1. I asked God to send me his friends...He sent you.
2. I asked God to take away my pain. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
3. I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.
4. I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No. Patience is a by-product of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is earned.
5. I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No. I give you blessings, happiness is up to you.
6. I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
7. I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
8. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.
9. I asked God to help me LOVE others as much as He loves me. God said... Ahhh, finally you have the idea!
A New Way To Be Human
This is my adapted compilation of lyrics, rearranged, from Switchfoot's CD "A New Way To Be Human".
They say I've lost it
I gave it all away and I lost who I am
I threw it all away
There's nothing left of me to defend
Nothing in the mirror ever shows me what's within
Yeah, who am I?
Incomplete!
Where will I find myself?
A fight to be someone, a fight to be me
I'm half-baked! I'm fake!
Hiding tears and fear that burns like an engine
All my fears keep falling out
No use in trying to pretend
Everyday it's the same thing
I'm still incomplete
How far? how fast? how long?
And time rolls on...
And where is my inspiration?
Give me a motive
I'm lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely
I've tried and tried, I'm sick and tired
I'm tired of the holes that are keeping me incomplete
I'm so alone
I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone
And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
And I feel stuck
I pass go but, oh! Life's taken it's toll
Have I won Monopoly to forfeit my soul?
And all I see it could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing
I've never been awake before
My whole world is a question mark
There's got to be something more
Than what I'm living for
I wish I had what I needed
The God of redemption
Could break my routine
There's a new way to be human...
I'm crying out to You
But I'm mad to be alive
And I'm dying to be met
What can I do
I know now You're my only hope
My only hope is You
Despite these rains
Salvation is a fire
In the midnight of the soul
I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
Nothing I was holding back remains
Come take me again
Come define me
I turn everything over
I turn myself in
I surrender all of me inside
Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough
I have found this Bible passage particularly applicable to my situation:
"I say it with tears in my eyes, that there are many who are enemies of the cross of Christ; whose future is eternal destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame. They think only of this life here on earth. But our citizenship is in heaven; where also we wait for a Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ. He shall take these weak mortal bodies of ours and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same mighty power He will use to conquer everything, everywhere. " Philippians 3:18-21
Lord, Teach Us to Pray
I heard this song a couple of weeks ago in church. It's AMAZING how perfectly it suits me... I almost started crying when I heard it... Now I've kind of adopted it as my own little prayer...
Refrain:
Lord, teach us to pray
It's been a long and cold December kind of day,
with our hearts and hands all busy in our private little wars.
We stand and watch each other now from separate shores;
we lose the way.
I need to know today the way things should be in my head;
I need to know for once now the things that should be said.
I've got to learn to walk around as if I were not dead;
I've got to find a way to learn to live.
(Refrain)
I still get so distracted by the color of my skin;
I still get so upset now when I find that I don't win.
I meet so many strangers; I'm so slow to take them in
I've got to find a way to really live.
(Refrain)
I stand so safe and sterile as I watch someone fall flat;
I'm silent with a person who'd like toknow just where I'm at.
With the aged and the lonely I can barely tip my hat;
I need to see the sin in "I don't care."
(Refrain)
I stand so smug and sure before the people I've out-guessed;
to let them all be who they are I still see as a test.
And when it all comes down to "must," I'm sure my way is best.
I've got to find what "room" means in my heart.
(Refrain)
I walk and fall, myself alone, can't tolerate a guide.
And when the camps split up I'm sure to put you on my side
and dare someone to challenge me and swear I will not hide.
I've got to find a better way to live.
(Refrain)
I mouth so many things, take so little time to weigh;
I've let it all slip by in the sweep of yesterday.
I can't believe you mean it all to grace me on my way;
I've got to find a way to really live.
Lord, teach us to pray.
We still believe that we can find a better way.
Teach us to pray.
We lose the way.
Teach us to pray.
~Joseph Wise
"I asked Jesus, 'How much do you love me?' and Jesus said, 'This much.' Then he stretched out his arms and died."
Footprints
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonged to him and the other belonged to the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life. This really bothered him, and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you the most you would leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
"God-incidence"
This is a story about an actual experience of mine. I have changed the names to protect people's privacy, but the story is true. It was more than a coincidence - it was a God-incidence.I was up late one night while in the hospital, and I was talking to Megan, one of the staff, about suicide. I was feeling very suicidal at the time. Anyway, Megan was telling me she had a half-brother who killed himself, and it had affected her deeply. She then proceeded to tell me a philosophy of hers: She believed that each person's life was deeply important someone. She used a chair as an analogy: "See that chair over there?" Megan said. "Well, that chair make not make a difference to you or me, neither of us may care about it, but I believe that it DOES make a difference to someone. Someone would miss that chair if it were gone." I quickly dismissed this analogy as ridiculous, and went off to bed.
