Just a Phase:

It started with a toothbrush.

Something so small and innocent just staring him right in the face and Rodney didn't know when it had gotten there or how it had gotten there, just that it was there.

Then John had walked into the bathroom, hair unbelievably mussed and soft worn cotton boxers hanging low on his hips. He was wearing one of Rodney's plain clothes t-shirts that was way too big on him and a pair of not so white socks. He smirked charmingly at Rodney who was still trying to wake up by splashing his face with water while the coffee brewed. He leaned over, lips grazing Rodney's ear and cheek before picking up said toothbrush to brush his teeth.

It continued with a black uniform shirt that was entirely too small for Rodney getting mixed in with Rodney's things when he went to wash them.

Rodney hadn't been paying that much attention to the clothes he'd gathered from the floor when he noticed it was time to start washing. He'd just picked up a big load and headed down to the big wash room that the Atlantis expedition members had decided to come up with. Rodney and Radek had found two Ancient machines that acted something like a washer and a dryer.

Considering the huge number of people that would be on the mission, Rodney thought that it was nice that the SGC had thought to send them Earth's equivalent as well. A hundred or more people just couldn't live with one washer and dryer. Rodney had put his clothes in, ran to the lab, timed it perfectly to when his clothes would have to go into the dryer, ran back to the lab and came back to fold his clothes.

It was in the folding process that Rodney saw the shirt. He knew instantly that it wasn't his. Sure he had one or two black uniform shirts deciding that maybe he had too much blue in his wardrobe after a year in Atlantis, but the shirt he was folding was definitely too small for him.

He noticed the curious looks from two of the female scientists who were also doing their laundry and hurried off to his room with his clothes in hand. When he got there, John was sitting on his couch, long lean legs up and lying across it as he fiddled with his laptop. Rodney frowned at him curiously and threw John's shirt to him.

"Oh, I didn't know you were doing laundry. I've got a whole bunch of stuff back at my room that you could have washed." John said smiling at him charmingly.

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't count on that. As it is the only reason that got washed was because it got mixed in with my stuff." Rodney said.

He walked over to his dresser and threw his clothes in the nearest drawer. He made his way to the door, but John blocked him from leaving, his eyes taking on the mischievous quality that sometimes spelled certain doom for Rodney.

"We're you going?" John asked smirk firmly planted on his face.

"I was thinking about getting some actual work done."

"Oh come on, Rodney. No one's actually working."

Rodney shook his head at this, taking in a sharp gasp when he felt John's arms wrap around his waist.

"Just because the rest of the city decided to take a personal day doesn't mean I have to."

"But I thought, since I got all my reports done, we could just stay in for the rest of the day. It's not like they can't radio us if something really important happens." John said.

Rodney had to admit that he mad a pretty convincing argument, especially since his hands were stroking Rodney's sides and his lips were nipping at Rodney's chin and neck.

"That is if they don't blow themselves up before they get the chance to radio."

"Do you really think they're that incompetent. I mean... if they were and this is just hypothetical... don't you think they wouldn't be on this mission?"

"That's a very good point Colonel."

"Call me John."

And Rodney didn't so much as call him John as he did scream it.

It progressed into a book.

War and Peace sat on his nightstand like it belonged there. On night when Rodney was too tired to do anything but sleep John would lean over him and grab his book and attempt to read, the lights down low just like Atlantis knew John liked them. Rodney never really knew how long John stayed up reading that book, but it couldn't have been very long considering he was barely on page seventeen. Or it could have been that it was just a really boring book.

"Why do you even try to read that? You know you think it's boring." Rodney said.

He'd managed to curl himself against John's side even though John was sitting. It wasn't like John seemed to mind.

"I just want to be able to say I've read it. Besides, it gives me something to do."

"War and Peace is one of those books that people say they've read just to look intelligent, but they really have never read it and have no desire too. It's like... Dracula in that insistence."

"I've read Dracula."

Rodney rolled his eyes.

"Of course you have, but you're missing the point."

"No, I get your point. I still want to read it." John said.

If there was a slight petulant tone in his voice, Rodney didn't call him on it.

"Fine, whatever, read until your eyeballs bleed."

