Title: Maybe.. Just Once
Pairing: Kev/Nicky, AJ/Brian
Author: Jules
Feedback: Send Here
Rating: Im'a say R... don't understand that NC-17 stuff
Disclaimer: If the first part never happened... then this part sure as hell never happened... Just something I came up with while in an elevator and ran with it...
Chapter 20~Brian~
I've done it. I've actually done it. How could I do it? I waited until I was sure he had left the balcony, gone back into the restaurant before I broke down. How I managed that long amazed me. I don't think he meant for me to hear him say good bye, but I had. It sounded so final. My life, at 27 is over. I hadn't meant for it to happen this way, but when you're in the moment, sometimes you can't control how you act. How you react. When I said 'thanks' what I should have said was "I love you." "I want you." "I need you." But the words wouldn't come, couldn't come. I was petrified...AM petrified. How do you break free from the only world you've known? Since I was young, my life was laid out for me. Establish a career, find a beautiful woman, get married, have plenty of children. Not much room for any deviation from the plan. It's just hard to separate myself from that. Turning around I walked over to the table and picked up the small box AJ had placed there. Opening it I couldn't help but gasp. It was a beautiful gold bracelet with my name engraved on the top. I lifted it out of the box with the utmost care, not wanting to tarnish it. I ran my fingers over the top and turned it over in my hand, seeing that he had gotten the bottom engraved as well. I tilted it so that I could read what he had written on it.
"Baby, just listen to me when I say. I do love you more than that." Always, Alex
If I hadn't been crying before, I sure as hell was crying now. I didn't even notice Kevin join me on the balcony.
"What?" He asked, breaking me from my daze.
I didn't say anything, just looked at him and let the tears fall freely. Kevin grabbed my arm and sat me down. His facial expression was hard to read, like it was mixture of sympathy as well as anger.
"I've fucked things up. For good this time. No matter what, he's always here when I need him. He loves me unconditionally. Has never asked for anything, even when he was perfectly justified in doing so. Hell.. He even held me after I'd fight with her...all the while it was killing him. And I've treated him so badly. Every time. But still...he gives me this." I thrust out my hand with the bracelet dangling from my fingers so Kevin would see it and grab it. Look at it.
I saw him look at the bracelet and bite his lip, lost in thought. "You're right Kev. I don't deserve him." That hurt. Verbally agreeing with the statement Kevin had made so long ago. I didn't deserve AJ or his love.
I was expecting anger, rage, something from Kevin. I was shocked when it didn't come. "Don't you think you should let him decide that?"
I had to get out of here. I had to find AJ and apologize. Make him believe how much I love him. I ran into the restaurant and went to the table. He wasn't there. "Where's AJ?" My eyes were red from crying and I knew they knew what had happened. Nick stared at me with cold eyes. "Gone back to the hotel."
Suddenly I was tired. Too tired. I sat down and put my head in my hands. "Rok. Go after him." Again, Nick's steel tone voice.
"But...this is my birthday dinner.." I said. I felt bad leaving them in the lurch.
"Brian. Go have your own party...with Bone." Howie said with a warmth in his voice I didn't expect. Didn't deserve. He was right. I had to find him before it was too late... I'd already wasted too much time.
~AJ~
Well. At least it's over. I don't have to worry any more about how he feels. He's made that perfectly clear. After tonight I'm done with it all. No more thinking about Brian. No more moping about something that I have no control over. I need a shower, maybe that will make me feel better. I get into the shower and let the water flow over me, wash away the discomfort that has wracked my body. As I stand under the spray I let myself think of what I would like to be doing right now. I know I said I was going to be done with this all, but that's after tonight. I will let myself have one more night of fantasies of what it would be like to be with him. What it was like to kiss him, touch him, hear him moan my name. Just the thought made my cock spring to life. I ran my hand over my hardening shaft and allowed myself to get lost in the fantasy. I could almost see Brian there with me, naked and dripping wet. Kissing his way down my neck, chest until he was on his knees in front of me. He would take the head of my cock in his mouth and suck on it, let his tongue run wild over it until I am almost sobbing for more. And then suddenly, he would take the entire length in his mouth until I could feel myself at the back of his throat.
All the while I am fantasizing this, my hand is pumping vigorously up and down, milking it for the release I so desperately need. And just as I can practically feel him humming on me, his hand playing with my balls, I cum so hard the bathroom starts to spin. Waiting for my orgasm to pass, I open my eyes and half expect to see him there with me. The fantasy seemed that real. I was almost disappointed to find out I was still alone.
Sighing I get out of the shower and walk into the living room of my suite, wrapped tightly in a hotel towel. I sit down on the edge of the chair and flip the TV on, checking what is on TV. Just as I find some movie that I haven't seen before, I hear a frantic pounding on the door. Who the hell could that be? I just wanted to be alone.
