by Coralynn

Rose, John, Hotspur, Eleanor, Sally, BB and the dog touch down in the middle of the living room on Winding Willow. William looks up from the book he's reading and yells loud enough for everyone in the house to hear, "They're back! They're safe!"
The others come rushing into the living room and throw their arms around Rose, John, Hotspur and Eleanor. BB just stands there with the dog, feeling very out of place.
Sally quickly runs out the door and high-tails it for Sycamore.
Celeste is so relieved she starts to cry, "Oh thank God! We were so worried!"
After each person hugs each person, which goes on for quite a few minutes, they notice the dog standing patiently by BB's side.
He tells them, "This is Phoenix the dog.....he didn't arise from the ashes, he made sure none of us became ashes, so the name fits. I think he and I should be heading home now."
Hotspur tells him, "I'll give you a ride. I take it your car isn't in the vacinity, right?"
"Right. I was time-kidnapped from the guest house on the ranch. Thanks, Hotspur, I owe ya one!"
They leave and the others sit around the large dining room table to hear about the adventure. Bess looks at Eleanor's shoes and says in wonder, "Eleanor, you have red stuff on the bottom of your shoes, what is that?"
"The first lava from the volcano. We just made it out of there. But Rose and John were still there when I left. I was beyond worried!"
"How'd you find Rose?" William asks John.
"It's more like she found me because of that dog Montgomery has with him. You tell it, Rose."
"We found John's back-pack, and figured that if he'd dropped it or left it behind, he must be in huge trouble. Come to find out that dog is a tracker. He got a whiff of John's scent and led us to where he was being held in jail, but when we got there, he and Hots had broken out. Then, within minutes, he saw us and we saw him and a better sight none of us have ever seen. When El says we just made it out, she's right......I don't think we'd be here to tell the tale had we stayed five more seconds."
William is amazed, "You women are incredible! I have one request to make, however...."
They all fall silent and listen.
"Please don't time travel anymore, or at least till Christmas is over. Let's set this month aside for the holidays and Marthy and Jack's wedding."
Marthy smiles and adds, "I agree with William. I love you all, and if any of you are off time traveling it just won't be the same."
"Do we have a promise?" William asks, smiling.
"PROMISE!" everyone echoes happily.

MEANWHILE:

Sally is out of breath when she reaches her house. All the lights are turned on, and as the door is unlocked, she rushes in and sees WandaSue and Penelope eating popcorn, watching TV.
"You got back!" she says as casually as she can, considering that all three of them knows she abandoned them in Pompeii.
"Yes, and you as well. Piece a' cake!" WandaSue says casually and continutes to watch people eating disgusting things.


YOU'RE INVITING ME?.....by Terri

Hotspur opened the car door to his F-250 4x4 truck. Billy Bob asked, "You don't mind if the dog rides with us, do you?"
Hotspur petted the dog. "Hell no! He's aces in my book!"
They got in the truck and Hots fired it up. Rosamond appeared next to the truck cab. Hots rolled the window down. "Honey, you'd better get inside before you freeze to death!" Rose wrapped her arms around herself and said, "The gang wants you to stay for dinner." Billy Bob looked at Hotspur and said, "I can get Bobby Joe to pick me up. I'll wait on the porch..."
Rosamond sighed loudly. "Didn't you learn anything in that year we were married, Billy Bob? I wouldn't invite Harry and not you! Please! We want you to join us. We're celebrating our deliverance, and well, if you hadn't found the pooch here, we would have been in real trouble. So, please. Join us."
Hotspur grinned at Billy Bob. "You heard the lady!"
Billy Bob said, "You sure it's OK?"
Rose smiled, "It was almost unanimous!"
"Who was the hold-out?" But Rose had already turned and run into the house.

Billy Bob walked into the noisiest dinner party he had ever seen. Phoenix didn't leave his side. Suddenly out of nowhere, a dog jumped on Billy Bob and licked his face like he couldn't get enough of him. "JAKE!!" Rosamond laughed. "Looks like he remembers you!" Billy Bob laughed and rubbed Jake's ears vigorously. Will came into the room and halted to a stop. "Y-you aren't gonna take Jake away from me, are you, Mr. Montgomery?"
Billy Bob stooped down next to Will. "Of course not, Will. I've seen you play with him and I can tell Jake really likes living here. So, no, I wouldn't do that to you. Jake is your dog now."
Will held his hand out and Billy Bob took the hand that was proffered. "Thank you, Mr. Montgomery. I won't let you down." Billy Bob marveled at how adult the child was. This was Henry's child? Must take after Rosamond.

A plain but pleasing-looking woman walked in the room. Billy Bob watched Rosamond stiffen up. Uh, oh---here comes T-R-O-U-B-L-E!
The woman in question ran up to John and threw her arms around him. She sobbed, "I'm so glad you are home, John!" She had him in a deathgrip. Rosamond glared at her.
John detached Elizabeth's arms carefully from his neck. "Yes, Elizabeth, it was quite an adventure. But Rose and I made it back safe and sound."
Elizabeth had tears on her face. She looked from Rose, who moved next to John and laid her and possessively on his arm. She looked back to John. "You went with....HER?"
Rose just rolled her eyes. "John? Would you please explain to her AGAIN that we are married?"
To Elizabeth she said, "No, I am NOT a harlot, I am NOT an adulterous homewrecker, I am married to John. As in to-have-and-to-hold-from-this-day-forward."


THE DINNER......by Coralynn

Billy Bob hears this altercation and wonders what on earth that's all about! then follows the others into the dining room and sits mid-way down on one side of the table as the others take their chairs at what almost appears to be assigned seats. Except for that one woman he's never seen before, the one they're calling Elizabeth. Where did she come from?
She sits in the chair beside John, but immediately is dragged off the chair by Rose. Hmmmmm.
"He's MY huband! First in time, first in line!" she hisses at Rose, who shoves her back against the wall. John has a stricken look on his face. BB wonders why. Who is Elizabeth and why is she calling John her husband? This could be the break I've been looking for! John must be a bigamist! That's it! And now his marriage to Rose is invalid! Talk about irony! Talk about a stroke of good luck!
BB smiles at this Elizabeth person, who then sits beside him, shaking her hair back, pulling her blouse down neatly and tossing her napkin onto her lap.
"He's my husband," she tells BB in a soft voice, "And that she-devil has bewitched him and stolen him from me....."
"When were you and John married?" BB asks.
Without thinking, Elizabeth says, "Oct. 3, 1627."
BB's forehead creases in confusion, then it hits him, Oh my God! This was several hundred years ago! This must be John's real timeframe! But how did this woman get here?!
He whispers, "How did you get to this century?"
Elizabeth whispers back, "Long story."
BB thinks, I'll just bet it is.
He hears other conversations and listens in.
"He is so charming!" Bess is saying.
"Of course he is; those kind always are!" Marilyn says acidly.
"He said I have a perfect body. Wanna see the photos he took of me?"
Celeste, who is sitting beside Bess, takes hold of her arm, which causes Bess to look at her. "The man is up to no good, Bess. He's a snake."
"And how would you know?" Bess retorts, then thinks and adds, "ohhhhh, that's right..."
"I have an unerring sense when it comes to scoundrels, Bess, and he is setting my scoundrel meter way off the top of the chart."
"Well, that's fine, Celeste. But we're just friends," Bess tries to divert attention away from her burgeoning relationship with Nathan.
"I thought you were dating Slim!" Marthy remarks, "Slim may not be prince charming, but he's the real deal. He's not a wolf in sheep's clothing!"
Bess shakes her head and thinks," these people have no idea of how attracted I am to Nathan. It's like every time I look at him I feel like I've been plugged into an electrical outlet. Little do they know about things like that."

"We only have about two and a half weeks before Marthy and Jack's wedding, you realize that?" Marilyn announces, "We'll have a shower for you, Marthy, how about this weekend?"
"Oh you don't have to do that!" Marthy says, "It's such short notice. Don't go to all that trouble."
"What does 'trouble' have to do with it?" Eleanor puts in, "I would feel deprived if I couldn't buy you a shower present. How about the rest of you?"
Everyone agrees and Hotspur asks, "Can the guys come to this?"
"Absolutely!" Marilyn laughs, "You buy shower presents for Jack and the women will buy for Marthy. Is that someone at the door?" as the bell rings.
"Yooo hooooo," Bethiah and Roger poke their heads into the dining room and are greeted with hugs. "I see you're all here! John told us you were in Pompeii, and we've been on pins and needles ever since!"
Rose answers, "I'll tell you the gory details after dinner, Beth."
Beth's gaze roams around the table, and when she sees BB she wonders what he's doing in the bosom of the family. She also notes Elizabeth, sitting by his side, looking forlorn. She wonders how they're ever going to get her back to 1640 Southold without an emotional blowout, and decides to ask Celeste how she's coming on the forgetting potion.
She quickly fills up a wine goblet with apple juice, as everyone is getting read to toast the happy event.
William stands, "To our returning adventurers......may they stay.....HOME!"
"Aye aye!" is heard.


