: "I will not be nice to dworkin's footprints, just because he programmed them to act like they are cognizant."

Dylana: "um, the pointy thing makes me nervous, y'know? wanna talk, we can do that..."
female: "it's supposed to."

She (2nd woman) says: "First, you can tell us why you're here..."
Dylana: "the scenery astounds me. i figured i'd get some artistry in..."
1st: "I doubt that... cousin."
In Eregnor?!

GM: marissa picks up a rather large axe and smiles with great satisfaction.
There is a reason this is here... if you know where to look.

Dylana: "yes. please don't whine in emergencies, tabs.."
Grace under pressure...

Dylana: "You wouldn't kill me, it'd upset random, and Daddy wouldn't appreciate that a whole hell of a lot, 'cause it'd also upset the army..."
2nd woman: "We aren't afraid of your precious army of amber."
Chips off the old block, obviously...

Chetwin: "War's just not like it used to be, Uncle. You used to be able to kill the enemy."

Arwen: "I'd guess Deirdre's or Brand's, and you don't have the look of Brand."
Marissa: "*raises an eyebrow* I have nothing to do with brand."
Arwen: "Well they're the only Amberites I know of that have anything to do with the Abyss."
Marissa: "*repeats* I have nothing to do with brand."

"I think Dylana's been up there so many times she thinks her period is something that happens when she goes to Tir-na Nog'th." -Dustin

Session 23: "And all of a sudden, Amber erupts like a stick-stricken anthill..."

Transformations

Arwen: "Hell yeah. Come here ofton?"
Dustin: Ofton sounds like norse profanity.
Arwen: Er, often.
Dustin: Ufta!
Danny: Suka!
Dustin: Ok. We can be done with that.
GM: all right! no norse profanity!
This interlude brought to you by Odin, Inc.

Martin (over radio) : "Damn, chet. what the f*ck kind of explosive was that?!"
Chetwin: "Remember that blue goo shit?"
Martin: "Yeah. that shit blew your place up?!"
Chetwin: "Well...it started buzzing...then it started expanding. I tried to throw it out the window, but it got too big before I could. Then Carnie decided it would be a good idea to get the hell outta dodge."
Martin: "smart horse."
Chetwin: "Yeah. It blew up, just as I was trumping out."
Martin: "damn."
Yeah, that about sums it up...

Chetwin: "Hey, hey, hey. This is your exalted leader coming through to you on C.H.E.T. FM. If you will look outside your windows, you will see two large helicopters hovering. Wave at me if you can, then listen. I want everybody out of the floors that were damaged in the recent attack and the two floors below that. We're gonna be installing some heave rocket equipment in this initial session. Then we're gonna come back with the biggest goddamn cutter any of you fuzzies out there in radio-land have ever seen. Hold the fort and cheer me on. Everything is under control."

Niobe: "Yeah... we're gonna lay low in Amber for a few days. and Uncle Merlin needs some more excitement in his life."
Merlin's ears have got to be burning right about now...

Random: "I don't think so, no. *shakes head* I'd tell you to be careful, but i don't know if that'd do any good. Have fun."
Dylana: "I'll trump you if i get in too much trouble *grin* See you at dinner, uncle"

Chetwin: "Hey. You don't look half bad, horse. What could you have been doing with your armor ON that would make you that happy?"
He was just having a good day...

Chetwin: Chet's eyes get huge. "CARNIE! DID YOU SPAWN?"

Chetwin: "Ok...holdon...." I flip through the cards for him. "And quit slobbering on them."

Chetwin: I bow at the carnie's mom. "Hey. Sorry about the mix-up ma'am. I intended no oedipal insults. I'm Chetwin of Amber. I'm the one that rides around on your son. He also keeps my head on my shoulders. He just saved me from killer jelly."

Dylana: "damnit dig... i never thought someone else's curiosity was gonna get me killed... let's check it out...."
The italics there weren't the GM's...

Chetwin: To carnie, as soon as they are gone "Ok. That was an excess of cuteness and syrupy family values. Now I REALLY gotta talk to some of my own normal, rat-bastard relatives or I'll just feel...dirty...the rest of the day."
So he calls... Dylana.