~Brian~
My mind is racing a mile a minute. I'm not sure if he's going to kick me out of his hotel room or welcome me in with open arms. I am hoping for the latter but preparing for the former. I will never forgive myself if I've lost my chance with him. I deserve whatever he gives me, but I sure as hell hope that I haven't completely blown it. So here I go. I loudly knock on the door so I don't give myself the opportunity to chicken out. I hear him moving around and call out to wait a minute. My palms are sweaty, my heart is racing. I've never been this nervous before in my life. Never been this scared before either. This is it, the moment when the rest of my life will be determined.
When he opens the door I hear myself gasp, all thought exiting my brain. He's in a towel. JUST A TOWEL. Still wet from his shower. My knees turn to Jell-O and I have lost the ability to speak. He looks just as surprised.
"Brian?" It's a question. Like he's not expecting me to be here. No hint of anger in his voice, but there's no excitement either. I refuse to be deterred. I need to get this out before I lose my nerve. "I'm so sorry J. You have to believe me......I'm so sorry. I was so blind and I know you hate me and will probably never forgive me but you have to know how sorry I am." That came out as one continuous breath and from the looks of it I've confused him. It might be the tears though... Somewhere along the way I started to cry. I think it was the fear of rejection, the fear that I may have lost him this time.
"What are you talking about Brian?" He looks... I don't know what this expression could be called. He's very calm. Very serene. Too calm....too serene.
"I love you." It is what I should have said from the beginning. The three words that could have made me happy so long ago, the three words I've been so afraid to admit. I walked over to where he was standing and grasped his shoulders. It was then I noticed he was shaking, shivering, trembling. It was rather warm in his room so I knew he wasn't cold. It was for me. He was as scared as I was. It gave me some reassurance. "I ran my fingers up his shoulders to his neck, followed by his jaw and his face. "I'm so sorry baby. I should have told you sooner. Should have realized it sooner. I love you so much. I always have." He didn't look convinced. I had to show him. I leaned in and pressed my mouth to his, softly kissing him. I didn't want to go too fast, scare him off. So I just took it slow. Moving my mouth sensuously over his, pulling his lower lip into my mouth and sucking on it. I felt his resolve slip away and his arms wrap around my waist, pulling me closer. He began to kiss me back and a fresh wave of silent tears started to fall. I felt him moan into my mouth and I played with the hair on the back of his neck. I took that opportunity to slip my tongue past his teeth to seek out his own. He tasted just as I remembered. So sweet and delicious. Something that I knew I could never tire of.
~AJ~
He's kissing me. He's in my hotel room kissing me. He's in my hotel room kissing me while I'm in a towel and OH MY GOD his tongue is in my mouth. I don't know what I've done to deserve this but damned if I need to find out. So I can do it again and again. And he said he loved me. HE FUCKING LOVES ME! I'm completely hard now and I know for a fact that this towel isn't really hiding anything. I know I should be questioning where this all is coming from because not an hour ago we were at the restaurant and he was ignoring me. But right now I don't give a damn. All that matters is that Brian is here with me now, in my room, kissing me like there's no tomorrow.
Regretfully I finally break away from the kiss. Looking at Brian's face I feel myself get even harder. His cheeks are flushed pink and his lips are wet and swollen. I see his tongue dart out and lick moisture off those lips and have to work to remember why it was that I pulled away. Oh yeah, I needed to breath. Air is very important.. That and I had a few questions for him.
"Bri? What about Leigh? What about everything you've said to me?" I knew I needed the answers but wasn't sure I was ready for them. I saw his face soften and a look of guilt cross his features. Or was that regret?
"Alex...things haven't been right for such a long time with us. You know that. I keep trying to fix things because I think that's what I'm supposed to do, but I've realized that they just can't be repaired. She's not what I want. Not who I want." He said this and cupped my face in his hands.
Mirroring his actions I leaned in and softly placed a kiss on his lips, keeping my eyes open so I could see the reaction on his face. His eyes fluttered shut and a smile crossed those beautiful lips I loved so much.
"You can't just have me tonight and then change your mind in the morning. I couldn't take it." I tried to sound firm, sound confident in my statement but my voice wavered betraying me. As I was pulling away I felt Brian's grip tighten, not allowing me to move.
"I'm not going to change my mind Alex. EVER." And with that he pulled me into what can only be described as the most amazing kiss I've ever participated in. He kissed me with a passion I had never known before. Like he had been saving up these whole 27 years for this one moment, and wasn't going to waste the opportunity. His tongue found mine and he made love to my mouth for what seemed like hours, thrusting in and out, tasting every possible inch. One minute we were by the couch, the next on my bed with my towel discarded and him sprawled underneath me. And when we were breathless and on the bed, of which I have no recollection of how we got there, he spoke. "Alex. Please...make love to me. I love you so much. I want to feel you inside of me."
I never in my wildest dreams imagined it would sound as sexy as it did coming from his mouth. This time it was different, I could hear it in his voice. He was here in this room with me, mind body and spirit. That alone made me almost cum, but I held on. I took his hands in mine and brought them to my mouth, kissing each finger individually. And when I was done I looked at him with a mischievous smile and said. "Maybe...just once."