COLD FEET, WARM HEARTS.....by Terri

"Something smells wonderful in here, Celeste!" William sniffed appreciatively.
Celeste was taking a huge ham with honey glaze out of the oven. William reached out to tear a piece off and Celeste slapped his hand. "You old poop! That is for the wedding!"
William muttered, "Damn! It would taste so good with the scrambled eggs."
He looked out the window. "Snow! Perfect! Marthy will have a winter wonderland wedding! It will be perfect, there is a full moon out tonight, too."
Celeste opened the other oven and put in a turkey. William began to drool.
"This one is off-limits to you, too, William. I have to slow cook it. The ham goes back in the oven later this afternoon."
William sat down with his five newspapers. "Damn paperboy! He aimed this one right into the snow pile where Jack had used the snowblower. If it wasn't such a convenience, I would fire this paper."
Celeste said, "Are you spending time in your conservatory today?"
William looked up as Celeste sat a cup of coffee down in front of him. "Yes, I have some herbs to plant. I am concoctiing an insecticide using some poisonous herbs. I have a tincture of pennyroyal and one with nightshade. And there is one with foxglove. VERY dangerous to use...but I think it will work. Just can't use them on the veggies."
Elizabeth came into the room. "Good morning, everyone!" Celeste and William looked around. Since they were 'everyone' they mumbled their good mornings.
Elizabeth helped herself to some orange juice. "Herbs, William? What kind? I knew an old woman in Southold who was an herbalist. She taught some of the goodwives about them..the cures and the dangers."
William muttered, "Just...herbs. That's it. No one--and I mean NO ONE goes in my herb room!" He got up, grabbed a key off a hook and left the kitchen.
Elizabeth asked, "Why is he so touchy?" William had been very curt with Elizabeth since the night she slipped into John's bed.
Celeste just answered, "He's very protective of his gardens. He has lost quite a few roses and vegetables. So now he moves a lot of them into his nursery and keeps it under lock and key."
Elizabeth sat there and drank her coffee. "Hmmmm...interesting."

Bess and Marthy were in the bedroom giving each other facials. Marthy nervously applied the green clay to Bess's face. Bess grabbed her hand and said, "Oh, for Pete's sake, Marthy! Stop shaking! By this evening you will be Mrs. Jack...." She burst out laughing. Marthy said, "What? What's so funny?" Bess said, "Did any of us ever know Jack's last name?"
"Stewart. His last name is Stewart."
Bess stood at her staring and then dissolved into laughter. Marthy asked, "NOW what is so funny?"
Bess said, "That means your name is going to be...."
Marthy started to laugh. They couldn't stop. Marthy barely squeaked out, "It's a good thing...!"

Eleanor reached for her phone.
"Hello?"
"Hi, handsome! Are you coming over for lunch today? We are having kind of an open house/lunch before the wedding tonight. You ARE going to be bartender for us, aren't you?"
Jerry laughed. "You bet! I can make those terrific daquiris like I did for the best Monopoly game I ever played Remember that?"
Eleanor laughed, "Was it really over a year ago?"
Jerry's smile came through the phone and hit El like an electrical shock. He said softy, "And just because I don't say it doesn't mean I don't feel it, Eleanor."
Eleanor smiled to herself and waited for the words she longed to hear Jerry say. Even though she was a thoroughly 21st century woman, she wanted to hear the words every woman longs to hear.
Jerry whispered, "Eleanor?"
"Yes, Jerry?" she whispered back.
"You're a peach!"
He laughed and hung up on her.
Eleanor stared at the receiver and slammed it down. "MEN!! Nothing changes in nine centuries!" she yells.

Marilyn came downstairs, Will right behind her. Will worshiped his beautiful Auntie Marilyn ever since she kickboxed that man who tried to talk to him. She was his champion! Celeste looked up at them with amusement. Will's crush was very evident.
Marilyn knew and enjoyed it. Will jumped up and got Marilyn a glass of orange juice.
"Here, Auntie Marilyn!" Marilyn gave him a winning smile. "Ready for being a ring bearer again, Will?"
Will sighed, "Yes. It's my third time."
Marilyn laughed. "It will look good on your resume!"

Bethia and Roger stomped into the back door. Bethia had a large garment bag over her arm. "It's done and it's perfect!"
Celeste took a peek in the bag. "Oooh..white velvet! She'll look like a snow princess!"
Roger helped himself to the coffee. "Where's John and Rosamond? I need to talk to John for a bit."
Celeste said, "It's been pretty quiet. They stayed over at the new house last night. They said they needed a night to themselves. Will wanted to stay here but they took the baby with them."
Bethia caught a glimpse of Elizabeth thumbing through a fashion magazine in the living room. She said, "Yes, I can see why!"

John and Rose were curled up in their new bed. Julie started to fuss. Rose could hear her bouncing up and down in her crib. She put on her robe and got out of bed to take care of the baby. John's cellphone began to ring. He picked it up sleepily and said, "Hello?"
Jack's frantic words came over the phone. "HELP ME, JOHN! I'M FREAKING OUT!"

John bolted up in bed. "Calm down, Jack, you are just having pre-wedding jitters!"
Jack was hyperventilating. "What if I am making a mistake? What if I am not ready for this? What if Marthy doesn't want to marry me? What if...?"
John cut him off. "Jack, the world is full of 'what ifs'. If we listened to them, that is all we would do. You have to grab life with both hands, seize the moment and GO FOR IT!"
Rose slipped back into bed and traced her finger down John's face, around his lips and let her fingers trail down his chest.
Jack was still gasping for breath. "But John, what if I...?' John said, "Uh, Jack? I gotta go..." Jack said, "But, John..?" John said hurriedly, "Don't worry, Jack, I'll see you in a bit and we'll talk and now I really have to hang up..."
CLICK!
But not before Jack heard Rose giggle.

Elizabeth went back to her room and dialed a number.
"Yes?"
"Things are pretty quiet here. She's not talking to me at all and he won't hardly look at me."
"That's to be expected."
"So what do I do now?"
"I'll have to give it some thought."
Elizabeth snapped, "You'd better come up with something quick. They are heating up and I am getting the big freeze-out."
"Hey, YOU called ME!"
"Be a shame if she had an accident, wouldn't it? Like falling down the stairs...eating something she shouldn't have..."
The voice on the other line was brisk. "Just get those ideas out of your head right now!"
"Oh, OK--I'm just fantasizing."
"It will only be a matter of time. Hey, by the way....can you look around for a leather bomber jacket..?"

"John, help me make the bed. Just grab that side over there..."
John and Rose stood on either side of the bed pulling the sheets and comforter up. Rosamond smoothed the top.
Rose stretched. "I would take a quick shower but the tile still isn't up and no shampoo or soap. So let's go home and I can take a long hot bath. What time is it?"
"Almost 11:00, honey."
"OH! I almost forgot! What did Jack call about? I only got in on the tail end of that conversation. He's not backing out, is he? If he is, I'll kill him!"
John was tying his shoes. "Naw....just premarital jitters. I'll calm him down."
Rosamond bit her lip. "John? Did you have any doubts? I mean, did you freak out before you got married?"
John grinned devilishly. "Which time? The first or second?"
Rosamond picked up the pillow and threw it at him. "NOT FUNNY!"
John put the pillow back down. "First time there wasn't time to think. No engagement period. You just posted your marriage banns and the next day or two you were married. With you and me, I waited so darn long for you I just wanted it to be over--signed, sealed and delivered!"
Rosamond picked up Julie and put her winter coat on her and pulled the hood up. Julie smiled. Rose laughed. "It's so nice to see a smile with little baby teeth instead of all gums!"
John put on his favorite leather jacket--which we all know where it came from!--and held his hands out. Rosamond handed the baby over to him and put on her own leather coat.
"OK--let's go. I've got makeup and hair and nails to do and as best man, you need to prop the groom up and make sure he's THERE!"
"Will do!"
Rose hesitated. "John? As best man and seeing that Marthy has no dad here and neither does Jack, are you going to talk to Jack about...."
John shifted the baby to one side as he fumbled in his pocket for the keys. "About what, darling?"
"You know..."
"No, I don't know..."
"..AFTER the wedding?"
"After the wedding?"
"Yes, John...after the wedding."
"Rose, honey, I'm sure Jack knows how to act at a reception."
Rose grew red in the face and said, "John, I mean the...wedding night..you know.."
John said seriously. "I think I'll let William take care of that."
"You mean like he did with us?"
John burst out laughing, "Oh, alright! I'll talk to Jack!"
"What are you going to tell him?"
"I don't know--I'll make it up as I go along!"
Rose took the key from him, closed the door and locked it. "I don't know about you, John Gwinnett...." as their voices faded down the street.


I SPY.........by Coralynn

"Let's take a walk!" WandaSue suggests, as the reality shows are over for the night. "I love that Survivor show, and that one where they eat maggots, and the one where the guy pretends to have millions of dollars, but doesn't have a pot..."
"Me, too!" Sally agrees, "But now all they're having is dumb stuff like the West Wing, where you can't tell what the people are even saying and heck! they don't do anything fun...."
"Yeah, let's take a walk, maybe over to Winding Willow....gotta check up on the snooty rich people!" Penelope grabs her coat and struggles into it, "Ya know, since I've lived in this house I've gained 20 pounds! My clothes are getting tight. Gotta cut back on the buttered popcorn, I guess."
"Not me," WandaSue exclaims, "Can't watch TV without popcorn, and the more butter the better, I say!"
Soon the three are out on the sidewalk, headed for Winding Willow. They pull their coat collars up as close to their ears as they can and walk briskly.
"Christmas Eve," Penelope says wistfully, "And here we are without any dates."
"You mean the food or the men?" Sally asks suspiciously.
Penelope thinks fast and answers, "The food. At our house we always ate dates on Christmas eve." She wonders if living at Sally's house is worth the fancy verbal footwork she's had to do simply because Sally hates men.
The Big House is within view.
"As usual, it's lit up like a Christmas tree!" WandaSue complains, "Those snobs even have lit decorations on their pine trees in the front yard! Look at them! Talk about going too far! And every light is on downstairs."
"It's blinding!" Sally adds.
They approach the far side of the house and peer into a window. The dining room is in view, the table covered with a lace cloth and in the middle of it is the biggest cake any of them have ever seen.
"That honker looks like a wedding cake!" Penelope exclaims, "See? The little bride and groom on top of what.......20 layers of tiered cake? Who the hell is getting married now?
Before either of the other women have a chance to speculate on that, they see a strange woman entering the dining room.
"Who's she?!" they all ask each other.
"She doesn't look classy or rich! What's she doing there?"
"Maybe she's the maid," Penelope guesses.
"No, she isn't wearing on of those maid outfits. She has on a long dress.......gads.......have you ever seen anything so ghastly looking?" Sally asks.
"How come that stupid looking woman is at the wedding and we're on the outside looking in?" WandaSue complains, "Look! She's running her finger around the bottom of the cake........she's tasting the frosting! OhmyGod! Talk about gauche!"
Penelope is thinking, You of all people know about gauche, WandaSue, stashing your chewing gum on the underside of the table! Ugh!
"How can we get in?" Sally asks.
"Get in?" Penelope says derisively, "No way are we going to get in that house!"
"They know what we look like, too. Hard to pass ourselves off as caterers or......"
WandaSue begins to tap on the dining room window. The other two look at her in surprise. "Why are you doing that?"
"That new woman doesn't know us. Oh good, she's looked up....she looks like she could be going to the front door. Let's see what scam we can pull on her."
They go to the front door, which is opened by Elizabeth. Peering at them, she asks, "Are you here for the wedding? You aren't dressed like you're going to a wedding."
The 3 women think to themselves, You aren't either, lady. Halloween, yeah, a wedding, no.
"We're friendly neighbors," Sally tells Elizabeth, "We just wanted to come in and see the decorations."
Elizabeth opens the door wider and lets them in, smiling.
"Wanna see the cake?" she asks, leading them into the dining room.
Sally looks around nervously, "Where are the others?"
"Finishing getting dressed. They have to look 'just so,' as Rosamond puts it. What a pain she is!"
"Really?!" WandaSue perks up, "So what do you have against her? We don't like her either, in fact, we hate her."
"She's married to my husband!" Elizabeth tells them in intense, hushed tones.
"Ah-ha! Your husband, aye?" WandaSue is now riveted by this information.
Before Elizabeth gets to explain further, they hear noises coming down the stairs and emerging from the kitchen as well. Elizabeth opens a closet and whispers, "Quick! Hide in here!" which they do.