GM: yeah, you know... the dog ate my homework... the chaosites captured me and i couldn't come to class...

Dylana: "'lo?"
Chetwin: "Whatup?"
Dylana: "keep"
Chetwin: "Which?"
Dylana: "this one"
Chetwin: "Four worlds?"
Dylana: *nod*
Chetwin: "Nice."
Dylana: *grin*
Chetwin: "Sightseeing?"
Dylana: "yup!"
Dylana: "wanna come?"
Chetwin: "Ok. One of us has to break this 2-word sentence barrier. Yes. I would like to come. I will be bringing horseflesh."

Chetwin: "Damn. 'Know what? You guys do the guided tour of the haunted castle on your own. I'm off to get the brat."
Duty calls...

Dylana: "you should make up with the pattern"
Chetwin: "Will you rid yourself of the notion that it has hurt feelings to mend?"
Dylana: "um... it's feelings aren't really what i'm worried about hurting, chet..."

Chetwin: "I know what you meant...but we'll just have to agree to disagree...until either I can show you the pattern's source code or it eats me, then cries over it to prove you right"

Chetwin: "I'm not certain of anything, but we would both do well to keep our mouths shut."
What a novel idea!

Chetwin: "You're takin' it better than me, uncle. I said 'urb'"
Random: "Only because i've had practice."

Random: "*pause* *thoughtfully* Unless you want to tell your mother, chetwin."
Chetwin: "You have just made my day, uncle."
Random: "Oh gods. *shakes head* Try not to make her run screaming through the halls, will you?"
Chetwin: "I'll try."

Darcie: and all of a sudden, amber erupts like a stick-stricken anthill... *grin*
See why!

Session 24: Returning to Amber

Transformations

Darcie: i'd believe him except he looks innocent.
I think this is the logic that keeps this family together...

Darcie: i thinkl so
Sarah: thinkl... izzat kinda like an inkle?
Sarah: thinkling... inkling...?
Darcie: THERE ARE NO THINKLINGS HERE, whatever those are

Danny: Food more interesting than the Keep of Four Worlds? Now that's a meal to make a man's mouth hydrate.

Zane: "*shakes his head* I notice you're riding Chetwin's... beast."
Arwen: "He's not so bad." I pat Carnie's head. "They seem to get along."
Zane: "*dryly* The beast? I suppose. Chetwin? that remains to be seen."

Arwen: "Chetwin is Chetwin. You just have to know how to work with him. Unfortunately, I don't."
Zane: "*slightly amused* I could say the same for Father's Hellhounds."
Chetwin: *somewhere quite removed from arden, chet's hackles rise as he resents being compared to hellhounds*

Chetwin: *grumbles something about dy and drawing trumps of everything including her chamber-pot*
Hey, when you gotta go...

Chetwin: "Hmmm...I feel so much better now...all that sticky nice-nice-happy-happy family feeling I got from carnie's siblings is being washed off in a slurry of distrust and malice." *breathes a sigh of relief*
The family that lies to each other...

Chetwin: "Fiona. Her kid might be even more devious than her mother. She has chaosite blood in her."
We're not sure which side he's more annoyed at

Chetwin: Pretty soon, he'll be part of the weather..."partly cloudy...100% chance of bastion showers..."

Dustin: It's roadkill at the center of the universe. It ought to equal any shadow gourmet.

Kaylana: "*looks extremely self-satisfied* We took care of a little... problem... with kurt."
Chetwin: "Hmmm....little problem? Lemme put it this way...will he be attending any other family gatherings...ever?"
Kaylana: "Umm... no, actually... strange thing... there we were, all doing the family bonding shit, and he must have gone crazy, because the next thing we know, he was trying to go flying without his clothes and his trumps... really is a shame... *chuckles* *pause* Guess we ought to have warned dad first, though..."
Chetwin: "*smiles* Yeah. Funny how people do weird shit like that sometimes...*pause* keep it under your hat but there may be a plague of strange behavior like that. Bastion is looking like he might go nuts and jump off my tower"
Kaylana: "Yeah, it'd be a real shame if this continued.... *smile* You'd think they could at least use a hang-glider... or have the decency to have a hunting accident..."
Chetwin: *chuckles* "Well. That's what we get for living in a high-stress environment like this." *smile*
Kaylana: "Yeah, i guess so."

