Title: Maybe.. Just Once
Pairing: Kev/Nicky, AJ/Brian
Author: Jules
Feedback: Send Here
Rating: Im'a say R... don't understand that NC-17 stuff
Disclaimer: If the first part never happened... then this part sure as hell never happened... Just something I came up with while in an elevator and ran with it...
Chapter 19~Brian~
She can't even make it this once. It's my fucking birthday. Sure... I'm only going to be 27. Not really a milestone...but still. Anything can happen in a year. What if I don't make it to 28? Not that I believe that something's going to really happen to me, but how the hell does she know it won't. Well I phoned, she canceled, I yelled, she yelled and then we hung up on each other. And now I'm sitting on my bed, dressed up for dinner with the guys and pissed off.
I hear a knock at the door and instantly recognize the soft tapping as Howie. "D.. It's open."
First his head pokes in and I see him smile. "You coming Rok?" He sees the look on my face and the smile disappears. "Not again!"
"Yeah again. I don't know what to do D."
"Brian? What do you want? What do you REALLY want?" He asks me. I'm stumped. I've never really thought about it. So I do.
"I want someone who will put me first for once. Not that I need it all the time, but just once in a while would be nice. Someone who will care for me as much as I care for him. Who will love me and cherish me and be here when I need him. She's never here. Never even cares. Did you know that she hasn't once called me in the past 8 months. I've called her EVERY time Howie. I'VE CALLED HER! Doesn't she care? Doesn't she love me?" I started to cry. It was all too much. Howie hadn't said a word and I looked up at him to see the expression on his face. I saw nothing but sympathy.
"Rok? Can I tell you something?" I nodded and he continued. "Do you realize, that ever since this all started with Bone... You've never once referred to her as Leigh. It's only been 'her' or 'she'. I've got to call HER... SHE can't make it down... It's like you've written her off in your heart, but your head won't let go." He stopped and I thought about that. I hadn't even realized it, but he was right. I had stopped mentioning her by name. Before I could talk he continued.
"And did you notice... While you were describing what you want.....who you want, you said him. Someone who will care for me as much as I care for him....be here when I need him... When you were thinking about it, who were you picturing? Just think about it."
My world instantly stopped when I realized he was right. I hadn't even picked up on that, but there were the signs. This is what I'd been waiting for. "D. I just don't know." I couldn't do it. Something was still stopping me and I hated it.
"Brian. Only you know what you need to do. I can't tell you what that is... All I can say is be gentle. You've got his heart in your hands, just please be careful with it.
~AJ~
So we're all here. At some fancy shmancy restaurant for Brian's birthday. I've noticed that Barbie will not be joining us. Bitch. I officially hate her now. I can see how upset he is that she's not here and am getting tired of her treating him like this. So it's just the five of us. Which in a way, is how it should be. We're just waiting for dessert right now and I'm trying to find the right time to give him my present to him. I want to do it away from everyone else, when it's just the two of us.
He's just gotten up and walked out on the balcony. Now's my chance, it's now or never. Nick and Kevin are preoccupied with one another and Howie's on his cell again. I slip away from the table and follow him out. "Happy Birthday Rok." My voice is soft and I can hear the tremble in it. I'm scared shitless right now. We haven't really talked since I turned him down, since he asked me to make love to him. That was over three weeks ago and the memory is still vivid in my mind.
"Thanks Bone." His voice is emotionless. He didn't even turn around.
"I wanted to give you your present... When it was just the two of us." My hands were shaking, I've never been so nervous in my entire life.
"Oh. Thanks." OH THANKS! That's it? What the fuck is this? He's said 4 words to me since I got out here, two were Thanks. I can't believe this. My stomach starts to churn and I can feel my dinner rising in my throat. I think I'm going to throw up, and I can't hide the sob that escapes. I thought I had finished crying for this man. I guess I was wrong.
"Well...here it is." I blurted out as I placed it on the table behind him. He didn't even turn to look at me. I've officially lost him. His decision has been made. She doesn't come down for his birthday...for anything that is important to him and still he loves her. Chooses her. Well I hope that she treats him well, I hope she makes him happy. I turned back to take one last look at him and was amazed at how beautiful he looked in the light from the restaurant, from the moon. "Good bye Brian." I whispered as I went back into the building.