The next day, management came upstairs with new chairs. As they were removing the old chairs, Lindsey pointed to the EXACT SAME CHAIR and cried out, "NO, you can't take that chair, that's Freddy!!" Although she was just being silly, Lindsey's statement really struck me. It was as if God was telling me, "See, the chair DID matter to someone. And so do you." Remember, "you may not mean something to the world, but you mean the world to someone!"
"I can do all things through Jesus Christ who gives me strength!" ~ Philippians 4:13
The Touch of the Master's Hand
'Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while
To waste much time on the old violin,
But held it up with a smile.
"What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,
"Who'll start the bidding for me?"
"A dollar, a dollar," then, two! Only two?
"Two dollars, and who'll make it three?"
"Three dollars, once; three dollars, twice;
Going for three..." But no,
From the room, far back, a grey-haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow;
Then, wiping the dust from the old violin,
And tightening the loose strings,
He played a melody pure and sweet
As a caroling angel sings.
The music ceased, and the auctioneer,
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said: "What am I bid for the old violin?"
And he held it up with the bow.
"A thousand dollars, and who'll make it two?
Two thousand! And who'll make it three?
Three thousand, once; three thousand, twice;
And going and gone," said he.
The people cheered, but some of them cried,
"We do not quite understand
What changed its worth?" Swift came the reply:
The touch of the master's hand."
And many a man with life out of tune,
And battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioneered cheap to the thoughtless crowd,
Much like the old violin.
A "mess of potage", a glass of wine;
A game - he travels on.
He is "going" once, and "going" twice,
He's "going" and almost "gone".
But the Master comes and the foolish crowd
Never can quite understand
The worth of a soul and the change that's wrought
By the touch of the Master's hand.
~Myra B. Welch
You're Not Here By Chance
Just think,
you're here not by chance,
but by God's choosing.
His hand formed you
and made you the person you are.
He compares you to no one else.
You are one of a kind.
You lack nothing
that His grace can't give you.
He has allowed you to be here
at this time in history
to fulfill His special purpose
for this generation.
~Roy Lessin
"The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, they say, 'this is love.' God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, 'This is Love.'" ~J.H.
Job
Job had lost everything, including his children, his wealth, and his health. Still he did not lose faith in God. Let Job be an inspiration to you as you struggle to recover.
"Then Satan left the Lord's presence and made sores break out all over Job's body. Job went and sat by the garbage dump and took a piece of broken pottery to scrape his sores. His wife said to him, 'You are stil as faithful as ever, aren't you? Why don't you curse God and die?' But he said to her, 'Thou speaks as a foolish woman. What, shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?' In all this Job did not sin with his lips." Job 2:7-10
God Put Me Here for a Reason
God put me here for a reason
And though I don't know why
He has in mind a plan for me
And it is not to die.
Even though I hate myself
And though I've lost all hope
It is not my time to die
So I will have to cope.
The stress that I am feeling
Is different than most things
It's because of standards
That hold me up like strings.
The world is not all black and white
And no one can be perfect
SO when I make a small mistake
I don't need to let it affect
Me so much that I think
I'm a failure, I'm no good
Everyone makes mistakes
And no one ever should
Think that they are terrible
Because they are falling short
Of standards set way too high
And no one should resort
To the things that I am doing
Harmful in every way
And I need to have faith that through God
Everything will be OK.
Because God put me here for a reason
And though I don't know why
He has in mind a plan for me
And it is not to die.
~Alissa (ME!)
Two Prayers
I made up these poems to ask God for help in my recovery. You are welcome to use them too!
God, Please help me.
Help me learn to love myself.
Help me be satisfied with my best efforts.
Help me feed myself.
Help me take care of myself.
Help me treat my body well.
Help me stop cutting.
Help me want to live.
Help me be happy.
Just help me love myself.
Thank you Lord. Amen.
Dear Lord,
I have lost my true identity
I let anorexia envelop me
I no longer know who I am.
Help me let go of anorexia
Help me replace it with ME.
Help me realize my strengths and weaknesses
My likes and dislikes, my wants and needs.
Help me find myself Lord. Amen.
Your Body Is A Temple
"Don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and who was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourselves but to God. So you must honor God with your body." 1Corinthians 6:19
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