Session 25: Repeat!

Transformations

GM: carnie snorts at you. he looks annoyed.
Chetwin: "What, carnie? The kid's lighter than me. You were doin' easy duty."
GM: he sticks his tongue out at you.
Chetwin: What the hell? also...in character..."What the hell?"
One Hellmare, one rider... or else they sulk... I distinctly remember saying that...

GM: Corwin next. he's being very, very restrained, it looks like.
Darcie: you mean he's *NOT* jumping her straight off?
Dustin: Well...not in front of the whole family. They're gonna wait at least 'til the dessert course.
GM: ewwwwwwwww
Darcie: ahem. "dessert"
GM: but ANYWAY

Dylana: i nod at her. smiling politely, in a sorta don't bite me sorta way
Well, that's one way to greet Deirdre...

Dustin: So...are there actually placecards?
GM: yes, yes there are. and servants watching the tables to make sure no mischievious amberites switch places.
Darcie: nah, we just sorta fall like dropped dice into a totally, well almost, nonoffensive to anyone arrangement

Mercury: "*chuckles and smirks at kaylana* Oh, just helped take out some garbage... and then spent a quiet afternoon with a... lady of my acquaintance..."
Chetwin: "Sex and violence. You're doing your dad proud." *grins broadly*
Mercury: "I try..." *smirk*
Come to think of it, he's probably doing Oberon proud too...

Arwen: What about "What to I need to do?"
GM: "reply hazy; try again" ...never thought i'd be a magic eight ball...
Arwen: I.e. the GM doesn't wanna bother with it right now.
GM: no, no, no.... "reply hazy try again", not "gm doesn't want to bother with it right now"
There's a distinction there!

Arwen: Along the way, I change my outfit to more dark agey (but trousers), and make my sword a bread sword.
Arwen: Er, broad sword.
Dustin: Bread sword?
GM: bread sword? cuts loaves in a single slice?
Danny: Something like that.
Darcie: ever tried wielding a good piece of french bread? you could do some damage with that stuff...
Danny: You can do more with a bad piece of french bread.
GM: heh. i've always preferred week-old french bread as my loaf-y weapon of choice.
The yeast we could do is take the typo and run...

GM: what, do YOU want to be knocked unconscious? 'cause that can be arranged....

Arwen: "I'm a bit busy at the moment. I have to beat up some vikings."
Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam...

Arwen: "Is there an atmosphere there?"
Dylana: "no, ar. i'm not breathing... ignore, also, the fact that i'd have to breathe to speak."

Session 26: A little cream with your bloodshed?

Transformations

Chetwin: I lean against the door frame. "Hey, cuz. What's up?"
Ellyn: *picks up bottle and pulls out cork* "I'm trying one of dad's remedies." *starts emptying the bottle*
Chetwin: "Is it working?"
Ellyn: "Verdict's still out on that." *emptys the bottle, throws it across the room* *bottle shatters on the wall and the shards join the already-large pile of glass*
She'll have to get back to you on that one... some time after the hangover...

Chetwin: "Hey, ar. Seen Our Lady of the Hellmares anywhere?"

Chetwin: "Chetwin of Amber, inc. Demons slayed, taxes handled with flair. Yes?"
Dylana: "I believe these are yours. *hands cards* I don't pay taxes, chet. neither do you"
Grace under wackiness?

Dylana: "Who gave that to you?"
Fiona: "It appeared on my dressing table this morning."
Dylana: "It what?"
Just an intellectual chat with Aunt Fiona...

Chetwin: to ar: "I can't believe I'm being stood up for a murder."