LET ME RUN THIS BY YOU....by Terri

Jack stood up and grinned at the ragtag bunch of people that had become his close family. "Marthy and I would like to keep it small, just the immediate family. John? Would you do me the honor of being my best man?" John grinned. "I'd be honored, Jack!"
Marthy said, "And of course, Bess will be my maid of honor." She turned to Rosamond. "I'd love to have you, Rose, you've been my mentor and champion, but.."
Rose cut her off with a wave of her hand. "I understand, sweetie. We don't call you the Bobbsey Twins for nothing!"
Everyone laughed. Elizabeth looked down at her plate and continued to eat her food, saying in an undertone, "It's not fair. He's MY husband! And I am relegated to the spare room on the first floor while SHE is lying next to MY husband upstairs."
Billy Bob leaned over to her. "What do you intend to do about it?"
Elizabeth gave him a sidelong glance. "I don't know yet. But he keeps smiling and laughing. Puritans are not supposed to do that. Especially on a Sunday!"
Just then a baby cried. Rose jumped up. "That's my little one!" She left the room.
Elizabeth said forlornly, "And that is SUPPOSED to be John's little girl."
Billy Bob whispered, "Not necessarily. She could be mine. Or John's brother Daniel.."
Elizabeth was shocked. "Daniel's? As in Daniel my husband's no-good brother? The man who bedded practically every goodwife in Southold? And a good deal of the maidens? Who were no longer maidens when Daniel blew through their lives?"
Elizabeth looked at Billy Bob closely for the first time. "Who exactly ARE you?"
Billy Bob picked up a rib. "Me? Oh, no one really, just the first husband of Rosamond!"
Elizabeth leaned on her elbows. "REALLY! My, my! Isn't that fascinating information!"
Billy Bob smiled and said, "Ain't it, though?"

Rosamond came into the room with Julie, who just woke up and was blinking like a kinkajou in the dining room. She saw John and held her arms out to him, fussing. "Da-da! Da-da!"
John wiped his hands on a napkin and said to Rose, "Darling, I'll take her now. Hey, princess!" Julie only had eyes for her daddy and settled down immediately. John leaned over and gave her a biscotti to chew on. Elizabeth looked over at the two of them, with Rosamond sitting beside him and she began to do a slow burn. The effect was not lost on Billy Bob.
"Baby looks like Rosamond, doesn't she?" Billy Bob said.
Elizabeth looked steadily at the scene of domestic bliss. "Did the she-devil bewitch you, too?"
BB looked at the three. "Yes. You could say that."
Elizabeth looked at BB. "And how did you break the spell, sir?"
"Call me BB."
"Mr. BB, how did you..."
"Never really did break it, my dear. Just my heart. And my pride."
"I see. And did she bewitch Daniel too?"
"Daniel was the bewitcher."
Elizabeth was fascinated. "Really! He used magic? He could be put to death for that."
Billy Bob said, "Daniel is very resourceful. But the lady still has feelings for me. She came to Pompeii to get me, didn't she? And refused to leave me there to die. Yes, she was plenty glad to see me, even though she tried to hide it."
Elizabeth cupped her chin in her hand. "Mr. BB...you seem to know alot about this wench. I should like to speak to you further on this!"
Billy Bob smiled at her. "I look forward to it, Mrs...Gwinnett!"


[Next day] TRANSFORMATION...........by Coralynn

"Where's Elizabeth?" Celeste asks Marilyn, who is sitting at the dining room table writing out her advice column.
"I had Bess take her to the Mall, to get some better clothes," Marilyn answers, as she puzzles out a piece of advice, "Tell me, Celeste, what would you tell this woman? She says she can't stop shopping on Ebay, and her husband is threatening to divorce her if she doesn't."
"Unless she's totally compulsive, I'd tell her to knock it off," Celeste says, "But.......back to Elizabeth....what is she using for money to buy clothes with?"
Marilyn looks up from her pages, "Beth sent her with a credit card. I told her that Vogue magazine has great fashions. I used to subscribe to it back in the 50's and early 60's.....the clothes were elegant!"
"But have you seen it recently?" Celeste inquires.
"Well, no, I've been way too busy, but it's been the best fasion magazine for a long time.....hasn't it?"
"I think so. How wrong can she go with that as a guide?"
"Not far wrong. Here's another one, Celeste, what do I tell this man whose wife spends five nights a week overnight with a male friend. He thinks she's fooling around, though she denies it."
"HUH! And he believes her?!" Celeste says as she returns to her room, where she has a good sized glass container full of forgetting-potion. She looks at it and shakes her head, 'How are we going to get Elizabeth to go back to 1640 Southold? Now she's out shopping for more clothes? Sounds like she's ready to dig in her heels and stay. Wish there was a way to give her a potion that just wiped out the part of her memory that includes being married to John. That would be the ticket!"

Bess and Elizabeth are in a pricey boutique, with Eliz hauling out the pictures she ripped out of Vogue magazine, looking at them, then trying to find clothes that match.
Stacy, the saleslady, is excited, because this customer is in a definite buying mode. Never mind that she's piling up clothes that Stacy herself wouldn't be caught wearing at a dogfight. Better yet! The store gets to clear out that junk no one else has shown any interest in.
Bess sits on a chair and rubs her temples as Eliz piles clothes on the check-out counter. At least now we'll get to go home, she thinks, this Elizabeth woman is bizarre, out of control, a real wacko. It won't be much longer now.
After ringing up the sale, which Stacy is glad to see amounts to twelve thousand dollars, Eliz hands one humungous shopping bag to Bess, and hauls the other two herself as they leave the mall and head for the car Bess borrowed from Bethia.
They pile two bags in the trunk and one in the back seat. Sitting in the passenger seat, Elizabeth smiles with satisfaction, "Those clothes are gorgeous! Wait'll John sees me in them!"
Bess doesn't want to deal with that subject, so she quietly starts the car and they drive back to the house on Winding Willow with no other sound than the car radio.

Marilyn, now done with her advice column and helping clean up the kitchen, hears voices. Sounds like Bess and Elizabeth. She walks into the living room and sees them standing there with three bulging shopping bags. "Been clothes shopping, Liz?" she asks as casually as she can.
"YES! Wait till you see! I'm going into my room and put on an outfit right now! These are incredible! Wait till you see!"
Bess and Marilyn exchange looks. Bess walks over to Marilyn and whispers, "The woman has no taste, Marilyn. None. She thinks these new clothes will impress John."
"Ohhhh jeeez, Louise," Marilyn shakes her head, "She's till trying to win him back, huh? OK, Bess, if she looks really awful, tell her she looks wonderful and let her make a fool of herself in front of John. Would serve her right. But if she copied the fashions in Vogue magazine, just how bad can they be after all?"
Just how bad they can be is soon displayed, as Elizabeth comes out in her first outfit, proudly turning slowly around so that the other two women can get the total impact.
"Oh my God!" Marilyn whispers to Bess, "Look at those eyes! And her boobs are about hanging out. OH ELIZABETH, HOW GREAT YOU LOOK!" she says loudly to Elizabeth, who smiles and goes back to put on another wonderful outfit.

She soon emerges in Outfit number Two. She says, "See how it shows off my legs? They're my best feature, you know!"
Marilyn whispers to Bess, "Who can tell with all that hair on them? Gads, she even has hair on her thighs! I told her to shave, but.........hey, this is good. John will gag!"

Elizabeth is soon back, beaming with pride as she says, "I can wear THIS one to Marthy and Jack's wedding! What do you think?"
Bess and Marilyn control their impulse to laugh and Marilyn says casually, "We're all wearing variations of the same outfit, Elizabeth. But that one is lovely for another occasion!"
Elizabeth smiles and returns to her room.
Bess pokes Marilyn and adds, "Another occasion? How about Halloween?"
"Now, now, Bess, my dear, we must be supportive here!!" Marilyn giggles, "And speaking of 'support,' I don't think she's invested in a bra yet."
"With those clothes who can tell?" Bess giggles back as they hear Elizabeth coming out of her room again.
"This one is my favorite!" Elizabeth twirls around the room in the most God-awful monstrosity yet.
"I think this one is going to bowl John over!" she exclaims, "You think so?"
"Oh yes," Bess exclaims.
"Definitely!" Marilyn concurs as Elizabeth goes back into her room to put on her jeans and sweater again.
"He'll be bowled over all right!" both women say simultaneously as they give each other high-fives.
Celeste comes into the living room, "Did I hear Elizabeth?" she asks.
"Oh yeah, Celeste. She just gave us a fashion show! She bought four outfits, one worse than the other.....and we told her they were gorgeous. She wants to impress John. He'll be impressed all right! With her bad taste." Marilyn explains.
"You know, if she weren't so annoying, I'd feel sorry for her," Celeste states, then adds, "But anything she does that hastens her departure from among us is all to the good!"