Celeste enters the dining room to make sure all is as it should be, and sees Elizabeth standing by the closet door looking very nervous. Celeste closes her eyes and asks the universe why this is. Her answer comes: the Unholy Three are in the closet. She retreats and approaches Marilyn and Eleanor, whispering to them, "Either of you have your coin with you?"
"I do! I always carry it," Eleanor replies, "Why?"
Celeste speaks in an almost inaudible whisper, "WandaSue, Penelope and Sally Jennings are in the closet off the dining room. Elizabeth put them in there. You know what to do, don't you?"
"Absolutely," Eleanor whispers back. She and Marilyn and Celeste then enter the dining room, which Elizabeth is getting ready to vacate. Grabbing her by the arm, Marilyn yanks her back into the room as Eleanor flings wide the closet door. The three women inside try to make a break for it, but Celeste and Eleanor and Marilyn's other hand, reach out and grab them. Eleanor instructs her coin, "French Revolution"......and the next second all seven women are standing near a fierce battle, bullets whizzing nearby.
WandaSue is stricken, Sally Jennings' eyes are popping from her head, Elizabeth is shaking in fear, and Penelope is yelling, "Hey! I heard that song on Broadway!" as the chorus sings, "Do you hear the people sing, singing the song of angry men; it is the music of a people who will not be slaves again!"
"Bye bye!" Marilyn laughs as she and El and Celeste disappear.
"HA!" WandaSue laughs, "They think they're so smart! They don't know that YOU have a coin, too, Sally!"
"But it's home on the top of my nightstand!" Sally wails as more bullets whiz over their heads.
Celeste, El and Marilyn appear once again in the big house. Dusting off their hands symoblically, they all say, "OK, now.....let's have a wedding!"


PRE-MARITAL GUY TALK.....by Terri

John knocked on Jack's door.
"Come in" was the muffled reply. John opened the door and there was Jack, lying on his bed with his head hanging upside down over the side. John stood there with his fists on his hips. "What, pray tell, are you doing, Jack?"
"Clearing my head. Getting the blood to rush to my brain. Hoping for an oxygen rush."
"Hanging there like a bat is more like it. Come on, get up. Tell big brother all about it."
Jack sat up, feeling woozy.
"Did it help?" John asked.
"A little."
John produced a bottle of brandy and two snifters. "This helps me clear my head when Rosamond messes it up."
Jack said, "Heard that's how you got Julie!"
John waved him away. "That's beside the point." John sat on the bed and poured a generous splash of brandy for each of them. He handed Jack his. Jack's hands were shaking. John said, "Hey, you really ARE jittery. What's wrong? Not sure Marthy is the right one? And if you say that's the reason, you won't have to worry because I know at least six women who wil kill you. Plus the guys. I'll let Hotspur finish you off for dessert."
John looked at Jack and said, "Take a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. That's right. Now, what is it?"
Jack let his breath out slowly. "I'm afraid I'm not good enough for Marthy. John, I was nothing but a stable boy! OK. So I am studying computers. I'm smart. But what if Marthy always sees that stable boy when she looks at me?"
John said, "...and your point is...?"
"Will she get bored? I love her with all my heart! All that time Henry was chasing her around, I was watching out for her. And when I wasn't, I had a friend in the house and he was looking out for her. I think I was in love with her..or at least I noticed her....when she was a housemaid. That beautiful auburn hair, those curls..face of an angel!"

John said, "I know what you mean, Jack. You've seen some of the stuff that went on when Rose was married to Montgomery. You came during the Christmas that William had to send him and Daniel to Court just so we could be together. That's how we got you here. We had stuff before that. I know you heard the whole sordid story about Daniel. But when I met Rosamond she was a timetraveler fresh from the 12th century, just coming off of Henry's mistress. Try to compete with THAT! I was a simple Puritan farmer. Captain in the Long Island Militia and married to boring Elizabeth. Living a Puritan life where fun was prohibited. And within two weeks of leaving Southold 1640,. I am serving drinks at Chippendales, wearing their ridiculous...whatever they are! I wanted Rosamond so much then. But I thought she just wanted fun and games, that I was just an amusement for one night for her. If I had known she was serious, we would have been married within the first month. Because that is how long I had loved her. And I see the same thing with you and Marthy. It's rare. It happens. And it's real, Jack. Don't waste a minute. Grab that girl and make her your own!"
Jack looked up at John. "Think so?"
John grinned. "I know so! And here's to the angels in our lives. Long may they fly!"
They clinked glasses and took a drink.
John looked at Jack, laughed a little and said, "By the way, Rosamond wanted to me to talk to you..." and he closed the door.


UNABASHED GIRL TALK.....by Terri

"I'm back! Let's get started!" Rosamond opened the door to Marilyn's room.
Marilyn handed Rose a magazine and said, "Pick a look and we'll do it. This is a smaller wedding so we don't have to go so traditional."
Marthy jumped up, her face in another facial mask. "Didn't you already do that, Marthy?" Eleanor asked.
Bess said, "Never hurts to do it again. The first one sucked all the dirt out of your pores..like slurp! This one tightens your face up."
Bethia frowned, "I think you girls are a little young to be slurping and tightening your faces. Now me, on the other hand..."
Celeste said, "Bethia, I have never seen you more glowing."
Bethia patted her stomach. "The time is going so slow, too. It's December and I still have until the first of May!"
Rose laughed, "I know, wait until they are born. At least they're quiet right now!"
Beth rubbed her back. "They are punching up a storm in there. Someone is using my kidneys for a punching bag!"
Bess said, "Any names picked out yet?"
Bethia shook her head. "Not yet. Probably a little Roger in there somewhere. Is there a feminine derivative of Roger?"
Marilyn said, "Rogette?" The girls all said, "EWWW!" in unison.
Marilyn looked at the girls' dresses. "These are good choices. I'm glad we all agreed on either red or green and they had to be velvet. Bess, since you are the only attendant, you get to carry the flowers."
Celeste said, "The flowers came first thing this morning. We put them in William's wine cellar since it is cool---I should say COLD---this time of year."
Bethia asked, "What kind of flowers?"

Celeste said, "Marthy has red roses with white carnations and holly and red berries. Bess has the white roses and red carnations and the holly and berries. For the house, we decided on lilies. NO poinsettas, I hate those things! William, Roger, Hots, Jerry, Rafe and Slim were here moving things around last night. They finished about 2 AM. Said nothing was too good for their Marthy! Poor dears, they worked hard. I even got them to move William's grand piano! Hope they don't all have hernias later."
Marilyn was applying nail polish to Marthy's fingernails. A nice subtle pearl white. Bess looked over. "Oh, come on, Marilyn! She needs a bright bright red! After all, 'tis the season!"
Marilyn continued to apply the polish. She frowned in concentration. "Do you know how garish that would look in pictures, Bess? No, we need soft and subtle..virginal!"
Rosamond looked around. "Hey! The albatross is missing. I can't imagine her not sticking her nose in here and squawking, 'Let him work for it! Let him work for it!' like a parrot. Where is she?"
Eleanor, Celeste and Marilyn looked at each other. Celeste imperceptively shook her head. Eleanor shrugged. "I don't know! Maybe she took a bullet in the brain--small target, mind you!" Marilyn quipped faster, "She had a migraine and intends to lie down until the wedding. She fell asleep. I checked on her a while ago. Said she felt feverish and if it continued, she was going to stay in bed. She hated to miss the wedding but didn't want to expose anyone."
Rose looked up from her pedicure. "This IS Elizabeth, you are talking about, isn't it?"

The manicures, pedicures and facials were being done. The women sat there with hot rollers in their hair and curling irons heating up. Celeste had made hot buttered rums for them and they were snacking on hor d'oeuvres that Celeste had made a double batch of.
There was a knock on the door. Rosamond cracked it open. A little body tried to wedge its way through the door.
"Will, you know you aren't supposed to be here! Daddy is watching you kids so whatever it is, you ask him." Will stood there. "But Mommy, he sent me up to check on you all. He said it was..a 'hen' party? And to check for eggs."
Rosamond heard the laughter of men from downstairs. El shouted out, "Jerry Palmer, I know you're down there--and it's NOT FUNNY!"
Will pouted, "I wanted my artbook and Daddy said he didn't know where it was and you put it somewhere."
Rose sighed and shut the door. "Girls, I have to take care of this."
Bethia said, "But, Rose.."
Rose was already out the door. She tried to sneak down the stairs quietly but the third step squeaked like it always did. Jerry, Roger and John all turned around to look. Rosamond tried to plaster herself against the wall. She stood there with her hair in rollers, a mudmask on her face and a gel mask pushed up. All three men looked startled. John broke the silence when he started laughing. "Rose, did you know you were....molding?" They dissolved into laughter.
Rose grew indignant. "Like Eleanor said...NOT FUNNY!" and stomped off to get Will his sketchpad.