Dylana: "tell me, PLEASE, that you're missing your trump of yourself"

Arwen: "You said 'Tell me, PLEASE, that you're missing a trump of yourself.' That's not exactly a "nothing's happening tone of voice. And since this seems to have to do with my trump, I feel somehow involved."
Dylana: "Actually i said 'tell me, PLEASE, that you're missing your trump of yourself' but yeah. you're not." *close*

Chetwin: "Dammit! Too f*cking popular these days...*answer*"Chet's killer-for-hire service you pay I slay."

Dylana: "wanna go snoop around the moon?"
Tabby: "umm.... why?"
Dylana: *story at tabby*
Tabby: "oh. Martians."
Feline practicality strikes again...

Chetwin: "Yelloo...chet's hitman service. I slice 'em, I price 'em."

Sand: "*nasty little smile* Chetwin, this is your cousin Tsia. I'm afraid you won't be knowing her for very long."
Not the exactly the words you want to hear...

Tabby: *sniffsniff* to dy: "I smell fruit."
Dustin: IT'S CAINE! FRUIT!
Dylana: no elders, thanks. i would be... upset if an elder took it upon himself to knock me unconscious and duplicate my trumps.
Dustin: I don't EVEN wanna think about "caine" and "moon" in the same sentence...

Dustin: Hydroponicum-cha-cha-cha...

Arwen: I put the orange back.
GM: strangely enough, it doesn't go back on the tree.
Arwen: I balance it on a branch.
GM: it falls off, ar.
Arwen: Then I impale it on a branch.
Perhaps biology wasn't her strong suit...

Dylana: "Shae, I may not be keen on Amberite subtlty, but you appear to be not answering my questions"
Shae: "You are correct. All will be clear soon enough. But afternoon tea is hardly the place to conduct business."
Dylana: "sure it is..."

Dylana: "okay, who's are you?"
Shae: "*smile* sugar, anyone?"
Yet another lesson in question avoidance

Dustin: Cream and blood...a very amberite combination.

Shae: "I'm glad you like them; i made them myself. *looks at you, dy* Oh, an old man i know told me to expect you."
Arwen: "Dworkin?"
Dylana: "an old man? I think i only know one person who looks old.."
Shae: "*smile* Cucumber sandwich?"

Chetwin: "Dickhead wasn't carrying anything we might wanna swipe. All yours now, aunt."

Dylana: "Of course I'm full of questions. You've got to ask to find out the most interesting things. I mean, most people don't just out and tell you interesting things..."

Chetwin: "Alright, asshole. Tell us where your father is or I'll personally jam every one of your chess pieces somewhere."
Dorian: "whoooooooaaaaaaaaaa! Can the hostility, Cousin! I don't like him any more than you do."
Chetwin: "Then why did you just passively watch this go down without telling us it was a fake?"
Dorian: "I wasn't watching! Sheez. Got to sleep some time."

Dylana: "*laugh* Alright. We wouldn't want to invoke the Wrath of Dworkin (c)"

"Delwin's committed the ultimate transgression now - he's humiliated Chetwin." -Dustin
Run and hide?

"She was interesting conversation. It would be a shame to have to kill her." -Darcie, for Dylana
Practical to the last drop...

Session 27: Alternatives

Transformations

Arwen: "So how does one manage to get into an actual conversation with the All Mighty? Try as we might, throw object as we might, remove chair as we might, we could not get a word out of your father."
Maybe he just didn't want to talk to you?

GM: yo - moon children - what'cha doin'?

Random: "*looks around* yeah, sure."
Dylana: "thanks. *goes*"
GM: he promptly puts his feet up on the desk. "What's up?"
Dylana: *totally straight-faced, not a hint of joking* "You have an aunt."
Random: *feet slam down, jaw drops* "what???!???!"
One of a myriad of ways to give Random temporary coronary failure...

Chetwin: "Ahhh...umm...Lady Flora. Have you seen Lord Delwin recently?"
(Shadow of) Flora: "*looks up* My goodness, those clothes are horrible. *pause* *smile* Do have a seat. Are you hungry? I can call for food..."
Chetwin: For the first time in his eighty-odd years, Lord Chetwin of Amber knows true and complete terror.
Alternate Amber, anyone?