John sighed. He leaned over Rodney and put the book down on the nightstand. He thought the lights off and laid down, arm curling around Rodney's waist, nose resting in Rodney's hair.

"I guess it can wait until tomorrow."

It escalated to more than just Rodney's apartment.

He woke in the infirmary feeling slightly dazed and more than just a little confused. He got that feeling when he came back from a particularly bad off-world experience. Rodney had a feeling that this one was probably a dozy.

"You're up."

Rodney turned his head as much as he could. Everything seemed to hurt all over.

"Don't try to move. Carson said you're more than likely going to be a walking bruise for the next few weeks." John said.

"What happened?" Rodney asked his voice feeling raspy and harsh.

"The natives weren't exactly as friendly as we had hoped."

It seemed like that was all John was going to say, but Rodney noticed the panic and frightened look in John's eyes. Seemed things may have been a little worse than Rodney had originally thought.

"What happened?" Rodney asked again.

"You really don't remember?"

"No, all I know is that I feel like I was hit by two very large buses."

John lowered his eyes, his hands anxiously fidgeting in his lap and Rodney really wasn't sure he wanted to know now.

"We were running... through those caves. Something... I guess they had some sort of explosives. You and Ronon were in the back. I was in the front and Teyla was right behind me and you were behind her. You and Ronon... rocks... they started to fall all over the place and you and Ronon were trapped underneath some. Took us awhile to dig you out."

Rodney couldn't even remember running.

"Ronon..."

"He's alright."

Rodney followed John's eye line to the bed across and a few beds over from Rodney's. Ronon was lying there looking somewhat stoic and smug at the same time. Teyla seemed to be fussing over him. Rodney would have smiled at that if he didn't think his face would break because of the effort.

It was nice that Ronon could have that. Rodney understood why he couldn't have the openness, but looking over at John's face... he could live with what he had.

It took a strange turn when a surfboard and guitar got involved.

Clothes, he could understand. A toothbrush, some hair gel, a bottle of Aqua Velva, all these things were understandable in their migration to Rodney's place. But a surfboard... a guitar... Rodney wouldn't be surprised if he found John's Johnny Cash poster hanging somewhere nearby except that he would be because it was his room and not John's.

This... this is different. This is coming out of the infirmary after being almost crushed to death by rocks and finding he's stepped into some sort of Outer Limits acid trip only slightly more tame.

"What is your guitar doing in here?" Rodney asked.

It was the easier of the two questions for John to come up with some sort of bizarre lie that Rodney would totally believe because it was John he was talking to. Rodney decided to give John a little break. The guy had been taking care of him for the last couple of weeks while Carson's evil needle wielding nurses made his life miserable. John even snuck in extra blue Jell-O.

"All my clothes were here so, while you were laid out in the infirmary, I spent most of my time here. I got bored to I brought my guitar." John said flippantly.

He seemed very busy changing Rodney into some comfortable clothes and tucking him in for the night.

"And the surfboard?"

John stopped what he was doing, hands on Rodney's right foot as he attempted to but on some fuzzy warm socks that he'd gotten from somewhere.

"Does it bother you? I mean, we practically live together anyway." John said.

Rodney thought it was odd, very odd that John wouldn't just come right out and say that he wanted to move in with Rodney, but then again Rodney was the one who said what was on his mind no matter what. John was a little more reserved than that.

"Fine, whatever, I'm tired. Come sleep with me."

If John was annoyed by Rodney's pushy attitude, he said nothing. In fact, he smiled that charming smile of his and curled up against Rodney's back, head resting against Rodney's shoulder, arm thrown a little possessively over Rodney's waist and Rodney fell asleep feeling warm and happy.

It veered a little of course with a panic attack.

Rodney wasn't even sure what he was panicking over. All he knew was he gripping the smooth tile of his bathroom sink having thrown up just a little a few minutes earlier and his hands were shaking and he felt beyond nauseous.

He could have been panicking because a day or so earlier he had located the Johnny Cash poster along with a picture of what looked like a young John with his dad. He could have been panicking because he still wasn't sure what any of it meant. Mostly he thought he was panicking because some Daedelus scientist and let a cup of pens topple over the desk and the crash it made on the ground sparked a few unwanted memories in Rodney's mind.