REVOLUTION, What Revolution?.......by Coralynn

"Looks like we're stuck here till those rich snobs decide to come get us, if they ever do!" WandaSue says bitterly.
"Where on earth are we?" Elizabeth asks, still shaking, ducking behind a tree to avoid the line of fire.
"This is the French Revolution!" Penelope tells her, "Couple hundred years ago, and in a country far from America. So we're far from home, and two hundred years back. If we're stuck here for any length of time, we'd better figure out how to get by."
"I'd just like to know how to avoid getting shot!" Sally whines.
"Why did they send us to such a horrible place?" Elizabeth asks, thinking that this is rather an extreme measure, so there must be more to the situation than she knows.
"Ohh, wellll," WandaSue explains, "Rose and I have hated each other for a long time. She married my husband, for one thing. My legally wedded husband!"
"You, too?!" Elizabeth's eyes grow round, "She's married to my husband now, you know, John! Who was yours?"
"Billy Bob Montgomery. I'm sure you haven't heard of him. But he and I were married when we were teenagers....."
"You mean Mr. BB?" Elizabeth asks, surprised.
"Yeah, he sometimes goes by BB. Anyway......how do you know him?"
"Well, I met him at the dinner they had after Marthy's shower. He and I sat next to each other. When I told him that Rose was married to my husband, John, he said he could help me break them up."
"Just a minute! Just a minute!" WandaSue rubs her eyes, "Just when did you marry John?"
"October, 1627!"
The other women groan and Sally says, "That marriage is no good anymore! Too many years have gone by. Why would you want to be married to any man? They're all brutes!"
"John is not a brute."
"Never mind if he's a brute or a non-brute," Penelope tells Sally, then turns to Elizabeth, "How in hell did you end up at the big house in 2003 anyway?"
"It was a mistake! When they time traveled out of Southold, 1640, somehow they dragged me here with them. They said it was an accident, but I wonder if maybe John did it because he still wants me."
"Oh come on, Liz, can I call you Liz? Have you seen how he worships the ground that rich scum, Rose, walks on?" WandaSue wonders what the matter is with the other woman's head.
"Well, yes. But now that I'm all up to date, with the latest in clothes, he could change his mind...."
Penelope snorts, "The latest in clothes? What you're wearing is horrible! Who told you to buy that rag?"
"I looked in magazines. Those people, rich people even, dress like this!"
The battle shifts and bullets come closer to where the women are ducked down behind a small gathering of trees. They run down the nearest streeet and go behind a large building, which only has lights in the top floor of windows.
"They can't find us here!" Sally says breathlessly.
The lone door on the back of the building opens, and a nattily dressed man saunters toward them. They shrink back against the wall, hoping to become invisible.
"Ahhhhhh," he says when he spies them, "Come inside ladies, ahhhhhh yes, you'll do just fine!"


MEANWHILE, back at the Big House.....by Terri

Rose went to the kitchen and silently motioned for John. She whispered, "Did you talk to Jack?"
John tried hard not to laugh at her slathered face. "Yes, I did, Pumpkin."
"And...?"
"And..what?"
"What did you tell him?"
"None of your business! Guy talk!"
Rose stuck her tongue out at him, turned on her heel and ran back up the stairs.
The girls spent the afternoon curling and primping. Marilyn looked at the clock.
I can't believe it's 6:00 pm already! Celeste, I do believe I hear the caterers downstairs."
Celeste said, "They are going to need me to show them where to put the ham and turkeys. We cooked them here to keep them hot. I'll be back!"
Rosamond was fiddling with the tendrils around her face. "I think I'll check on the un-Mrs. Gwinnett and see if we are relieved of her presence at the wedding. Maybe I'll slip her some of that stuff Daniel used on John."
El and Marilyn both shouted, "NO!" in unison. Rosamond turned away from the mirror and her eyebrow went up. "Why not? If we can be spared of her presence for a few hours..."
Eleanor blocked the door with her body. "I'll go. I'll check on her. You don't want to be exposed to her any more than you have to be, right?"
Rosamond said, "Of course, you're right. Go ahead, Eleanor. And if you can lock the door and lose the key, all the better."
Eleanor shot Marilyn a 'we can't keep this up' look and left the room. She let herself into Elizabeth's room and stayed there the appropriate length of time, then headed back to Marilyn's room. Marthy was having eyeshadow put on by Marilyn. She said, "Is Elizabeth coming or is she going to do the decent thing and let me have a perfect wedding?"
Eleanor looked at Marilyn and they exchanged wary glances. She cleared her throat. "She thinks she is coming down with the flu and doesn't want to expose anyone. It will be the first thoughtful thing she's done since she's been here."
Bess said, "It would be a shame if you got her cold medicine mixed up with D-con."

The girls continued with their beauty routine and the hair and nails and makeup were finally done. They all took out their dresses and helped each other zip and adjust.
Bethia took the bag off of Marthy's dress. They all gasped, including Marthy.
Bess breathed, "OH, Marthy, you are going to look like a snow angel in that! Look at all that white velvet! And the fur trim!"
"Fake fur!" Marilyn laughed. Bess felt it. "I can't tell the difference!"
Rose said, "I'm going to my room before I get dressed to see if John needs help with the cuffs and Will needs to get ready. I don't suppose John got Julie ready, either."
Marilyn said, "OH! I just got the best idea! Let's do a make-over on Julie!"
Rose became indignant. "You'll do no such thing! An eight-month old baby does NOT need her pores...slurped out!"
The girls laughed. "Oh, we didn't mean it like that! Let us dress Julie for you," Marilyn said.
"Yes, we can put ribbons or some such stuff in her hair. I've never seen hair that thick on a baby that age. She's getting curls, too." Eleanor said.
Rose said, "Well...I COULD use the help!" She ran down to her room. John was swearing at his cufflinks.
"Don't get your jocks in a twist, darling. I'll be back to help you in a moment."
She gathered Julie's clothes and then Julie and was heading out the door. John said, "Just where do you think you are going with my child?"
Rose said, "The girls were going to.."
"NO WAY!"
Rose laughed, "It's not what you think. I have to get you ready.."
"I am perfectly capable.."
"..and then there is Will, and where do I begin there? I can only hope he's taken a bath!"
"I made sure of it."
"So the girls are helping me out by getting her ready. After all, she's their little princess."
"Rose?"
"Yes, John?"
"NO EYESHADOW ON HER!"
Rose grinned. "I'll pass the word on but I can't promise..."
John said warningly, "Rose.."
"Oh, alright! I'll have Bethia supervise!"
And with that she and Julie and went down the hall.


ANOTHER RICH PARTY.............by Coralynn

"We'll do just fine as what?!" Sally says belligerently.
"Our servants mutineered, they're out there fighting, and we have no one to serve our guests. That's what you came to do, isn't it?" he looks as their strange clothing and figures they couldn't be in his class of society.
"Sure, sure!" WandaSue pushes into the building, past the man and into the kitchen. PP, Sally and Elizabeth shrug and follow her inside.
"Ya want we should serve this stuff?" she looks at the deep pots full of some indeterminate food, and gestures for the other three women to help her. They ladle it out into bowls, then WandaSue puts a goodly number of them on a large tray and pushes her way into the dining room.
She sees sparkling candelabra everywhere......so many candles lit the place looks almost like day.
Most of the guests are at the far end of the cavernous room, where a small group of musicians is playing, and the begowned and bejeweled ladies with their escorts in black tuxedos, are dancing or sitting on brocade chairs.
"COME AND GET IT!" WandaSue yells as loud as she can, which is pretty loud. The guests stop dancing, stop conversing, and look at the dining room where four women are placing bowls of food on all the tables.
"My goodness, Suzette, where did they get those serving peasants? Look at their attire. Look at that one who looks like she's dressed in a mustard bubble. How perfectly hideous!"
"The lower classes have no class!" Suzette responds as they approach the tables. The two women take seats, followed shortly by about forty other people who are staring at the serving peasants and whispering behind their hands.
"At least they aren't out there shooting aristocrats!" one man declares.
"You never know, though," another man puts in, "These could have weapons smuggled on their persons."
The four women have gone back into the kitchen, and return with more platters, this time with pastries, which they unceremoniously plop down in front of each person. Sally not quite accidentally upends a pastry with a liquid cherry topping onto one man's shoulder. He glares at her. She smiles and goes on.
"Did you see that?! These peasants are getting way out of hand! That guttersnipe actually dropped cherry juice on Hugh's best suit of clothes!" Jeanette says to Suzette.
The 4 women go back and forth between the kitchen and the banquet, bringing out food after food, and wine after wine, 'accidentally' spilling food and drink on the pampered guests.
"You snobs look good in everything you eat!" Elizabeth announces happily as she dribbles wine down a man's pristine white shirtfront, then runs back into the kitchen.
PP, WSue, Sally and Eliz. are back in the kitchen, after having 'served' every bit of food they could find, when they hear a loud melee in the dining hall. Peering out through the kitchen door, they see about a hundred peasants with swords cutting down and killing all the guests in the place.
I don't remember that scene from LesMiz!" Penelope declares, confused.
"I think the party's over!" WandaSue whispers in panic, "Let's blow this place!"
They run down the back stairs and out into the night air. The man who 'hired' them to serve the aristocrats is nowhere to be seen.
"Well, now that felt mighty good!" Sally said happily, "Think something like that could happen at the richbitch party on Winding Willow? I'd give my eyeteeth to see that!"
"They're not all terrible, just Rose!" Elizabeth responds, "And right about now, instead of hiding out like we are, she's at some soosheepoopoo wedding! It's not fair!"
"We'll get her yet, just you wait!" WandaSue claps Elizabeth on the back, "Stick with us, kid, and....and......"
"Yeah! End up in the freakin' French Revolution? That's what I've gotten so far by sticking with you!" Elizabeth's face contorts with frustration.