VISA, IT'S EVERYWHERE ELIZABETH WANTS TO BE....by Terri

Rosamond and John came into the kitchen laughing and holding hands. "So where have you two been that has put you in such a wonderful mood?" Rosamond blushed. "Oh...nothing!"
John smiled. "We just came from the new house. Murph has the upstairs all done.
We went shopping for new furniture. The painters finished the wallpaperinig and painting, the skylights are all in place. And so we got our bedroom finished. That means when Ro' and I have another fight, I won't have to sleep in a sleeping bag in the living room!"
Elizabeth came downstairs in another one of her outlandish outfits. This was a combination of the first two outfits she had on. She stopped suddenly when she saw John. She struck a model's pose. "So, dear, what do you think of this new outfit? The saleswoman told me it was very haute couture!" Rosamond stared at her as if Elizabeth was out of her mind. John stammered, "It's-- it's very nice, Elizabeth. You went shopping?" Rosamond tried to swallow her astonishment. "If you wanted something different, Elizabeth, you certainly got your wish." Elizabeth glanced at Rosamond's jeans and turtleneck with a look of disdain. So ordinary--for goodness sakes, she and John look like they shop at the same store. Of course, Rosamond filled it out entirely differently. But they both have on those knitted shirts and those...breeches!
Elizabeth gushed, "I bought all sorts of wonderful clothes! Then Bess took me to a store called...Victoria's Secret! I bought the most wonderful.." She stopped short and blushed. It wasn't proper to mention unmentionables--even mentioning them to your husband.
Rosamond looked at Bess and crooked her finger. Bess grew crimson and came over to Rosamond. Rose said in a low voice, "Bess? Whose side are you on? I had the edge on her in the lingerie department! Giving away my best secrets?"
Bess held her hands palm up at her sides and shrugged her shoulders. "What could I do, Rose? She saw the store and went wild!"
Bess went back to her seat at the kitchen table and slunked down, properly chastised.
Bethia came in. "Hi! Oh, Elizabeth, I see you are back home. How was the shopping trip?"
John was beginning to squirm by this time. "Umm, Bethia? Can I see you a minute?" He tried to wave to her behind Rosamond's back. Rosamond turned around quickly. She began to notice John's discomfiture, as only a wife can. Bethia glanced between the two of them. Elizabeth reached in her pocket and pulled out a Visa card.
"Oh, Bethia! Here is that little plastic card you gave me. The amount was 12,000.00."
Bethia started to reach for the card. John began to get red in the face and beads of perspiration formed on his brow. But Rosamond was faster than Bethia. She grabbed the card out of Elizabeth's hand. The name on the card swam before Rosamond's eyes. She looked at it again like she wasn't believing it. The name on the card read like a name she knew as well as her own. JOHN A. GWINNETT.

Rosamond looked up and over at John.
He was nowhere to be found. He had slipped out of the room. Rosamond's face went from red to white to red again. She said tightly and with that deadly sweet smile on her face. "John bought these clothes for you? And the perfume and the makeup and the lingerie?" Elizabeth said smugly. "Yes. After all, he's my husband and he has to provide for me, doesn't he?"
Rose said to Bethia, "And how did YOU come into possession of John's card, Beth?"
Bethia searched arouond for the words. Elizabeth supplied them. "John gave the card to Bethia and told her to let me get what I needed. Bethia couldn't go with me so she sent Bess. Isn't that wonderful of Beth? And so thoughtful of John?"
Rosamond said quietly. "Yes. Thoughtful. Of you. Excuse me, ladies. I have something to lay down."
The women looked at each other. Rosamond said curtly. "The law. And that's all that is laying down."

Upstairs John was busy gathering laundry together. He said nervously, "Uh...hi honey I'm getting ready to do a load of laundry and then I'll go to the drycleaners so if you have anything that needs dropped off just say the word and I'l take it in and if there is any shopping you want to do like do you want a new fur coat or maybe some jewelry by all means go and get it spare no expense and then I thought maybe you and I could go to a fancy restaurant tonight how about if we go to that restaurant that we got engaged at the one in Hastings-on-Hudson and we could have filet mignon and maybe..."
Rose stood in the room without saying a word. John broke off in midsentence. They stared at each other until John could stand it no longer. "OK. Say something. Let's get it over with."
Rose sat down on the bed and continued to look at him. He said, "So many words are left unspoken. This silence is driving me crazy."
Rose still looked at him. "You'll never know how much you hurt me, John. Too many hearts are being broken. Mostly mine. A lover's promise never came with a maybe. You promised--PROMISED--to love and cherish me and forsake all others keeping only unto me--thee--whatever."
John grew defensive. "I HAVE forsaken all others. I HAVE kept only unto thee...thou.. you."
Rose said frostily, "Have you? For crying out loud, I can understand a couple new outfits but twelve thousand dollars worth of stuff? TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS! You gave that mealy-mouthed little homewrecker carte blanche!"
John said quietly. "Isn't it ironic? She called you a little homewrecker, too."
Rosamond retorted, "And that's not all she called me. I heard 'witch' , 'lying no good harlot' 'demented'..."
John tried a little levity. "...and let's not forget my all-time favorite one. 'Scarlet woman' ha, ha, ha...."
He broke off laughing when he saw he was the only one. Rosamond's eyes glittered like the blue of a struck match.

She blinked back tears. "I'm trying to tell you the way that I am feeling. I'm trying to tell you what I feel inside. And here you make jokes. The only thing I ever wanted was the feeling that you weren't faking. That you loved only ME."
John tried to put his arms around her. She shook him off. John stood there. "For the man who hurt you, he's trying to explain the way that I'm feeling. For all the jealousy I've caused you. Now you are spinning me off in another dimension."
Rose stood up. "I need some time to myself." She started downstairs. John followed her. She walked into the kitchen. All conversation among the women ceased when she came in. She took her leather coat off the chair and slipped it on. John followed her. "Aw, come on, honey..."
Rose put her hand up. "STOP! Did I stutter? I need some time to myself. Celeste? I'll be back pretty soon. Can you watch the kids? If you can't, I'll take them with me.."
Celeste said, "No problem. They're fine. They are with Poppy William in the living room. Will is reading to him and Julie fell asleep on his chest."
Rose's cheeks were red. She steeled her voice. "Thank you. I'm going for a walk to cool myself off."
John protested, "But sweetheart, it's only 30 degrees out there..."
Rose slammed the door shut after her. John stood there with five women looking at him. Four looked at him with pity, one of them with triumph in her eyes.
John spat out, "WOMEN!" and left the room.
Marilyn said what they were all thinking. "Wonder who's staying at the new house TONIGHT?"


Rosamond walked outside and pulled the collar up on her leather coat. She dug down in her pockets and got out her leather gloves. She pulled them on. How dare he? Uh, oh....I feel a shopping trip coming on..she fought the urge but like a heroin addict in need of a fix, Rosamond gave into her cravings. She called the house with her cellphone. Oh, please, please..don't let John answer.
"Hello?"
"OH! Celeste! Thank goodness it's you! I have a big favor to ask of you. Two, actually. Oh, all right, let's make it three!"
"One?"
"I'm going shopping. Best cure for the blues that I know. Besides, John owes me 12,000.00 worth of merchandise. Don't worry about the children. John can take care of them. After all, they're HIS children, too." Celeste sighed. Good thing those two have money.
"Two?"
"Where's John?"
"In the living room watching a basketball game with William. Slumped down in a chair. Trying to look interested in the game. Popped open a beer and made some popcorn."
Rose said, "Obviously his appetite is not hurting."
Celeste bit her tongue. "And three?"
"Where's Elizabeth?"
"She's in her room putting her Halloween clothes away."
"Good. Lock her in and throw the key away. I'll be home in a while. I may stop at the house and put whatever I buy over there."
"What are you looking for, my dear?"
"Ohhh...a little of this, a little of that..."
"Twelve thousand dollars worth of this or that?"
"Maybe more. I have to have the edge on pasty-face."
CLICK!
Rosamond walked over to the new house and got in the Miata. Good thing I keep it here. Makes it look like someone lives there."
She turned the engine over, let it warm up, turned the heater and defrost on, put it in gear and roared down the street. Heading for...the mall. Not the one with Sears. The expensive one. The one with Neiman Marcus.

John had a hard time following the game. Will dipped his hand into the popcorn bowl. "Hey, Daddy! Mom take off again?"
John was shocked. Obviously Will was more in tune than I thought, John pondered. "Uh, Will, she just went out for some air."
Will shrugged and threw the popcorn up and caught it in his mouth. "Then I guess I'll see her in the morning! Goodnight!"
He hugged John goodnight. As Will walked out of the room, he said to Aunt Marilyn, "I wish those two would get their stuff together!"
John stood up. William said, "John, aren't you going to watch the Celtics kick butt?"
John took the sleeping Julie off William's chest. "No, I can't concentrate. Think I'll put Princess to bed."
William spread cheese on his crackers. "Your loss, mate. You'll miss a good game!"
As John left the living room and headed for the stairs, Elizabeth came out of her room in her new robe. John looked. Better than the weasel-wear she bought! Hard to think that innocent little flannel robe she has on contributed to the events that happened tonight.
"Ready for bed, John?" she said.
John gently shifted Julie to his shoulder. "No, I just have to put Julie to bed."
Elizabeth looked at Julie closely and touched her blonde curls. "She's a beautiful child, John. I see she has your mouth."
John said, "And Rosamond's eyes and nose."
Elizabeth nodded. "Yes. You have what you always wanted. A child. Too bad she isn't a son."
John said firmly, "A daughter is wonderful. More fun than I could imagine. A girl now...a son next time."
Elizabeth muttered, "Isn't that what Anne Boleyn said?"
"What?"
"Nothing. Goodnight."

