To read the story with the song in the proper order, click here
Not that Logan was competition. As he had told Max, they don’t have that kind of relationship. It was straight quid pro quo—she does legwork for him, he finds information on Zack and her other ‘sibs’ for her. Simple. So why the knee jerk reaction when she suggested he was jealous?
Besides, he couldn’t get past that niggling little question: how could someone as beautiful as her ever care about a cripple like him? Sure, Max had never said anything about it, had never indicated that it was a problem with her; but was that because of the quid pro quo they had? Up until that moment in the car she had never given any indication that he was any more to her than a source of information and a free meal ticket. Any time he tried to get closer to her, she closed off.
Yet still part of him wanted to be with her right now in his family’s cabin.
Max had to make a quick exit from Logan’s hospital room. She had no idea that Logan had the same dream that she had. She had no idea that it was even possible to share dreams. It must have been from the blood transfusion.
She tried to convince herself that the kiss was what she said it was. She really did. Zack was right about one thing—she couldn’t afford to get that close to Logan. But she couldn’t deny it to herself. She could still feel the kiss deep within her, and it did mean something more. And that scared her—she didn’t want to fall in love and lose control of the situation.
Maybe Kendra was right. Maybe she needed to kick it with some nice, uncomplicated guy she could walk away from. Lord knows it would be a nice change. Problem was, it didn’t feel right; not anymore. She may not want to have anything to do with any more Eyes Only stuff, but Logan Cale himself just may have gotten under her skin so far that she’ll never get him out. I can’t believe I’m missing the guy. What next? I go up to his penthouse and declare my undying love for the man? She snorted. Yeah right, like that’s gonna happen!
A couple of cops leading young teenage girls into a van for breaking curfew broke into her musings. Normally it wouldn’t have gotten that much attention from her, except that she recognised them as being two of the men that chased her the other night. Bronck’s men. Max hesitated for only a second before heading for a phone to make a call.
Her heart plummeted when she saw the ambulance outside Fogle Towers, but her mind refused to believe it may be too late. That was all she could focus on as she frantically searched the apartment. She wouldn’t let her mind focus on the sick fear, or the reason she was searching for him so frantically. He wasn’t just a meal ticket or a source of Manticore-related information to her, not anymore. If indeed he ever was. He meant so much more to her now (although she refused to acknowledge just how much more it was). Her stomach knotted when she saw the pistol lying next to the computer. There was no body, so he hadn’t used it yet… But where was he?”
The door to the apartment opened and she rushed to see who it was. when Logan wheeled his way in she knelt down beside the wheelchair and threw her arms around him, not caring about how it may look. It was not the time for such worries; all she wanted was to verify that Logan was all right. Anger, recriminations, any reproaches could come later.
Afterwards, Logan couldn’t be sure why he did it, why he thought he could take on BC and the others. But when he heard BC start, his innate sense of chivalry kicked in, and he thought he needed to protect Max. Big thoughts… all they resulted in was a beating to his pride. Why did he think he needed to take care of Max? She was a genetically engineered killing machine, who had more than proved she could take care of herself. And she proved it again against BC and his friends without a second thought… which led to his battered pride at needing saving by a girl. Why did the think she’d care? Why should he think she’d even think of him in any other manner than as a friend and a meal ticket? She was a beautiful, genetically enhanced girl capable of anything, and he was a worthless cripple hiding behind Eyes Only. Who could compare?
Later, when the authorities (such as they were) came to deal with BC, and he and Max were given a ride out of Cape Haven, Logan reflected over things. There was no recrimination in Max’s eyes, not concerning the killings he’d had to commit, or his attitude afterwards. Apart from pointing out that sometimes you had no other choice, Max didn’t even bring the subject up. Logan appreciated that.
So when she brought the subject up again, he swallowed his pride and let her read one of his poems, one that he’d written about her. She read it in silence, sitting in such a way that he couldn’t read her reactions; but she seemed to like it. Or so he thought… up until the moment she left, right after reading it. He tossed the book aside in disgust, lamenting the fact he had ever shown it to her. He had no idea what she must think of him now.
It wasn’t until later, when he picked the book up again and leafed through it, that he even noticed the poem missing. The thought made him smile. He should’ve been furious that she had ripped the page out like that, but he wasn’t. He was touched that she had liked it enough to want to keep it; another sign there was a soft heart beneath her tough, bad ass exterior. It made him hope that there was a future for them together.
Logan needed to remember to judge Max on what he’d seen of her in the past year—not the judgements of a man who wanted to catch her and put her into a cage. The woman he had grown to love was so much more than Lydecker could ever dream of.