MY ADVICE? DON'T LAUGH!...by Terri

"John, would you PLEASE stop fidgeting and let me fasten this?" Rose tried to put the cufflinks in the shirt of his tux.
John said, "I don't know why we had to wear tuxes. It's just family."
Rose grew exasperated. "If you don't hold still, you're on your own!"
She finally got it fastened. "There!"
Will came into their room. "Mommy, there aren't any buttons on these sleeves!"
John looked at his wife triumphantly. "See? A bigger pain than it's worth!"
Rose stood there with her hands on her hips. "We are doing this for Marthy and Jack. They deserve the best! Will? Where is that little packet with your tux?" He handed her a baggie. She took out the little cufflinks and deftly fastened them.
"NOW! Let me look at you two!" She looked at the two most important men in her life. "I swear, I must be the most fortunate woman to ever draw a breath! And now, I've got to get down the hall and get dressed with the girls."
John said , "I'd better go see if Jack is together. Or if he flushed his head in the loo."
Rosamond grabbed a hairbrush and brushed Will's hair in place and kissed the top of his head. "OK, sweetie, go downstairs to Poppy William. AND KEEP YOUR FINGERS OUT OF THE CAKE!"
Will went scampering downstairs.
Rosamond headed back to Marilyn's room. Julie was sitting on the bed playing with Bethia's earrings. The girls did a cute job on the baby, her little baby curls caught up in a pink ribbon.
Bethia said, "She's definitely John's girl! Look how sweet she looks!"
Rosamond assumed a hurt air. "She's part me, too!" They all laughed. The women zipped up their clothes, put their jewelry on, and their shoes. Eleanor said, "We have the old-new-borrowed-blue routine to go through. So girls? Let's give Marthy her stuff!"
Eleanor gave Marthy a small wrapped package. Marthy tore off the paper. Inside was a bottle of perfume. "Oh, Eleanor! How wonderful! And it smells heavenly!" Eleanor said, "Oscar de la Renta. It's you, Marthy!" Rosamond took out a jewelry box. "These were Granny Tonei's. I swiped them when I was in..wherever or whenever I was there!" Marthy took them carefully out of the box.
"They are just too beautiful!" She put them in her ears. Rose smiled. "I wore them at MY wedding so they are special. I hope they portend all the happiness I have with John. Minus the fights and arguments!"
Eleanor chided, "You know you two love it!"
Rose giggled and whispered, "I know!"
Bess produced something old. "Celeste wanted you to have it. It was her grandmother's. Irish lace, too." It was a handkerchief. Marilyn produced a small box. "And what else? A blue garter!"
Marthy almost started to cry. All the girls jumped up and said, "Don't you dare! You'll spoil your eye makeup."
Then they helped Marthy into her dress and adjusted her veil. They all stood back and gasped. Because Marthy DID look like a snow angel. Or snow queen. Her auburn curls were caught up at the back of her head and cascaded down. Tendrils framed her face. Bess burst out in tears.
"OH, Marthy! You look so...so....ethereal!"
The rest of the girls nodded in agreement. Marilyn said, "Let's go! We got to get this girl married!"
As they turned to go, Rose said, "I'll be right down. Marthy? Can I see you a minute?"
"We'll see you downstairs." Marthy said.
Rose sat down and said, "I wanted a little moment with you, Marthy. You are like a kid sister to me. And I wanted you to have something special. From me to you."
Rosamond produced a small locket and gave it to her. "It was from my Granny de Tonei but this is one I want you to keep. A little special something from your 'big sister' and something I want you to hold on to when you have a problem. I want you to know I'll always be here for you."
Marthy's eyes were shining. "Rosamond, this is just too wonderful!"
Rose laughed. "Well, I've made enough mistakes that I think I am qualified now to tell you what to do! Oh! And one other thing. About tonight?"
Marthy blushed. "The wedding night?"
Rose nodded sagely. "I could give you all sorts of advice but I'm going to give you the most important one."
Marthy leaned eagerly forward. Rosamond looked around the room and leaned conspiratorially forward. "Yes?" Marthy said.
Rose whispered, "Don't laugh."
Marthy said, "I won't. What is it?"
Rose smiled. "That's it. Don't laugh!"
She grabbed Marthy by the hands and yanked her off the bed. "And now, come on, girl! We've got to get you married!"

Rosamond slipped down the stairs and took her place in the chairs that had been set up in the huge living room. She looked around. All the time travelers were there, except for Sally and Elizabeth. Thank goodness!
John stood next to Jack who looked like he was going to pass out. She gave John a little fingerwave. John grinned at her and gave a thumbs up. Slim, Mike and Hotspur were sitting together. OH! And there's Grace--Lord, just keep her away from the liquor cabinet.
Rosamond leaned over and took Julie from Celeste. Julie reached up and played with Rose's curls. Doesn't get any better than this--it was OUR wedding less than three months ago. Still, so much has happened since then...

William knocked on Marthy's bedroom door. " Ready, love?" Marthy opened the door and William's mouth dropped open. Marthy looked hopeful at William. "Am I OK? Do I look alright?"
William's eyes filled with tears. (Does this man ever stop crying at weddings?) "Miss Marthy, why is it every bride I escort down the aisle is a vision in white?"
Marthy started to tear up. She threw her arms around William. "Thank you, thank you, thank you for rescuing me and Jack and bringing us here!"
William detached himself from Marthy, whipped out his handkerchief and blew his nose. He sternly lectured Marthy, "There will be no crying! You don't want to mess up your nose!"
Marthy turned and grabbed her wedding bouquet. She took a deep breath. "OK, William, it's now or never..."
William took her hands. He fumbled around for words. "Uh, Marthy...."
Marthy smiled shyly. "I already talked to Rose."
William blustered. "Rose! You got your advice from ROSAMOND?? That girl is a wildchilde in the relationship department!"

Marthy laughed. "She's done OK for herself. It's been three months and she still has John."
William scowled, "I guess so. I just hope she gave you...tactful advice!" Marthy smiled. "Yes. She did. And I will heed her advice."
William offered his arm to her. "Then let's go..before Jack faints!"

The string quartet struck up the wedding march. William and Marthy came down the winding stairs. Everyone in the room turned and smiled. Marthy was beaming. She had her hand on Wiliam's arm lightly and William had a solemn look on his face.
Marilyn whispered to Eleanor, "He's getting better--he's not bawling like a baby."
Eleanor said, "Just wait. He hasn't given her away yet."
Bethia whispered to them, "With Rosamond it was with mixed blessings. I think he was glad to have her properly wed. That way he didn't have to play chaperone anymore."
Eleanor whispered, "And John is like a son to him..." Hotspur said in a loud whisper, "Hush up, you three!" Rosamond turned around and looked at him and then put her finger to her lips in a 'shush' gesture. Hotspur leaned forward and said in a voice not too quietly, "Hey, they were talking about you, Rose!"
Rosamond turned around and raised her eyebrow at them. They all gave a community shrug like, 'we have no idea what he is talking about!'
William and Marthy walked down through the living room towards the great fireplace where Jack and John were waiting. John stood there trying hard to look solemn but a smile kept playing on his lips. Will had walked down like a perfect gentleman and John was proud of him.
Jack stood there gazing with pride at Marthy. The minister had started into his 'dearly beloved' routine. Jack held Marthy's hand tight. The minister finally got to the vows. He turned to Jack. "Do you take this woman..."
and at that, Jack pitched forward.
Marthy screamed, "JACK! JACK! ARE YOU OK? SPEAK TO ME!"
John and Slim reached forward and picked Jack up off the floor. "He's OK," John said. "He was so nervous, I got a Valium from...someone....and gave him one."
Jack sat there slumped down. "Sh--shou--shouldn't have washed it down with the whiskey Slim gave me."
John let out an audible sigh. "That explains alot."
The minister said, "I'm sorry--this man is not in his right mind. I CANNOT continue with this wedding until he is competent."
Hotspur strode forward and grabbed the minister by his throat. "By all that is holy, Reverend, you WILL get these two married or I will run you through!"
William and John stepped forward. The reverend was gasping for air. The two of them managed to release Hotspur's hands. "Not a good idea, Hots!" John said.
The Reverend stood there heaving and gasping. William said, "Could I see you in the hall for a moment, Reverend?"
The Reverend nodded, his eyes glassy. Within a few minutes, they were back. The Reverend started over again. "Dearly beloved..."
Celeste turned to William who was mopping his brow. "What did you do, William?"
William said, "Let's just say we are holding the next Church bazaar on our premises!"

Jack stood up but he swayed ever so slightly. John stepped back in case he needed to catch him again.
"Who gives this woman to be wed in holy matrimony to this man?" William took a deep breath that shook with emotion. He rose, took Marthy's hand and placed it in Jack's waiting hand.
"I do." He said. He sat down and wiped his eyes. Rosamond leaned forward and patted him on the back.
The minister continued all the way through the vows. Jack got it together long enough to say, "With this ring I thee wed." Marthy was just glowing.
Finally, the minister turned to Hotspur with a hesitant look in his eye. Hotspur gave him a quick slice across his throat. Nervously he said, "By the power vested in me by the Holy Scriptures and the state of New York, I pronounce that they are man and wife. What God has yoked together let no man put apart."
He looked over at Hotspur who grinned and gave the minister a two-thumbs up. The minister looked relieved and said quickly, "You may now kiss the bride!"
Jack turned to Marthy, cupped her face in his hands, and said quietly, "Marthy Stewart? This is a good thing...a REAL good thing!" and kissed her like they were the only two people there.
The entire room stood up to cheer and clap and the minister back against a chair and sat down with a plop. With shaking hands, he reached in his front pocket and pulled out a flask. He took a long, long drink and said to William. "Sacramental wine. Medicinal."

WANDASUE invents STAND-UP..........by Coralynn

The quartet of women hear laughter and music coming from a building across the street. "HEY!" Penelope exclaims, "Let's go where they're having a good time. I've had about all I can take of this war they have going on here."
"But we have to cross the street," Elizabeth says nervously.
"Yeah, and there are bullets whizzing in the street," WandaSue agrees, "But if you guys are ready to chance it, I am."
"We could crawl on our stomachs!" Sally volunteers, getting down on the ground and demonstrating by scootching along using her elbows.
"And get my new outfit all dirty?" Elizabeth questions.
"Hey, kid, that outfit you have on is a monstrosity. Getting it dirty can only help," Wandasue tells her bluntly.
Wandasue gets down on the ground alongside Sally and soon all four are crawling across the street. It takes quite a while, but they finally reach the other side, where the Saloon is doing a brisk business. They stand up and run inside.
The Manager sees them and rushes over, "Oh at last! You ladies have ten minutes to get ready. Your act goes on next! In here......in this dressing room......get those outfits on quickly. The juggler is almost done, and if he doesn't stop dropping the balls he's juggling I'll have to shut him down right now."
The patrons are beginning to boo the juggler, so the manager pushes our four misfits into the dressing room.
"He thinks we're an act!" Penelope says as she pulls down an outfit and begins struggling into it. "HEY! This is a can-can dress!"
"What's a can-can?" Elizabeth asks.
"It's a dance, a French dance. We can do it. Just do whatever I do."
They hear a loud knock on the dressing room door and the manager's face pokes in, "You're on! Hurry!"