Chetwin: I make sure shadow-flora didn't follow me down the hall to finish checking out my ass...then I try the door.

Chetwin: "Yeah. I know. That's my cue to throw the F.I.B.O.F.U.C.S.M.E. Program into full production."
Arwen: "The what?"
Chetwin: "It stands for Fully Integrated Biological Organisms For Use as Cross Shadow Modular Enignes."
A candidate for the "Really Long Acronyms Are Your Friends" contest...

Digit: "we could go wander the sewers! there're some great moss formations down there!"
Dylana: *wrinkles nose* "Um, i'll take a raincheck."
Digit: "but it's great! and there're rats the size of big dogs down there too! But they're really timid."
Dylana: "Um, no"
Digit: "*pause* i tried to make one into a pet one time. It didn't work. and then it bit a friend of mine."
Dylana: *wince*
Digit: "Oh, it was okay. it didn't have teeth yet. It was kinda cute as a baby. but it got kinda... mangy after a while. And then it bit barkley, and mom made me get rid of it."
Every kid should have a pet, right?

Dylana: We'll start out simple. umm... "Hi!"
Pattern: *flicker*
Dylana: "do you speak?"
Pattern: "*flicker*"
Dylana: "Um? Flicker?"
Pattern: "*prolonged flicker*"
The Pattern apparently doesn't want to make friends...

Chetwin: "F*cking shit...I've been calling too many people "sir"...I have an overwhelming urge to kick something..."
Ego? What ego?

Session 28: Another One Bites the Dust...

Transformations

GM: it's bastion/falstaff... i could just type f or b... but it doesn't encompass the whole of the composite of parts now existing in that one semi-immortal core.

GM: if it's replying in morse...all it's saying is "e"
The Pattern isn't talkative... even in Morse code...

Danny: So what's that mean in Thari?
Darcie: it means "flicker"
GM: it means the letter "e"... or, yes, "flicker"
Dustin: Pineapple? It could mean "mammary disorder" for all I know.
Uh... Dust? The conversation's over here...

Dylana: i take a nap in the center of the pattern.
GM: ...a nap? the last person who ended up doing that got F*CKED
Dylana: (Dy's tired, from walking it, and she's not going up to her room again)
GM: you could tell it to teleport you...
Dylana: yeah. but then how would i get back?
GM: the same way everyone does
Dylana: besides, i'd be more hostile than coral, and i think the pattern'd know that
Lesson from history? WHAT lesson from history?

Danny: Sounds like a theme for tonight.
GM: umm... you'll have to hum a few bars... i don't know that one...

Arwen: "Murray. The Pattern. I named her Murray."
Dylana: "Oh."
Arwen: "She works better with an identity."
We don't ask.

Digit: "actually, me and stump were gonna go throw mud at the hung-over sailors. wanna come?"
Dylana: "Stump?"
Digit: "Yeah. stump. he's a friend of mine."
Dylana: "Oh. no thanks. harrassing drunkards isn't my fave activity"
Digit: "but they're not drunk now! they're hung over!"
Poor kid; his relatives just don't want to play...

Dylana: "Hey, 'sup?"
Chetwin: "Oh. Ummm...hey. Walk with me for a sec?"
Dylana: "Oh shit. what's up? Out with it chet..."
Chetwin: "I'm going to get a body bag to put what's left of Kali in it."
Tact? Where?

GM: chet - you hear *padpadpad* "you rang?" (latter in your head)
Chetwin: *thinks at her* "Hey...whoa...yer speaking to me. Do you know anything about what happened to kali? Seems a very large animal with very large claws tore her up recently."
Tabby: "*sniff* damned great dog. I was hungry. It was slow."
And they wondered why she was still asleep.

Chetwin: *trumps random*
Random: "yeah?"
Chetwin: "Tabby killed the beast that iced kali. She left what she didn't eat in loutra's stall. It's a canine the size of a Fiat. Or was."

Chetwin: "The horse?"
Tabby: "yeah. the walking buffet that dy won't let me eat."