It was hard for him to sit there and listen to her ‘confess’ to not staying home, the unspoken implication that she found someone and slept with him practically echoed in the silence. But he could hear the desolation in her voice, the grief. He could tell that she really hated what the condition did to her, and all of a sudden he wanted to make it better for her. She was more than the sum of the genes that Manticore spliced together in her, and it was time she knew it. He was suddenly filled with a sense of love for the girl, and he stood to walk over to her, revealing his surprise.
Later on it didn’t matter that the exoskeleton had shorted out. It didn’t matter about her ‘indiscretion’. The taste of her lips and the memory of her kiss stayed with him long after Zack’s untimely interruption. That memory was to sustain him for a long three months.
Max closed herself off at that, and got out of there as quickly as possible. Logan wanted so much to draw her into a comforting embrace and assure her that it would be all right. He would have too… had not that action he surely fatal to him. He never knew just how easy it was to accidentally brush up against someone until it became vital not to do so. He guessed he couldn’t blame Max for the way she felt—it can’t be easy knowing that your touch was poison to someone that you cared about. But Logan knew that the blame lay firmly on Manticore’s shoulders. Convincing Max of that was another matter.
At first it seemed like a good thing that Zack was alive. The fact that he was with the Steelheads, or that he had lost his memory, were just minor obstacles that needed to be overcome. Zack’s negative reaction to Logan was a bit more worrying, but given his jealousy of the older man before, it still wasn’t necessarily all that bad. No one had any idea how bad it really was. How could anyone have known that Manticore had programmed Zack to believe that Logan (or Eyes Only) was a traitor and somebody who needed to be taken out?
The only way to stop him killing Logan was to electrocute him—it wasn’t enough to kill him, but it was enough of a jolt to wipe the cybernetic implant that replaced his temporal lobe. Zack had no memories again; and according to Sam Carr, once he started reconnecting things, it would play out exactly the same way.
It wasn’t fair. All she wanted to do was try and have a normal life. How could she do this, how could she make this choice? She needed Zack, she needed to have all the Manticore allies she could get (Alec not being someone she felt she could rely on). But keeping her brother in her life meant risking Logan, and she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t risk losing the man she loved, not again. It was an impossible choice: her bother or Logan. The impossible choice, with only one solution.
Logan said that Buddy knew not to expose Zack (now known as Adam Thompson) to Eyes Only broadcasts or anything that might trigger Manticore memories. It was a small comfort, bit at least Zack had a chance at a normal life now. It was something he had always wanted anyhow. Sacrifices weren’t meant to be easy.
She supposed that she couldn’t really blame him for that; he was the one who pointed out that they couldn’t keep going through this. They had spent so long dancing around each other, wasting time; it was too late now. Manticore had given her this virus to kill him with one touch, preventing them from being together; and the one window they had to be together was slammed shut because of yet another Manticore crisis. How long could they keep holding on?
But it was over now. Logan was too good of a man to interfere if he thought she truly wanted to be with someone else. And if he ever found out the truth he would be too angry over the lie to want to be with her. If was over, and it was for the best—if only she could get her heart to believe it.
In many ways it hurt to see the man so in love with Max when the transgenic kept blowing him off. Max was the reason Logan had thrown himself into the Manticore stuff for Eyes Only. He had said it months ago; the Manticore investigation was a favour Eyes Only was doing for him. His love for Max drove him to protect her and hers… and it left him high and dry when she rejected him.
Asha tried to convince him to keep his hopes up that Max would eventually call. She pointed out that Max was a loner, that the whole notion of caring for someone else freaked her out. That all this relationship stuff was new to her… and Alec (his brush off the other night hurt Asha more than she cared to admit). But somehow the mention of Alec just made Logan stiffen even more.
Logan packed what gear he managed to gather, his files and stuff, in Bessie and climbed in, all set to leave Seattle while the getting was good. He picked up his cell to call Max and let her know that he was heading out. After a moment’s thought he threw the phone down in disgust. Why the hell should Max care if he stuck around or not? She had Alec now, a boyfriend she could actually touch; and she had made it clear that she considered Logan to be a third wheel. The sooner he was out of her way the better.
Max shook her head as she packed a bag. She felt bad that she was cutting out on Original Cindy, but the fact was her boo was probably safer with her gone. There was nothing else to stay here for. It wasn’t safe for Logan when a simple touch could kill him, Joshua cut out and was heading to Terminal City; hell, it wasn’t like Alec needed her. What did she have to stick around for?
Cindy thought she should tell Logan she was leaving, but Max couldn’t. It was better if she just disappeared, easier. No questions, no recriminations. Logan would be safe. So she hopped on her bike and headed off, unaware that she had passed Logan’s Aztec in the night.
But somehow Logan felt that none of it mattered. Not the awkwardness, or the insecurities, or the lies, or what had gone on in the past. As he knelt in front of her, tenderly stroking her hand, the cyberjournalist knew that everything would turn out all right.
Like it? Tell the author what you think!
Back to index