Memories of smoke and dust and the smell of explosives. Memories of Ronon groaning next to him trying to get up, but being bogged down by the rocks. He'd looked over at Rodney who was trying to keep his eyes open despite everything being fuzzy. He tried talking to Rodney, but Rodney hadn't heard a word he said, too busy freaking out about not being able to move or think straight and panicking about the blood trickling down his forehead and the scrapes on his hands.

He remembered John, frightened look on his face as he tried to haul all of the rocks off of his body. Again he couldn't hear what John was saying, but he looked frantic and when Rodney's eyes closed he distinctly remembered John shaking him before everything turned black and there was nothing.

Rodney took a few deep breaths as he tried to calm himself down, but nothing seemed to be working.

"Zelenka said you would be in here."

He looked up into the mirror to see John standing behind him, worried expression on his face.

"Yeah, well, Radek needs to mind his own business." Rodney grumbled.

"First day back not going so well."

"It's going fine."

"I can see that, what with the shaking and the throwing up."

"How do you know I threw up?"

John shrugged and stepped closer. His arms wrapped around Rodney's waist and Rodney remembered a time when he didn't think John was this tactile, but time had told him different.

"You just look like you hurled is all."

Rodney rolled his eyes and sighed. He let his head rest on John's shoulder because really it had been a tough day back and he felt drained.

"It's nothing."

"It's something if it's got you like this."

"I'm telling you I'm fine." Rodney mumbled into John's shoulder.

John pushed Rodney's head off of his shoulder and tilted Rodney's head up so that he could look into his eyes, fingers lingering slightly on Rodney's chin.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"It's stupid." Rodney said a bit petulantly.

"I'm sure it's not, now tell me."

"I just... I had a little panic attack, nothing to worry about Colonel."

"I worry when you call me Colonel and we're in private."

"John..."

"See, that's better, now why do you have a little panic attack."

Rodney sighed.

"One of the scientists, I haven't bothered to learn her name... she... I guess she got a little clumsy because I was yelling at her because her readings and equations were so out of this world that not even the highest powered telescope would be able to see it. Anyway, she started getting... shaky and it looked like she was going to cry. You know how people's faces get all scrunched up when they're trying not to cry."

If John knew that Rodney was going into this long winded exposition to stall for time, he didn't say anything. He just stared at Rodney patiently waiting for the truth to come out.

"So she's getting ready to cry and I was trying to calm her down. I guess that made her angrier and she started yelling at me. She started throwing papers around and I guess her arm... she pushed down this cup of pens and I just... I mean it was stupid of me to freak out because of that."

"Why did you?"

"Just... I had a flashback... to the cave... with the rocks."

John nodded his head as if he knew exactly what Rodney was saying without Rodney having to say it.

"You know most of the time I love how my mind works, but..."

"It's okay, Rodney. It's happened to me before too."

"I don't want to have to see Heightmeyer again."

It was the first time he'd ever admitted to actually seeing Kate in a professional capacity, but Rodney had a feeling that John already knew. John seemed to know everything about him.

"So you don't. Nobody says you have to, Rodney. Least of all me. I just want you to be okay." John said his voice low as though he was telling Rodney a secret.

"I just want to be okay too."

"You will be."

It ended with Rodney not knowing what the hell he was doing, but loving every second of it.

He was lying on his bed, John on top of him and moving inside him and the lights were dimmed, but there was still enough light around them so he could see John. Face and features slack, eyes wide and unstaring filled with emotion that, only a few months ago, Rodney wouldn't have been able to identify even if the answer was right in front of him.

Every now and again John would lean down for a kiss and Rodney would meet him with equal fervor, John's thrusts never once faltering. Some nights it was hard and fast with both of them screaming things like 'Oh god' or 'fuck' and panting and moaning. Other nights it was slow and drawn out and Rodney knew on those night John was truly trying to kill him, but what a way to go.

Rodney wasn't even sure how John did it. When the situation was reversed Rodney didn't have much finesse. He'd try for slow, but he could never seem to hold on to the rhythm, the temptation to just fuck John until the both of them couldn't see straight too great for him to overcome and he would just end up thrusting mercilessly into John's body. Not that John seemed to mind.