They follow the manager to the stairs that lead up to the stage and once up on the stage they look out over the room. It's almost dark in the room, but noisy. "Let's see what you can do!" several men yell out. Whistles are heard and foot stomping.
"Hostile aren't they?" Sally remarks, "Of course they are, they're men!"
Music begins to play.....can-can music.....so Penelope dances around in a circle and the other 3 try to imitate her. She kicks up her legs and the others kick into each other. She bends over and flips her skirt up so that her backside is to the room. Elizabeth stands there horror-stricken and refuses to do that.
There are boos and taunts being yelled out, and someone even throws an apple at them. WandaSue catches it expertly and tosses it back. Pretty soon more apples are being heaved at them. They try to dance and duck at the same time.
WandaSue whistles through her teeth as loudly as she can and everything stops......the music stops......the taunts and jeers and apple throwing stops......
She steps to the front of the stage and loudly proclaims, "I am from the future!"
Whistles and laugher. Better than the jeers, so she proceeds.
"I know what happens in the nice little civil war ya got goin' out there! The peasants win!"
Cheers and stomping.
"In fact, July 14 is known forever as guillotine day or Bastille day or something like that! Now why do ya suppose?"
"That's tomorrow!" one man yells out.
"Right!" WandaSue yells loudly, though she had no way of knowing what date it was when they found themselves in Paris.
"Now, the last time I was in Paris here was ohhhh, last year, 2002. Ya got a great lookin' city, but somehow you'll have to work on the smell. Too much car exhaust, fellas!"
Even though they have no idea what she's talking about, the patrons laugh and cheer because she's talking about them, and their city.
"And graffiti? Wooooooo, ya better paint over that stuff. You have little bitty cars that race around all over town, too. Crossin' the street is like taking your life into your own hands! But you also have some dandy art galleries, not that I've been to any, you understand...."
Laughter.
"Ya got a painting called the Mona Lisa. Famous. Hanging in the Louvre. She's supposed to have a mysterious smile. Sorta like this," WandaSue puts her lips together and tilts up both corners just a wee bit.
"Now, guys, what is so mysterious about that? If she was mysterious she'd be showing more skin, for one thing, sorta like this," she pulls the peasant blouse quite a ways down , showing most of her chest.
"YEAH!" the guys all yell out, "More!"
"I ain't got more, fella. But.......listen up.......when America has their Revolution you guys go over and help them fight, too. You guys are real bricks!"
They cheer.
"Then you make this huge statue we call the Statue of Liberty and give it to America. They put it in New York Harbour......and people from all over the world pass by it on their way to live in America. So we're real pleased to meet cha, buddies! Gotta go! Catch ya next time!"
The patrons cheer and clap as the four women go back down the stairs and end up in the dressing room again. The manager follows them and tells them excitedly, "You were great! You gotta come every night!"
"Hey!" Penelope asks, "Do we get paid for our gig tonight?"
He hands them some coins and leaves.
"I'M not coming back to this awful place!" Elizabeth tells the others in a self-righteous tone.
"We don't need ya anyway!" WandaSue snaps at her as the outfits are hung again on the rack. "But I'm starving, so let's go out into the saloon and grab some grub before we move on."
In their regualr clothing they get some strange glances from the patrons, but otherwise are not hassled. They scoop up all the food they can find on the tables, smiling demurely at the surprised customers. "Thank you, kind sir," Elizabeth tells one man whose dinner has just been confiscated, "This will feed our noble soldiers!" The man smiles.
Once back out on the street, they duck into a doorway and consume the food quickly. "OK, now, ladies, where to next?!" Penelope asks, looking for an answer.
They all shrug.


RECEPTION..........by Terri

Everyone clapped Jack on the back with their congratulations and kissed Marthy.
Hotspur went up to the minister. The minister began to quake. Hotspur gave him a bearhug and said, "Knew you could do it!" He turned away and the minister collapsed to the ground and crawled out on his hands and knees.
William clapped his hands. "Everyone! There is a wonderful feast to celebrate the nuptials of Mr. and Mrs. Jack Stewart!"
There were ham, roast turkey, roast beef, all sorts of side dishes. William brought up some of his best champagne from the cellar.
William clinked his glass with his fork. "I'd like to propose a toast. Long may Marthy and Jack love! Two hearts that found each other in another century and made their love a reality in this one! May your days be filled with sunshine and your nights filled with starlight!"
Everyone clapped and cheered.
After the dining, Jack led Marthy out on the dancefloor for their first dance. They danced to Etta James' AT LAST.
Slim asked, "Where are they going on their honeymoon?" John replied, "They are staying at Marty's condo in Stowe VT. I stayed there once. Very secluded. Nice."
Slim said, "Nice of you to arrange it. By the way, what is with Bess? She's been preoccupied and I haven't been able to nail her for a date these last two weeks. Has she got another fella?"
John said, "Don't know but I will cruise the information highway and see what I can find at the welcome center."
Slim looked puzzled. "What?"
John laughed and said, "Translation: I'll pump Rose for the latest and see what she says. If she's half asleep she will spill the beans."
There was a tapping on the window. John looked out and saw Daniel all bundled up.
"Sheesh! What does he want? He knows he's not invited since that dirty trick they pulled on Rosamond."
John grabbed his coat and walked out on the porch. "What do you want, Daniel?"
Daniel retorted, "That's real fine, John! YOU came to ME, remember?"
John calmed down. "OK--sorry I can't ask you in."
Daniel tried to look over John's shoulder. "It went OK? They got married alright?"
John said, "Yes, Daniel, they did. A little bit of a mishap but between Hotspur and the minister, they straightened it out."
Daniel sighed audibly in relief. "Glad of that! Considering..."
"Considering...what? WHAT?"
Daniel said, "You know that Valium you wanted for Jack? Uh, uh..."
John was losing his patience. " 'Uh, uh...what? WHAT?"
Daniel blurted out, "It wasn't Valium. It was Selaxin, a muscle relaxer. That stuff, you need starch in your underwear to sit up!"
"That explains it now! Where'd you get the Selaxin? Don't you need a prescription to get it? By the way, how'd you get the Valium, too?"
Daniel said, "I sprained my wrist on the barbells. We had a really fat guy come in and he put 200 lbs on each side. It fell on him and Rafe and I had to hoist it off him. He must have had salami for lunch because he reeked and the bar was slippery. It slipped out of my grip and wrenched my wrist. So I went to the doctor and he prescribed Selaxin for the sprain."
"OK--but how did you get the Valium? You are the most laid back person I know. What do you need a tranquilizer for?"
Daniel had turned to go. He looked over his shoulder and said to John, "I got a prescription back last year. Around October."
"You remember the month?"
Daniel said softly. "Yes. That was the month Rosamond married Montgomery."
John said, "Oh."
Daniel said, "Got to go. Just felt I should tell you. Sorry for the mixup. My mistake." John said, "Ok Daniel. Thanks."
Daniel gave a little salute, got back in his car and drove off.

John closed the door and walked back to the reception. Rosamond came up to him and put her hands in his. "Darling, you're hands are freezing! How come?"
John thought quickly. He didn't want Rosamond to be upset about Daniel showing up. "I was breaking the ice cubes apart."
Rose smiled, "That's why! Come on, Marthy is about to throw the bouquet!" Rosamond and John went back into the reception. Rosamond took Julie from Celeste. "No sense in me trying to catch the bouquet, Celeste! This one is a keeper!" She nodded her head toward John.
Marthy turned her back just then and lobbed her bouquet backwards. It landed to an available. It landed on Celeste's lap.
Everyone was quiet and then they all burst out laughing. William grew red in the face and Celeste laughed. "Well, isn't that a pip!"

The evening went on with dancing and music. Marthy, Bess, Rosamond, Marilyn, Bethia and Eleanor jumped up and did a line dance of "We Are Family" which drew cat calls and whistles from the guys. Finally at twelve o'clock, Marthy and Jack slipped upstairs to change their clothes. Jerry asked, "Where are they staying tonight?"
Bethia said, "They are so worn out from the wedding plans and we knew it would a late night that Roger and I are staying here tonight and Marthy and Jack are staying at our house. We have the guest room and bath there all fixed up and they are leaving for Vermont in the morning."
Luke said, "That was very thoughtful of you two."
Roger said, "It's the least we can do. I think of all of you as family now!" Eleanor gave him a tweak on his cheek and said, "We feel the same way!"
Marthy and Jack came downstairs in a few minutes. Marthy had her hand on Jack's arm and the entire room gave them a standing ovation. William blubbered, "Take good care of our Marthy, Jack! She's our little girl!"
Jack smiled from ear to ear. "I will!" John clapped him on the back, whispered something in his ear and they both burst out laughing.
Rosamond said, "What's so funny?"
John just grinned. "Guy talk."
Rosamond whispered in Marthy's ear then and Marthy burst out laughing. John raised his eyebrow at Rosamond. She said nonchalantly, "Just something she had to get out of her system. You know--GIRL TALK!"
Jack picked up their luggage. "Well, Mrs. Stewart, Shall we drive or walk?"
Marthy said, "Seeing as how we are across the street..oh, what the heck? Let's walk! See you all in the morning!"
Eleanor shouted out, "No, you won't!" They all laughed and Marthy and Jack walked out the door and into their life together.


CALL ME LIZZIE..............by Coralynn

"OK, here's the plan," WandaSue starts, "We get the hell out of the middle of town. Too many bullets whizzing over our heads."
"But....but.....how can they find us when they finally come to get us, if we aren't in town?" Elizabeth whines.
"Who said they're coming to get us? Hey, Lizzie, you don't know who you're dealing with. These people are vicious!"
"Oh why, oh why did I ever let the three of you into the house? I should have known better. But how could I know how much they all hate you?"
"I don't think they're overly fond of you, either, Liz!" Penelope snarls at her, "Seems they were all too ready to send you packing with the three of us. Trying to get John back from Rose has to be one of the dumbest tricks I've ever heard."
They walk away from the city center and soon find a house with a good sized barn in the back yard.
"This oughta do us!" Sally says as she opens the barn door and slides inside. There are a few cows in there, but no other animals. "Hmmm, not bad, and we can sleep on the hay."
They plop down on some hay and Elizabeth begins to whine again, "John was my husband first. She stole him from me."
"Yeah, yeah, what, three hundred years later? Yer breakin' my heart! Get over it!" WandaSue chides.
"Get a life!" Sally advises. "Get a job! Get out of that house!"
"I can't," Elizabeth says pitifully, "John is there."
"Let me get this straight," WandaSue says, "You and BB Montgomery are in kahoots to break up Rose and John. Now, BB is actually my lawfully wedded husband, but you don't see ME going around whining and hanging all over him."
"No, you just go out and terrify him from time to time," Sally adds, "That's what ya have to do, get strong. Get scary. Get money out of the bastards."
Elizabeth gasps, "You swore!"
The other three women break out laughing, and hooting.
"My advice is go back to wherever you were, Lizzie!" Penelope tells her, "'Cause your little project here is doomed."
"I thought you might be friends, but you're hateful," Elizabeth picks at the hay aimlessly.
"Well, I guess she got our number!" WandaSue laughs and beats the hay down flat and lies down on it. Elizabeth lies down and turns her back to the other three women, who make faces at each other and continue laughing.