John came downstairs after putting Julie to bed. Celeste was there with a hot cocoa between her hands. "Care to join me, John?"
John shook his head no. He was comfortably dressed in his sweats. "This is a six-pack night, Celeste."
Celeste looked down at her cocoa as if she were talking to her cup. "Should have told her, John."
John opened his beer. "What good would that have done? She's still be upset."
"Upset, yes. Betrayed, no."
John grew defensive. "I can see that I'll get no sympathy from you, Celeste. What am I supposed to do? I'm responsible for Elizabeth, am I not?"
Celeste said, "I suppose in a way. But free reign on a credit card? You know Bess--mall rat extraordinaire! I don't mean that disparagingly. Bess is a child. Sort of. Between the two of them, they saw unlimited spending."
"Bethia was supposed to go with her.."
"Don't blame this on Bethia. She's not Elizabeth's keeper."
John ran his hands through his hair. "OK, 'Mom'. I'm properly chastised. Rose should be back soon. Bet she's at the new house licking her wounds." Celeste tried to fight back a smile. "Noo, not really. Rose is doing what Rose does best."
John looked at Celeste and said, "You don't mean....?"
Celeste said, "Yes, I do mean...."
John banged his head on the table several times. "...and this one is gonna really cost me!"

Rosamond pulled into the mall in Eastchester. She headed for Neiman Marcus. OK, John, this is where I make MYSELF feel better. She headed to the fur and leather department. No, I have the silver fox fur coat that Montgomery bought me. I'll just wear that one...I know it irritates him but he never says a thing. Got enough clothes...shoes...jewelry...Jewelry! No, it's no fun unless John picks it out and buys it for me...I KNOW! Furniture! Furniture to put in our new home...that is, IF we ever get into it. She headed for Ethan Allen's gallery. Within two hours she picked out all the living room furniture and signed the bill for it.
"Where shall we deliver it, Mrs. Gwinnett?"
Rose thought a minute. "I'll have to rent one of those storage units...unless you can hold it for me for about three months."
The salesman tapped his pen on the desk. "Well, for a purchase of this amount...yes, we can hold it in our warehouse."
"Fine. Most of the house should be renovated by then."
She breezed out of the store and looked down the mall. Ah, the children's store is at the end. She walked down to the store and ordered a new bedroom set for Julie in sea green and salmon. The crib is still good. But she'll be out of it in about a year. By then we may need it again.
She looked at bedroom furniture for boys. No, Will is at the age where he will want a say in what he sleeps in. OK--project for Will and me. Rosamond walked into a gallery. She found the perfect artwork for the living room.
As she turned to go, she heard a voice behind her say, "Well, well, well...if it isn't Mrs. Gwinnett!" She turned and saw Bobby Joe Austin. "BOBBY JOE! How wonderful to see you!" She gave him a hug. "What brings you to the art gallery?"
Bobby Joe looked at her and affected a Texas drawl. "Aw, shucks, ma'am...we cowboys may not know about purty pitchers but we knowed what we like!"
They both laughed. Bobby Joe said, "No, seriously, in another three weeks Billy Bob should be able to move back into his ranch house which will leave me with the guest house."
Rose said, "Well, that's some guest house! Three bedroom, two bath!" Bobby Joe grinned, "And I get to furnish it! What are YOU doing out this late in the evening? Shouldn't you be roasting marshmallows and drinking champagne by the fireplace with your husband?"
Rose stiffened slightly. "I had other plans. Besides, the house is coming along but it will still be a few months before we can get in."
Bobby Joe leaned conspiratorially towards her. "A word of warning. Remember that English pub table you took and put in your basement?"
Rose nodded.
"Think he's gonna want it back. Family heirloom and all. Saw that nice pup he has now. Phoenix I think he called him."
Rosamond said, "Yes, that dog is really something else."
"Oh, you saw him?"
"Yes, I was there when..." she cut herself off.
"..when---what?"
"when he had the dog in the truck. So now he can leave Jake to us. Will will be very happy about it."
"Yeah, well, I don't see anything I like. I'll be going on home. Want me to send your love to BB?" Bobby Joe said with a devilish grin. Rose retorted, "Think again, Austin!"

John came into the kitchen. William and Celeste were sitting at the table planning the menu for Marthy and Jack's wedding.
William said, "I still say a fine fat goose would be wonderful."
John and Celeste said, "Ewwww! NO!"
Celeste said, "It will be cold, let's have a fine old-fashioned--but modern--feast. I say roast turkey, roast beef, ham....I have some Victoria magazines that show Christmas feasts, I'll just adapt it to a wedding. I hope it snows for them. A picture perfect wedding with snow coming down gently."
William said, "I'm just glad they aren't moving that far. Down the hall. At least they haven't worn a trench in the hallway rug..like SOME people we know." John stood there and rubbed his back. Celeste said, "Trouble with your back, John?"
He rubbed his neck too. "I bruised my shoulder when we were in Pompeii, trying to knock the cell door down with my shoulder. Must have hurt my back, too. I'll see a massage therapist. Meanwhile, I'm taking a muscle relaxer."
William frowned. "And just how much beer have you had, young man?" John shrugged. "Not nearly enough." "Don't take the muscle relaxer."
John popped one more beer. "Too late, 'Dad'." and walked out of the kitchen.
William sighed. "Will those two EVER have a hum-drum normal marriage?"
Celeste laughed lightly. "I doubt it. But they--or at least Rosamond--thrives on it."

John went into the room he shared with Rosamond and looked at the clock. Great, Rose. It's ten o'clock. Where are you? He dialed her cellphone.
"Hello?"
"Rose, where the HELL are you? And why aren't you home?"
Rose said coldly, "Hello to you, too, Mr. Gwinnett." "You'd better get your bottom home pronto."
"EXCUSE ME? Are you addressing ME?"
"Come on, Rose, aren't you taking this to the extreme? I had no intention of having Elizabeth run the bill that high. I thought a couple hundred dollars. Lord knows we can afford it."
"What I can't understand is why you felt you needed to keep it a secret. That is what I can't get past. You tried to pull one over on me. Do you know how it felt to have everyone--EVERYONE--in the house know about it but me?"
"Now you are being a child, Rosamond..."
"...and now this conversation is FINISHED!" CLICK!

Rose dialed the house phone. William answered, "Hello?"
Rosamond said, "Oh! William! Are the children OK?"
"Rose, dear, why don't you talk to your husband and find out? After all, they are your children.."
Rose tried to keep her voice from trembling. "Because he is being a perfect monster to me!"
William became a tad bit short-tempered. "I think the two of you need a major dose of marriage couseling, little missy!"
Rose snapped, "Then let me talk to Celeste!"
William handed the phone over to Celeste. "Here! Your 'daughter' is on the phone!"
Celeste said, "Hello?"
Rose said, "Celeste, I'm staying at the new house tonight. But I don't want anything funny going on..like John consoling Miss Mealy-mouth."
Celeste said, "I don't think you'll have to worry about it. But honestly, Rose, you and John can't keep walking out on each other when things get a little tense."
Rose sighed, "I know. OK, after this, I'll make a concerted effort to work things out. But for tonight, I'll be here. Besides, I want to look at these fabric swatches in the evening light to make sure it is the right shade I want. I want this house PERFECT! Really, I just need some time to myself."
"OK, dear, the children are asleep. John put them to bed."
"Good! It drives it home to him that he and I have children...something he and Elizabeth didn't have! I'll be back first thing in the morning. Where is John anyway?"
"He went upstairs and I hear the water running. I suppose he is taking a shower and going to bed."
Rosamond said, "A good night's sleep will help us both. See you in the morning, 'Mom'!"
"Goodnight, dear."

John turned the shower on. He swore to himself. "&*(^*(&%^%^&^%&*$#@" He stepped in the shower. "&*$% OW!! THAT'S HOT!" He jumped out quickly and readjusted the temperature. He braced himself up in the shower, not unlike Samson holding the pillars of the temple. Whoa, maybe William was right. I shouldn't have taken that muscle relaxer with the beer. And that pain pill, too. The water sluiced over his head. Aw, hell! Forgot to take my sweats off. He balanced himself against the wall and tried to take his pants off. He fell over and laid on his back and inched them down his legs. He rolled into a sitting position and pulled the sweatshirt over his face. The neck caught on his nose and then got stuck on the top of his head. He pumped it up and down until it came loose. John then grabbed the towel to pull himself up and the towl came off the towel bar. He finally grabbed the handle on the shower door and hoisted himself up. He toweled off, and left a trail with his socks and underwear. Last thing he remembered was falling face first into his pillow.