Chetwin: "You. Get a sheet and some pins. You. Pick out some servants to do a very messy deathscene cleanup. If you pick out any that go squeamish and puke on the floor, you're eatin' it."

Session 29: No real title today/Just take our words for it, and/Enjoy our haiku

Transformations

Dylana: "Tabs?"
Tabby: "What? they took away my snack. I told them they could."
Dylana: "you told them? what'd you finally decide to grow a voice?"
Tabby: "Umm... you weren't there."
Dylana: "What's it matter that i wasn't there?"
Tabby: "To tell them what i was saying."
Dylana: "oh."
Feline perversity strikes again.

GM: morgan appears to be somewhat annoyed at chetwin, dy.
Dylana: i ask him what's up
Morgan: "Just... recalling something Father told me once."
Dylana: "something father told you? That being?"
Morgan: "He said, "every once in a while it's necessary to beat some manners into chetwin.""
Truisms, Gerard style

Chetwin: "I guess I'm a third wheel here. I'm gonna head out in a minute. But call on me for repeat business. Chet's undertaking service. They smack 'em, I sack 'em."

Dustin: Amberites are less touchy-feely...and more stabby-killy.

GM: "just when we thought nothing else could go wrong.... chetwin started spouting haiku..."
WAY out of character... and here's what he said

Darcie: as for aunt deirdre/you can't ask her to steward/she'd surely kill you

Chetwin: Then we tiptoe through the pugilistic tulips 'til we're all good and battered.

Dylana: "i'll ask random for you, if you'd like. he's on trump call right now, but you can leave a message.." *imitates secretary voice*

Arwen: "And you wanted to give me riding lessons."
Julian: "*dryly* actually, i wanted Isbel to give you riding lessons."
Arwen: "Oh." *Looks disapointed.*

Session 30: Again the haiku/With death and puzzle solving thrown in/How very Zen it was

Transformations

Chetwin: We left off quickly/You remembered where we were/It is impressive
GM: I sort of cheated/I wrote it all down last time/I thought it was cute
Chetwin: I figured you did/I will still compliment you/Because I said so.
Arwen: I would add poem here; it seems to be in style now; but I can't think of any.
GM: THat's enough haiku/it's time to game right now/so let's get to it.
Chetwin: This is addictive/Minimalist poetry/We could game in it.
GM: *pats dustin on head*/I really don't think we should, 'cause/The GM says so.
He started it!

Arwen: "Are there many Bandits in Arden?"
Julian: "Not for long."
Dustin: Heh. Methinks I smell a brigand-ectomy coming up.
An accurate nose...

Arwen: "What were things like when you were young?"
Julian: "*blinkblink* *dryly* Taller."

Chetwin: "Tell me about it. Hell, next time I get my ass kicked, I'll try to bleed some, so it won't clash too much."

Dylana: "Oh. Is that one-a those "Something, but I'm not going to tell you" nothings?"

Dylana: "what'd you accidentally dye your hair bronze?"
Mercury: "*flinch* no, not bronze."
Nope! Bright, neon green.

Chetwin: "Yeah. Oh yeah. So dad...do you think I'm tactless?"
Go straight to the point. Do not pass go...

Chetwin: "Well...kaylana found her, but I took charge of the tagging and bagging. Also, I took it upon myself to find where dylana's cat had put the body of the killer dog thing that did the deed."
Lord Rein: "I see..."
Chetwin: "I handled the situation as I saw fit. When random asked for the body of the dog to be brought up, I dumped it through the trump connection. I also made some other callous remarks."
Lord Rein: "And Morgan has taken offense?"
Chetwin: "Yes. And I totally admit it was tactless."

Chetwin: *chuckle* "As a purely logical statement, I have to agree with you on that one, dad. However, there are those of us who have to suck up repeated beatings in our attempts to change the status-quo."