MEANWHILE:

Eleanor is going around turning off the lights. What a wedding! What a night! And tomorrow is Christmas! It doesn't get any better than this.
She sees Bess go upstairs with a piece of cake on a plate. Ahhh youth, they can eat that stuff and not get fat.
Bess runs down the stairs again after only a moment or so, stricken, "Where is Elizabeth? I thought she might like a piece of the wedding cake, but she's gone!!"
Bess' voice is loud enough that others hear and rush into the living room.
William asks Bess, "Are you sure she isn't in her room? That's where I was told she was; sick or something. Did you turn on the light?"
"Yes! The room is empty, nobody is in there and the bed is still perfectly made up."
Celeste groans inwardly and looks over at Eleanor and Marilyn. They all think the same thing: must we go back to the French Revolution and bring that unholy quartet back?
John and Rose hear the commotion and enter the room. "What's the problem, Bess?" Rose asks.
"I went upstairs to take a piece of wedding cake to Elizbeth just in case she felt better and was able to eat it, and she's not in her room, and the bed looks like it hasn't been slept in! She's gone!"
"Good," Rose says in a soft voice that only John hears. He frowns and asks Bess, "Did you turn on the lights, are you sure she's not there?"
"Yes!"
John goes to the phone and dials the Police. "Yes......it appears someone was kidnapped from our house...." Rose yanks the receiver out of his hand and hangs it up. "She probably just went for a walk!" she says sensibly.
"Did any of you see her come downstairs?" William asks, "Or walk outside?"
"Listen William," Eleanor puts in, "We had a wedding, we had a reception, none of us were looking to see what Elizabeth was up to. Really! We should send her back to 1640 Southold is what I think. She's nothing but trouble."
Rose grins at Eleanor appreciatively.
"I say we call the Police!" John insists.
"Not till morning," Rose hangs in there.
Celeste breaks the tie, "Let's wait till morning. I don't sense that she's in any danger."

COUPLE HOURS LATER:

John tosses and turns in bed, thinking 'I know I shouldn't, but I feel responsible for what happens to Elizabeth. I can't sleep till I know she's alright. Blast! If I call the Police, Rose will be angry, but if I don't, I'll never get any sleep. Well, Rose will just have to accept that any decent human being would call in the authorities when someone is obviously kidnapped right out of the house.'
He listens to Rose's breathing which is deep. Good. She's asleep. Now if I can just slide out of the bed without waking her up. He slowly inches over to the side and slides out without disturbing the mattress very much, and, after putting on his slippers, goes downstairs.
Hope I can do this without the people whose rooms are on the first floor hearing me. I know, I'll take the cellphone out onto the deck.
He grabs his winter coat, quickly puts it on and opens the kitchen door, then gently closes it without latching it so that there can be no sound, however small, to waken the others.
He speed-dials the Police station.
"Police! Travis McGee here!" comes the loud voice over the phone.
John groans, oh no not that schmutz! But I'm in no position to be choosy.
"There has been a kidnapping at the house on 224 Winding Willow," he begins......but is cut off by Travis' voice, which is eager and excited.
"Who?!" Travis wants to know.
"A young woman named Elizabeth who was in her room recuperating from a mild illness was nowhere to be found several hours later."
"I'll be right over!" Travis tells him in his deepest, most self-important voice.
"Uhhhhh, not a good idea," John says, "Can I meet you at the station?"
"Hey buddy! I can't examine the scene of the crime from the station!" Travis is in his glory, "I gotta see it myself!"
John scratches his head and groans, "Could you wait a couple hours?"
"Why? So that the kidnapper has more time to get her over the border into Canada? So the kidnapper can hack her body up into a hundred little pieces and hide them all in different places? Time is of the essence!" Travis insists.
The idea of Elizabeth cut into little pieces makes John squirm. "Oh, alright, but be quiet about it! I'll be watching for you." John capitulates and clicks off. Oh boy, now I'm in for it! That clown is going to wake up everyone in the house.
John has barely re-entered the house when he hears a big roaring sound come up the driveway. Looking out the front window he sees Travis McGee on his police motorcycle.

Eleanor gets dressed quickly and goes to Celeste's room. The other woman is up already, having heard the noise coming from the driveway. "What's going on out there?" she asks.
"I think John must have called the cops and reported Elizabeth missing. Let me go get her. If all three of us go, it will be too obvious, the others will notice if three are gone, but maybe they won't miss just me."
"Alright, Eleanor, but be careful! The French Revolution is not the safest place to be!"
"I'll be careful, don't worry. Now, let me be off," she holds the coin in her hand and disappears from sight.


CAN YOU 'GRILL' IN DECEMBER?.......by Terri

Rose murmured in her sleep..."what the heck is that noise?..." She felt over for John. "John? John? Wake up..I hear noises.." She was still half asleep.."John?"
She reached over. A vacancy next to her. Red and blue lights flashed against the wall. "Oh, John! What have you done now?" she whispered to herself.
Rosamond began to fume. He just couldn't leave well enought alone! That's what I get for marrying an honorable man...a bit of scoundrel couldn't have hurt.
She began to do a slow burn that was turning into a fast burn. She grabbed her robe and tightened it around her, heading down the stairs. William, Celeste and John already were downstairs. Rose looked at the clock. "Do you realize that it is 4:00 AM? Officer McGee, why couldn't this have waited till morning?"
She looked at John with THAT LOOK. Oh, great! John thought. So much for compassion and understanding.
Travis had a notebook in one hand and a pencil poised in the other. He licked the tip.
"A felony has been perpetrated on a helpless female. Time is of the essence. Now I need to get some details. Since you called me, Mr. Gwinnett..perhaps you can fill me in on the vital statistics."
John said, "She's 30, light brown hair, brown eyes, more towards hazel, slim build, has a beauty mark by her chin.."
Rose cut in, "Make that a mole...probably with hair growing out of it!"
Travis raised his eyebrow. John continued, "She has a heart shaped face and her hair is about so long and slightly curled,..."
Rose cut in again with, "Do you want to give him her measurements, too?" John said, "She's 34---"
Rose yelled, "I didn't mean that LITERALLY! And while we are at it, you seem to remember them pretty quickly.."
William interrupted. "Settle down! We're all a little on edge, Officer. We just had a wedding and some of us have barely gotten to sleep."
Travis assumed his most 'Joe Friday' role. "I understand, Mr. Conqueror. But it appears a heinous crime has been committed on a young woman and it is my job to get to the bottom of this. I need to interrogate each of you separately. I have to call for backup. I can't have you comparing notes and getting your stories corroborated while I am privately interrogating each one."
He whipped out his phone. "Malone? It's me...Officer McGee...Travis...Travis McGee...DON'T call me that! I have trouble at the Conqueror house on Winding Willow. A young woman has met with foul play."
William exploded, "FOUL PLAY?? You don't know that!" He put his head in his hands. "More media. I just know it."
Celeste laid her hand on his to calm him down.
Rosamond shot dagger looks at John. He avoided looking at her.
Bethia and Roger came downstairs. "What is going on? What is all that racket?"
Jerry came down too. William burst out with, "And where did YOU come from?"
Jerry grinned sheepishly, "From John's old room?"
William said, "BAH!"
Jerry protested. "Hey, William, it was after midnight and snowing up a storm! I didn't want to go out in the cold, cruel world!"
Roger dug his elbow into Jerry's ribs and whispered out of the side of his mouth, "Fast thinking, Jer!"

Travis continued on the phone, "...I don't care WHAT you are doing. You are my partner and my backup...yes, I know, but the roads are clear...because I LIKE driving it, that's why...what difference does it make to YOU? You have the squad car, so get down here tout suite! ....huh?...I don't care,..OK, make it jelly filled...but NOTHING with those little sprinkles on, OK?"
To the assembled group, he said, "My partner has an important assignment on the way over, checking for...evidence. So as soon as he gets here, we shall begin interrogation into the disappearance of Elizabeth....I'm sorry, I didn't get her last name. What is it?"
John said quietly, "Gwinnett."
Travis raised his eyebrows so far up they went into his motorcycle helmet. "Your sister?"
John said quietly, "No. My wife."
And with that, Rosamond threw her hands up in the air and left the room.

"Hey, hey, hey, Missy! No one leaves the room!" Travis said. Rosamond turned and said, "Just watch me!"
Travis grabbed her arm. She jerked it away. "You can't leave the room until my partner comes." He flashed his shield and tried to discreetly show his shoulder holster. Rosamond said with derision, "You have your gun in the holster upside down." Travis looked. His gun was barrel up, gunbutt down. Rosamond said, "I certainly hope you have the safety on."
Travis snorted, "Of course I do!"
When Rosamond went to sit down on the couch, Travis turned away from everyone and checked his gun. He took it out and put the safety on. Got to start remembeing to do that, I could have blown my face off! he thought.
Rosamond said, "Look, Officer McGee, I have two small children who will be up at 7:00 AM. If I can go to bed now, I can get maybe three hours of sleep."
Travis picked up an afghan that was on the couch and threw it to her. "So? Fall asleep on the couch where I can watch..uh, see...you."
Within ten minutes, Officer Joe Malone knocked on the door. John opened the door and Malone stepped in with a Dunkin' Donuts box.
Travis hissed in a whisper, "I TOLD you to go to Krispy Kreme, NOT Dunkin' Donuts." "But I got the kind you wanted, Trav, the jellies and I also got those maple frosted with the little multi-colored sprinkles. You can pick them off if you want to..."
Travis tried to wave him off. "What I need here is for you to watch the suspects while I interrogate them one at a time."
"SUSPECTS? I beg your pardon! There is NO proof she met with foul play! She's just...missing!" William thundered.
Travis narrowed his eyes. "Then where is she if there is no foul play?"
Malone said, "Want I should do a group-Miranda Rights read?"
William said, "If that is the case, I want Patrick O'Malley here!"
Rosamond said crossly, "Oh, what do we care? Ask away! I have nothing to hide and neither does John. Do you, John?"
John shook his head. "I've got no problem with it."
Travis took out his notebook, "I want to know who was in this house tonight."
Celeste sighed, "We were all here, Officer. It was a wedding. Marthy Hubbard married Jack Stewart. It was a small family wedding."
Travis said, "List, please."
Celeste said, "Marilyn..uh, I mean Sally Reynolds, Eleanor Aquitaine, Jerry Palmer, Bethia and Roger Bidwell, myself, William, Rose and John, Bess Crane and the bride and groom, Harry Percy, Mike, Rafe and Slim, Luke, Henry, Grace, the Clintons.."
Travis perked up, "The Clintons? As in Senator Clinton and her husband?" William snapped, "NO, President and Mrs. Clinton! That one!"
Travis erased, "Oh! OK! Different couple."
Jerry and Roger looked at each other and smirked. William said, "And the Paponettis."
"The who?"
"The Paponettis. You know. The former vice president and his wife."
Travis said, "OH!" knowingly. "That's right! Wow! Vice-president Paponetti! You sure had an impressive guestlist!"
William just rolled his eyes and looked at Celeste. She tried to suppress a grin.