DIVIDE & CONQUER?......by Terri

Elizabeth looked at her alarm clock. It's midnight. The house was pretty quiet. She opened her door cautiously. She looked left and then right. They're all in bed. She put on her new pink robe and tiptoed down the hall. What a stroke of luck that I heard Celeste tell William that Rosamond was staying in that house down the road. What a fool! Let's see...theirs was the room two doors down from the laundry room. She pushed the door open quietly. In the bed was John's sleeping form. He has to be lonely now that she's moved out. She looked at the trail of clothes John left leading to the bed. Would you look at the size of that bed anyways? Now what do they need a bed that big for? She stroked the comforter. Soft. Like duckdown. Elizabeth looked over at John, dead to the world. She slipped into the bed next to him. She was puzzled. Where was John's nightshirt? He NEVER went to bed without a nightshirt! She scrunched down next to him and patted his behind. OH! Well, when in Rome... She slipped off her robe and nightgown, balled them up and threw them into the room. "John?" she whispered. "Mphf?" he mumbled. She curled her body to fit his back, like a spoon in a drawer. He rollded over and threw his arm over her. Elizabeth thought, guess this is the best I can hope for right now.. And before she knew it, she was asleep too.

Rosamond tossed and turned in the new bed. She punched up the pillow. She stared at the ceiling. She flopped on her stomach. She got up and drank some warm milk. YUCK! She tried to read her book. Nothing. What is wrong? The bed is comfortable. The temperature is just right. Could it be I am missing John? Celeste and William's words came to her in that dark night. She stared at the ceiling some more. Then it occurred to her. This was the house John and I had planned. I should not be sleeping away from him. At least not in this house. Our first house. She got up and went downstairs. I'll just go home, slip into bed and then we can talk about it first thing in the morning. In bed. After all, we do some of our best talking there.
Rosamond looked at the clock. Three AM. OK--I'll just throw my boots and my leather coat on over my teddy...
She locked up and walked briskly down the street. It's creepy at 3 AM, she thought.
She let herself in the kitchen with her key. She slipped her leather coat off and draped it over a chair and then peeled her boots off. Quietly she tiptoed up the stairs. She looked in on Will. Sound asleep with Jake and Belle sleeping on either side. She checked on Julie and straightened her crib blanket over her. She kissed her fingers and touched the baby's cheek. Glad to see John remembered to put her in her one-piece fleece jammies.
Rosamond pushed their bedroom door open. Wow, it really IS a new moon. Usually the moonlight filters through. Rosamond tripped over John's shoes. Darn! So dark in here...she pulled the comforter back and slipped her body into the nice cool sheets. What the hell..??

"John? John? Scoot over, you are in the middle of the bed, darling..." Rose whispered. There was a muffled response. Rosamond whispered again, "John, I'm sorry. I'm still mad at you, but sleeping separately never solved any of our problems. On the contrary,...John? Are you awake?"
Again a muffled reply. "John?" She whispered more urgently. "Honey, I'm almost to the edge of the bed..."
PLOP!!
Rosamond fell out of bed. She crawled back in and took her feet and pushed John's backside towards the edge. He wouldn't budge. Rose shook him. She sighed and put her arms around him. Must have had too much beer, poor darling. She snuggled up close to him. Then she grew perplexed. Since when did your hair grow this much longer, John? She reached over to stroke his cheek. "John?" she whispered.
A little louder. "John? What did you do, use Nair on your face? You've never had such a smooth cheek..."
She flipped on the bedside light. And screamed. And screamed. And screamed. And when she was done, she screamed some more.

She jumped out of the bed, standing there in her red teddy. Elizabeth looked blearily up at her and then snatched the blankets up to her chin. John murmured, "Mmmmm.phf?" and rolled over, continuing to sleep. Rose couldn't find the words and began to hyperventilate.
The entire household came running at the sound of Rosamond's screams. William barreled in wearing a red striped nightshirt. Celeste came in with her flower printed flannel robe. Marilyn hastily threw on her red negligee robe. Eleanor stood in a short chinese kimono. Bess had on a T-shirt that had a Winnie the Pooh on it with a slogan that said, 'HUG ME!' Marthy had a long pale blue robe and Jack was in a T-shirt and jockeys. William was carrying a rifle and Jack brandished a baseball bat.

Everyone stood with their mouths open. Not a word. Not a sound. Finally Bess broke the silence. "ROSE! JOHN! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE IN TO....THAT?!!"
The silence hung in the air. Marthy whispered to Bess, "Into what?" Rose grabbed the baseball bat out of Jack's hands and choked up on it like a first baseman at home plate. Elizabeth shrank closer to John. John continued to sleep.
"GET OUT OF THAT BED BEFORE I USE YOU TO HIT A HOME RUN!!"
Rosamnd drew the bat back and Jack caught it. William said sternly, "There will be none of that, Rosamond Gwinnett!"
Rose yanked on the bat but Jack held on firmly.
Elizabeth scrambled out of bed, clutching the sheet around her.
William turned towards the others. "I think Rosamond and I can handle this. The rest of you go to bed. Goodnight."
Marthy and Bess were whispering down the hall. Marthy said, "You mean people actually DO that...?" her voice faded.
William said, "Celeste, dear? I would like you to stay."
Marilyn said, "I thought this stuff only happened in Hollywood."
Eleanor said, "Sure would like to hear John's side of the story." Jack looked from William to Rose. "It's OK, Jack." William said. "But take that bat with you."

William sighed, "I suppose you'd better wake John up, Rosamond. Let's get to the bottom of this..so to speak."
Rose said, "By all means. Let ME be the one to wake him up!"
She walked into the bathroom and came out with a tall glass of water. She walked next to John and doused him with it.
"WH-WH-WHAT???!!! ROSE, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??"
He sat up drenched. Rosamond threw a towel in his face. "Here. Now you are awake."
John looked at Rosamond who stood there in her red teddy like the Devil's woman. Elizabeth stood wrapped in a sheet and William stood there like a piece of peppermint holding a rifle. Celeste stood against the wall.

John looked from Rosamond to Elizabeth. Rose yelled, "I came home and found this little witch in bed with you! Couldn't let the sheets cool off, could you, John?!"
Just then the baby woke up and started to cry. Rose looked not too far from crying herself. "Excuse me. I have a baby to look after!" She left and went into the nursery.
William said to John and Elizabeth, "I'm waiting for an explanation."
John looked bewildered. Elizabeth said defiantly, "John invited me."
Rose came back into the room. "He WHAT?"
John looked at Elizabeth incredulously. "I DID NOT!"
Elizabeth tossed her head. "You heard me. I met John in the hallway. He invited me in the room to talk. So we talked..a little."
Rose said, "You came in without a nightgown or robe?"
Elizabeth walked over and picked up her sleepwear. "OH! Here they are. John..you animal! Guess I don't have to draw you a picture of what went on!"
She turned to go. "I guess you shouldn't have been so quick to walk out on him, Rosamond. Like you said, 'Game is ON!'"
She walked down to her own room.
Rosamond's gaze never left John's face. John sat there dripping wet and bewildered. He mopped his face with the towel Rose had hurled at him. She said quietly to William and Celeste. "I'm sorry for the ruckus. I'll tend to this in my own way. Thank you for your concern. I'll take it from here."
William looked at her dubiously. "I don't know, Rosamond...you teach those aerobics classes...."
Rosamond said, "William, I am not going to kill John. No, I can get more child support and alimony out of him. He's worth more alive than dead. If it gets that far."
John looked at Rosamond with a stricken face. "Child support? Alimony? For crying out loud, Ro', we've been married two months."
William took Rose aside. "You sure, missy? I think there is a reasonable explanation for it."
Rose said, "If there is, I'll get it. Goodnight."

William looked at Rosamond who stood there in controlled fury. John sat in bed trying to clear his head. "I don't know, Rosamond.."
Rosamond gently pushed William towards the door. "Really. It will be fine. I will get to the bottom of this. I apologize for the late hour and this disgusting scene. If I'm not there at breakfast, you will know the scene was played out exactly as it seems."
William turned to her. "Remember the old Marvin Gaye song, dear. 'Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear...' " Rose said, "William, I didn't know you were into Motown!"
William smiled, "Yes, my dear, you see, Marvin Gaye..."
Rose said, "I can't believe we are even having this discussion at 3:00 AM! My husband was found naked in bed with his ex-wife and you are talking music lyrics! We'll discuss Motown in the morning."
She glanced over at John. "By the time I get done with Mr. Gwinnett over there, he just may be singing the blues!"
Rose went to close the door but William wedged his face in it and said in a squished-face voice, "Don't be too hard on the lad, dear. He loves you very deeply. And Elizabeth for all her Puritan ways, is a schemer. That's probably how she ended up with Reverend Jackson."
Rose put her hand on William's face and pushed it out. "I'll remember, Poppy! Now, once and for all...GOODNIGHT!"