Chetwin: "Nobody said I'm forbidden to actually do well in the wrestling match. Even if it is a thinly veiled alternative to taking me out behind the woodshed with a switch."
NO ONE wants to be beaten with a switch by a son of Gerard

Darcie: This piece of trivia was brought to you by Chetwin's Beat-Juice(r), The Drink That's Guaranteed To Dull The Pain
Dustin: Slogan for chet-juice: "Just one gulp and they can beat you into pulp!"

Chetwin: "Yup. He can still bend me out of shape, but all locks that operate on pain are gonna be useless on me. Th' oaf will probalby just think I've been taking contortionist lessons from mom."

Chetwin: "Hey, Bill-man. I'm catching up with people I give a shit about. In case morgan breaks me tomorrow."
Bill Roth: "*absently* one second... *writes something down* *looks up* what did you do this time?"
Chetwin: "I was very very tactless. I tried telling him I don't believe in tact, when you're an immortal being who has seen more violence, death and mayhem than the every member of the A-team put together."
Bill Roth: "It didn't work, did it."
Chetwin: "Nope. He still insists on using a friendly wrestling match as an excuse to tie me into a slip-knot."

Chetwin: "Say! Bill! How'd you like to be the first passenger on Air Amber, once I get the auto-gyro completed?"
And, in a radical change of subject...

Chetwin: "So what about it, Bill? Wanna take a magic carpet ride?"

Chetwin: "You know me, Bill. I always test everything on myself first. Mostly."
Bill Roth: "*chuckle* it's the 'mostly' i'm worried about."

Chetwin: The smell of blood still being evident in the palace, chet will most likely go to sleep like a baby.

Dylana: *trumps chet*
Chetwin: *snore*
GM: chet - something is trying to wake you up
Chetwin: "Saywhuydyuwantwhooowha?"
Dylana: "be right back, i've got to go rouse Lord Chetwin (sarcasm, of course). Oh, there he is"
Chetwin: "Hey hey HEY! OFF the incest jokes pervo!"
Dylana: "chet, i need your funky-magic-shadow-comp" *doing her best impression of chet*
Chetwin: *eyes her coyly* "Besides, I've got a big wrestling match coming up and they say you shouldn't...before sporting events."
Dylana: "Yeah. Anyway, pull your brain outta the incest pudding it floats in and let me use your computer"
Chetwin: "Fine, fine. I'll let you use my computer, even though it is your brother who is going to beat the crap outta me tomorrow."
GM: touchy, touchy.... man... a shadow of his mother makes ONE pass at him... and he can't keep his mind off the incest
*snicker*

Dustin: I'm tellin' ya...it was arwen. Seriously...kali spurned her advances...
GM: duuuuuuuuuuuusssssssssstttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!
Dustin: Ok. That one was over the line.
Danny: Glares at Chet.
Dustin: Just chalk it up to chet's dreamstate.

Random: "Dylana, first of all, he's probably asleep... and secondly, we really ought to offer Julian first dibs on his own son."

Digit: "hi! found a door."
Dylana: "yeah, i found a jack-ass cousin. bring me through?"

Chetwin: Hey! The brat has MY blackmail material!
Dylana: everyone in our generation, save Arwen, has your blackmail material, i think

Dylana: "First of all, you are NOT going to rush off and kill him, 'cuz Julian'd kill you, and it'd suck to be out two siblings in one day, so calm down a little"
As Dylana tries valiantly to be sensible...

Chetwin: And I could just feed the numb-juice to wing dog for laughs. *flapflapflap* *stiffen* *plummet*

Chetwin: Even in his dreamstate, chet realizes that he will not get any credit for this murder being solved, even though it was done on his computer. The burdens he bears..

Chetwin: Chet-dream-thought-"Hell...I oughta start charging them per minute of comp time...AOL...Averick Online...I could give out thousands of cds...*snore*

Chetwin: Somewhere in his dreamstate, chet feels a very peculiar sensation. Because he is unfamiliar with the idea of getting credit from his family and being grateful to his family, he dismisses it as a piece of nightmare.

Dustin: That was kind of long/But Chet got to talk to Bill/And Lord Rein, of course

Dustin: Valerian's dead/Or at least he will be soon/He's hellhound kibble