Bittersweet Victory

Finished at the whiteboard, Josh had wandered over to the pinboard which was covered in a collage of pictures of Santos and Leo. He stared at it for a moment, focusing on one particular picture that she assumed was of Leo. Tapping it lightly he whispered, "Thank you, Boss."

Donna decided that it was time to intervene. "Hey," she said gently. "You want to head down to the ballroom with everyone else?"

Startled, Josh looked up to see her standing in the doorway. Blinking, he appeared not to have heard the question, and she thought she would have to repeat it, but then he spoke. "No, thanks. I know I should be happy... I am, really... but not don't feel like celebrating, you know?"

"I know," she walked over to him and placed her hand on his arm. "I know what you mean."

He place his hand over hers and squeezed it for a moment. "I'll be fine, though, if you want to head down there. You don't have to stay here with me."

"I don't really feel much like celebrating, either," she admitted. "If you don't mind, I'd just like to stay here."

He squeezed her hand again. "I don't mind," he said. "I'd be glad of the company."

They stood like that for a while, and when Josh sniffed as if he were fighting back tears, Donna wordlessly enfolded him in her arms, giving him the love and support he needed the only way she could. It was a long time before either of them moved; they were content to stay like that, alone, with no one bothering them. Downstairs, the celebration continued, and many people would be wanting to congratulate them; but there would be time for that later. Now they just needed each other.

Finally Josh pulled back from the embrace to look at his watch. "I wonder if it's too early to call Mallory?" he muttered. "I should see if she needs anything."

"Later," Donna said firmly, stopping him from pulling his cell phone from his pocket. "She called me before she finally went to bed, and told me to tell you that she wanted you to get some sleep. You won't do her or anyone else any good if you're too exhausted to see straight."

"I'm fine," he denied automatically, stifling the huge yawn that belied his words. "I want to be there for Mal."

"I know that," her tone grew gentle again. "And so does Mallory. She knows you love her, Josh, but she wants you to take care of yourself as well."

"Or she wants you to take care of me since she doesn't think I'd do it," he muttered with a ghost of a grin on his face.

"Probably," she admitted with a small smile of her own. "Come on, let's go to bed. We've pretty much been up for close to 48 hours now. It's definitely time to get some sleep."

Josh smiled wanly. "We should probably make an appearance down in the ballroom." He said this with reluctance, and Donna knew it.

"I think everyone will understand that you don't feel like celebrating," she said gently. "Let's just go to bed. My room or yours?"

That made him chuckle. even if it was just a little. "Uh, better make it my room, in case anyone needs to find me."

"Okay. Do you mind if we stop by my room first so that I can get a change of clothes?"

He didn't, and they accordingly made the stop. Josh wanted to wait for Donna in the hallway, but Donna pulled him into her room. They couldn't really sleep there, as the bed hadn't been made since their afternoon "de-stressing" sex romp the day before; but she did not feel comfortable just leaving him in the hall. So she left him standing by her bed awkwardly while she hurriedly put a few things together. When she looked up, she found him staring at the bed, pensive.

"Ready?" she asked, drawing him from his thoughts.

"Hmm?" he turned to look at her, glancing down at the carrybag she had stuffed a change of clothes and other items in. "You don't have to do this, you know. I'll be all right on my own."

"I know," Donna slipped her arm around his waist. "But what if I want some company?"

"That's all right then."

Back in his room, Josh was a gentleman and let Donna use the bathroom first to prepare for bed. He knew he should brush his teeth or something before going to bed, but all of a sudden he was too exhausted to even think about it. Without waiting for Donna to even finish in the bathroom he stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed. He wasn't expecting to actually sleep much, but he was just too tired to think about doing anything else.

When he heard Donna emerge from the bathroom he expected her to say something; something about the fact he was already in bed perhaps, or maybe about the fact he had just left his clothes where they fell to the floor. But she didn't—instead she just closed the drapes to the room, opened the door briefly (he suspected to hang the "Do Not Disturb" sign), and climbed into the bed beside him.

"I put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door," she said softly, confirming his suspicions.

"That might give some people the wrong idea," he tried to joke, mainly for something to say.

"I don't care, you need the rest. They can do without you for a few hours."

Lying on his side, he looked over his shoulder at her. "Thank you," he said. She was on her side also, facing him, almost close enough to spoon if she was so inclined. He almost wished she would.

"For what?" she asked, reaching over to place her hand on his shoulder.

"Everything," he replied, his voice breaking. He quickly turned away, not wanting her to see him cry. It was ridiculous, he knew; she had seen him when he was practically at his worst after the shooting at Rosslyn, and she had already seen him shed a few tears for Leo earlier in his room. But for some reason he did not want her to see him cry now. Not while she was in bed with him.

Although why he thought he could hide the fact he was about to cry from Donna was beyond his comprehension. Of course she noticed it. He felt her press right up against his back, spooning him, her hand still on his shoulder. "Shh, it's all right, Josh," she whispered in his ear. "Just let it out."

Her words broke the dam, and he gave into the sobs he had been holding in since he heard the news of Leo's death. She continued to hold him close, rubbing his shoulder and upper arm at first, and then just embracing him as he cried. He had grabbed her arm as she slid it around him and held onto it as though it were anchoring him. To what he didn't know; he just knew that he needed her as his anchor.

She could feel something else too, pressed lightly into her backside; and she resisted the urge to grind into it. As much as she loved the sensation of waking up in his arms, their relationship was far from a place where she felt comfortable taking such liberties. In fact, it was a little awkward.

"Morning," he spoke huskily behind her, drawing her from her musings.

"Actually, I think it's afternoon," she replied.

"I think you're right," was his rejoinder after he shuffled his arm out from under her to look at his watch.

The movement caused him to press further into her, and she could not help grinding back that time. This caused him to suck in his breath. "Sorry," she said quickly.

"No, I'm sorry," he apologised as she rolled over to face him. "I didn't mean to..."

"Shh," she reached up to press a finger to his lips. "It's okay. I know how these things work."

He gently took her hand in his and pulled it away from his mouth. "Thank you, again."

"For what?"

"For being so understanding. For staying here with me."

"I was glad to. After everything that happened yesterday, you needed a chance to wind down."

"Still, thank you." Josh leaned in to give her a soft kiss.

They lay there like that for a while, neither interested in moving. Donna wanted nothing to interrupt the peaceful bubble they were in, but she knew that was a pipe dream. They had just won the election, which meant that Josh had a lot of work to do for the new President-Elect, and they would not have much of a reprieve for celebrating. And that was without the issue of Leo dying the night before. There were phone calls to be made, Josh really should call his mother, she had known Leo for longer than he had; and Donna knew he wanted to touch base with Mallory about arrangements and the like. Their peaceful bubble would not last forever.

Almost as soon as she had that thought she could hear Josh's cell vibrating on the bedside table. Sighing, he pressed another kiss to the top of her head before pulling away to reach over and answer it.

Josh spoke for a minute, then snapped the phone closed. "That was Lou," he said. "She thought, among other things, that I'd had enough time to rest."

"So, vacation's over then?" she asked.

"Yep. Time to get back to the real world. Do you want the first shower?"

She gave him a wicked grin. "Want to share? It'll be quicker... or at the very least save water."