Rose turned to John. "Get up and out of bed."
"But, darling, I have a reasonable explanation for this..I think."
Rose stood there with her hands on her hips. "GET-OUT-OF-BED-NOW! NOW!"
John grabbed the blanket and slid out, looking disheveled, miserable and still wet. Rose said quietly, "There's a decision to be made."
John looked at her quizzically, "Shouldn't we talk about it..?"
Rose grabbed the sheets off the bed. "The decision is this...do I wash these with Clorox? Or do I just burn them?"

Having changed the sheets, Rosamond said, "It's now 4:00 AM. Let's get some sleep."
John said, "I'm not sleepy now."
"Well, THAT goes in your favor. Care to explain yourself or do I see Patrick O'Malley in the morning?"
Rosamond knew darn well she had no intention of seeing Patrick but it made her feel better to keep John on tenterhooks. She slid into bed. "Are you going to stand there all night, John? Or do you care to join me? Oh, don't look at me like that! I'm not going to slit your throat while you sleep."
John got into bed and Rosamond turned the light out. In the dark, she said softy, "If I WAS going to slit your throat, I certainly wouldn't have bothered to change the sheets. These are my favorite ones."
In the dark, John reached over to touch Rosamond. She had her back to him. "Rosamond? Rose, honey?"
Rosamond said, "John, I am TRYING to get some sleep. I have to get up in three hours with the children."
"Not until we talk. This is ridiculous. How stupid do you think I am, Rosamond? Do you think I would actually invite Elizabeth into the room..let alone our bed? And with William and everyone else in the house?"
Rose was silent. She broke the silence. "Then what DID happen? I know that when I get into bed, even if you are sound asleep, you know it."
John explained, "I watched the basketball game with William. I was upset with you and after the first beer went down, the rest went down easier. My back and shoulder-- which has been killing me, thank you very much for noticing, Mrs. Gwinnett!--were giving me fits so I took a muscle relaxer. That didn't work so I took a pain pill. By the time the pain pill kicked in, so did the muscle relaxer. But they both kicked in about the same time I was going to take a shower. I think--and I'm not too sure----I may have ended up in the shower with my clothes on."
Rose said, "Well, that explains the soggy sweats lying on the bathroom floor."
After a few minutes of silence, John asked, "How much?"
"How much what?"
"How much has my sin of omission cost me?"
Rosamond turned to him. She didn't have the strength or desire to fight with him anymore. She moved over next to him and he put his arm around her. "Let's just say when the house is done, we don't have to worry about the furniture!"

Before they knew it, the morning had come. Rosamond heard Julie and slid out of John's arms to get her baby. Sleepily, she brought Julie back into bed with them.
Will came into their bedroom and slid in the bed with them, too. John said, "Good thing this is a king-size bed!"
Will curled up between Rose and John. He patted Rose's face. "I'm glad you came back, Mommy!"
Rose hugged him. "I'll always be back, Will, Just because I get upset with Daddy doesn't mean I am leaving."
Will said, "That's good! Because I had a bad dream. I dreamed that a man with a crown was after me and wanted to take me somewhere that had knights in armor."
John and Rose looked at each other over Will's head. Will continued, "I came into the room but you weren't there, Mommy. I looked at the clock. It said, 1:00. I tried to wake up Daddy but I couldn't. He was too asleep. I saw Miss Elizabeth walking down the hall and she went into your bedroom. I thought she may have had a bad dream, too. So I went back to bed after I looked under the bed for the man."
John looked at Rosamond, smiled sheepishly and said, "There you are, my dear! My alibi is watertight!"
Rose laughed quietly, "And we have Henry to thank for that! Pulled your butt out of the fire via a five year old boy!"

Elizabeth woke up and reached over. She picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Hello?" the voice on the other end said.
"I did what you told me."
"And...?" "There's trouble down the hall. Big trouble. I almost got hit with a big stick!"
The voice laughed softly. "Just as I predicted it would. And the shopping trip?"
"I spent a lot of money and she didn't like it. She left for a while. Lots of shouting and yelling and door slamming."
"She's SO predictable!"
"So what now?" Elizabeth asked.
"Wait until you hear from me. But right now, I have to go feed the horses!" CLICK!

MARTHY and JACK'S SHOWER

Part 1.......by Coralynn

"No, Hotspur, you don't get to come into the living room......the men's party is in the den!" Marilyn pushes Hots out of the room back toward the den, he laughing and pretending to resist.
"This is more like it!" he says cheerfully as great plumes of cigar smoke barrel out of the den. He sits on one of the padded benches set up around the edge of the room and reaches for a cigar from the huge box sitting on the coffee table.
"Who's missing?" William asks, looking around, "Let's see, we have John, Mike, Jack the guest of honor, Henry8, Luke, Slim, Hots, Rafe, Jerry, Roger, me, and NO Daniel."
"I thought under the circumstances, after the dirty trick he played on Rose, that he wouldn't be good to ask," Jack explains.
"Oh you don't have to explain it to me, my boy. That fellow has been a rotten apple since the day he arrived here. Pretending to be John! Really! We should have packed him back to 1640 Southold, or was it 1650, John?"
"Ya know, I get it mixed up, too. If I'd never found out that he met an early demise by the hand of an outraged husband, I never would have gone back to rescue him. I would have lived out my life in innocent bliss."
"I'm honored that you're having a party for me," Jack tells him, modestly, "I didn't know if Marthy and I were here long enough to be a real part of the family."
"You are the very HEART of the family!" Henry8 says loudly, standing on his gouty leg, raising his 6th glass of beer in the air, then collapsing again in his stuffed chair.
"Henry, I think I beat you in the weight loss contest," William chides, "I lost 100. How many have you lost?"
"I lost 40, then put on 35, so I'd say that's a grand total of 75 pounds!" Henry8 says with satisfaction.
"No, no!" Jerry corrects him, "If you lost 40, then put back 35, your loss is just 5 pounds."
Henry8 sits up very straight, his eyes bulging, "Is that so?!"
Everyone laughs, and the conversation turns to Jack, the guest of honor.
"Jack, my lad! Tell us how you came to be amongst us!" William tells him.
"You know how I came here, William."
"But many others may not!"
"OK, then. I was the chief stable boy at the court of Henry 2." Hisses and booooos are heard. "Marthy and I met William when he took BB and Daniel to Court for Christmas, took a liking to us for some strange reason," smiles all around, "And brought we here. At first Marthy was alarmed because William didn't tell us ahead of time he was going to do that. But it didn't take us long to realize that this was a wonderful stroke of luck."
"You were obviously way too intelligent to spend your life mucking out stables, Jack," William puts in. "And Marthy too intelligent to spend her life setting food in front of that fool, Henry2!"
"So it turned out for the best!" Henry8 says loudly, "And how long have you and Marthy been with us?"
"One year. Almost to the day!" Jack realizes.
Roger asks, "Are you going to open those packages, Jack? I, for one, am curious to see what these guys have gotten you!"
"And I!" Hotspur adds as he carries the packages closer to where Jack is sitting and puts a very large one right on Jack's lap.

"This is heavy!" Jack comments as he open it. "From Rafe! Ahhhhhh, now what have we here? Books. Lots of books," he holds one up, "by.....uhhhh......Dr. Phil Magraw.......even workbooks."
"He changed my life!" Rafe explains, "There's no relationship problem that he doesn't cover. There are tapes in there, too, Jack. Every one of his TV programs, all labled with what the subjects are."
"How thoughtful!" Jack says, dubiously.
He then opens a small package, announcing, "From Slim.....uhhhh, what is this? Viagra?"
All the other men yell out "SLIM!" who ducks his head as several couch pillows are thrown at him.
Jack has now read the entire cover of the package and laughs, "Thanks for the thought, Slim, but somehow I doubt I'll be needing these!"

