Attack Of The Mary Sue 3: Shoulders or Feet
Author: Natas, duh!
Disclaimer: If I had a wish to wish, it’d be to own the X-Men. But, I’ll take this instead. X-Men belongs to Marvel (Dear Santa...) and anyone else ye see, or any product which sounds familiar, it’s probably not mine. Get it? (Got it!) Good... >:)
Summary: The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire! REALLY! LOOK!!! (*runs and hides*) Wait, never mind... It’s just an elephant controlling my mind again, what’s left at least.
Notes: Rights for Scott! (Okay, I know I‘m a hypocrite, but whatever.)
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“YOU! NOW! DANGER ROOM!” Logan shouted as he pointed to Mary.
“Didn‘t I tell you already? We‘re repainting it.” She answered, making cookies appear out of her... um... yyeeaahh...
“What?”
“Yeah, it was an ugly silver color. We‘re painting it a bright pink!”
“Pink, eh?”
“Uh-huh!”
“Can I have a cookie?”
“Sure.”
Logan grabs a cookie, not noticing the place it came from.
“Yum! That‘s a good chocolate chip cookie!”
“It‘s macadamia nut.”
“Yum!”
“You like?”
“Pink, eh?”
“Yeah...”
“MAUDE, eh?”
“Huh?”
“What? AH! Did I say that out loud?”
“Yes.”
“I better be careful what I think, or else she might find out my secret of stalking her and sniffin‘ her underwear.”
“What!? That‘s you?”
“YOU! NOW! DANGER ROOM!”
“Fine!”
On the way to the danger room, Mary helped find a cure for cancer which saved hundreds of lives. This angered Apocalypse and he tried to destroy the mansion. But Mary helped fund his counseling so that he could finally stop trying to kill everyone. The psychiatrist discovered that he was Apocalypse’s father. Apocalypse was happy forevermore. This brought happiness around the world, which meant more cookies. To keep up with the supply, the cookie prices went up. Mary started her own business called “Mama Muties Cookies”. She helped end world hunger by making such cheap and affordable cookies. But because her cookies tasted so good, Apocalypse got fat and started to get sad. When he got sad, he got mad. And when HE GETS MAD! HE GETS COOKIES!!! And he helped sustain Mary’s cookie business forever. So she sold her company and went back to what she was supposed to do with five minutes to train.
“YOU! NOW! DANGER ROOM!” Logan shouted.
“I‘ve been waiting here for about five minutes!” Mary shouted.
“I know, but I have to get SOMETHING in to shut up that stupid author!”
Everyone looked evilly at the guy sitting innocently at his computer, drinking a Pepsi, eating a Mama Muties Cookie, and listening to Smashing Pumpkins.
“YOU! NOW! DANGER ROOM!”
“SHUT UP!”
“*EEP* Sorry.”
“Let‘s get it on!”
“Despite all my rage, I‘m still just a rat in a cage.” Billy Corgan (is that how ye spell his name?) sang over the loud speakers.
“Rat in a cage?”
“Yeah.”
“Sounds like ‘ready to cage’.”
“I said, ‘LETS GET IT ON!’!”
“Oh, sorry.”
And with that, Mary and Logan both went at it.
Mary was the first to attack. She unsheathed her adamantium claws and jumped on Logan’s shoulders. But Logan was quick on his... well can’t say feet... okay, on his shoulders - wait, that makes no sense... AH! AAAHHHHH!!!!
“What‘s with all those flamin‘ words?” Logan asked as he poured Mary more tea.
“No one knows. But they‘re supposed to dictate us on what we‘re supposed to do.” She answered back, taking two lumps, not one.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“That‘s weird.”
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! SHOULDERS OR FEET!?!?!?!?! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Should we help the guy?”
“No, let‘s just point and laugh.”
Mary and Logan both pointed and laughed simultaneously.
“There is goes again...!”
“That‘s starting to scare me!”
Suddenly, Godzilla attacked the bay and he X-Men were called into action.
“He‘s shot for ideas, huh?”
But being that I’m ‘shot for ideas’ everyone decided to play BINGO instead.
“B-3!”
“BINGO!”
“Let me see.”
“Alright.” Logan walked up to Mary and showed her his card.
“How DARE you win!!”
“What?”
Before Logan got an answer, Mary jumped on his... um... fine, shoulders and scratches his head. But Logan was to quick for her and threw her off his shoulders. Catching Mary off guard, Logan had the advantage. He quickly stood over her and unsheathed his claws.
“Bang, Mary.” He stabbed her in the head, “Ye‘re dead.”
“AH! YOU KILLED MARY!” A weirdly shaped thing shouted.
“YOU BASTARD!” Another said.
“Mrrmrmr rmrr phomemmrr mrr!” The third said.
“Screw you guys, I‘m GOING home!”
They all walked off.
“What the...?”
Unbeknownst to Logan, Mary had an even faster rapid-healing factor. She healed up and threw Logan off of her. She rolled onto him, unsheathed her claw, and in the unoriginal fashion she’s been identified with, said “Bang, Wolvie. Ye‘re dead.”
Silence.
“Um, darlin‘? Aren‘t ya supposed to, I don‘t know, do something?”
“I don‘t know what to do!”
“Kiss me.”
“Okay.”
And they both kissed.
Madly.
In front of young and impressionable children.
Four to be exact, and they all looked like cardboard cut outs.
But Logan and Mary ignored them because they were in love. And Mary only loved Logan...
And Scott...
And Kurt...
And Victor...
And Mortimer...
And Charles...
And Erik...
And Jean...
~To Be Continued~
(R&R s‘il vous plait!)
(PS: RIGHTS FOR SCOTT!!!)