William stood up, tightened the belt on his robe and said imperiously, "Very well. Let's get this questioning over with as soon as humanly possible. Can't you see how exhausted we are, man?"
Celeste stood up. "I'll put on a pot of coffee."
She left. Travis watched her warily but since she was the only one in the kitchen, he let her go.
Then he said, "I need to question Ms Reynolds and Ms Crane and the others you mentioned."
John yawned. "Question them last, they are asleep. SOMEONE in this house can grab a couple hours. Officer, have you any idea what havoc a five year old boy can wreak on Christmas morning? Or were you ever a boy?"
Travis bristled. "I'm just doing my job, giving you taxpayers more bang for your buck."
Rosamond whispered something to William and he said, "Shussh!"
Travis noticed it. "What? What did you say?"
Rose looked innocent. "Nothing. Nothing at all."
Celeste came in with the coffee and mugs and set them down. "Help yourself." Malone reached over and filled a mug, happy to have REAL coffee with his donuts.
Travis said, "Let's get down to it. When did this Elizabeth show up? How did she come here and why?"
They all looked at each other. "Gwinnett? Want to start the ball rolling?"
"Not really."
"Give it a shot."
Bethia piped up. "I'll tell you exactly what happened."
"Mrs. Bidwell? Excuse me, but this doesn't seem to be any concern of yours. You are not married or connected with the deceased."
William exploded. "Deceased? Who said anything about deceased!?"
Bethia looked at John with an 'it will be OK just trust me look'.

She cleared her throat. "It started when Roger and I went to Southold Long Island to visit some of my relatives. I ran into John's ex-wife there. We were neighbors. She and John divorced a few years ago, she ran off with another man. At my sister's house, Elizabeth was there. They were best friends. Anyhow, my sister Abigail--we call her Abby--had lunch for us. Elizabeth knew that John and I lived in the same vicinity. So she started asking me how he was, was he happy. She had seen him on television and knew that he remarried. It was apparent that the man she left John for was no longer in the picture and Elizabeth had fallen onto hard time. So she came to Chappaqua to look him up..just to say 'hi' she said. She took me up on the figurative invitation, 'next time you are in town, come and stay we would love to have you'.
Had I known what she was up to, I never would have tendered the invitation. She and I had an argument. Celeste, being the soul of generosity, invited her to stay a day or two until she could get her train ticket. But she never left. She kept making excuses right and left as to why she couldn't leave. I think she tried to get back with John." Travis wrote furiously. "I want to see you privately, Mrs. Bidwell. Follow me into the kitchen." Bethia looked like a deer caught in the headlights. What Pandora's box have I opened up?

Bethia followed Travis into the kitchen, knotting her robe sash in nervousness. She glanced over her shoulder at the others, who gave her a panicked look.
Travis sat Bethia down at the table. He assumed his 'good cop' posture. "Well, Mrs. Bidwell..Bethia, may I call you?" She nodded.
"How would you describe the relationship between Mrs. Gwinnett and Mr. Gwinnett?"
Bethia sighed in relief. "Oh, Elizabeth knew John and Rose were newlyweds...."
Travis shook his head. "No, I mean between Rosamond and John Gwinnett. Did they ever fight?"
Bethia said, "Well, sure, all married couples have their disagreeements..."
"No, I mean fights. I..uh,....we....the department...have driven by the area on our patrols and have noticed that at various times one or the other have stayed at the house down the street. Very rarely have they been together."
Bethia said, "And how would you know that? Have you been peeking in the windows?"
Travis got beet red and blustered, "OF COURSE NOT!" He started to sweat and mopped his brow. Un huh, Bethia thought.
He took a deep breath and said, "Have you noticed any disharmony between the two of them?"
Bethia stood up. "It's no secret Rosamond and John have a..lively..relationship. With arguments on one side, you get alot of passion on the other. And that is all I am going to say to you without my husband present."
She walked out the room and sat down on the couch next to Rosamond. Bethia's face had two red spots on the cheeks. Roger said to Jerry, "Uh oh--that is Bethia's 'righteous indignation' look."
Travis motioned to Roger. "OK, Doctor, let's go. I need to ask you a few questions."
Roger followed Travis into the room. Before he went into the kitchen, he turned and shrugged to the rest of them.
Travis sat Roger down. "How long have you known John Gwinnett?"
Roger said, "Oh, for about fourteen months. I was Mrs. Gwinnett's obstetrician. I started seeing Bethia at that time and we all became fast friends."
Travis narrowed his eyes. "In all that time, did he ever mention Mrs. Gwinnett? The first one? Elizabeth?"
Roger shrugged, "Maybe only in passing. Like guys would do when they talk about their ex-wives."
Travis continued, "See alot of him?"
Roger answered, "We play golf in the spring and summer, we play racquetball twice a week...JUST WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH A MISSING WOMAN?"
Travis leaned back in his chair and it tottered. He fell forward to upright it. "Just trying to see how things are..you know, 'see the Knicks on TV?' 'how about dinner next Saturday night?' 'think I'll murder my ex-wife and chop her up in the woodchipper..' That kind of stuff!"
Roger stood up to leave. With his hand on the doorknob, he said, "McGee...you are one of a kind."
Travis said, "Thank you."
Roger shook his head unbelievingly and walked out the door into the living room and shook his head at Bethia's questioning look.
Roger made a 'he's loco' gesture with his hand. Jerry tried to stifle his laughter.
Rosamond had her anger to keep her company and William was dozing in the chair. John looked miserably out the window, feeling responsible for no one getting a good night's sleep.
Travis appeared at the doorway. "AHEM!" he cleared his throat. Mrs..Mrs..excuse me, ma' am what IS your name?"
"Celeste. Celeste Cipriano."
Jerry said, "Cipriano? You don't look Italian, Celeste!"
Celeste laughed, "Married a man from Little Italy in Manhattan. Fine man! Maiden name was Clemons."
John said, "Not...?"
Celeste said, "Right! Mark Twain was my great great uncle. NOW! Officer McGee...let's get cracking!"
They went into the kitchen and Rose said, "Oh, she'll make mincemeat out of him! Probably 'cookie' him to death! Officer Malone? More coffee?"
He nodded his head. John looked around and said in a stage whisper. "Want to spice that up?" Malone nodded again. John put his finger to his lips and said, "Our little secret, Joe! You need it, working with....HIM! Rose? Honey? Would you like a bit?"
Rose said with exaggerated politeness, "Why, yes, dear....but a bit? I would like the whole bottle!"
John said under his breath, "And a bit is all you are getting. Maybe it will thaw your heart out."
Rose said, "Did you say something?"
John said, "What? No, dear... here. Here's a splash of whiskey for your coffee."

"Would you care for a piece of homemade apple pie, Officer McGee?"
Travis looked up from his notes. "What? Oh. OH! Why, Mrs. Cipriano, that sounds wonderful!"
Celeste put on her best 'grandma' act. "Why, call me Celeste, by all means. Or as little Will calls me, 'Grandma Celeste.' Would you like some vanilla ice cream with that?"
Travis couldn't believe his ears. "This is just too good! I haven't had apple pie since..I don't know when! My mom always makes pumpkin pie."
Celeste poured him a big glass of milk. "Here you go, Officer...may I call you Travis?"
Travis had his mouth full and gulped. "Yes, ma'am."
Celeste chided him, "Now, what did I say? It's Celeste! And that is whole milk! No skim milk here!"
Celeste bustled around. "Dear me! I am forgetting my manners. Here's a few napkins!" She whipped them around Travis' neck.
Celeste settled down next to him and laid her hand on his in a grandmotherly fashion. "You look right tired, young man! Isn't it high time you got some sleep?"
Travis blotted his mouth. "Mrs...Celeste...someone has to do their job to keep the citizens of this city safe. When I was installed as an officer of this precinct, I vowed to keep the people safe. And that is what I intend to do."
Celeste said, "An admirable trait, to be sure. And you had a couple of questions for me?"
Travis took another big bite of pie and washed it down with milk. "Yes. Yes, I do."
Celeste smiled her most beguiling. "Ask away!"
"Are these Golden Delicious or Granny Smith's?"

Celeste walked out of the kitchen with the most beatific smile on her face. William looked up and asked, " How did it go?"
Celeste gave a smile and said, "Easy as pie!"
Travis came out and crooked his finger at William. "Come on, Big Guy. You seem to be chief of this den of assorted artists."
William rose with as much dignity as he could muster. "Pipsqueak!" he muttered.
Travis said, "What?"
William said, "It squeaks. The chair. I must remember to WD-40 it."
Travis nodded to the chair that Celeste just vacated. William heaved himself down. He thundered to Travis, "Man, it is now 4:45 in the morning. We are tired. Why can't this wait until the morrow?"
Travis said, "Because on a wood chipper, all you have to do is hit frappe. Or is that a blender? Anyways, any time wasted makes the trail cold. I just want to know...did you see Mr. Gwinnett drag any carpet or bags down the steps in the last 24 hours?"
William stood up. "Now I see what this is! You aren't interested in finding Elizabeth! You just want a witch hunt! You couldn't nail John Gwinnett on a drug charge or any other trumped up charges you had so you want to send him up the river!"
Travis said coldly, "In cases like this, it's 95% sure the hubby did it! And what better reason? He was happily wed to Miss de Clifford. Didn't you ever see that Elizabeth Taylor movie? 'A Place in the Sun'? Mr. Gwinnett wants to keep his rich society trophy wife. Mrs. Gwinnett--the first one--will blow his good thing. I think in the movie Shelly Winters was pregnant and stood up in a boat..oh, that's beside the point!"
William stood up with as much dignity as he could muster. "The only point is on your head, Officer McGee. But at least you can cover it with your police cap!"
William tightened up his robe belt and strode out.