The women are gathered in the living room, Marthy sitting on one of the chairs with the lever on the side, as guest of honor. Some of them are on the plush leather couches, which, once you sit on you almost disappear. They are hardly noticing that, however, being so intent on the many wrapped packages piled up beside Marthy.
"I'll just pass around the punch, then you must open the packages, Marthy," Celeste tells her.
Bess keeps glancing at her watch. Eleanor, sitting beside her, asks in a muted voice, "Why do you keep checking the time, Bess?"
Bess whispers back, "Nathan is picking me up in 25 minutes. I thought the shower would be over by then, but we're running late."
Eleanor frowns and says, "If Nathan is more important than your best friend and her bridal shower, then I've misjudged you, Bess. Shame on you."
Bess, properly chastised, replies, again in a whisper, "I know! But what do I do if he shows up out front?"
"You ignore him. He's a married man anyway. Surely you know that!"
"But he said he and his wife are estranged and have slept in separate bedrooms for the past six months," Bess tries to justify the relationship.
"What are you two jibbering about over there?" Celeste says almost crossly, "It's time for the unveiling of the presents. OK, Marthy, take it away!"
Marthy picks up a good-sized package sitting on top of the pile and reads the card, "This is from Marilyn. OH!" she exclaims when she has the box opened, "A beautiful set of flatware! Engraved, too! Marilyn, this is too good!"
"Not for you, Marthy. When you set up your own household you'll need something elegant for entertaining, plus this stuff you can use every day as well."
"Oh, I will!" Bess tells her, putting the box aside and reaching for the next one, "From Beth! Ohhhhh wow!" he holds up a beautiful nightgown and robe, all filmly pastel blue, "This is meant for a Queen, someone like Eleanor!"
"Well," Beth replies, "When Eleanor gets married, if she ever does, I'll give her one just like it!"
"That'll be the day!" Eleanor laughs. "Open mine next, Marthy!"
Marthy does and lifts out a set of satin sheets, "I never saw sheets like this before," she says with her eyes sparkling, "And, and, look! There are three sets, in three different colors! And.........a gift certificate on top of all that! Eleanor, you are too kind!"
The plate of special pastries Celeste made up for the occasion is passed around as Bess hears a car horn honking out front. She starts to get up, but is yanked back down by Eleanor, who has an amazingly strong grip.
Eleanor glares at her. Bess looks down, defeated.
Fortunately Marthy hasn't noticed this, and happily opens the rest of the presents. The honking stops after a few minutes, and Marilyn jumps up to announce, "OK, ladies, I think we did our girl proud, and Marthy, I hope you think of us when you use or wear the presents. I propose a toast to Marthy and Jack, the cutest couple in town!"
Everyone lifts her glass and many clink them together.
Elizabeth, who has waited in the kitchen, not feeling comfortable with all the other women, tiptoes in and places a package in front of Marthy, who looks up, started, then recovers her composure and says, "How nice of you, Elizabeth."
She opens it and holds up flannel footie pajamas in a blue plaid. She's non-plussed how to respond to this, but says, "Thank you."
Elizabeth responds, "Make him work for it, I say!" and sits in the far corner of the room.
Rose has watched this and is appalled. The woman is a nutcase, pure and simple. How are we going to get rid of her?

"Dinner is served!" Marilyn yells into the den, and the men all pile out into the dining room. Henry8 wanders off, however, and when he returns ten minutes later, after everyone has taken their seats, is smacking his lips. "Celeste, my compliments!" he says jovially.
"Compliments? On what?"
"On that delicious drink you put back, way way back in the refrigerator. Were you saving it for some special occasion? Were you going to serve it tonight at.......uhhhhhh......at what?!"
"Sit down Henry and eat your dinner!" William tells him. "You know we're not allowed to raid the fridge like that."
Celeste is shocked. How much of that forgetting tea did he drink?
Henry8 looks at Elizabeth, who has emboldened herself enough to come to the table, and asks, "And who might you be, my dear?"
"Her name is Elizabeth, you know as well as I do," William replies between mouthfulls.
"I do?"
Oh no, Celeste thinks, how much did he drink? How many weeks or months has he wiped out of his memory banks?
William stands and proposes a toast, "To the happy couple! May you live long and prosper! Here's to Marthy and Jack!"
"Aye, aye!" all the others chant.
"WHO?" Henry8 asks as he peers at them with no comprehension.

"Just two more weeks till the great day!" John says, "I only hope you find as much happiness as I have with Rose."
Elizabeth looks up sharply and stares at John. He stares right back. She lowers her gaze.
"Thank you, John, I think we will. Marthy is a princess in all ways. And smart? She's zipping through those Sharon Kay Penman books you lent her, Eleanor. Wants to know when a new one is coming out."
"There is a new one; I'll be sure to lend it to you, Marthy."
Marthy beams at the compliment and offers, "Jack is the smart one. He understands all that technology and I swear, he could make a computer from the ground up, all by himself."
"Well, not quite," Jack laughs, "there is some good news, folks. We may be able to afford a house in about 6 months. We sat down last night and did our budget and it's looking real good. Sure hope a house on this street goes up for sale!"
"We could always hire a ghost to scare someone out!" Celeste says.
"What size were you thinking?" Jerry asks.
"Well, something small, but with 3 or 4 bedrooms, or something we could add on to. Which reminds me, Henry, are you really going to put an addition onto your castle>"
"I have a big castle that needs no addition. Of course if one of my wives would just produce a decent male heir, I would consider it."
William waves his hand in front of Henry8's face, asking, "Where are you right now, Henry?"
"Why, why, uhhhhh, I'm the King of all Britain. Where else would I be?"
"This is America!" Bess blurts out, then turns to Celeste, "What's with him??"
Celeste just shakes her head and thinks, he must have drained the entire container to have lost a year and a half of his memory. This is terrible! Not just for him, but if Elizabeth over there ever catches on that the concoction makes a person forget, I'll have a devil of a time getting her to consume any when the time comes.
"Henry, dear," Celeste stands and goes to where he's sitting, "Please come with me and help me with something, would you, sir?"
Henry stands up and follows Celeste out to the kitchen. He looks around at the room, and asks, "What are these contraptions in here? Where am I anyway?"
Celeste shows him to a chair, and when he's settled on it, says gently, "Henry, you are not feeling well. You need a nap, yes, that's it, you need a nap. I can have William see you home so that you can sleep and recover. Now, how's that?"
Henry8 sighs and repeats the question, "Where am I?"
"You're into the future, Henry, in 2003 America. This is a land way across the sea from Britain. You have been here for over a year. You are ill right now and don't recall any of it, so if you'll just let William...."
"WHAT?!" he bellows.
Everyone at the table hears this, and William rushes into the kitchen to see Celeste ringing her hands and Henry8 sitting on a chair with a most unpleasant expression on his face.
"I told him he was ill and needed to go home and sleep," she tells William, "He seems to have forgotten the last year and a half," then lowers her tone to a whisper, "He got into the jar of 'forgetting tea' that I had pushed way back in the refrigerator. I was keeping it to use on Elizabeth, but he drank it all up right before dinner. Surely you noticed how stangely he began to act."
William nods and takes Henry's hands, pulling him up to a standing position. "Come with me, Henry, old pal, old drinking buddy, let us go to a new castle we just constructed for you. It's right next door. Come, let me show you."
"We get to drink? Real drink? Mead? Wine?" Henry is beginning to let William pull him toward the back door. They go over the threshold and out onto the deck, Celeste closing the door after them. She sits down and puts her head in her hands, and thinks, I can make up new forgetting tea. I have the recipe. But will I have to store it in a more secure place? It looks that way.
Standing again, taking a deep breath, she goes back into the dining room, telling them cheerily, "Henry had a bad reaction to something he ate or drank and William has taken him home."
"Will he be OK?" Marilyn asks, concerned.
"Of course!" Celeste assures her, then thinks to herself, that tea never wears off. I have to figure out an antidote and fast! In the meantime, we've got to keep Henry8 out of the house so that Elizabeth doesn't figure out how he lost his memory. A wizard's work is never done!!

Marilyn knows something is up, and approaches Celeste after the guests have retired to the living room for some after-dinner chat.
"Something happened, didn't it?" she queries.
"Yes, something really bad. Come back in my room and I'll fill you in."
After they go into Celeste's room and close the door, Celeste gestures for Marilyn to sit, which she does as well, and starts, "Henry8 drank an entire container of forgetting tea. Enough for at least the year and a half he's been away from Court. He thinks he's back there. William went next door with him to try to bring him up to speed, but he has his work cut out for him. I have to figure out an antidote and quickly."
"That's what I thought it might be," Marilyn comments, "I just hope Elizabeth doesn't figure it out!"
"That's my greatest fear as well. But, instead of sitting here moaning over it, I'd best get at the task of making an antidote. We'll have to use Henry8 for our guinea pig, too. He's the only one who's afflicted, so if he snaps out of it, I'll know I have the right formula."
"And if he doesn't...."