John was good at the slow torture. He was excellent at it. He was the expert on it. Rodney tried to get him to go faster, to the thrust deeper, to just fuck him into oblivion, but John would place his hands tight on Rodney's hips to keep him from thrusting too much. All Rodney could do was slightly thrust back, legs wrapped tight around John's waist, hands caressing John's sides and back, nails occasionally digging a little too deep.

And John would thrust, oh so slowly, cock just grazing against Rodney's prostate. He wouldn't speed up until Rodney was babbling incoherently and begging John for harder, begging John for faster. That was when John would lose control. That was when John was start pounding into him, eyes going impossible dark and wide. Rodney liked that look on John's face.

When both of them came, Rodney's cum exploding out of his cock and falling onto John's hand on his stomach and John, his thrusts becoming erratic, choked off cry of release as he came, John collapsed on top of him totally spent and gasping for breath. Rodney blinked up at him, finger carding through John's hair.

"Why?"

John looked down at him, slightly confused though his eyes were hazy.

"Why what?"

"Why this."

"This?"

"Yeah, why us?"

"What's wrong with us?"

"It's just... I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop."

John rolled off of him and onto his side. He used his hand to prop up his head and stared intently at Rodney.

"There's no other shoe Rodney. Both of my feet are planted firmly on the ground."

"You gotta realize how dangerous this is."

"Rodney, no one on Atlantis is going to do any asking."

"I'm not talking about your career, but thank you so much for reminding me about that. I'm talking about the Wraith being right there. One of us could die. I... I don't think I could..."

"You're the one that had the near death experience recently. Don't you think I was out of my mind during that."

"Precisely, it could affect..."

"Don't go there, Rodney. We haven't been affected and it's been months. I think you're just having a slight freak out."

Rodney was silent for a few moments before he started to talk again.

"Why me?"

"Why not you?"

"Oh please, Colonel I have it on good authority that I'm petty, arrogant and bad with people."

John quirked an eyebrow.

"So?"

"So, those are supposed to be turn offs not turn ons."

"They're not for me Rodney. It's just a part of you. And I kind of like you." John said voice totally serious if not just a little teasing.

Rodney rolled his eyes.

"Oh please Colonel I know you're totally in love with me. The only thing I don't know is why."

"Why question why Rodney. Isn't it enough that I'm in love with you."

"I don't have the best track record with this stuff. People... they... people are finicky. It's understandable that sometimes... things change and I get left in the dust."

"I'm not going to leave you in the dust."

"It still doesn't answer the question of why me. I mean... you're way smarted than you let people think, you're funny, and you're hot. And the uniform alone..."

"Didn't know you had a military fetish. Gotta lock that away for later."

"Can we be serious here?"

"I am being serious." John said with a leer.

Rodney frowned at him.

"Okay, I'll be serious. I don't entirely understand why you don't get why I'd love you. I mean it's not like I totally understand it either."

"Oh thanks Colonel." Rodney said sarcastically.

"What I'm saying is you're not exactly what I dreamed about."

"If that's supposed to make me feel better than you suck at this whole comforting thing. I mean a..."

"You're better." John said.

Rodney swallowed the words he was about to say and looked at John who was staring at him like he was the most precious thing in John's whole world. It was a bit disconcerting for Rodney. Sure Rodney knew he mattered. The people of Atlantis depended on him to keep things running smoothly and come up with a miracle when they were under attack, but he'd never meant that much to one person's life and to be honest he never really wanted to.

The much responsibility wasn't something Rodney wanted to mess around with. Sure he'd thought about life with someone to share it with, but those were idyllic fantasies. Rodney's track record really spoke for itself.

Things with John were different though. Things with John were always different.

"But why?"

"Because."

It was the best answer. It wasn't the answer Rodney was looking for. As a scientist, Rodney demanded that things have a reasoning and they're would be facts to back up what was being said.

But lying there in bed with John, looking at John's honest and open face, he could live with because.

"Okay."

"Good. Now let's go to sleep." John said snuggling closer to Rodney.

It started with a toothbrush, but Rodney had a feeling that it was going to be the best thing that ever happened to him.

FIN

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