William came back to the living room, sat down in his Laz-e-boy chair, pulled the lever and leaned back. He reached over for his icepack, put it over his forehead and closed his eyes.
Travis swaggered into the living room and surveyed the ragtag bunch of sleep-deprived suspects. Ah, I got them just where I want them! Drowsy and edgy with their defenses down! Who should be next? He looked at his list and then looked up and yelled, "MALONE!! What do you think you're doing?"
Malone said, "Checkmate!" and looked over at Travis. "Hey, Trav, since we have nothing to do but sit here, John and I got a game of chess going."
Travis strode over. "NOT REGULATION!" and flipped the board over.
Malone protested, "Hey! Not fair! I was winning!"
John said, "Were not!"
Travis looked around the room. Who's next? he thought. Ah, the inestimable Mr. and Mrs. Gwinnett. Did he act alone or perhaps a pair of sweethearts in crime? I'll save them for last..someone will give me the ammo to ask the right questions.
Celeste was knitting, Bethia was sleeping on the couch, Roger and Jerry had the TV on tuned to some movie..It's a Wonderful Life, probably. That's on 24 hrs a day this time of year. Rose was wrapped in an afghan and stared at the TV screen but not watching it. Travis motioned to Marilyn. She got up and wrapped her pink negligee around her. Travis had a hard time concentrating. She sure looks like that Marilyn Monroe. Dead ringer.
"OK, Miss Reynolds...your turn!" Marilyn let the negligee slip ever so slightly down to show a little cleavage. Travis tried to keep his eyes on her face but his gaze swept down and then quickly came back up, thinking she wouldn't notice. She did.
As she followed him into the kitchen, she stuck her tongue out at his retreating back.

"So..Miss Monroe..."
"Miss Reynolds. Sally Reynolds."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Now, Sally..."
"It's Miss Reynolds."
So much for familiarity and his good cop routine.
He said coldly, "MISS REYNOLDS...how long have you known the Gwinnetts?"
Marilyn shrugged, "I'm not sure. I think I moved in a year ago in August. Yes, that was it. Because Rosamond just found out she was expecting Julie."
"What is your impression of Elizabeth Gwinnett?"
"I don't do impressions, I'm an actress."
Travis blew out his breath exasperatedly. "That's not what I meant. What do you think of her?" "She has no fashion sense."
Travis' face got red. "Let's be blunt as I see I am getting nowhere. Have you seen John Gwinnett in the tool shed, maybe firing up a chain saw? Has he been poking around in the garden?"
Marilyn stood up. "You just may be the worst cop I have ever seen. Look outside, you idiot! THERE IS THREE FEET OF SNOW IN THE YARD!!"
Travis' face turned from red to purple. "There is no need for name calling!! WE DON'T LIKE TO BE CALLED COPS!!"
Marilyn stood up. "This conversation is beyond ludicrous. Next thing I know you will be asking me if he's been hanging around the furnace!" Travis' eyebrows shot up. Hmmm....the furnace...

Marilyn stomped back into the living room and sat down next to John. She said, "Whatever you do...don't call him 'cop'. 'Cop' is bad word to him....but 'idiot' seems to be OK!"
Travis came back and stood in the front of the living room. He said with exaggerated importance, "I need to see Marthy Hubbard and Jack Stewart." That was met with hoots and hollers.
"Are you out of your mind, man?" William said.
The rest chimed in. "NO WAY!"
"Obviously you have never been on a honeymoon, McGee!"
"If you want them that bad, you go over and get them!"
Rosamond stood up, walked over to Travis. She grabbed him by the neck and pulled his head towards her so she stood nose-to-nose with him. She said quietly, "You go over there and disturb them and I will file trumped up charges against you. I will claim that you offered me clemency on that hokey prostitution charge if I....well, you can imagine!"
Travis sputtered, "But it's not true! And you know it!"
Rosamond said, "True or not, it goes on your record. So if you ever want to make Detective First Grade, I advise you to forget about questioning them."
She turned and sat down, picking up her afghan. She said, "Officer McGee, if you don't wrap this up pretty soon, YOU are the one who will be getting up with my children."
Travis looked at everyone staring back at him. "OK--I need to speak to Jerry Palmer."
Jerry piped in with, "ME? What can I possibly tell you?"
Travis glared. "I don't know, but when you tell me, we'll both know, won't we?"
Jerry sighed and got up. He ran his fingers through his hair, deliberately spiking it up for a joke. Roger started to laugh but when McGee turned around, he hushed up.
Jerry went into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. Travis started in, "For a real estate agent, you sure do hobnob with the theatre people!"
Jerry leaned back in his chair and said, "I don't know if you would actually call it 'hob-nobbing'."
Travis said, "What would YOU call it?"
Jerry yawned, "I only hob-nob with one lady in this house."
Travis glared, "And how long have the two of you been hob-nobbing?"
Jerry said, "Define hob-nobbing."
Travis thought for a minute but didn't quite know how to put what he had in mind in words. He tried another tack. "You sold the Gwinnetts their place down the street. Why aren't they living there?"
Jerry said patiently. "You have seen Rose Gwinnett. She is a woman who wants things just so. The house needed remodeling. She contracted with Murphy and practically took it down to the studs."
Travis got a brainstorm. "They pour any cement in the last 24 hours? And if they did, was there any left over?"
Jerry shook his head in wonderment. "Any cement?"
Travis said, "Yes. For cement shoes. I figure they may have gone down to the Hudson River..."
Jerry stood up. "You need to get yourself a girl, son. Stop watching those 'Godfather' movies."
And with that, he poured his coffee down the drain and headed back to the living room.

Travis heaved a sigh and rubbed his temples. I hate pulling these late shifts, he thought. But then how else would I pull out this plum of a case? Plum? Stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum...Hey, it IS Christmas! He laughed to himself.
Guess I had better interview that sweet faced little dark-haired beauty out there.
She looked like she was dying to spill the beans.
He came out and motioned to Bess. She mouthed, ME? He nodded. She wrapped her terrycloth robe tightly around her. On her feet were Pooh-bear slippers. She looked pleadingly at the rest. Everyone gave her an encouraging smile and she straightened her shoulders and walked confidently into the kitchen.
Travis motioned for her to sit down.
"Now, Miss....Crane, is it?"
Bess said, "Yes Sir."
Travis liked that. Respect! R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what that means to me.. Travis started humming the Aretha Franklin song.
"Sir?"
"Yes?"
"Could we get on with it, please? We'd like to all get to bed. It has been a long day."
"Certainly, certainly. Now! How would you describe the relationship between Rosamond Gwinnett and Elizabeth Gwinnett?"
Bess sat there and thought. "Well..." she said slowly, "I guess you could say they hated each other. Especially since Rose found out that John paid for a shopping trip that Elizabeth went on."
Travis' ears perked up. "He paid for a shopping spree?"
Bess said, "Yes sir. Twelve thousand dollars worth of the most awful stuff you ever saw! I took her to the mall."
"Didn't you think it was kind of unusual for Mr. Gwinnett to spring for that kind of money?"
Bess said, "OH NO! John is the soul of generosity. He lets Rosamond shop all she wants. But he lets Rose do what she wants anyhow. Somehow I don't think it matters much on account of he's so crazy in love with her."
Travis frowned, remembering his own past humiliations. "Uh huh."
Bess continued. "But I guess if I was Rose I would have been furious. She caught them in bed together. Actually, Rose screamed and all three of them were in bed together. At first I thought it was what they called a "men....men....a MENAGERIE a trois! That means..."
Travis interrupted her with a wave of his hand and he blushed. "I know what it means, Miss Crane!"
Bess said, "Well, MARTHY didn't know what it was until I explained it to her! And SHE'S the one who's married now! Some people just are a little naive.."
Travis resumed his interview.
"What did Mrs. Gwinnett---Rosamond--do when she saw her husband in bed with his first wife?"
Bess resumed her air of importance. "OH! She picked up a baseball bat and was going to bash Elizabeth's brains out---SPLAT!--all over the bed! Jack and William stopped her."
"And what was John Gwinnett doing?"
"He stood there wrapped in a blanket dripping wet. Rose threw water on him to wake him up on account of the drugs."
"Drugs?" A-ha! I was right!
"Yes, Officer! She walked out on him that night and when she came back, she found him with Elizabeth. Her screaming woke us up."
"Elizabeth's?"
"No sir--Rosamond's. On account of she slipped into bed and didn't know there wasn't enough room. Or maybe it was when she fell out of bed." Travis' head was spinning from this little whirling dervish.
Bess said, "I guess you could say that Elizabeth feels she has first rights on John since he was married to her first."
Bess then yawned. "But Elizabeth can't have children and Rose can so I guess he will keep her. Rose is prettier and nicer. Elizabeth can be a whiny pain."
Bess yawned again and her eyes started to shut.
"Miss Crane, a few more questions.."
Bess tried to stay awake. "OK."
"How would you characterize the marriage of Rosamond and John Gwinnett."
Bess yawned wider. Her head nodded towards her chest. "Well, I guess you can say it is wonderful and passionate. John..loves..her..so..much..he...even...got...shot...for..her..ZZZZZZZZ"
And with that Bess' head touched the table. She was down for the count. And Travis was out of luck.

Travis looked at Bess' sleeping form and sighed. Did I push her too hard? Did she pass out? He looked at the clock. Five o'clock in the morning. He shook her. "Miss Crane? Miss Crane?" She had her head face down on the table and snorfled.
Travis leaned back. Oh, just great! I finally get a co-operative witness and she is incommunicato. What was that she said? Gwinnett got shot? For that little tramp he's married to? Hope she was worth it. Yeah, I can see that. Worth dying for. Just like Robin and Marian in that Kevin Costner movie. Well, I saved the best for last. The last two. It will be interesting to see who turns on who first.
Travis shoved himself back from the table and pondered. Who first? Gwinnett or his wife? Think the wife will be the hardest. It's late, she's a little high-strung from lack of sleep. She'll crack! he smirked. He went to the door and said, "Would a couple of you gentlemen please help me with Miss Crane?"
Jerry and Roger jumped up with John close behind. Jerry blurted out, "MY GOD! He's pistol-whipped her! She's passed out!"
Roger grabbed Bess' wrist. Bess let out with a 'SNORF!' Roger breathed a sigh of relief. "It's OK--she fell asleep!" and with that, Roger and Jerry both grabbed Bess's arms. Jerry lifted Bess up and carried her towards the stairs. He said, "Come on, Cinderella, the ball is over."
Bess said in her sleep, "Let me know how it ends..."
Roger and John headed back to the livingroom but Travis grabbed John's arm. "NOT so fast, Gwinnett! It just happens to be your turn!"

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