MEANWHILE, over at the Castle:

"Henry, sit down and listen to me. There, that's better. Stop looking around like a wildman, too. You'll understand where you are if you just sit quietly and listen."
"Have I lost my mind, William? Where am I?"
"No, you just drank some of Celeste's forgetting tea by mistake. It wiped out a year and a half of your memory. Permanently."
"Oh no!"
"She's going to see if she can mix up an antidote, but for now I have to tell you what has happened since we were at court."
"I remember looking for a damsel to bear me a son," Henry ruminates, "And decided against Isabella, because she's too thin and scrawny. No meat on her bones anywhere. Not a good breeder. So, I then noticed Rosamond, who looked to be just the right body type, and was about to whisk her off to nirvana in my chambers when she yelled out that she was already with child."
"This is all true, Henry, that is what happened. Go on."
"Henry the Second was suspicious that her babe wasn't his, so you came up with the idea of traveling to the 21st Century so she could have some kind of test to figure it out."
"Right. A DNA test."
"You needed one more person to go with you, so you planted a coin in the castle for us to find, and after we looked high and low, Eleanor found it under her plate, so she got to go with you."
"Perfect, Henry."
"So the three of you stood there while the air turned colors and whirled, and were gone. That's the last thing I remember."
"OK, now.....this is what happened to you after that; the part you can't recall because of Celeste's tea. You made a copy of the coin and tried to join us, but ended up in 1910 New Orleans, where you took up with some musicians and became known as Toots Tudor. That sounds like you, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, it kinda does."
"Then we found out you were there and rescued you from some man who wanted to kill you over a woman you fancied. We brought you here."
"And just where is here?"
"This is America, which lies across the mighty Atlantic Ocean, far from Britain. This is where we wanted to come for the DNA test. Come to find out, Rosamond wasn't with child at all. She just wanted to get out of your clutches."
Henry sits up and puffs out his chest, "Well! I am insulted!"
"To each his own, Henry. She didn't fancy you, so she lied. Anyway, when we brought you here from New Orleans, you built the castle, the one in which we sit."
"I did that? I built this? Myself?"
"You hired a company named Castles R Us to put it up. Bottom line: this is 2003 and we're in Westchester County, which is just north of Manhattan or New York City, where we needed to be. We all have jobs and many of us have time travel coins so that we may go from one time to another."
"Do I have one?"
"Yes, you do. I can't say I admire the use you make of it, though. You go two days into the future and find out which horse won a race, then come back and bet money on it and collect a big money. You said you were going to build an addition onto the castle with all your winnings."
"So that's what that young man was talking about?"
"Yes. Jack. Now, Henry........you'll have to reaquaint yourself with everyone you knew well before you drank that tea. I'll bring some pictures over and you can memorize the names. Also, to be on the safe side, you may want to steer clear of the big house until you can handle it. We don't want anyone to find out that the tea erased your memory."
"And why not? What if some other hapless victim drinks some of it?"
"Just keep your mouth shut about it. Never mind why right now."
"Hmmm, I can see where having no memory could make me look helpless and not very kingly. Yes, I need to keep respect, even fear, so I shall keep it a secret. But, William, the tale you just told, interesting as it is, sounds far-fetched."
"And so it is, Henry. When Celeste has another tea made up which will bring back all the memories you've lost, you'll be back to yourself again. I think retiring for the night might be a good idea."
William glances at his watch to check the hour. Henry8 looks to see if he has something like that on his wrist, and sure enough, he does. He rips it off and flings it to the floor in fear.
"Just get a good nights sleep, and I'll be back in the morning, Henry. OH, I almost forgot: Luke lives here as well. He'll be returning from the party next door soon. When he comes in, please don't treat him as an interloper."
"Why does he live here?"
"He plays music with you. You have a jazz band. Look, Henry, just go to sleep and do nothing, and I do mean nothing, till you see me again in the morning. Goodnight."
William walks out of the castle hoping he has done enough to avert disaster.


BY DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT........by Coralynn

William puts on his heavy bathrobe and pads outside to pick up his five morning newspapers, which have been thrown willy-nilly over the driveway and front yard. Muttering his usual, "Have you no aim?!" comment to the quiet early morning air, he goes inside and piles them up on the kitchen table.
He has just spread out the first one when he hears sounds coming from Celeste's room, sounds like "I think I've got it!"
Curious, as he knows she's been working on an antidote for the 'forgetting' tea, he goes to the door and knocks on it gently. Celeste, eyes blood-shot, opens it and declares, "I think I have the antidote, William. Here. Take this jar of tea over to Henry8 and see if it has any effect on him."
"You look terrible, Celeste! Have you even been to bed the whole night?"
"No!"
William sighs, takes the jar and leaves the house. When he knocks on the front door of the castle, Luke answers. "What's the matter with Henry?" is the first question out of Luke's mouth, "He acts like he has no idea who I am!"
"Just a minor glitch in his mental wiring, Luke. Where is he?"
"Back there in the kitchen, trying to make coffee, a skill he seems to have forgotten. You should see the coffee grounds he's spilled all over the counters, the floor........what's the matter with him?"
"I have some medicine in this jar, so let's see if that helps," William says as he goes back into the kitchen to see Henry8 banging on the coffee-maker, trying to get it to obey.
"Here, old man, drink this!" he holds out the jar to Henry, who takes it and drains the entire thing.
They both wait for something miraculous to happen.
After sitting down for about ten minutes, saying nothing, Henry finally states, "I am the Queen of Egypt!"
"The what?!"
"I am Cleopatra! I am captive inside a male body, which distresses me greatly. I want to see Julius Caesar. I want to see Marc Anthony. I want to go on a barge ride down the Nile! I want...."
"Cleo," William address Henry, "I'll be back with another antidote. Do nothing till I get back, and I mean NOTHING."
Henry8 sashays around the kitchen, opening the cupboard door that has a mirror on the inside, and blanches when he sees his reflection.
"Oh great," William mutters as he quickly returns to the big house, "Now he thinks he's Cleopatra. Celeste will have to reformulate her antidote."
He goes straight to Celeste's room. When she sees him enter she asks, "Did it work?"
"I'm afraid not. Now he thinks he's Cleopatra! Sorry, Celeste, looks like you're back to square one."
Celeste gets a determined look on her face and goes straightaway to the counter upon which her potions are stored. She looks at the recipe she made up for the antidote that failed, and pronounces, "I think I should put a different ingredient in.......here.......yes, that one is no doubt responsible for Henry's odd reaction. Give me a few minutes, William, and I'll have another jar for you to take over and give him. Cleopatra?!"
"Oh yes. This is even worse than him thinking he's Henry the 8th back at Court. We'd better get this problem solved before he goes in for a sex change operation!"

He goes back to the kitchen table to read his newspapers and is half way through the second one when Celeste rushes into the room with another jar full of what look like tea.
"This one should work," she tells him as she hands him the jar. "I hope so. Look, Celeste, if it does, do you promise you'll go to bed and get some sleep?"
"Just try and stop me!" she laughs.

William hurries back over to the Castle and goes into the kitchen where he sees Henry8 putting on red nail-polish. "Where did you get that?!" he asks, thunder-struck.
"Oh, it was sitting around," Henry8 says, holding out his left hand, admiring his now red fingernails.
"Drink this, Cleo!" William commands.
"Why should I?"
William grabs him by the arm and glowers, "Because I said so!"
Henry8 tosses back his non-existent long hair, takes the jar and drinks it all. William sits down and waits while Henry continues to preen and primp. He wishes he'd brought some reading material; this kind of waiting is agonizing.
Finally, Henry8 says, in a lower voice than he'd used when he was Cleopatra, "OH, that is so much better!"
"What's better, Henry?" William hopes the antidote worked, but is almost afraid to count on it.
"Who painted my fingernails?" Henry demands to know.
"You thought you were Cleopatra for about 45 minutes, Henry. Now...." William whips out a group photo, "Who are these people?"
Henry takes the photo and reels off each name correctly, then adds, "Surely you know who they are, William. What's the matter, your memory shot? Having a Senior Moment?"
"That's all I wanted to know," he tells Henry cheerfully, clapping him on the shoulder, "Now......back to my morning ritual. Have a good day, Henry, a very good day!" and takes his leave.

William is through reading his third newspaper when he sees Elizabeth emerge from her first-floor bedroom and stride into the kitchen. He's getting very tired of this woman who has caused nothing but trouble, and asks her, "About ready to return to 1640 Southold, Elizabeth? Surely you aren't having a very good time here!"
She pours coffee, sips it, makes a sour face and sits down beside him. "I won't go without John!" she states forcefully.
"You're fighting a losing battle, Elizabeth. No matter which timeframe the two of you inhabit, the marriage is over."
"How do you know that?!"
"I saw the letter you wrote John....the one telling him 'sorry, but I just ran off with Reverend Jackson.'
"I won't make that mistake again!"
"But his allegiance has now shifted totally to Rose! Come on, Elizabeth, even you can see that he'd never leave her and the children."
"It's those damned children...." she begins bitterly, but stops as they both see Marthy enter the room wearing the flannel footie pajamas Elizabeth gave her at the shower.
William chuckles, "Mighty fashionable there, Marthy!"
Marthy sees Elizabeth and, as polite as she'd like to be, finds it impossible to smile or address her in any friendly manner.
"Did you make him WORK for it?" Elizabeth inquires.
"Look here, Lizzie, I'm wearing these till the wedding but not one night after. Jack and I are not sleeping together, either, if that's what you think."
Elizabeth raises one eyebrow, "I thought all you 21st century people were totally immoral. I've seen some of the TV shows you have and they all indulge in premarital..."
"Well, I don't!" Marthy cuts her off, and, taking her cup of coffee, leaves to sit in the dining room.
"Is it something I said?" Elizabeth asks William, pretending innocence.

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